Four-Faced Buddha [To My Shore] - Chap 40
Chapter 40 That…you!
2024-10-13 07:19 Category: Four-Faced BuddhaTurn off the lights
The udon noodles were too soggy, so You Shulang went to buy another bowl. Before leaving, he kindly asked Fan Xiao if he could be alone with her.
The man leaned against the door, his eyes darting towards him, his voice low and menacing: “How about, Director You, you leave the suit with me?”
You Shulang thought for a while before muttering “Damn it” under his breath, closing the door behind him as he went out to buy noodles.
When he returned, twenty minutes later, Fan Xiao seemed to be doing as usual, but when he turned his back, there was still a cold bitterness between his brows.
“Come and eat some noodles.”
Having changed into his pajamas, You Shulang, with cool moisture seeping from his fingers, rinsed the tableware with running water and sat down at one side of the low table.
The round noodles were placed into a spoon and handed to Fan Xiao’s left hand. Fan Xiao took it and ate it, then waited for the next spoonful.
In the steam rising from the hot food, You Shulang’s expression softened, his eyes gentle, and a tenderness inexplicably appeared.
He picked out a noodle: “When I was little, I saw a stray kitten that also had an injured foot. Thinking about it now, it’s very similar to you.”
The gloom between Fan Xiao’s brows lessened somewhat, and he asked with a smile, “You were saved by Director You?”
He placed the noodles in a spoon: “I’ve fed it a few times. It’s very wary and doesn’t let anyone get close, which is quite similar to you.”
Fan Xiao was taken aback, then moved his chair: “Isn’t it because I’m sitting quite close to Director You?”
A spoon was shoved into his hand, and he heard the man opposite him change the subject: “Eat quickly, or it’ll get burnt again.”
“Handsome?”
“Um?”
“That kitten.”
You Shulang took the empty spoon, shook his head with a smile, and said, “It’s dirty and ugly, which is unlike you.”
Fan Xiao leaned slightly closer: “So, Director You is saying I’m handsome?”
The room was dimly lit, filled with the rich aroma of noodles. The small space felt cramped because of a joke, and the distance between people suddenly became crowded.
The noodles slipped off the chopsticks, splashing out a few drops of soup.
The old Taoist You Shulang naturally had a hundred appropriate replies to break the current ambiguous atmosphere, but… he swallowed the words back before he could finish them.
At this moment, the gloom between Fan Xiao’s brows had faded, the pain he had been hiding had been pulled away, and he was relaxed and lazy, with a playful look in his eyes, and he had returned to his usual scoundrel appearance.
The soup simmered slightly, and You Shulang picked up another mouthful with his chopsticks, softly acknowledging, “President Fan is indeed extremely handsome.”
The forum lasted all day, with one session after another, running at a rapid pace. Attendees had stacks of materials in front of them, including promotional brochures for Bohai Shuxin Oral Liquid.
Fan Xiao’s seat was by the window, and not far outside was the blue sea and sky. Even with the window closed, the sound of the surging waves could be heard.
You Shulang switched seats with him, placing his name tag by the window. A mere step couldn’t block out the sound of the waves; clearly, it was a foolish move. Yet, he still caught a glimpse of Fan Xiao’s slightly grateful gaze. You Shulang sighed inwardly, “I’ll just be a fucking idiot this once.”
With a stiff back, tightly pursed lips, and a light sheen of sweat on Fan Xiao’s forehead, S City didn’t have winter, but it wasn’t hot enough to make you sweat at this time of year.
Old dreams surged in with the sound of the waves, screams and fear, a desperate situation with no way out, the rapidly rising sea, cries of “You must live!” and that face sinking into the water…
His breathing became increasingly rapid, his fists clenched so tightly that his nails almost dug into his flesh. Fan Xiao wanted to find a dark place to curl up, to abandon everything, including his dirty and weary life.
Suddenly, a warmth spread across his legs, the body heat penetrating his cold flesh like a spring of sweet water flowing through parched land. It traveled along his veins to every part of his body, gradually warming his stiff form and pulling Fan Xiao back from the shattered illusion.
It was You Shulang who slowly pressed his leg against Fan Xiao’s.
