Four-Faced Buddha [To My Shore] - Chap 80
Chapter 80 Please Save Me One More Time
2024-10-13 07:31 Category: Four-Faced BuddhaTurn off the lights
The passionate kiss traveled upwards, from the collarbone to the Adam’s apple and the jaw, finally covering the corner of the lips.
You Shulang felt the wetness on his lips. He turned his head slightly, letting all his eagerness go unfulfilled.
“Fan Xiao, I believe what you said now.” The man’s voice was low and calm, but to Fan Xiao, it sounded as shattered and broken as a feather in the wind. “Death may be the best salvation.”
His breath hitched, and Fan Xiao suddenly tightened his grip on You Shulang’s wrist!
He slowly stood up and looked at You Shulang from an arm’s length distance, only to find that even though he had done enough foreplay, the man’s eyes were still empty and indifferent.
“When I heard that Shen Gujiu had committed suicide, I was shocked and thought he was cowardly.” You Shulang gently curled the corners of his lips, which then froze into a sad smile. “But I only realized today that after all despair, all that’s left is cowardice.”
“Shulang…you…”
Fear, like an unstoppable flood, instantly overwhelmed Fan Xiao. He frantically pulled You Shulang into his arms, holding him tightly, letting the warmth of his body and the beating of his heart drive away his panic.
But it was no use. Even with him in his arms, Fan Xiao still felt that You Shulang was thousands of miles away from him, standing on a high step, teetering on the verge of collapse.
“What I said was all nonsense, it made no sense at all. Didn’t you disagree with me before? Didn’t you say that as long as you’re alive, someone will always tell you that this world is actually not bad, it’s quite beautiful?”
Fan Xiao seemed to hear the sound of the waves as he and You Shulang sat side by side on the beach that night.
The damp, salty sea breeze gently lifted You Shulang’s hair as he reached out his hand to himself, his gaze tender.
“Fan Xiao, why force yourself to reopen the wound again and again? If we can’t see the sea, then we won’t. We’ll go back, close the windows, and lock the doors, then we won’t hear this damned sound of the waves.”
The sea breeze billowed his shirt, and in the soft moonlight, Fan Xiao encountered the person who would tell him that the world wasn’t so bad after all.
At that time, all he wanted was to defile You Shulang, possess him, and imprison him as his own exclusive property!
That person who, despite countless hardships, remains warm and radiant; that person who is the only one who tells you, “Don’t be afraid, I’m here”; that person who is strong, resilient, and fearless.
He strangled it with his own hands…
Now, You Shulang’s voice is like a kite with a broken string: “This world… I’ve tried, but it’s no use.”
Fan Xiao: “…”
That despair of being abandoned by the whole world returned. Fan Xiao practically fled in panic. He gritted his teeth, controlling his descent into despair, and quickly rolled out of bed. He didn’t want to frighten You Shulang, but the seawater beneath his feet had already risen!
Fan Xiao staggered and pushed open the door to the storage room, plunging into the darkness and shutting himself out of all reality…
When he regained consciousness, in his hazy vision, You Shulang was standing in front of the storage room door with his back to the light source.
His hand was still resting on the door, casting a long shadow on the ground. Fan Xiao subconsciously moved closer to the shadow, as if that would allow him to get a little closer to You Shulang.
“What new trick is this? Self-harm? Are you betting that I’ll be soft-hearted?” You Shulang walked in step by step, squatted down in front of Fan Xiao, looked at the man whose face was covered in blood, and said coldly, “But the truth is, if you die, I might have an easier time living.”
He got up and walked out, leaving behind the comment: “The sound of banging against the wall is so annoying.”
Fan Xiao slowly stood up, leaning against the wall. He was wearing a shirt and trousers, the result of their playful moments in bed. You Shulang used to enjoy it, but now he was indifferent.
He rested for a while until his head wasn’t so dizzy before enduring the pain and walking out of the storage room.
The lights were on inside, and You Shulang was pouring red wine into a glass.
Fan Xiao walked over and sat down. He first pulled out a few tissues and wiped the blood off his face haphazardly. Then he tapped his fingers on the marble countertop, indicating that he wanted some wine.
You Shulang pushed a cup over, and Fan Xiao politely thanked him. The two got along as if there was no discord between them, except that one of them was covered in blood, while the other remained indifferent.
