Drunk In Love (Years of Intoxication) - Chap 45
The next morning, Song Juhan had to rush off to catch an early flight, so Xiao Song came to pick him up at five in the morning.
When Song Juhan woke up, He Gu was already awake and sat quietly against the headboard, watching as he brushed his teeth, washed his face and changed into a comfortable outfit.
Before he left, Song Juhan gave He Gu a long, hard kiss and said he would be back in a few days. He Gu barely reacted as he watched the other man leave without turning his head back.
Not long after, He Gu got up as well and dug out his dusty suitcases from storage. He packed a large suitcase full of clothes and daily necessities, then found his travel documents, credit cards, and some cash.
Once he finished packing, He Gu took a shower, had breakfast, and changed.
Dressed and ready to go, He Gu sat in the study and gave his mother a call. He told her he was going to Europe for a long vacation and his mother happily said she would give him the address of her house in France, as well as the contact information for the housekeeper there. If He Gu decided to stop by in France, he could stay there, and once summer holidays came around, she would send Susu over to accompany him.
After he called his mother, He Gu sent a message to Gu Qingpei, Zhuang Jieyu, and Chen Shan respectively to say that he was going to Europe to take some time off for himself. He also mentioned his phone would be temporarily switched off in the meantime, and that if something urgent came up, they should email him to get in touch. The email address he left them was the personal one he used to use for gay forums – the one nobody knew about. He also explicitly instructed them not to tell anyone about it.
With everything sorted, He Gu called a taxi and left for the airport. Once he got there, he went straight to the counter and bought himself the earliest flight to Europe – it was a one-way ticket to Amsterdam.
Around the same time, Nanchuang was holding their annual party in Nice, France. Although He Gu didn’t go in the end, the HR department had already sorted his European travel visa. Unexpectedly, it came in handy.
The moment the plane took off, He Gu felt a numbing pain in his chest as he watched the runway shrink further and further away.
This time He Gu told himself determinedly that it would be the final farewell. He had once thought that at this moment he would collapse and fall apart, but it turned out he didn’t. Because for the last seven years, he had been practicing and preparing himself for this very day. Although he couldn’t describe how much pain he was in, he clearly knew that at this moment, he was sober – more sober than he had ever been before.
He could clearly see what kind of person Song Juhan was, who he, himself was, the relationship between the two of them, and the future they would have together.
When Song Juhan asked him whether he ‘minded’ about the situation, He Gu didn’t lie. He really didn’t mind, because he no longer cared. He no longer cared about Song Juhan’s life, since he would have nothing to do with him anymore.
The feeling of loving someone comes in its purest form when you keep it silently hidden in your heart. Why bother taking it out and allowing it to fester into its disgusting and repulsive form.
It was as if he had been drunk for the last seven years, unable to extricate himself from it all… But now he was finally able to sober up from this episode and wake up with great enlightenment.
That’s why he decided to go out, to explore the mysterious world out there, and experience all the things he had once held himself back from. He needed to take advantage of the impulse he had in this moment and leave right away. Otherwise, he would talk himself out of it and eventually regret it.
He hoped the vastness of the world would bring him out of his narrow little prison, and force himself to come out of his shell once and for all.
By the time he passed Frankfurt, He Gu started to regret everything. Taking in the unfamiliar environment around him, all the strange people speaking odd languages he did and didn’t understand, He Gu couldn’t help the sense of unease growing within him. He had a sudden urge to fly home immediately.
He took a deep breath, then went to buy a SIM card. Eventually, he managed to book a hotel close to the airport, and flagged down a taxi to head over to it.
Once he settled down in his own hotel room, He Gu finally felt his anxiousness easing as he let out a sigh of relief.
He took a long shower to wash off the fatigue from his travels, then fell into a deep slumber.
When he woke up, the sun was also up. He Gu got room service to send up his breakfast and sat by the window, enjoying his food as he watched the scenery outside. In his head, he started to think about his upcoming plans for his trip.
In the end, he couldn’t help but turn on his computer and plan out his vacation precisely.
The Netherlands and France bordered each other, so it was quite convenient to travel between the two countries. He Gu wanted to wait for Susu to get here so they could meet up in France together. In the meantime, he would travel around and see all of Europe in the next two months.
After searching the internet for the whole morning, He Gu got in contact with a local Chinese travel agency that provided customised tours around Europe. He called to ask about the tours, and the staff asked how many people he had in his group. He Gu swiftly replied, “One.”
