Drunk In Love (Years of Intoxication) - Chap 16
Entire chapter translated by Hillary.
Song Juhan grabbed He Gu’s left hand and placed it on the table. “What’s wrong? Surely you know how to get into the proper position?”
He Gu gulped deeply, seemingly afraid of being burned by their proximity. He then quickly bent forward, as if trying to stick his chest directly to the tabletop just to get a little distance between him and Song Juhan.
Song Juhan chuckled. “You don’t have to be so low. The standard posture should be around a ninety-degree angle between your back and legs. Looking at you right now, you might as well be lying directly on this table. It’s too funny.” Using his index finger, Song Juhan started to separate He Gu’s tightly clenched fingers apart, one by one. “Come on, open them up a little. The hand must firmly hold the cue in place.”
He Gu’s voice was trembling as he replied, “Okay.”
“It’s not that difficult. Why are you so nervous?” Song Juhan said with a teasing voice.
“Come on. Hold the cue with your right hand.” Song Juhan then personally grabbed He Gu’s hand and placed it on the cue. “Don’t be so stiff. Relax your shoulders, and raise them up a little.”
Although the air-conditioning was turned on quite high in the room, He Gu had still managed to start sweating profusely. His nervous heart was beating erratically, as if it would beat right out of his sternum in the next second, beating strongly to his heart’s content… Wait, no. Was that really what he wanted? He was a grown adult. He should be able to control himself. To calm himself, He Gu tightly shut his eyes, but he could still feel the sweat from his forehead seep into his eyes.
Song Juhan suddenly laughed, “He Gu, why are you sweating so much? I know holding this posture can be a little tiring, but it’s only for a little while.”
“No. Not tired. I’m fine.” He Gu quickly answered in broken sentences.
“Alright, let’s give it a try then. What about ball number six.” Song Juhan stood behind He Gu, and put one hand on his waist and the other on his hand. Then he whispered lightly into He Gu’s ear, “Try and feel my strength.”
After saying so, the cue in He Gu’s hand shot forward, hitting ball number six.
As Song Juhan pushed the cue forward, his body also moved with the momentum. His lower half lightly brushed against He Gu’s buttocks. Although the contact lasted for a mere instant, He Gu was left flustered. In that moment, his mind was suddenly filled with rather shameful thoughts. He almost stood up in a reflexive reaction, which affected the final force of the cue to be uneven and caused the ball to deflect by several degrees.
“Ah, why did you move?” Song Juhan gave He Gu’s waist a quick pat as he complained, “It could have gone straight in.”
“I… I need to go to the restroom,” said He Gu as he fled.
After rushing into the restroom, He Gu splashed cold water on his face to cool down his flushed face.
What was Song Juhan thinking? Everything he did, could it all have been unintentional?
No matter how clever He Gu was, when it came to the topic of love and feelings, he was a complete novice. With everything that Song Juhan did just now, could there be another meaning behind them? He Gu didn’t want to overthink, but he definitely felt that those actions were quite dubious.
How did things get to this stage… Just last month, he was merely a fan secretly admiring Song Juhan from afar. He was even willing to spend three months worth of wages to buy a concert ticket with a good view. But today, he was actually spending time alone with his idol Song Juhan…
“He Gu?” Song Juhan unexpectedly appeared by the restroom door.
He Gu jumped from suddenly hearing his name. Looking up, his eyes met Song Juhan’s enchanting eyes and gentle smile in the mirror’s reflection. Once again embarrassed, He Gu lowered his head and began to vigorously run his hands through his wet hair, flicking droplets of water everywhere. “It was too hot. I’m just washing my face.”
“The air-conditioning was so cold, how could you still be hot? You wouldn’t have caught a cold, right?” Song Juhan walked over, and reached his hand out to touch He Gu’s forehead.
He Gu noticed his advance, and stepped back in time to avoid the touch, a clear flash of panic appeared in his widened eyes.
Song Juhan’s arm froze mid air. He did not appear angry, but actually smiled and said, “Why do I get the feeling you are afraid of me… or rather, hate me?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Then why are you like this…” Song Juhan paused and silently thought to himself, as if he couldn’t find the right words, then smiled and continued, “I know. Are you being shy?”
He Gu blinked a few times, and wiped the water from his face. “No. I’m just… hot.”