The overlapping illusions before his eyes gradually dissipated, and Fan Xiao’s eyes regained their clarity. He adjusted his breathing, waiting for the inevitable collision before dispersing.
But no. Not only did he not leave, You Shulang pressed his entire calf against his. Under the conference table, two adjacent long legs were pressed tightly together, their body heat mingling through the fabric of their trousers.
This kind of private comfort made Fan Xiao’s heart tighten. He looked at the man beside him. You Shulang was still sitting upright, his suit was tight, his shirt was neat, and the buttons were fastened all the way down to his throat. He looked calm and abstinent. Only his frequently fluttering eyelashes betrayed his tension and embarrassment.
Under Fan Xiao’s almost scorching gaze, You Shulang kept his eyes straight ahead: “Listen carefully, this expert is very forward-thinking.”
In the soft, low admonition, Fan Xiao could still detect the gentleness in the voice, and he looked at the expert on the stage as instructed.
However, it’s difficult to see clearly through the mist.
The forum lasted all day, followed by a dinner. Several people took the opportunity to promote their new products. You Shulang was composed and professional, while Fan Xiao was adept at managing the atmosphere, resulting in a very successful presentation.
Stepping out of the banquet hall, the crescent moon hung low, and the lighthouse’s light rippled across the sea, like a distant road with no end in sight.
Fearing that Fan Xiao would be further agitated, You Shulang urged, “Let’s go back to the hotel.”
Fan Xiao, however, did not move. He stared at the deep, dark sea for a long time before speaking softly.
“Shulang, come with me to take a closer look.” His voice was unusually hoarse, sharp and cold.
Are you sure?
“We can’t run away forever.”
After hesitating several times, Fan Xiao finally took a step and stepped onto the soft sand.
There were still some tourists scattered on the beach, in twos and threes, not making a fuss.
The fine sand was warmed by the sun, but the leather shoes kept it out.
The sea, its surface shattered by starlight, appears even deeper and darker, blurring the line between sea and sky, like the edge of the universe, inspiring inexplicable fear.
The closer they got to the sea, the faster the man in front walked. The surging waves reached their feet, almost wetting Fan Xiao’s shoes and socks.
You Shulang took two steps to catch up, walked to Fan Xiao’s side, and grabbed him. He placed his hand on Fan Xiao’s shoulder and realized the man was trembling violently.
“Fan Xiao! Stop!”
Hearing this call, his empty gaze regained its expression. Fan Xiao curled his lips into a smile: “What, afraid I’ll commit suicide?”
You Shulang’s hand slid down the man’s shoulder and arm, grabbed his wrist, and pulled him around: “You can’t be so impatient if you want to desensitize yourself.”
There were wicker chairs on the beach, and he led the man to sit down. Fan Xiao was very obedient, like a puppet on strings, letting himself be manipulated.
The two sat very close, their shoes touching, their clothes brushing together. Fan Xiao subconsciously moved closer to You Shulang, venturing into intimate territory.
You Shulang remained seated, took out a cigarette, and slowly rubbed it between his fingers. He asked slowly, “You haven’t been to the beach since the incident?”
Fan Xiao nodded and then shook his head: “After the incident, I received psychological treatment on and off for several years. When I was 18, I felt that I was strong enough to face the past. I went to Pattaya at that time, but I lost control just by hearing the sound of the waves before I even saw the sea.”
Fan Xiao rubbed his face with both hands, as if the bitterness deep in his heart had seeped into every inch of his skin: “Later, I underwent desensitization treatment, watching videos of the ocean and listening to audio of ocean waves, over and over again. But I was tired of not being able to control myself, and I didn’t want to face that nightmare again and again, so I could only give up in the end.”
He glanced at the dark sea, then quickly looked away, and said with a sorrowful self-mockery, “I’ve been running away all these years, like a coward.”
“I’m afraid to swim.” In the dim light, You Shulang suddenly said, his voice slow and heavy, as if weighed down by a thousand-pound weight. “Do you know why?”
Without waiting for a reply, he continued, “Actually, I used to be a very good swimmer and a master at catching fish by trapping them. When I was a child, my family was poor, and in the summer, all of us boys would go to the nearby ditches to set traps to catch fish.”
