Drunk In Love (Years of Intoxication) - Chap 56

Zhou Heyi threw up right as they got off the car, getting it all over the both of them. Even as He Gu was faced with a drunken mess, he still didn’t get angry. He simply dragged the man into the hotel; as they passed the front doors, the security guard saw them and came over to help. In the end, he somehow managed to get Zhou Heyi into his room.

He Gu hated being dirty, with his whole body covered in that offensive smell, he nearly threw up himself. After stripping them both naked, he carried Heyi into the bathroom and hosed him down from head to toe.

Zhou Heyi spluttered awake in surprise as the water hit his face. He squinted his eyes at He Gu, then burst into a fit of hysterical laughter as he tried and failed to reach out and touch He Gu. “Control yourself,” said He Gu impatiently.

After a long struggle, He Gu finally managed to clean Zhou Heyi, then proceeded to tuck the naked young man into bed. Tired and frustrated, He Gu went to take a shower himself.

When he finished, He Gu came out and saw Zhou Heyi lying on his back, sound asleep. With that vulnerable and slightly naïve expression, He Gu couldn’t even bring himself to get angry at the young man.

Letting out a sigh, He Gu looked at his discarded clothes by the end of the bed and could only count himself unlucky in this situation. He found an unused rubbish bag and threw his clothes in, then left them by the door. Tomorrow, he would get his mother to bring a clean set of clothes over for him.

Once everything was sorted, He Gu lifted the duvet and got in bed himself, pulling the duvet over himself and Zhou Heyi.

Having just gone through all that, He Gu couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep at all. His mind kept replaying Ou Taining’s words.

Song Juhan’s changed his personality?

What kind of change? And has he really stopped hooking up with other people? For someone like Song Juhan, if he could really turn over a new leaf, it would be quite an achievement.

It’s just, every couple that gets married never thinks they would cheat. But life is so long, who could really say for sure?

After tossing and turning for ages, He Gu finally felt tired enough to fall asleep. Just as he was about to drift off, he heard the sound of heavy footsteps charging down the corridor towards him.

The hotel corridor was covered in a thick carpet, so normally the sound of footsteps would be muted; unless one was running or stomping loudly. An ominous feeling overwhelmed him as He Gu woke up abruptly. The next second, he heard the beep of the room card being swiped and the door unlocking.

He was still a little dazed, thinking he must’ve heard wrong. But the next second, the door was pushed open as a tall shadow blew in like a storm.

He Gu was stunned. Everything happened in the blink of an eye as he watched the man barge in. At that moment, he couldn’t even decide whether to be shocked or angry.

Song Juhan?!

Seeing the two of them lying on the bed side-by-side, with nothing but the duvet over them sent Song Juhan over the edge; his eyes widened and his whole body exploded with rage. With his messy hair stuck to his forehead at random angles and sweat dripping down his face, he breathed heavily, trying to reign in his rising anger. The veins on his forearm pulsed visibly as he clenched his fists tightly.

His eyes were as cold as ice, and as dark as the bottomless pits of hell.

The room door finally clicked shut as the sound echoed throughout the room.

The sound was like the snap of a hypnotist’s fingers as He Gu regained his senses. In a low voice, he asked, “What are you…” Before he could finish his sentence, Ou Taining’s knowing smile flashed before his eyes.

In one giant stride, Song Juhan stalked forward, grabbed He Gu by the collar of his bathrobe, and dragged him out of bed with one forceful yank.

“Song…” He Gu hadn’t even finished saying his name, when Song Juhan pushed him to the floor and violently pulled open his bathrobe.

Song Juhan was like a silent beast; he didn’t speak or answer. Instead, he stripped He Gu naked and searched his entire body as if he was an overbearing hunter checking the quality of his prey.

He Gu was so embarrassed, he threw a punch and hit Song Juhan square in the face.

Song Juhan wasn’t prepared as his head swung to the side from the force.

Panting heavily, He Gu gritted his teeth and glared at Song Juhan.

Song Juhan pressed his tongue against the inside of his numb cheek, and slowly turned his face back to look deeply at He Gu. After a while, he said, “It’s only been four days and you’ve already booked a room twice. You act all upright and proper in front of me, but with him you’re quite wild, huh? What, is he really that good?”

“Stop being so fucking abstruse! Just get out!” shouted He Gu angrily. He quickly glanced at the man still lying on the bed. Zhou Heyi was still sound asleep as he mumbled something dreamily.

The subtle look of concern in He Gu’s eyes made Song Juhan’s blood boil. With his big hands, he grabbed He Gu’s cheek like an iron pincer and said coldly, “It seems I’ve taken the wrong approach with you. I tried over and over again to lower my head and beg you nicely, but you wouldn’t even spare me a glance. You said you liked me? Pfft, my ass. You’re simply bored of me and want to leave me so you can find yourself a new little white face, don’t you? Yet you still pretend to be all infatuated and sorry with me. Do you think you’re a Casanova, or what?!”