The corner of Song Juhan’s lips lifted as he smiled and looked around. “Do you remember that first day back after summer holidays, the year after the college entrance exams? What a coincidence, the school restrooms also looked like this, though they were slightly bigger than this.”
He Gu swallowed visibly, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. Song Juhan remembered, he remembered that he is…
“Don’t be scared. What’s the big deal about being gay,” Song Juhan said with a chuckle. “There’s plenty of gay people around me. It’s nothing special, to be honest.”
“Really… I mean, there are rumours of this in the entertainment circle.”
Song Juhan casually walked over, one step at a time. Eventually, he stopped and stood right in front of He Gu. With one slender finger, he gently lifted He Gu’s chin. “Let me ask you this. Just now, when I was hugging you, what were you thinking?”
He Gu was completely shocked speechless. He desperately tried to push away and flee the scene, but Song Juhan suddenly reached out and grabbed his waist, pulling He Gu into his arms.
He Gu had never been this intimately close to anyone of the same or opposite sex in his life. In this instant, with both Song Juhan’s breath and body heat seeming to spread all around him, his entire body was set alight. Reflexively, he wanted to break away, but Song Juhan’s strength was not to be underestimated. After trying for a while to wiggle out of his grasp, He Gu found himself still in Song Juhan’s tight embrace. “You…”
Song Juhan grinned. “Answer me. If you tell me the truth, I will let you go.”
He Gu felt as if there was smoke coming off the top of his head. “You. Stop playing with me. Just let me go first.”
“Answer me first.” Song Juhan pressed his lips close to He Gu’s ear and whispered affectionately, “What were you thinking just now when I held you, pressed up against you? Did you think of something that you’re scared of telling me about?”
He Gu anxiously answered, “No, I don’t have any disrespectful thoughts about you. I really…”
“That’s not true. You haven’t told the truth.” Song Juhan lowered his head, his lips lightly nibbled on He Gu’s earlobe as he whispered, “I want to hear the truth.”
He Gu couldn’t hold it in any longer. He clenched his hands into fists as his chest heaved heavily. “I…”
“I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“How can you not know what you’re thinking?” Song Juhan revealed a mischievous smile. “Did you think of something naughty and you’re just scared of telling me?”
“Then let me take a guess… Did you think about trying it from behind?” After teasing him, Song Juhan broke into a fit of laughter.
The sound of laughter slowly burrowed into He Gu’s ears, reverberating through his ear canal and making his entire body shiver from within. Song Juhan’s laughter can truly be described as music to the ears.
He Gu was so embarrassed, he felt as if his face would explode from the heat. In a rush to defend himself, he stammered, “No. Let go of me…”
Song Juhan licked He Gu’s ear. “You’re not allowed to say ‘no’. If you really didn’t think of anything, I’ll be quite humiliated. Do you mean to tell me that I’m not attractive at all?”
He Gu closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “Song Juhan, what do you want?”
“What do I want? Hmm, let me think about that. I want to…” Song Juhan let his words drag on, the tone of the last syllable lifting with a hint of mischievousness. With a voice full of sexual innuendo, he answered, “Do you.”
He Gu felt his head was about to explode, he widened his eyes, wishing he could stare a hole out of the ceiling.
Song Juhan chuckled as he let He Gu go. Looking at his frozen state, his laughter got louder. “He Gu, how can you be so fun to tease? You can’t be telling me that you haven’t been in a relationship before… you are so innocent.”
He Gu rubbed his face, and mumbled embarrassingly. “Stop teasing me.” Then turned and ran straight out of the restroom.
Song Juhan chased after him and caught him within three strides. Grabbing his shoulder, he pressed He Gu against the wall, and said in a calm and gentle voice, “I’m not teasing you. You really have attracted my attention.”
“You… Are you also…”
Song Juhan didn’t answer, but instead stared at him with his seductive eyes, and said in a low voice, “I want to kiss you.”
He Gu’s eyes turned red from his nervousness. “I… But I…”
“Do you really feel nothing for me, hm?” Song Juhan used his thumb to stroke He Gu’s lips. “So, can I kiss you?”
“What do you mean ‘why’?”
He Gu forced himself to calm down and finish his sentence in one go. “Why are you interested in me?”
Song Juhan blinked his eyes, and replied in a calm demeanor*. “Because you are cute.”