Fan Xiao took a sip of wine, dispelling the lingering illusions, and slowly said, “Shu Lang, I’m the kind of person who can’t stand seeing ‘good.’ I only believe that there’s evil in human nature, and that people’s kindness is all an act, or it’s just that it hasn’t conflicted with their own interests yet. Once their own interests are involved, no one can be kind to others.”
Blood was still slowly seeping from the wound. A drop of blood ran down his chin and landed on the white, pebbly surface of the table, its shattered shape resembling a strange flower.
“When I first met you, I thought you were hypocritical and wanted to embarrass me. I used a lot of underhanded tricks and tripped you up behind your back. But gradually, I realized that you are a really good person, just a bit presumptuous. You meddle in everything and worry about everything. Actually, now that I think about it, I was already attracted to you back then. I was just selfishly hoping that you would take care of me and be good to me.”
He picked up a cigarette, holding it between his blood-stained lips, looking like a ruthless and handsome zombie hunter from the apocalypse.
He lit a cigarette, shook out the match, and said, “I’m attracted to you, and slowly I can’t live without you, but I’m unwilling to admit that I’ve fallen in love with you, fallen in love with the kind of person I used to hate the most, so I can only… can only hurt you again and again.”
“I did a lot of things to hurt you and said a lot of things I didn’t mean. I thought that by sleeping with you and getting rid of the pent-up anger in my heart, I could leave you gracefully and live the same life as before.”
Fan Xiao tilted his head back and exhaled a puff of smoke. The smoke slowly rose, was diluted by the air, and finally dissipated.
“When my lies are exposed one by one, and you find out about my underhanded tricks… Shulang, it’s not that I don’t mind ending the game myself, I’m just really panicking.”
“I never thought I could be so sad, so empty inside. I feel like I’ve been abandoned by the world again. The warmth I just received, the joy I felt, the days that had come alive—all gone.” Fan Xiao’s hand holding the cigarette trembled slightly. “My lover is gone.”
He took another deep drag of his cigarette: “To get you back to me, I threatened you again and again, compounding my crimes. I was such a bastard. Thinking about it now, I want to slap myself.”
He stubbed out his cigarette, stood up from his chair, and walked slowly to You Shulang’s side. He leaned down slightly, his bloodshot eyes looking at the person etched into his very bones.
“But Director You, I don’t know anything else besides these. I have no other way to keep you here!”
“I know I hurt you, I hurt the person I love most! Shulang, I was wrong, terribly wrong! I know I have no right to beg you, but I still want to ask you to give me another chance to atone for my sins! I will treat you well from now on, let’s start over, okay?”
As the trembling voice faded, You Shulang’s expression remained blank for a long time.
“I’ve always been baffled as to why you would treat me this way,” You Shulang said with a silent, bitter smile. “So it’s because I’m a good person?!”
He stared intently at Fan Xiao, his eyes filled with a rare resentment and grievance: “You have repeatedly driven me to the brink of despair, ruining my life, career, family, and the little bit of peace and happiness I had left, and all of this is because I am kind!”
A tear slid down his cheek, and the usually tough man choked up for the first time: “You have psychological trauma, you are vulnerable and lonely, and I feel sorry for you. I want to give you the best comfort. I wish I could give you my heart, but all I get in return is your contempt, insults, and repeated deception and coercion!”
“Fan Xiao, how dare you even talk about starting over?” You Shulang sneered through his tears. “Don’t you think that me not killing you is already showing you mercy?!”
“Shulang, I really know I was wrong.” Fan Xiao slowly knelt down at You Shulang’s feet, clasped his hands together as if praying to the gods. “I know I deserve to die, and I deserve to fall into the eighteenth level of hell. But please… save me one more time, save me one last time.”
You Shulang calmed his emotions, his expression indifferent. He looked down at Fan Xiao, who was kneeling at his feet with half his face covered in blood: “I once overestimated myself and tried to pull you out of the abyss, but I lost miserably. Fan Xiao, no one can save you.”
He leaned down slightly: “Only you can save yourself. Stop dwelling on the past and start a new life.”
Fan Xiao understood instantly: “You want me to leave you? To get far away from your life?”
You Shulang watched him in silence.
Fan Xiao straightened his back and silently looked back.
Finally, You Shulang chuckled: “I knew you wouldn’t agree, Fan Xiao. The evil in human nature that you speak of is fully embodied in you.”
He drank the wine, turned around, and left the not-so-“devout” believer.
The curtains in the guest room fluttered gently in the breeze, and the bed remained a mess.
Long, slender fingers pulled open the drawer and took out a small metal chip…