The other party paused, then asked, “Sir, are you going to travel around Europe on your own?”
Ignoring the question, He Gu asked, “Don’t you also provide drivers?”
“Uh, yeah… we have drivers and tour guides. But if you’re travelling on your own, the fee will be quite high.”
“How much?”
“It depends on your itinerary. If you’d like the standard route we recommend, it could cost from fifty to sixty thousand yuan.”
He Gu hesitated for a moment. The price was indeed quite high, but he really didn’t want to travel with strangers. “I just need a driver, no tour guide, will it be cheaper then?”
“Sure, our drivers can act as half a tour guide anyways.”
“Okay, I’ll send you a summary of the places I’d like to visit.”
He Gu’s engineer habits came out as he studied the map of Europe before him. He carefully planned out a logical and most efficient route around Europe and sent it to the travel agency.
He quickly discussed his travel plans with the travel agency and confirmed the itinerary for his upcoming travels. Once he paid the deposit, He Gu packed up and waited for the driver to come pick him up the following day.
He Gu stretched his limbs and couldn’t help a faint smile from curving on his lips.
Until now, he still felt like he was living in a dream. How did he possibly travel all the way to the other side of the world, on his own, and so far away from home?
Was it just to avoid Song Juhan?
Indeed, He Gu didn’t want to see Song Juhan. He was afraid he would lose control of his emotions if he did, and do something irrevocable. Just like last night – when He Gu looked at Song Juhan’s gentle and smiling face, the only thought in his mind was to tighten his fingers around the other man’s neck.
Sooner or later, he would have to return. He Gu only hoped that when he did, he would be able to face Song Juhan calmly and without fear.
The next day, someone knocked on his hotel room door.
He Gu had already packed his things the night before and was waiting patiently for the driver to arrive. The moment he heard the knocking, he walked over and opened the door.
On the other side of the door stood a young and handsome man. He wore a plain T-shirt and ripped jeans, with a bright smile and honey-coloured skin. “Hi, I’m Chou*, or my Chinese name is Zhou Heyi. You must be Mr. He.”
*Zhou Heyi introduces himself in English as ‘Chou’. Although his Mandarin pinyin of his Chinese name is Zhou Heyi, he probably uses the Cantonese pronunciation of his surname, hence Chou.
He Gu smiled as he shook his hand, “I’m He Gu.”
“Hello, hello. I’m going to be your driver-slash-tour guide. I’m sure we’ll look after each in the coming month together.” Zhou Heyi courteously picked up He Gu’s luggage for him and gestured for the other man, “Mr. He, please.”
“After you.”
Zhou Heyi was a very cheerful and entertaining young man. He was great at holding a conversation, and would easily laugh at the smallest things. He told He Gu about how his grandparents were one of the first Chinese Asians to come to the Netherlands, that he was born and raised here in Amsterdam, and that he’d only gone back to visit China a few times.
He Gu really enjoyed his passion, innocence and warm temperament. A sudden thought crossed his mind – if He Gu had someone like him accompanying him throughout this trip, he probably wouldn’t feel bored at all.
That afternoon, Zhou Heyi told him all about the local traditions and culture of the Netherlands, and showed him around the main areas of the city, as well as the other cities they were going to visit after. Occasionally he would sing along to the music on the radio and laugh happily to himself for a while.
They spent the whole day in Amsterdam. In the evening, they checked into the hotel next to the canal that the travel agency recommended.
After dinner, Zhou Heyi brought He Gu to the Red Light District.
He Gu’s personality was rather conservative, but he wasn’t old-fashioned. He looked around, slowly taking in the pleasure-seeking and festive environment* of the Red Light District. Although he wasn’t very accepting of it, he did not express his opinions openly. Instead he kept quiet and simply followed Zhou Heyi around, looking at everything the other man was showing him. The openness to sex culture in the Netherlands – especially to same-sex couples – was truly an eye-opener for He Gu.
*灯红酒绿 – lit. red lanterns, green wine (idiom) fig. Festive, pleasure-seeking, debauched and corrupt environment
Tired after a long day out, Zhou Heyi brought He Gu to a pub for a few drinks as they watched football together.
Zhou Heyi was a classic football fan, there was even a spark in his eyes as he spoke animatedly about football. He explained to He Gu that the European Championships qualifiers were currently being played. He even went into a detailed explanation of each team’s strengths and game strategies. In the end, he proudly announced that the Dutch team was the favourite to win this year.
