I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 53
The moment Hyunjin saw that blue bruise on Jaewoo’s wrist, he could no longer suppress his emotions. His uncontrollable feelings erupted.
Snap.
Hyunjin gritted his teeth and asked Jaewoo again.
“I asked you, who did this?”
“Hyunjin…”
“Tell me. Why are you trying to protect them?”
“That’s because it’s really not that big a deal.”
“How is this not a big deal!”
Jaewoo was so precious to him that he couldn’t even bring himself to hold his hand, and yet someone had left bruises wrapped around Jaewoo’s wrist. Bruises that looked deep. How could he just stand back and watch that happen? Hyunjin couldn’t take it anymore.
He could see the surprise on Jaewoo’s face at his ferocious voice, but Hyunjin didn’t back down.
“I…”
He took a deep breath and continued speaking.
“I can’t even bring myself to touch you. You’re so, so precious to me.”
Stop. He had to stop now. If he did, maybe they could go back to the way things used to be. Their sweet, warm days could continue. But even though Hyunjin knew that, he couldn’t stop.
“So seeing someone touch you so carelessly, it’s horrifying. So tell me: who did this?”
Jaewoo opened his mouth several times, then closed it again. A look of astonishment passed through his teary eyes. Hyunjin’s heart was pounding anxiously as he watched Jaewoo’s changing emotions. Why, why was he looking at him with those eyes? His lips were parched from nervousness.
“Hyunjin.”
Jaewoo could barely squeeze out his voice. He was trying to be rational. Since Hyunjin hadn’t clearly expressed his feelings yet, he could pretend that he didn’t know, and keep talking about his injuries instead.
“I was just drinking and hanging out with friends. It’s not as bad as it looks. The bruises will go away in just a few days.”
Saying that, he slowly twisted the arm that Hyunjin was holding, trying to break free. However, Hyunjin quickly grabbed him again. He held Jaewoo’s arm so tightly that he couldn’t escape.
“Hyunjin, that hurts.”
“I know. Sorry. But hyung…”
“Hm?”
“Please don’t pretend you don’t know.”
The moment Jaewoo heard those words, his heart sank.
“You know what I said. You just heard me, right?”
Yes. Jaewoo had heard him. He knew that Hyunjin had feelings for him that went beyond simple liking.
“…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
That feeling was something that he shouldn’t accept. His relationship with Hyunjin was perfect as it was now. Friends, maybe even family. He shouldn’t let it go any further than that. This feeling could never become reality. Regardless of gender or age, there was a more fundamental reason for that.
‘Eventually, I’m going back to my own world.’
Hyunjin was a character in a novel, and Jaewoo couldn’t return his feelings knowing they would come to nothing in the end. That’s why he was desperately pretending not to know. It turned out that he was just a coward.
“Why are you saying you don’t know? You know! You know how I feel!”
Jaewoo covered Hyunjin’s mouth with his hand.
“No. This is just an illusion, it’s all an illusion. It’s just because we’ve gotten too close these days. You’ll understand once you meet someone else.”
Hyunjin’s eyes were filled with anger. He’d met countless people throughout his life, but none of them had moved his heart like Jaewoo.
“You understand, right?”
Jaewoo slowly removed his hand.
“No.”
The only answer he got was that firm reply from Hyunjin.
“I don’t understand. I’ll never understand. Jaewoo, is it so bad for me to like you?”
Oh no, he’d said it. Jaewoo closed his eyes tightly before opening them again. Hyunjin was looking at him as if he was going to cry at any moment, depending on what Jaewoo gave as his answer. But even knowing that, Jaewoo couldn’t give Hyunjin the answer he wanted.
“Yes, it’s bad.”
Hyunjin’s hope plummeted to the floor. He asked in a low voice.
“Is it because I’m a man?”
No, now that Hyunjin thought about it, there were so many reasons. Because he was a man. Because he was saddled with nothing but debt. Because he wasn’t attractive. Because he looked shabby and cheap. There were so many reasons, but still, he needed to ask. If he knew why Jaewoo didn’t like him, then maybe he could try to change it.
“Hyunjin, let’s stop talking about this.”
Jaewoo refused to answer Hyunjin’s question. Hyunjin was having trouble breathing, and his heart felt like it was ripping in two in his chest. Hyunjin looked down with a sad face, his world narrowing to only the cold cement floor in front of him. He had always lived a life that was as low as it could get, and had never bothered hoping for impossible things like love. When had that changed? When had he fallen for Jaewoo?
Jaewoo had slowly seeped his way into Hyunjin’s heart. His life had been nothing but pain, but Jaewoo had made him aware of the many other emotions that could be felt. The taste of delicious food, the sweetness of uninterrupted sleep, and the fun of playing with and teasing someone else. It was only once he’d been fully immersed in it all that he realized.
‘Ah, I love Jaewoo.’
Realizing his feelings in that way just made things more painful. If it was always going to end this way, then why did Jaewoo have to treat him so well? Why did he act so kind to him and make him smile? Before he knew it, tears were falling from Hyunjin’s eyes, wetting the cold cement floor.
