Drunk In Love (Years of Intoxication) - Chap 53
He Gu was sleeping soundly when he was woken by the sound of the doorbell ringing repeatedly. He barely managed to open his eyes as he squinted at the clock on the bedside table. It was only six in the morning.
He had only been back for a few days, and his jet lag hadn’t adjusted to the time difference yet, so his sleep pattern had been a bit chaotic. Although he was normally an early bird, right now, He Gu was still very sleepy.
With a wide yawn, He Gu got out of bed and stumbled to the front door. The moment he peeked through the peephole, he instantly felt gloomy – it was Song Juhan. He Gu opened the door and looked at Song Juhan through the security gate* “What are you doing here so early in the morning?”
*防盗门 – apartments in China tend to have two front doors, the inner door being the traditional wooden door, and the outer door being a metal gate or normal door with a see-through section. This door acts as an extra security measure, to allow the occupier to see who was coming to their home.
“I brought you breakfast.” With a brilliant and bright smile on his face, Song Juhan lifted his hand and waved the bag around gently.
“Just leave it by the door. I’ll eat it when I get up later.”
Song Juhan stared dumbfoundedly at the other man. “I woke up at the crack of dawn just to rush here before work with your breakfast. But you won’t even invite me in for a glass of water?”
“No. In fact, why don’t you take the breakfast with you,” said He Gu as he started to close the door.
“He Gu!” Song Juhan raised his voice and kicked the security door. “Do you even have a conscience?! Open the door.”
“Didn’t you come here just to deliver breakfast? Why do you need to come inside?”
“I want… I want to hug you,” said Song Juhan angrily.
He Gu slammed the door shut with a resounding bang.
Just as He Gu turned and took two steps forward, he heard the sound of keys turning in the door lock. Fighting the urge to scream in frustration, he squeezed his eyes shut and took a few deep breaths.
Song Juhan pushed open the door and walked in. “Originally, I didn’t want you to find out that I have your keys.”
He Gu kept his eyes squeezed shut as he asked, “When did you take them away?” He vaguely remembered a spare set of keys that he usually kept on top of the shoe cabinet, but one day it seemed to have disappeared, so he assumed he had misplaced it himself.
“Before you left.” Song Juhan placed the breakfast on the coffee table and continued, “I haven’t eaten as well. Xiao Song is waiting for me downstairs, so I only have fifteen minutes. Let’s have breakfast together.”
“Give me the keys.”
“No.” Song Juhan casually put the keys back in his pocket, then said, “Unless you have breakfast with me.”
He Gu calmed his turbulent emotions. “I’m gonna brush my teeth.”
“Hurry up. I only have fifteen minutes.”
After He Gu brushed his teeth, he came out and saw that Song Juhan had already laid the breakfast out on the dining table and was eagerly looking at him like a cat waiting to be fed.
He Gu walked over.
“Look, it’s rice noodles. I know you like to have soup noodles, macaroni, or something similar for breakfast.” Song Juhan smiled happily at him, “I remembered this correctly, right?”
He Gu nodded as he lifted his chopsticks and started to eat.
The rice noodles were still piping hot, the slow-brewed soup full of fragrant flavours, and the lean meat marinated with a touch of garlic. The food was really delicious.
Song Juhan stared at He Gu’s hair whorl with rapt attention as a hint of loneliness flashed in his eyes. After a moment, he finally lifted his own chopsticks and started to eat as well.
“I’m going to record for a charity event today. I’ll be away in the mountains for a week. I know raising money for the poor and helping to build schools out in the countryside is a good thing, but I won’t be able to see you for a week. You better not go anywhere.”
He Gu didn’t respond.
“That restaurant that sells crab roe wonton near my place just introduced a few new dishes – a fish skin wonton and a black-boned chicken wonton. I haven’t tried them yet. I’m waiting to try it with you.”
Minding his own business, He Gu lowered his head and continued to finish his breakfast in silence.
“The place I’m going to this time is known for their hickory nuts. Do you like them?” Song Juhan waited for a long time, but the other man still remained silent. With a sigh, he put his chopsticks down, leaned back heavily and frowned at He Gu.