He Gu’s heart ached, it was a kind of pain comparable to death by a thousand cuts*. He simply stared at Song Juhan fiercely, but couldn’t say anything. It’s gotten to the point that there was nothing left for him to say.

*凌迟 – LingChi was a form of punishment used in China from around 900 CE up until the practice ended around the early 1900s. It’s a slow process of torture to drag out the pain of the criminal, known as lingering death, slow slicing, or death by a thousand cuts.
Song Juhan bent down as the bridge of his tall nose came so close it nearly brushed against the tip of He Gu’s nose. The dark look in his eyes was as deep as the pitch-black sea, as if it could suck you into the never-ending, bottomless depths of a marine trench. “Do you even know what I was doing when Ou Taining sent a photo of you two to a group chat with over two hundred people?” With reddened eyes, he chuckled to himself then continued, “I was cracking walnuts* for you. Ou Taining is fighting me for this endorsement gig, and he can’t wait to make me the laughing stock. I keep telling them I’m a changed man, that I have someone at home now. I’ve found a wife. But you…” Song Juhan ground his teeth together so hard his teeth nearly shattered into a million pieces. “I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face over and over again and in front of everyone to see.”

*HILLARY: OMG, there it is… the reason behind SJH’s nickname 😛
He Gu felt so upset, yet so angry at the same time. But at that moment, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing out loud. “So? I made you feel bad. I made you feel frustrated. I made you feel embarrassed. I made the almighty and beloved super star—Song Juhan—lose face, so what? So what?!”

“That’s why I really want to strangle you to death right now!” shouted Song Juhan angrily.

“Go on, then. Go on, do it!” taunted He Gu with his face glowing bright red, and his chest heaving violently. Just like when a normally docile and obedient animal fights back when provoked, He Gu looked truly frightening in that moment.

Song Juhan’s eyes were so red, it looked as if he was about to shed tears of blood. “He Gu, no one has ever dared treat me like this. Why the hell have I let you do this to me. Why, why are you… treating me like this?” Towards the end of his sentence, there was a sound of choking in his voice.

He Gu’s vision blurred as he said in a hoarse voice, “I’ve had enough of you.” Originally, He Gu thought as long as he left Song Juhan, he would stop feeling such sadness, pain, and shame. But he never expected Song Juhan to be unwilling to let him go. All he’d done was fall in love with someone and gotten unbearably hurt in every possible way. And now that he didn’t dare to love anymore, why must he still go through such excruciating pain?

Why? He wanted to ask ‘why’ as well. Why did Song Juhan have to treat him like this? What did he possibly owe Song Juhan to deserve this kind of treatment?

Song Juhan looked at him stiffly, his eyes red and his lips pulled up in an icy cold smile. “Fine, I see you’ve had enough of me. I guess I’m the idiot here. I thought as long as I changed for the better, as long as I was loyal to you, and had patience that you would be moved by my actions. After all, you’d said you loved me, so of course you’d return to my side. But in the end, I was wrong. No matter what I do, you won’t come back to me. You’ve really… really stopped loving me. You really want to leave me for good. So what am I doing all of this for?”

He Gu stared at the other man unseeingly, his heart as dead as a pile of burnt ash.

In the end, what was it all for? That was a truly interesting question indeed. If He Gu had bothered to consider ‘what it was all for’ in the first place, he wouldn’t have put himself in that position for the last seven years. Loving someone, being nice to them, understanding them, and feeling happy or sad for them… What was it all for anyways?

Even if he had once longed for a response for his efforts, he had never felt that a response was necessary. He chose his path willingly, so he was willing to endure the path himself. So why does Song Juhan have the right to ask ‘why’? If trying one’s best is all it takes to get a happy ending, then why didn’t he get his happy ending? And who should he turn to for such injustice?

Song Juhan tightened his grip around He Gu’s neck. “You don’t care anymore, is that it? No matter what I do, you don’t care anymore. You’d rather look for someone you’ve just met a few months ago, than care about how horrible I feel right now. You don’t care about how much I’ve changed for you. You don’t fucking care about anything anymore!” For the first time, he realised what complete and utter despair felt like. He was a famed artist who could reduce thousands to tears with a single song, and yet he couldn’t move a single person with all his might.

He Gu was so numb, he felt as if he was dead inside. “So, should I feel sorry for you now?” he asked, then laughed bitterly to himself.

Song Juhan’s heart clenched at the sight of He Gu’s emotionless and bitter laugh. He couldn’t help but want to erase the sound of that sarcastic laughter as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to He Gu’s thin ones and kissed him savagely.

There was a hint of blood as their lips and teeth clashed together gracelessly, but it was hard to tell who it belonged to. After all, they were both hurting—hurting from an unbearable pain.

Song Juhan lifted He Gu and dragged him into the bathroom, then slammed the door shut behind them. He Gu struggled hard to break free, but Song Juhan clutched his arm so tightly it felt as if it was about to be twisted off.

