I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 5
Hyunjin scrubbed at the blanket, but the stain was too large to be blotted away with toilet paper. Instead, he carried the blanket out to the yard and started running the outdoor tap.
It wasn’t even winter yet, but the water was already as cold as ice. He put the stain under the running water and rubbed it carefully. But the oil only smeared into the fabric and couldn’t be removed.
Even knowing it was hopeless, Hyunjin left the blanket sitting under the running water. He stayed there for a long time, ignoring the moisture that was soaking into the ground by his feet.
He remembered back to when he was in middle school. At the time, all he’d thought was ‘It’ll get better once you’re in high school’. And certainly, as his body had grown, he’d become a more capable person. So he’d had hope. Things would get even better once he was a grown up. He’d even thought that maybe he’d be able to pay off his family’s debts. And so he’d graduated from high school and become an adult.
After becoming an adult, a lot had definitely changed. He’d worked more jobs and earned higher wages. But what was the point? Even working up to four part-time jobs a day, his debts hadn’t decreased. In the end, nothing had really changed. He was going to live and die just like this.
Just as he had that thought, he heard the sound of the tap being turned. He looked up to see Jaewoo standing there.
‘I’ve used too much water.’
Jaewoo was like that in the past. ‘Do you think tap water is free? How can you use my water when you only pay 200,000 won a month?’ He’d berate them if he noticed them using even one drop of water. Even knowing that, Hyunjin couldn’t bring himself to speak up and apologize. All he could do was brace himself.
“What’s wrong?”
Jaewoo asked in a rather friendly voice. At those words, something rose up inside of him. Hyunjin didn’t know what to call it.
“It’s nothing you need to worry about.”
The voice that came out was far from apologetic.
“How can I not worry?”
Why did he care? Hyunjin bit back to urge to ask questions. He just wanted Jaewoo to behave like he used to. Ungenerous, mean, and dirty, like he was before. No, maybe, in fact, what made him think that he had ever changed? This was just a way of mocking Hyunjin, wasn’t it.
A shrill voice jumped out.
“Why are you doing this?”
Hyunjin bristled all over like a spiky hedgehog.
“Are you going to demand my body again, like the last time? Do I look like a joke to you? Why are you doing this!”
He vented his accumulated anger on the wrong person.
“I know you, alright? Inside, you’re nothing but a dirtbag! You’re the worst1!”
With a shudder, Hyunjin snapped back to his senses. He’d just lost his mind at his own landlord. What the hell had he just said? He might not have sworn outright, but he’d still insulted Jaewoo straight to his face.
‘I’ll never be able to find another place so cheap.’
His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. All he could do was grit his teeth and look Jaewoo square in the face as he waited for him to respond. But Jaewoo’s face wasn’t visible. Instead, he had his head down and was examining the sodden blanket.
“You’ve soaked this straight through to the insulation. Do you have any extra blankets?”
Then Jaewoo raised his head and his face looked calm. Feeling like he wanted to cry from frustration, Hyunjin’s hand that was holding the blanket clenched tightly.
“Even your shoes are wet.”
Why, why wasn’t he angry? Hyunjin would rather he’d just scream at him like he did before. Jaewoo couldn’t be like this. He’d thought that the suffering he’d endured had hardened his heart, but it turned out the slightest hint of kindness was enough to make him falter. He couldn’t handle any more disappointed hopes.
“Give me this for now.”
Jaewoo tugged at the blanket. The strength in Hyunjin’s tightly clenched hand slowly released.
“I’ll see if there are any extra blankets.”
And then he turned around and left.
Jaewoo held back his laughter. He knew the situation between them was grim, but Hyunjin made it nearly impossible for Jaewoo to treat it with the seriousness that it deserved.
‘I’m just the worst, huh.’
Hyunjin might look like a full-grown adult on the outside, but on the inside he was a total cinnamon roll2. If Jaewoo had been in his shoes, he would have cursed the other person out even more. What sort of insult was that? It didn’t even have any bite to it. Plus, it’s not like he was the Jaewoo that Hyunjin was angry at. He had no reason to be offended.
‘It was so cute.’
It was hard to keep from laughing. Jaewoo went to the bathroom and checked the duvet in front of the washing machine.
‘Will this even come out?’
He’d just need to trust the washing machine and detergent to do their jobs. Since it was nighttime, he decided to turn it on during the day tomorrow, so he just put it inside the washing machine and headed back outside. Hyunjin was still standing by the outdoor tap.
Jaewoo wasn’t 100% sure what to do now, but it felt like helping Hyunjin to dry himself off would be a good start. With that in mind, Jaewoo approached him.
“We need to dry your shoes, too”
“They’re fine.”
Everything is fine to him. Jaewoo responded with a slight frown.
“It’s getting cold out, you’re going to make yourself sick.”
There was no answer this time. However, Hyunjin must have been convinced by his words, because he eventually walked over and took off his shoes at the entrance to the house. After double checking that he’d removed his wet socks as well, Jaewoo approached him with a towel.
“Here, go ahead and dry off.”
It seemed like Hyunjin didn’t want to be touched, so he handed him the towel from a little distance away. Hyunjin hesitated a little, then took the towel and used it to dry his feet.
“Give me a second.”
