Four-Faced Buddha [To My Shore] - Chap 32
Chapter 32 Never Loved
2024-10-13 07:16 Category: Four-Faced BuddhaTurn off the lights
“No other reason?”
You Shulang’s final note was steady and calm, revealing no emotion.
Lu Zhen felt guilty and was therefore uneasy. He stumbled over his words when he said goodbye, and the words he had prepared all night were scattered and incomplete.
“You are wonderful, but I am not good enough for you.”
One sentence almost shattered the calm on You Shulang’s face. The shadow under his brow bone deepened, and he took out a cigarette and slowly rubbed it in his hand.
The young man opposite him kept his head down, and You Shulang could only see the top of his head. He had once loved that head of soft hair, which seemed to extend gently to the very tip, and touching it felt like a silent spring rain soaking into his heart.
Even now, his hair still shimmers with a soft sheen in the sunlight, obscuring the young man’s eyebrows and eyes, leaving only a glimpse of his chin.
With her lips pressed tightly together, her fingers fidgeted with the deliberately ripped holes in her jeans. It was late autumn, yet the stylish and beautiful Lu Zhen was still wearing only trousers. Her fingernails dug into the holes, leaving red marks on her skin.
Never mind, You Shulang softened.
A gleaming crown on the bookshelf, valuable items in the wardrobe, crude excuses, contradictory pretexts, an off-track itinerary…
I won’t ask about anything anymore.
Since Lu Zhen has already decided to leave and has provided ample excuses for their ill-fated relationship, why should he further humiliate him by accusing him of something?
The cigarette was tossed into his mouth and lit.
After a moment of soft, swirling white mist, You Shulang asked, “Have you made up your mind, Lu Zhen?”
Suddenly looking up, Lu Zhen finally met his gaze. His fingers slowly tightened, wrinkling his pants, and the redness around his eyes deepened. He wanted to speak several times but then gave up.
Finally, a dazzling light shone in his eyes—the radiance of the crown on the bookshelf. Gritting his teeth, Lu Zhen said, word by word, “I’ve thought it through.”
Silence fell between them.
Apart from the rising white mist, there seemed to be no living creatures in the house.
After finishing his cigarette, You Shulang stubbed it out in the ashtray.
“I’m leaving.” He stood up. “Take good care of yourself from now on.”
The man walked briskly without any hesitation. Just as his fingers touched the front door, he heard someone shout behind him.
“You Shulang!”
Before the echo had faded, Lu Zhen rushed over and threw herself into the man’s arms, hugging his waist tightly and crying like a wronged child.
Tears welled up, soaking his shirt and burning his skin. You Shulang’s hands hung limply at his sides, no longer embracing the young man as tightly as before.
“You don’t care about me anymore.” Sobbing, he gently pushed Lu Zhen away and looked him in the eye. “Don’t cry. Actually, you’re quite brave. You can face your own heart.”
He gently patted the young man’s hair one last time: “Live well. Your work environment is quite complicated, so be careful to protect yourself. Don’t neglect yourself in other aspects either.”
After giving his final instructions, You Shulang turned to leave, but was stopped again by Lu Zhen, whose tearful eyes met his directly.
“You Shulang, did you ever love me?”
Without any lingering affection, there was a hint of reproach in Lu Zhen’s words.
The tall man remained silent for a moment, and for the first time, a hint of coldness appeared in his usually calm eyes.
“Can’t you feel it?” the man retorted.
“Complete care, concern for my well-being, taking care of my daily life, and unconditionally standing behind me?” The young man scoffed. “You Shulang, do you think love is just this?”
Looking at the man’s slowly furrowed brows, Lu Zhen almost denounced him: “Yes, you are very good to me. You are a perfect boyfriend who cannot be found to have any faults. You agree with everything I say and cooperate with everything I do, even things that you really dislike.”
“But apart from all that, I can’t feel you at all! I can’t feel your authenticity! Like how you never talk to me about your work, which I don’t understand, but I still hope to be involved in every aspect of your life; you’re not interested in what I tell you either, even though you’re listening attentively, I can fucking tell you don’t like it!”
“Also, I really can’t enter your world. When you’re silent, when you’re smoking, when you’re laughing, even after making love, I can feel your loneliness! Even when I’m right next to you, holding you tightly, you’re still lonely! Your heart is closed too tightly, or you simply don’t want to let me in! The distance between us is too far, so far that no matter how hard I try, I can’t get close to you! You know, that feeling of frustration is really very disheartening.”
Lu Zhen wiped away a tear and delivered his closing statement.
“You Shulang, you have never loved me.”