*脸不红心不跳 – directly translates as ‘a face that’s not red, and a heart that doesn’t beat’, used to describe someone that isn’t affected but what is happening around them
He Gu stared at Song Juhan, as if trying to decipher something from his expression, but there was not a single flaw in it.
“If you don’t say anything, I’ll take that as a yes.”
Song Juhan held He Gu’s chin, then gently, and without allowing a hint of refusal, kissed He Gu’s lips.
He Gu was petrified, instantly frozen in place. Song Juhan kissed him. The one and only Song Juhan actually kissed him! The feeling of moist and soft lips pressed against his own. The exquisite taste of a kiss. For the first time in his life, He Gu felt what it was like to be kissed. He discovered that the feeling of another person’s lips were actually so soft and so hot. It turned out that kissing someone could make one’s heart throb uncontrollably. It was as if something was blooming out from within his heart. Like the blazing summer sun or the gentle spring breeze, it exuded a refreshing fragrance. It was a truly wonderful and beautiful experience.
Song Juhan kissed him until his legs became weak. For someone like He Gu, this experience was simply too stimulating. He was at a complete loss and could only allow Song Juhan to act recklessly.
It wasn’t until He Gu became breathless that Song Juhan let him go. Staring at He Gu with unblinking eyes, Song Juhan softly said, “Do you like kissing me?”
He Gu took a deep breath, and felt his heart tremble.
“Say something. Did you like it?”
Hurriedly closing his eyes, He Gu nodded his head honestly.
Song Juhan smiled, and whispered directly into his ear, “I liked kissing you too. Your lips are so soft.”
He Gu didn’t know how to answer, so he continued to nod his head.
“Open your eyes.”
He Gu was startled for a moment and didn’t respond. After a moment, he seemed to have talked himself into action, and slowly lifted his eyelids. The sight in front of him was none other than the smiling eyes of Song Juhan that were as deep and captivating as the vast starry night.
Song Juhan leaned in and kissed He Gu again. “Have you never kissed anyone before?”
He Gu shook his head embarrassingly.
“Not even with Feng Zheng?”
“We aren’t in that kind of relationship.”
Song Juhan revealed a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes*. “Really?”
*似笑非笑 – idiom meaning like a smile yet not a smile
“That’s good.” Song Juhan gently rubbed He Gu’s earlobe. “Then you are now with me.”
He Gu felt like he was in a dream. Everything that happened that afternoon felt like it was all just a dream. The plot in this dream was too fast and too much of an illusion. He couldn’t keep up with it. He also didn’t dare move or make a sound, in fear that it would all come to an abrupt end.
Song Juhan bumped his forehead against He Gu’s and said in a teasing tone, “Your face is very red. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought you had a fever.”
“I’ll… I’ll go wash my face again.”
“Don’t bother. I like it when your face is all flushed.” Song Juhan lowered his head and placed a few kisses on He Gu’s face.
Not knowing what to do, He Gu stood very still and allowed Song Juhan to play with him like a giant baby.
Song Juhan stretched his arms around He Gu. Tracing the hem of his top with his fingers, he reached under his clothes and gently stroked He Gu’s warm skin. He Gu had never, in his life, had such intimate physical contact with another person, and he unconsciously shuddered.
Song Juhan kissed him again, moving from his cheek to his neck. Then, for some reason, suddenly chuckled and buried his face in He Gu’s neck. “If you don’t move at all, it’ll seem like I’m molesting you.”
He Gu was a little embarrassed, and he hung his head in silence. His social skills were always considered very weak. In the current situation, he was basically acting like a dead person.
“Alright. I’m actually scared of scaring you off.” Song Juhan squeezed He Gu’s face affectionately and said, “Do you still want to play billiards?”
He Gu nodded his head.
“Come, I’ll teach you.” With a hint of playfulness, Song Juhan added, “Seriously this time.”
During the years when Song Juhan was studying music abroad, there were plenty of rumors about his first-rate flirtatious behavior and numerous conquests. He Gu was left blushing deeply, and his heart was racing madly from all of Song Juhan’s teasing. Any physical touch, whether light or heavy, made He Gu’s mind race with numerous thoughts floating through his head.
Throughout the entire afternoon, He Gu’s mind was left blank. He felt like he could no longer think properly. All he could do was follow Song Juhan obediently, step by step.