Jaewoo went back to his room to see if there were any spare blankets. He found a quilt tucked away in the back of a closet. It was a thick cotton duvet with a purple and green print and a white border. Judging from the heavy weight, it seemed to be a proper winter blanket.
Why did the previous Jaewoo prefer his small cotton blanket when he had such a nice duvet? After pondering it for a moment, Jaewoo shrugged, then grabbed the blanket and left. Hyunjin was sitting down on the floor outside of his rented room. Jaewoo quietly placed the blanket in Hyunjin’s arms.
“Use this until I finish washing your blanket.”
Hyunjin, who had been silently staring at the blanket, looked up at Jaewoo and opened his mouth to speak.
“Why, are you going to offer to pay for the laundry too? It’s okay.”
Jaewoo spoke quickly, trying to block his objections in advance. But when Hyunjin finally did speak, he said something completely unexpected.
“Sorry.”
What was he apologizing for? Hyunjin looked like a guilty mastiff puppy, and Jaewoo had to hold back the urge to pet him behind the ears.
‘Don’t you dare.’
No, nope, do not. That was a terrible idea. How would he react if someone touched his own head? Jaewoo desperately held back his desire.
“By the way, have you guys eaten?”
Instead, Jaewoo finally got around to the question he’d been wanting to ask. He’d planned on them eating together and had already cooked enough for four. It was way too much for him to eat by himself, and it’d be a waste to throw it away.
A muffled noise came from behind the door to Hyunjin’s room. There seemed to be some cute chicks listening in. Hyunjin didn’t answer for a long time.
“I made way too much, you see.”
At Jaewoo’s words, another burst of muffled whispering came from behind the door. Did the kids think that they were being sneaky? The door to the rented room was old and thin, and it squeaked when it moved. Every noise they made was audible.
“Let’s eat together.”
Jaewoo said again. The kids were finally starting to gain some weight, but Hyunjin was still too skinny. He was tall, but his muscles weren’t developed yet. Once the main top arrived, things were going to get rough for a while, so he needed to eat up while he could.
Hyunjin shook his head, as if he knew Jaewoo’s heart. Jaewoo let out a small sigh and stared down at the floor. Hyunjin’s bare feet caught his eye, and he couldn’t help being concerned.
‘No, he must have more socks, right?’
But even knowing that, Jaewoo was still worried. Hyunjin’s feet had turned red from being exposed to the cold water. When he’d grabbed the cotton blanket, he remembered seeing a pastel-colored pair of sleeping socks.
“Wait, just one sec!”
He stopped Hyunjin from leaving and hurried back to his own room. He quickly grabbed the socks and ran back, handing them to Hyunjin.
“Here, put these on.”
“Not a chance.”
Hyunjin vehemently refused. They went back and forth for a moment, Jaewoo pushing the socks towards him and Hyunjin pushing back, before Hyunjin seemed to resign himself and gave in.
“I’ll make you a lunchbox for tomorrow.”
At his words, Hyunjin’s ears turned red. He must really be cold. Should he bring them another heating pad, since their room was unheated? Jaewoo couldn’t stop himself from worrying. For a moment he fantasized about insisting that Hyunjin and the boys sleep in his room. Since it’s a little larger, the four of them would all fit.
Of course, that was only a fantasy. Without another word, Hyunjin entered the room with the blanket and the socks and closed the door.
‘Hu, it’s hard to be liked.’
Jaewoo let out a small sigh and went back to his own room. He was used to eating with the chattering little kids. The food just didn’t taste as good when he was by himself.
Jaewoo ate about half of his rice before giving up and leaving the rest.
Hyunjin woke up early in the morning. As he was getting dressed, a lone sleeping sock tossed into a corner of the room caught his eye. The pastel rainbow color looked like something a child would wear. What was Jaewoo thinking when he gave them to him?
Hyunjin, who was awkwardly touching his socks, immediately stood up. Today, as promised to his younger siblings, he would buy some meat. He’d double checked his money before going to bed. It’s a splurge, but it should be fine.
‘I’m sure they’ll love it.’
He’d made a mistake before. He should have been paying more attention to his younger siblings. Hyunjin looked at his sleeping brothers and cautiously opened the door. The morning air was cold.
He was tiptoeing down the hallway when he saw someone crouched on the floor. Jaewoo was sleeping against the wall, covered by a blanket.
Hyunjin unthinkingly stepped closer to Jaewoo. His eyes were caught by Jaewoo’s fine jawline, sharp nose bridge, and slim cheeks. He’d heard that Jaewoo had wanted to be an idol when he was younger, but the only thing he had going for him was his looks. Not to mention he was terrible at first impressions. Hyunjin wouldn’t have stayed here if he’d have any other choice.
Right. Hyunjin’s eyes darkened as he remembered the past. It was then, just as his mood began to sour, that Jaewoo suddenly blurted out a phrase in his sleep.
“Stir-fried pork!”
Jaewoo shouted out the name of the food out of nowhere, then hesitated and hugged the thing in his arms tighter.
Footnotes
더럽고 비열하고! – “Dirty and mean!” Hyunjin is a Soft Boi who doesn’t really curse at people.
몸은 이렇게 큰데 순수하다. – “The body is so big, yet so pure” The English reference comes from an Onion article with the headline ‘Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure’. ‘Cinnamon roll’ has come to refer to anyone who is innocent or guiltless.