As his gaze followed the sea, You Shulang seemed to see his childhood again: “Whoever’s fish trap went the furthest and deepest would have a better catch. Back then, in the dugouts (note: slums), only me and another boy were good swimmers and caught more fish than others.”
“I don’t know why he saw me as a competitor. He always disliked me and even bullied my younger brother. Then one time, he was so greedy for the fish that he set the trap too far. When he went down to get it, his foot got tangled in the weeds.”
“You went to save him?” Fan Xiao’s voice was cold and indifferent.
“I saved him, but he almost dragged me into the water. He panicked and wouldn’t let go, binding my hands and feet. Later, he choked on a mouthful of water and passed out, and I was able to drag him ashore.”
Fan Xiao chuckled but remained silent.
“Laugh at me for being a saint? But I’m really not that good.” You Shulang put the cigarette in his mouth, turning his head to miss the match Fan Xiao lit. “Smoking is prohibited on the beach, so I’ll just take a bite for a while.”
“I saved that man, but I didn’t get a kind look in return. He even falsely accused me of stealing his catch.” You Shulang looked at the crescent moon, his black hair falling in wisps over his forehead, his eyelashes drooping like raven feathers, concealing his heavy emotions. “A year later, he made the same mistake again, but this time… I hesitated.”
Night had fallen, tourists had dispersed, and the beach was eerily quiet. Even the sound of the waves seemed distant. You Shulang slowly said, “I stood on the shore watching him struggle and cry for help, watching his head bob up and down in the water. The feeling of being bound hand and foot and sinking continuously, just like a year ago, suddenly suffocated me again.”
His well-defined jawline gave him a refined and distinguished appearance. The man bit his cigarette butt and said, “So when you asked me if I would lend a helping hand to others in the face of disaster, I said I don’t know.”
“He’s dead?” Fan Xiao asked.
“No. I still went down to save him, but I hesitated for a moment.” You Shulang took out matches from Fan Xiao’s pocket, lit a cigarette, and broke the rules for the first time. “Although he didn’t die, he was mentally impaired because of the prolonged lack of oxygen to his brain due to drowning.”
“Later, his parents came to thank me and almost knelt down to kowtow to me. After that… I stopped swimming.”
“You think you caused his madness? Did those extra two minutes make him healthy again?” Fan Xiao’s thin lips curled slightly, revealing a hint of mockery. “Oh, there are two other possibilities. He’s not mad, he just dragged you into becoming a water ghost; or you saved him, and he turned his back on you again.”
You Shulang chuckled softly, somewhat helplessly: “Fan Xiao, can’t you say comforting things properly?”
The evening breeze was salty and damp, gently lifting strands of hair.
“You Shulang.” Fan Xiao’s call was as soft as white sand.
“Um?”
“You are indeed a good person.”
“…”
You Shulang smiled, met Fan Xiao’s gaze, and slowly said, “You said we shouldn’t decide life and death for others, but I think as long as someone is alive, there will always be someone who tells them that this world is actually not bad, quite beautiful.”
His voice was deep, calm, and gentle, softly lingering in people’s hearts.
“So,” Fan Xiao looked back at You Shulang, “you are that person?”
“The person who told me this world isn’t so bad?”
Rarely, You Shulang did not avoid Fan Xiao’s eager gaze: “I just want to tell you that everyone has their own hidden wounds that they don’t want to face. Since you don’t want to face them, why force yourself to reopen them again and again? Escaping is not shameful, nor is it the behavior of a coward. If we can’t see the sea, we won’t see it; if we can’t swim, we won’t swim.”
“Fan Xiao,” You Shulang stood up and extended his hand, “Let’s go back to the hotel, close the windows and lock the doors, then we won’t hear this damn wave noise anymore.”
A gentle sea breeze billowed his shirt, and moonlight streamed down from behind You Shulang, making him appear like an apostle arriving on the moonlight.
At this moment, Fan Xiao had only one thought in his mind: to pull this person down from his pedestal, to sully and ruin him, and to imprison him as his own possession!
He took the hand and asked in a hoarse voice, “Back at the hotel, locked the door, what for?”
A lewd joke that every man can understand.
You Shulang’s expression changed slightly. He took off his cigarette, shook off Fan Xiao’s hand, and turned around, leaving behind the words: “Fuck you.”