He Gu still didn’t respond. After he finished his breakfast, he reached over for a piece of tissue, wiped his mouth, then finally lifted his head to look at Song Juhan. He reached his hand out and said, “Give me the keys.”
Song Juhan kicked the table irritably and said stubbornly, “No. Go call the police if you want.”
Thinking to himself, He Gu decided he would simply change the locks. With his mind made up, he got up to head back to his bedroom.
Song Juhan stood up abruptly. “In order to rush here this morning, I barely slept two hours last night. But you won’t even look me straight in the eye!”
He Gu replied calmly, “What has that got to do with me?”
“You!” Song Juhan clenched his fists in utter frustration.
“Do you remember two years ago, when you came over to stay that night. It was the middle of the night and you insisted you wanted to eat cheesecake. Do you still remember?”
Song Juhan froze as if he recalled something; his eyes darting around and avoiding the other man.
“I went out on a cold winter night for three hours looking for a twenty-four-hour cake shop to get you that cheesecake. When I got back, I realised I’d left in such a rush that I’d forgotten to bring my keys. I rang the doorbell for ages, but you were sound asleep and didn’t open the door. That night, I stayed in the car until dawn, yet when you woke up, you said the cake was too sweet and didn’t even eat it.” He Gu’s expression didn’t even flinch as he continued emotionlessly, “In fact, you didn’t actually sleep that deeply, did you? You were simply too lazy to open the door, right?”
Song Juhan lowered his head, unable to respond.
“Things like that happened in abundance. I could go on and on. I’m just using this one instance as an example, and I’m telling you not because I’m trying to make you feel guilty about it. I just want to let you know that someone like you isn’t suited to coax others, nor can you stand being wronged. So, why are you forcing yourself? You’re not happy, I’m not happy, either.”
Song Juhan shrunk into himself as he said in a small voice, “Back then I… I must’ve treated you really badly, didn’t I?”
“Yes,” said He Gu frankly. “But it doesn’t matter, since you had no obligation to be nice to me.”
Song Juhan felt a thick and heavy ache clench in his heart. He’d rather He Gu vent out all his resentment and unease once and for all. This indifferent manner in which He Gu described their past made him feel ten times worse. Anxiously, he said, “I’m not good at taking care of others, but I can learn. You can’t deny me the time to change.”
“I’m not interested,” said He Gu. “Do whatever you want with the keys. I’m going to change the locks anyway.”
Song Juhan finally took the keys out of his pocket and gently placed them on the dining table as he looked aggrievedly at He Gu.
He Gu reached forward to take the keys.
Taking the opportunity, Song Juhan pulled He Gu into a bear hug, then softly whispered in his ear, “Don’t fight it. Just let me hold you for a moment, just a moment.”
He Gu’s blank gaze swept past the other man before landing on the snow-white wall behind him.
“He Gu, I miss you, I really miss you,” said Song Juhan in a small voice. “Since you’ve left until now, it’s been nearly four months. I haven’t touched anyone else, I find them all revolting. I just want you. But I… I won’t force you.”
He Gu scoffed, then mumbled in a mocking tone, “Must’ve been hard for you.”
Song Juhan pretended not to have heard the other man. Instead, he leaned down and placed a big, long kiss on He Gu’s neck. “Wait for me to return,” he said, then left without turning back as if he was afraid one look would make him unwilling to leave the man ever again.
It wasn’t that Song Juhan couldn’t stand being away from He Gu for a few days, it was more of an uncontrollable fear and panic when he couldn’t see the other man. Back when He Gu left without a word, he’d felt as if he’d been stabbed multiple times in the heart. During that period, he had trouble sleeping and eating, and was constantly plagued by a foul and violent mood. He simply couldn’t bear to go through that any more.
After Song Juhan left, He Gu slowly sat down on the sofa. It wasn’t until ages later did he let out a long sigh.
Just as he’d stated himself, Feng Zheng started to ‘pursue’ He Gu.
