Drunk In Love (Years of Intoxication) - Chap 59
Song Juhan chose not to press charges in the end since it was an ordinary fight and no one was seriously hurt in the altercation anyways. Besides, Zhou Heyi was a foreigner, so after the police questioned and scolded him for a while, they let him go.
He Gu went to pick him up.
The moment Zhou Heyi stepped out of the police station, he saw He Gu then lowered his head in embarrassment and didn’t say anything.
He Gu looked at the younger man then reached out and touched his head lightly. “Don’t do something so stupid again.”
Kicking a stone around with his foot, Zhou Heyi asked in a small voice, “Is he badly hurt?”
“…He’s fine.”
Zhou Heyi seemed relieved as he muttered, “He deserved it.”
“It doesn’t matter whether he deserved it or not. You shouldn’t have broken the law in the first place.”
Zhou Heyi lifted his head slowly, his eyes a little red as he said, “I’m sorry, Gu-ge. I must’ve caused trouble for you.”
“Nevermind.”
“You’re a few years older than me, so I’ve always wanted to seem more mature to you, lest you think I’m naïve.” Zhou Heyi revealed a wry smile and said, “But this time, I’ve completely ruined my image…”
He Gu felt quite helpless, but he didn’t have any energy left to scold Zhou Heyi. “You’re thinking too much. I won’t blame you, I just hope that you can learn from this incident and think first before you act in the future.”
Zhou Heyi nodded.
“Alright, I’ll send you home now. Your friend seems quite worried about you.”
“Song Juhan… he can’t have possibly let me go so easily. Did you go looking for him?” asked Zhou Heyi quietly.
He Gu was silent for a moment, then answered, “No. It wasn’t a big deal anyways. I found a friend to help me.”
The two got in the car with Zhou Heyi leaning back on his seat, his lips pursed and a dejected look in his eyes as he stared absent-mindedly at the police station gate not too far away.
He Gu suddenly realised that Zhou Heyi might be a little scared from everything that happened in the last few days. After all, he was only in his early twenties and had probably never experienced anything like this in his lifetime. On top of that, he was in a new and strange place, so although he may not be showing it on the outside, he must be feeling quite panicky on the inside.
He Gu reached out and rubbed his neck gently. “Heyi, everything’s okay now.”
Zhou Heyi turned his head to look at him with a docile expression on his face. His eyes were a little misty and he looked as pitiful as a puppy.
He Gu’s heart softened as he let out a sigh.
“Gu-ge, what if…” Zhou Heyi’s voice sounded a little choked as he said, “What if I don’t go to America. I can stay here and we can be together.”
He Gu frowned slightly with a look of pity in his eyes. “Heyi, you should go and focus on your studies. You have your dreams and goals in life, and these things mean much more than superficial feelings. Once you’re in a new environment, you’ll meet more people and soon you’ll forget about someone like me.”
Zhou Heyi shook his head. “I’ll never forget you.”
“I’ll never forget you either,” replied He Gu with a small smile.
When they arrived, Zhou Heyi hugged He Gu and kissed him desperately as if he wanted to pour all his passion and love into that one kiss. After a long while, he finally let go of the other man and said dejectedly, “Gu-ge, you’re the most gentle and the best man I’ve ever met. Song Juhan isn’t worthy of you. You must stay far, far away from that madman.”
“I will,” said He Gu calmly.
Zhou Heyi looked deeply at He Gu for a moment before he finally got out of the car. He didn’t even dare to look back as he hurried upstairs.
The two knew clearly that this was probably the last time they would see each other for the foreseeable future.
On the surface, it seemed like nothing had changed, but in reality everything had changed.
He Gu stayed there without moving for a long time. It wasn’t until the heaviness in his heart finally passed that he restarted the car and drove home.
When he got home, He Gu saw that the babysitter had already made Susu dinner. The moment she saw him, she jumped at him excitedly and said, “Gege, why have you come home so late? I wanted to go see mama with you.”
“I’ll bring you to go see your mama tomorrow.” He Gu pinched her chin teasingly and asked, “Did you listen to your teacher today?”
“Yup, the teacher even said my drawing skills were really good.”
“And have you eaten yet?”
“I have. What about gege?”
“I’ve eaten as well.”
He Gu picked her up and placed her on his lap. “Susu, gege wants to talk to you about something.”
“What is it?”
“Gege has to go stay with a friend tonight. Do you think you’ll be able to go to sleep on your own?”
Susu widened her eyes, then immediately shook her head. “But I’m scared.”
“I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep, but you’re a big girl now. You should be able to sleep on your own.”
Susu pursed her lips and said reluctantly, “Who are you going to see?”
“One of my friends is hurt.”
“What kind of injury? Is it more serious than mama?”
“It’s different from mama, but he needs someone to stay with him.”
With a hint of reluctance, Susu said, “You have to wait until I’m asleep before you can leave.”
“I will. When you wake up in the morning, I’ll be back already and I’ll buy you your favourite beef brisket noodles.”
“Okay.” Susu looked at He Gu, then said in a small voice, “Gege, how great would it have been if we had met earlier?”