He knew that Jaewoo hadn’t done anything wrong. He was just overly generous to those around him, and it had caused Hyunjin to mistake that kindness for love. That was all. Hyunjin stood there, crying in silence.
Jaewoo sucked in a deep breath. Oh God, Hyunjin was crying. The sight of him silently and sorrowfully shedding tears made Jaewoo’s heart ache. He wanted to immediately reach out and wipe those tears away, pat him on the back, and comfort him. But he knew he shouldn’t do that.
Getting any closer to Hyunjin would just make things harder. If the two of them weren’t destined for a relationship, then they should just go their separate ways. Jaewoo knew that was the right thing to do, but his feet felt like there were weights tied to his ankles when he tried to walk away. He slowly retreated with stumbling steps. Why? Why did Hyunjin like him? This was a novel, so why wasn’t the plot following the story?
A multitude of thoughts were tangled up in Jaewoo’s head. One step, then two. Jaewoo stepped backwards, then turned and slowly started walking back down the hill. He didn’t look back. The more he looked at Hyunjin’s face, the more he kept second-guessing himself.
‘Hyunjin will figure things out in a few days.’
Like that, Jaewoo staggered away, leaving the neighborhood. Suddenly, his eyes became hot. He touched his cheeks with his fingers curiously, and found them wet.
“Why am I crying too?”
He was the one who’d abandoned Hyunjin! He was the one who’d rejected him! He was acting ridiculous. But the tears continued to flow, no matter how many times Jaewoo tried to get his emotions under control.
‘I don’t have the right to cry.’
But the tears wouldn’t stop, so all Jaewoo could do was trudge on, crying. The day was cold, and his legs were sore and barely wanted to move, but Jaewoo kept walking. That was all he could bring himself to do. At the sight of a grown man walking with tears running down his face, passer-bys scattered left and right.
How long had he trudged along like that? When Jaewoo finally came to his senses, he had already long passed the supermarket. It felt like he was able to think a bit more clearly.
First, Jaewoo needed a place to stay. He found a nearby motel, got a room, then flopped down on the bed as soon as he entered. He really didn’t know what to do now.
After lying there in a daze for a while, he picked up a notepad and ballpoint pen from the room and wrote down what he knew. Hyunjin, Mujin, that Jiheon guy who had suddenly appeared. After writing down a few big events that were going to happen in the future, the notepad was full.
‘For now, I’ll keep going to Mujin’s apartment for work.’
No matter what happened, he had to see that through. That way, Hyunjin could at least live a little more comfortably. He didn’t want to see him working 24/7 and exhausting himself like he was before.
After he finished out the rest of his contract with Mujin, should he move? He really liked his current home, but if he continued to live there, it might interfere with Mujin and Hyunjin’s relationship. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to rent the entire house to Hyunjin and find a new place for himself, Jaewoo decided. If he did that, it’d make it difficult to see Hyunjin frequently. Thinking about that aspect made his heart ache once more.
“I gave him too much affection.”
Jaewoo mumbled and put his hand in his suit pocket. He intended to take out his phone, but instead all he found was a single business card.
‘Oh, right.’
He’d left his cell phone at Mujin’s house.
‘Should I go pick it up now?’
Now that he thought about it, today was Sunday. Since he was going to work at Mujin’s apartment tomorrow anyway, he didn’t really need to go get it now. It wasn’t like there was anyone that would be calling him anyway. No, wait. What if Hyunjin tried to contact him?
Jaewoo hesitated, then jumped up from the bed.
He’d go get it now. Who knew what might happen to his cell phone if he left it at Mujin’s for too long. He shrugged on his wrinkled suit jacket before leaving the room. He knew he looked like a mess, but it didn’t matter to him. He didn’t have anyone to show off to, so what did he care?
Jaewoo left the motel and caught a taxi back to Mujin’s apartment. It got him back there so much faster than the bus would have. He’d been using the bus in order to save money, but it looked like that had turned out to be pointless. Jaewoo walked past the now-familiar face of the security guard and took the elevator up to Mujin’s apartment.
He’d just find his phone quickly and then get out. As soon as he entered the password for the door, it clicked open. When he went inside, the apartment was still and dark, with no lights on whatsoever. It was also freezing.
It looked like the boiler had been turned off again. Jaewoo entered the apartment, rubbing his arms with his hands as he retraced his steps. His cell phone had been charging in the kitchen. As he headed in that direction, he suddenly realized that there was someone else in the apartment besides himself.
Jaewoo hurried to the wall and fumbled for the light switch. Immediately the kitchen and living room became brighter, letting him see who was there. It was Mujin. He was sitting at the kitchen bar, sipping a glass of strong-looking liquor. He put his drink down and looked over at Jaewoo.
“I just came to get my phone.”
Jaewoo spoke honestly and collected his charging cell phone, in the same exact position that he had left it in that morning