Although He Gu tried as much as he could to not respond to his texts or phone calls, he couldn’t stop Feng Zheng from showing up at his door. Unable to avoid it any longer, He Gu unwillingly agreed to go for a meal with him.
He Gu felt extremely embarrassed. It was a kind of awkwardness that far outweighed the complicated past between the two of them and was the ultimate reason why he didn’t want to have any further contact with Feng Zheng. He felt that as a man nearing thirty, with such a dull and boring personality, he was not suited to be pursued by anyone.
‘Being pursued’ should be something a girl experiences, or at least for someone as flashy, flamboyant and attractive as Zhuang Jieyu. But for someone like He Gu, he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable about it.
But it seemed Feng Zheng didn’t feel the same. With his superior upbringing and background, his every action held an effortless grace and elegance, coming across as fitting rather than forced. Whatever he wanted to do, it was always considered inevitable and the natural right of way. He didn’t try to play tricks, he simply paid such undivided attention and care to He Gu that it was hard for the latter to ignore.
The two went for lunch and easily struck up a conversation about work. Since they were once very good friends, it wasn’t hard to find a common topic to chat about.
After lunch, Feng Zheng said he wanted to take He Gu to a special place.
He Gu was a little curious. But it wasn’t until the car turned onto a familiar road that he remembered. It was the same aquarium he’d once visited with Feng Zheng.
He Gu gazed at the approaching building from within the car window. “I didn’t think this place would still be here.”
“En, but the business seems to be struggling. If we don’t go now, it might even be closed by next year.”
He Gu felt a bit rueful as he let out an inner sigh. Thinking back to the old days, this aquarium was once the newest and hottest place in the city. Back then, most couples would’ve at least had one date here. But now, there were plenty of other attractions that were more interesting, and as such, the aquarium had clearly lost its novelty.
The two walked into the aquarium and saw a middle-aged man waiting for them. He Gu instantly recognised the man; it was the same professor that took them on the guided tour all those years ago.
He Gu had always held extra respect for well educated intellectuals. “Professor Chen, it’s been too long,” he greeted as he immediately reached out to shake the older man’s hand.
“Oh, Xiao He. I never expected I’d see you two here again.” Professor Chen smiled, then added, “You guys have picked the perfect time to come back. This aquarium has been continuously losing revenue for the last two years and will be turned into a scientific research centre really soon. When that time comes, access will be highly restricted to outside visitors.”
“We really liked it here, so we had to come back to see it again,” said Feng Zheng with a smile. “Back when we first came, you were the one to personally show us around. This last time, I guess we’ll have to trouble you again.”
“Not at all, not at all. I’ve already retired and don’t have much going on these days. It’s actually quite nice to come out once in a while.”
He Gu spared a quick glance at Feng Zheng and found the other man staring happily at him with a barely hidden smile. At that moment, He Gu felt a stirring in his heart.
He Gu knew what Feng Zheng was trying to do, and he was definitely succeeding. He Gu started to recall all their happy memories together and remembered just how much he had once cherished this friend.
Professor Chen was full of energy as he showed them around the aquarium. Since there was almost no one around that day, it seemed like the entire aquarium was just for the two of them. It certainly brought a sense of tranquillity to one’s heart being surrounded by that deep blue world.
Just like old times, He Gu couldn’t help but fall into an easy conversation with Feng Zheng. As they casually walked around the aquarium, the misunderstanding that had long been stuck in He Gu’s heart slowly started to dissipate bit by bit.
If he thought about it truthfully, although Feng Zheng had once hidden the truth from him, he’d actually treated him very well in all other matters. As a man, he should really be more open-minded, and put aside their differences once and for all.
After their visit at the aquarium, the two went back to the same restaurant, in the same private deep-sea cabin for a meal.
He Gu thought back to that day. He recalled it was the same day as Song Juhan’s fan meeting event, but he was called away by Feng Zheng at the last minute. During that entire meal, He Gu was still thinking of Song Juhan.
Even though seven years had passed, the place still stayed exactly the same, whereas the people have definitely changed beyond recognition.
Feng Zheng talked a lot about their past memories, leaving out anything relating to Song Juhan. Since He Gu obviously didn’t bring it up as well, the atmosphere between the two was very good.