Song Juhan pressed He Gu’s upper body down over the sink unit and grabbed his hair as he yanked his head up and forced him to look at their reflection in the mirror. “Since you don’t care what I do anyways, why the hell should I waste my time on you? Fuck being gentle and patient, it’s all just dogshit! Yes, I’ve fallen for you, and I just want to see you in front of my eyes—it’s that simple,” gritted out Song Juhan ruthlessly. “So let me show you, let me show you just how simple it can be!”

“Song Juhan…” He Gu watched his naked reflection in the mirror and the hint of madness in Song Juhan’s eyes as a sense of fear grew in his heart.

He Gu had seen all sides of Song Juhan, but he had never seen him lose his composure so irrationally before. That wild and beast-like look in his eyes didn’t even seem human.

Song Juhan spread He Gu open roughly and pushed his pent up desire in with one angry and violent thrust. For the past six months, he had imagined doing this countless times.

He Gu was in so much pain, his face was covered in a sheen of cold sweat, but that pain still couldn’t compare to the excruciating heartache squeezing at his heart. At this point, he couldn’t even describe the extent of how desperately helpless and shameful he felt inside. He regretted having fallen for such a beast. He regretted giving all his love to that one person for the last seven years. He regretted walking into this quagmire himself…

He regretted it, regretted it. Regretted it!

The aggression in Song Juhan’s brute force made He Gu weak all over. He barely managed to lift his head as he came face-to-face with his own embarrassing reflection as well as Song Juhan’s… tears?

He wasn’t sure when it happened, but Song Juhan’s tears had already covered his entire face.

Song Juhan stared desperately at the man under him, thinking back to the sweetness they once shared. He recalled how gentle, doting and loving He Gu had once treated him. The memories overwhelmed him to the point that it felt like it was killing him inside.

The first thing he felt when he saw the photo of He Gu holding someone else, in a group chat that included not only celebrities, but also major investors as well as important figures* in the entertainment circle, wasn’t frustration, embarrassment, or even losing face. He had felt pain—a pain unlike anything he had ever felt before. A pain that left him completely helpless and at a loss.

*大牛 – lit. big cow, it is an internet slang used to refer to important, influential, and outstanding people in a certain field.
If time could go back, if he could’ve known that He Gu would be this important to him, he would’ve cherished him more. He would’ve sworn to cherish He Gu like his own life. He could give up on everyone else. He just wanted He Gu—only He Gu.

But He Gu wasn’t willing to go back. No matter what he did, He Gu wasn’t willing to go back anymore. He’s even gone to be with someone else.

How did everything come to this? It turns out loving someone but being unable to have them was such a dreadful and despairing feeling. If that was the case, then how did He Gu endure the last seven years?

He was doing what he’d wanted to do, but he didn’t feel any pleasure from it at all. He looked at the pinched frown on He Gu’s pained expression as his vision blurred completely.

He pulled out as He Gu slumped to the floor weakly.

Faintly, he could hear someone knocking on the door; the sound was both hateful and disgusting in his ears. Why did he feel so close, yet so far away?

Looking at the helpless and curled up He Gu on the floor, he felt as if he had just died inside.

With trembling knees, Song Juhan bent down, then reached out to touch that familiar and warm skin.

But He Gu slapped his hand away as he glared at him with eyes full of hatred.

In that moment, Song Juhan felt as if something had stopped working inside him. His blood ran cold as he opened his mouth and heard himself say mechanically, “He Gu, don’t even think about leaving me. The market value of your mother’s pathetically small business isn’t even worth one billion yuan, and that little boyfriend of yours is nothing to me. Crushing them both is child’s play to me. This was your choice—I wanted to treat you well, but you refused. Remember, this is what you chose.”

He Gu continued to glare at him with empty and cold eyes.

Outside the door, someone was desperately kicking, banging, and calling out He Gu’s name.

Song Juhan squeezed his chin and forced a branding kiss on his lips. “You will come looking for me,” he said, then abruptly pushed open the door and left.

A loud and painful cry came from outside the door, followed by the sound of someone slamming against the closet, and the room door opening and closing loudly. Finally, the whole world fell silent.

He Gu stayed motionless on the cold hard floor for a long while before he gathered his energy to slowly pull himself up. He grabbed the bath towel with trembling fingers and wrapped it around his battered and exhausted body, then holding in the embarrassing pain in his lower body, he stumbled out of the bathroom on wobbly legs.

Outside, Zhou Heyi had fainted and collapsed as a heap on the floor, with a growing greenish-purple bump on his forehead.

At that moment, He Gu lost all his strength and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. His body trembled violently as he finally allowed the pent up tears to pour out freely.

The person he had once loved the most was now hurting him the most, humiliating him the most. How utterly pathetic and ridiculous.

Song Juhan—Song Juhan—I never want to see you again in this lifetime.