He Gu couldn’t help but chuckle softly.
“Don’t laugh, it’s true. I really like you, and I really wish you’d been there from the moment I was born, so you could be with me as I grew up.”
He Gu gently touched her head. “It’s not too late now.”
Susu buried her head in his neck and smiled happily.
Once He Gu managed to coax Susu to sleep, he quietly left the house and drove towards Song Juhan’s place.
He Gu couldn’t say whether he was feeling completely numb or just self-composed, but all he could say was that he felt awfully calm at that moment. Whenever he was in a situation where he had no way out, he would simply face it with a calmness that he had cultivated over his life. It wasn’t his character to panic, and it would be pointless to do so anyways.
Right now, he needed to face Song Juhan.
If this world really had a power that could change something beyond recognition, then he and Song Juhan had definitely experienced it already. He Gu personally witnessed, step after step, as his and Song Juhan’s relationship slowly succumbed to the utterly unbearable state it was today. Even with such a philosophical name, He Gu still couldn’t decipher the reason as to how this happened. It was as if he was both a victim and a bystander at the same time, watching as the relationship between them rotted away at an embarrassing speed, yet there was nothing he could do about it.
He wished Song Juhan would’ve stopped a long time ago, in that case, he could’ve made himself forget all the unhappiness of their past and only leave behind the pure beauty and innocence of once loving someone.
Unfortunately, it was too late now.
When He Gu got to Song Juhan’s home, he took out his keys and opened the door—the same pair of keys he had once refused to use.
The moment He Gu opened the door, Song Juhan sat up from the sofa with a sleepy look on his face. It was obvious he’d been waiting for the other man as Song Juhan complained, “What took you so long?”
“I had to put my sister to sleep.” He Gu walked over and stopped in front of Song Juhan as if waiting for an ‘order’.
Song Juhan reached out and grabbed He Gu’s hand, then pulled the man down to sit on the sofa beside him before he tucked his gauze-covered head into He Gu’s arms. “I’ve been waiting for you. I haven’t even eaten yet,” said Song Juhan.
“What do you want to eat?”
“I’m way past being hungry now. Don’t even wanna eat anymore.” Song Juhan wrapped his arms around He Gu’s waist and said in a small voice, “That thing with your mom… you don’t have to worry about it. I’ll help her, so tell her to just focus on her treatment.”
He Gu looked fixedly at the night sky outside the window and simply said, “Okay.”
“I’ll… I’ll fix all your problems and I’ll help look after your family too, so you can live a carefree life.” Song Juhan closed his eyes, his eyelashes trembling slightly and added, “I’ll be good to you for the rest of your life, so don’t leave me.”
He Gu was silent for a moment, his eyes completely devoid of emotion. “Okay,” he repeated woodenly.
Song Juhan tightened his arms around the other man; even though He Gu was already in his arms, he could still feel an unspeakable sadness flowing through his heart.
He knew he wasn’t acting like a normal person. From the day He Gu left him, he hadn’t been normal since. He Gu was someone he’d once thought would always be his. He Gu was someone that always stood quietly waiting for him at every turn, someone that he regarded as essential as air itself. But it wasn’t until this person suddenly wanted to pull away from him that Song Juhan realised it was impossible to live without that “air”.
Seven years, He Gu spent seven long years planting a seed in his heart, and with every changing season, that seed slowly and quietly grew into a towering tree. Whilst he comfortably continued to enjoy the protection and benefits of this tree, he failed to realise that its roots had started to deeply merge itself into his blood vessels and nerves, into his flesh and bones. With just one light tug of his hair, that tree was able to control his entire body. The mere thought of removing this tree from himself was as painful as peeling his skin back and breaking all his bones in his body—it was a pain worse than death itself.
Song Juhan was beyond terrified. How was it possible that there was someone in this world who could make him feel such all-consuming fear of losing them?
On the surface, He Gu couldn’t grasp the extent of Song Juhan’s inner turmoil, all he knew was that he had always been a kept man whether it was in the past, or right now. The only difference was that he was once willing to do so, whereas now he was being forced.
Regardless, it didn’t matter. He could simply think of it as having a new pet dog. As long as he was able to keep Song Juhan under control and not let him go wild and bite others, it would be fine for him to bear it all alone. After all, no one in this world could adapt to Song Juhan better than he could.
As for whether he would feel pain, or fear? Or perhaps be embarrassed, sad or even tired—who cares?
That evening, Song Juhan slept with He Gu in his arms. The medicine he had taken had strong sedative properties, so he slept soundly beside He Gu. But He Gu, on the other hand, didn’t sleep well at all.
A few times, He Gu watched as Song Juhan slept peacefully, with a defenceless look on his face, and his vulnerable and slender neck on display, He Gu contemplated a malicious thought. Perhaps there was an easier way out of their mutually torturous relationship, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
In the end, they could only continue to torture each other.
The next day, He Gu left first thing in the morning. He’d promised Susu he would return before she woke up, bring her to her painting class, and then take her to the hospital to see her mom.