He Gu listened to the excited young man with a smile on his face and a slight feeling of envy towards his youthful energy.
Zhou Heyi was such a simple-minded, kind, enthusiastic, and cheerful young man. Just by being next to him, He Gu could feel the infectious yet relaxed energy coming off him in waves.
At night, they returned to the hotel by the canals.
Zhou Heyi walked He Gu to the hotel entrance and said with a smile, “Mr. He, you should head up and rest. What time should I pick you up tomorrow?”
Confusedly, He Gu asked, “Are you not staying here too?”
“How could I afford to stay here? Maybe for a few days I could, but I’ll be accompanying you for a whole month. There’s no way the agency will book me into this kind of hotel.” Zhou Heyi blinked then said, “Drivers stay in hostels. Don’t worry about it.”
“What kind of hostel?”
“The kind where there are a dozen people staying in the same room.” Zhou Heyi scratched his head and added, “It’s just for sleeping anyways.”
He Gu frowned. “Come up and stay with me instead. The hotel room I booked should be a twin room. Even if it’s a double room, the bed should be big enough – you can just sleep with me.”
Zhou Heyi paused, “That doesn’t seem quite right, Mr. He.”
“We’re both men, what’s there to worry about? I’m just on my own anyways. How can you rest well in such a shabby place? You’re my driver, so my safety is in your hands. I just want you to rest properly after driving for the whole day.”
Zhou Heyi was touched as he said, “Mr. He, you’re such a nice person.”
“It’s nothing much. Come on up.”
As He Gu was traveling happily around Europe, the Song Juhan that was left in Beijing was in a terrible state.
*焦头烂额 – lit. beaten head and scorched brow (idiom) fig. Beaten black and blue, in terrible shape, overwrought, or hard-pressed
“What have you found out? Tell me.” Song Juhan sat on a leather office chair, his eyes bloodshot and his expression grim. Just from a glance, it was obvious he was very tired and worn-out.
“He bought a one-way ticket to Amsterdam on the 17th. Afterwards, he used a credit card to pay for travel expenses, hotels, restaurants, and a tour package from a local travel agency. We hacked into the travel agency’s database and got his itinerary.” A man dressed in a clean suit placed a folder on the desk in front of Song Juhan.
Song Juhan flipped open the folder and glanced at its contents – it was a very straightforward travel itinerary. Rubbing his brows, he said, “His next stop is Germany. Book me a ticket to Berlin.”
“Young master, you have a very important event the day after tomorrow…”
Song Juhan increased the tone in his voice as he enunciated each word, “Book me a ticket.”
The man looked helplessly at Song Juhan. “But if Master Song…”
Song Juhan slammed his hand on the table with a loud bang as he glared at the other man viciously. In a voice as cold as ice, he gritted out, “I said – Book. Me. A. Ticket.”
The man nodded, then quickly left.
Song Juhan leaned back tiredly. After a few seconds of silence, he suddenly stood up and swept everything off the desk in a violent move before slamming his fists on the solid wooden desk twice. Things were scattered everywhere as he stared at the thin sheet of He Gu’s itinerary on the floor, his eyes burning red.
He Gu…
Once he was done with the tiresome charity performance in Melbourne, Song Juhan rushed back to Beijing that same night on a long-haul flight for more than ten hours. When he got to He Gu’s home with a bunch of souvenirs and gifts, he was met with an empty house and a phone number that had already been disconnected.
Song Juhan went mad. On the morning he left, he had actually felt that something wasn’t right, but he didn’t bother to think too deeply about it. During the few days he spent in Melbourne, he constantly felt ill at ease and off-balance. As soon as he was done with the event, he rushed straight back.
Song Juhan had never felt so desperate to see He Gu. He needed to see the man to eliminate the unease within him.
But he was already too late.
He Gu had left.
He didn’t leave anything behind – not a note, message, or way to contact him. He just left suddenly, without a word…and just like that.
Song Juhan slumped onto the sofa, unable to stand up again. For the first time, he experienced an indescribable fear. It wasn’t because he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to find He Gu; he was more afraid of what He Gu’s state of mind must’ve been to leave without a single word.
When he asked He Gu if he minded or not, he really did think He Gu didn’t mind… Why was he so foolish as to believe He Gu really wouldn’t mind?
Why… Why didn’t He Gu say anything?!
With a simply-packed suitcase and a fatigued and injured body, Song Juhan boarded the plane. He had gotten in a fight with his father’s bodyguard as he left – he won.