Once they finished dinner, Feng Zheng drove He Gu home. Looking straight at the other man, He Gu said openly, “Feng Zheng, I recalled a lot of things from the past today and truthfully speaking, I was very happy. I’ve already let go of the past, but regardless of that, I can only ever consider you as a friend.”
Feng Zheng chuckled, “I love how direct you are, and don’t worry, I’m very patient. We’ll take it slowly.”
He Gu just looked at him helplessly.
Feng Zheng stretched his hand out as He Gu subconsciously backed up a step or two. A hint of disappointment flashed across Feng Zheng’s eyes, before he settled with placing his hand on He Gu’s shoulder instead. With a light pat, he said, “Take it easy tonight. I’ll see you again some other day.”
He Gu also felt a little embarrassed as he nodded awkwardly.
Watching Feng Zheng drive off, He Gu started to feel extremely fatigued as a sudden urge to hide himself in a mountain and not see anyone overwhelmed him.
The relationships between humans were so complicated and troublesome. By chance if one ends up in a romantic relationship, they could even end up experiencing all the emotions of this world and end up taking a devastating blow to their lives.
Throughout history, apes spent millions of years evolving into humans. But ultimately, what was the point? At this moment, He Gu would rather just be an ape.
Just as Feng Zheng said himself, he was very patient. Everyday, he would send He Gu messages like clockwork, and every now and then he would come looking for He Gu in person. Just like that, he continued to ‘pursue’ He Gu in a manner that was slightly urgent yet not to the point of being annoying.
He Gu declined Feng Zheng’s invitations quite a few times, but seeing as they were still friends, he couldn’t avoid the man forever. In the end, He Gu simply considered it as having someone around to occasionally have a meal with, or someone to chat to. In any case, as long as He Gu didn’t respond to his confession, Feng Zheng would eventually take the hint and leave him be.
That day, after the two finished watching a movie together, Feng Zheng decided to send He Gu home again.
Since they had gone to see a sci-fi movie, on the drive home, they started talking about rocket propellers, eventually leading to a heated discussion about the science behind it. Although they had already arrived home, He Gu felt a sudden reluctance to get out of the car as they continued the conversation for a while longer.
At that moment, the car headlights started to dim as a shadow appeared before them.
He Gu froze. Although the backlight from the car still hid the person’s face, creating only a shadow of a person before them. He Gu was still able to instantly recognise the all-too-familiar figure as Song Juhan.
It seemed Feng Zheng had also recognised the man as his eyes darkened. Turning off the car lights, Feng Zheng crossed his arms and looked at Song Juhan.
With a ferociously gloomy expression, Song Juhan glared at He Gu for a moment before he turned to Feng Zheng, “Get the fuck out.”
He Gu immediately tried to intervene as he could tell Song Juhan was about to lose his shit again. However, Feng Zheng had already gotten out of the car, so He Gu had no other choice but to get out as well.
Song Juhan gritted out in a voice as cold as ice, “Can’t you have a little shame? Haven’t you already interfered enough between us?”
Feng Zheng replied in a mocking tone, “You and He Gu have already broken up, what do you mean ‘between us’? We were friends long before you even met him. Right now, are you the one that’s interfering, or me?”
Song Juhan strode forward and grabbed Feng Zheng by the collar, then said viciously, “Stay away from my people.”
Feng Zheng scoffed, “He Gu isn’t yours. He wasn’t before, and he definitely isn’t now. You should be the one that stays away from him. How shameless can you be to keep pestering someone?”
“You have no right to stick your nose into our business. Who the fuck even are you? He Gu has never had anything to do with you!”
He Gu thought Song Juhan would be the first to raise his hand, but never did he expect that Feng Zheng would be the first to throw the punch.
Song Juhan reflexively dodged to the side as Feng Zheng kicked him instead. In the blink of an eye, the two were tangled in a savage fight of flailing limbs and muttered groans.
He Gu felt extremely fed up. He closed the car door and said coldly, “By all means, you two fight away. Good night.”
The two were left frozen in a tangled mess.