After He Gu dropped Susu off, he bought lunch and went to the hospital to see his mom. That day, Sun Qing seemed to be in a better mood; the chemotherapy appeared to be working and was temporarily inhibiting the spread of the cancer cells.
Just as they were chatting away, He Gu’s phone started to ring. Looking down, he saw that it was none other than Song Juhan. He Gu excused himself to take the call outside.
“Where have you been?” asked Song Juhan as soon as the call connected.
“I came to the hospital to see my mom.”
Song Juhan was silent for a moment, then said, “Well, after you’re done spending time with her, come find me. I’m also a patient right now.”
“I have to pick up my sister after her class, then make her dinner and put her to sleep. I can only come to you late in the evening.”
Song Juhan didn’t respond. A moment later, He Gu realised the call had already been disconnected. Since he no longer cared, he simply slipped his phone back in his pocket and went back inside.
By the evening, He Gu stayed until his mother had finished her meal, then went to pick Susu up. The two bought some groceries at the local supermarket and planned to have hot pot that night.
When they got home, the sky was still a little bright. As they approached the front door, they noticed a familiar figure. Just as before, the figure was squatting by the door, wearing a hoodie that was covering his face, and was dressed in all black. Having witnessed this scene before, they weren’t frightened this time.
Susu’s eyes widened comically as she stuttered, “Song, Song, Song…”
Song Juhan lifted his head, placed his index finger in front of his lips, then revealed a small smile.
Susu blushed instantly.
Unable to say or do anything, He Gu simply opened the door. Song Juhan took the heavy bags from He Gu and walked in.
Susu kept craning her neck to look up at Song Juhan. After he pushed back his hood, Susu stared unblinkingly at his gauze-covered head.
Unable to hold it in anymore, He Gu said, “Didn’t you hear when the doctor said you needed to rest properly?”
“You’re not there. I couldn’t rest properly.” Song Juhan said matter-of-factly.
Susu raised her voice and exclaimed, “So you’re the one that Gege went to see last night.”
He Gu put his hand on top of Susu’s head and turned her in a different direction, “Go change your clothes and wash your hands.”
Susu was obviously quite excited as she bounced and skipped to her room. The moment her door closed behind her, she let out an enthusiastic, “Woohoo”.
The moment they were left alone, Song Juhan pulled He Gu into his arms and kissed him passionately. “I missed you so much,” he murmured in between kisses.
He Gu pushed him away. “In the future, don’t come here unannounced again.”
“Why can’t I come here? Your mom isn’t even around right now, and plus your sister seems to like me. If you can’t come see me, I can come over instead.”
“Don’t you have anything better to do?”
“I’m injured right now, what could I possibly do? If someone saw me in this state, it would cause more trouble.” Song Juhan smiled, then continued, “You’re having hot pot right? This I can help with, I can cut the vegetables.”
With a blank expression, He Gu picked up the shopping bags and walked into the kitchen.
Song Juhan froze as a look of despair flashed in his eyes, then quietly followed behind He Gu.
Whilst He Gu prepared the ingredients, Song Juhan stood beside him trying to help out wherever he could. In the past, He Gu would at least try and start a conversation with him, but now—unless absolutely necessary—He Gu wouldn’t even utter one extra word.
As they ate, Susu kept pestering Song Juhan, firing question after question at him. Although Song Juhan never had much patience with children, with Susu, he was surprisingly gentle and friendly. By the end of the meal, Susu was so excited and her cheeks were blushing so furiously that they were hot to the touch.
That night, He Gu spent twice as long coaxing Susu to bed. By the time he returned to his room, he found Song Juhan showered, wearing his pyjamas—that were clearly one size too small for him—and lying in bed waiting for him. The moment Song Juhan saw him entering the room, he revealed a wide smile and looked at He Gu with hopeful eyes.
He Gu closed the door quietly, then said blankly, “My sister just fell asleep, if you want to do it, you better not make a sound.”
Song Juhan’s expression froze. “I… I didn’t… I didn’t come here looking for you because of that.”
“Then why else are you here?” He Gu’s tone didn’t hold a hint of sarcasm, it was simply calm. “I see you’re still quite lively. This type of injury shouldn’t affect your ability to perform.”
Song Juhan sat up, his breathing coming in short breaths. “He Gu, I said I won’t force you ever again.”
“You said the same thing half a year ago.” He Gu stood at the end of the bed and looked at the other man condescendingly. “Do you want to do it, or not? If not, then go to bed.”
Song Juhan chewed his lips, “I really went a little crazy that day, and I regret what I did so much that I don’t even know what to do. If I ever act so beastly again, I’ll chop off my thing. I promise I’ll never, ever force you again.”
The corner of He Gu’s lips lifted into a small smile, yet his eyes showed no signs of humour. Lifting the duvet, He Gu got into bed and lay down with his back to Song Juhan.
Song Juhan sat stunned for a while before he slowly closed his eyes and lay down again. Snuggling closer, he pulled He Gu into his arms and held onto the other man tightly. To Song Juhan right now, even a simple hug was enough.