There was only one thought in his mind: He needed to see He Gu.
Ever since Song Juhan lost contact with He Gu, he had constantly felt a lingering and chilling fear. He had a nagging feeling that if he didn’t find He Gu now, He Gu would forever disappear from his life.
When he arrived in Berlin, Song Juhan was exhausted, but he still followed the address listed on He Gu’s travel itinerary and found the hotel. He walked to the front desk and said he was a friend of He Gu’s as the receptionist called He Gu’s room – but no one answered.
It was still bright outside, so they must still be out visiting the city. Song Juhan sat down on the large sofa in the hotel lobby and waited, staring intently at the revolving doors.
He waited from the bright morning until the sun set. Eventually, a young man of Asian descent walked in and did a double take as he passed Song Juhan – his eyes widened comically as he stared at him in shocked surprise.
With everything that had been going on, Song Juhan had been a little muddle-headed lately. In addition, he had assumed no one would recognise him in Germany, so he forgot to cover up his face that morning. Taking a moment to gather himself, Song Juhan simply stared back dumbly.
The young man ran over and stuttered excitedly, “You, you, you… Are you Song Juhan?! Oh my god, you are Song Juhan!”
Song Juhan looked at him coldly.
The young man scratched his head awkwardly and asked tentatively, “Can I have your autograph?”
Song Juhan nodded.
After a long time of feeling around in his pockets, the young man realised he didn’t have any paper at hand. So he ran to the front desk to ask for a pen and asked Song Juhan to sign directly on his shirt.
Song Juhan just wanted to send him away quickly, so he scribbled his initials instead.
The young man thanked him profusely before he ran off happily.
After a long day out, they had chosen a random restaurant near the hotel for a quick dinner. Once they sat down, He Gu complained that the air-conditioning was too strong and he was cold. So Zhou Heyi decided to walk back to the hotel to fetch his jacket. With He Gu’s jacket in his hand, Zhou Heyi left the hotel room and walked back to the restaurant.
He didn’t expect that he would bump into Song Juhan in the hotel lobby!
With a bounce in his step, Zhou Heyi skipped his way back energetically. The Chinese community in the Netherlands wasn’t that big, and all the young people around his age had similar interests. They often listened to and sang songs by Song Juhan. Zhou Heyi never expected such a joyous coincidence would happen to him.
When he got back to the restaurant, Zhou Heyi was still jumping up and down, unable to hide his excitement.
He Gu smiled and said, “Did you find money? Why do you look so excited?”
“Even better than finding money.” Zhou Heyi laughed out loud and said, “I met my idol. Oh my god, how is the world so small?!”
“Oh, who? Cristiano Ronaldo?”
“Song. Ju. Han!” exclaimed Zhou Heyi.
He Gu’s face paled, “Song Juhan?”
“Yes. Come on, there’s no way you don’t know who he is. Is there anyone that doesn’t know him in China?”
Clutching his jacket tightly in his hands, He Gu asked, “Why would he come here?”
“I don’t know, maybe he’s on vacation too. What’s more, he’s actually staying at the same hotel as us. I met him in the hotel lobby.” Zhou Heyi stretched out the hem of his shirt to show He Gu. “Look, he even gave me an autograph.”
He Gu picked up the glass of champagne and quickly took a large gulp. After a deep breath, he asked calmly, “Heyi, do you follow the news in China?”
“Oh? The news, not really… Do you mean the drug incident with Song Juhan’s creative team? I did hear a bit about it.”
“Then from now on, don’t ask me anything. Just go to the hotel room, take my luggage out, then notify the travel agency to cancel all bookings going forward. For the rest of the trip, we’ll book everything ourselves and we can’t tell anyone. Tonight we’ll withdraw enough cash to last us for the rest of the trip, and then try to pay everything with cash only… Does your car have satellite tracking?”
“…No.” Zhou Heyi was dumbfounded, he was silent for a second before he whispered, “Mr. He, are you a spy?”
Closing his eyes for a moment, He Gu said, “No matter what I say, don’t ask any questions. I’ll pay for everything, so just do as I say. I promise I won’t make you do anything illegal or dangerous.”
“Oh. En, okay.” Zhou Heyi felt uneasy, but didn’t dare question him again.
He Gu lowered his head to hide his expression, then took another sip of the champagne.
Song Juhan, what do you want? Actually, it doesn’t matter what you want anymore, because it no longer matters to me anyways.
