I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 57
Hyunjin left home early that morning. He hadn’t wanted to leave before seeing Jaewoo wake up, but at the time, fear had gotten the better of him, and he’d ended up leaving earlier than usual. He was still too scared to look Jaewoo in the face.
‘But at least Jaewoo came back.’
Jaewoo hadn’t abandoned him like his mother, father, and many others had. He’d come back, even though he’d learned about Hyunjin’s feelings for him. Hyunjin couldn’t help but feel happy about that, but at the same time, his heart still ached.
In the end, he wasn’t going to be able to get what he wanted, just like always. For a moment he’d had some hope, even though he knew it was foolish. He couldn’t help but hope that maybe his brother could accept that part of him as well.
‘It was a stupid idea.’
Hyunjin pressed his hand to his pounding chest.
‘He called us family.’
Just that was something that should have made him happy beyond measure. He couldn’t yearn for more – he needed to learn to be satisfied with only what he had. Instead of heading down the hill towards work, Hyunjin sat down on the curb and buried his face between his knees.
“Why am I so greedy?”
Jaewoo, his dearest Jaewoo; he wanted him. He wanted to hold hands, to kiss, to do even more than that. He wanted to do everything with him.
What a selfish jerk he was.
He had been content with the way things were, so why did he still want more? Hyunjin could only blame himself for being too greedy. This was enough for now. He suppressed the yearning that seemed like it was about to burst out of him, and repeated to himself over and over again: ‘You can’t be greedy.’
Hyunjin stood up and continued to work.
‘You can’t be greedy.’
He was happy just as things were. That’s what he kept telling himself.
“Why are you so lethargic today?”
Oh-ssi asked.
“Me?”
“Yes, you look drained. You need to make sure to rest. On a construction site, losing focus for even a moment can lead to an accident.”
His voice was serious, but there was an undercurrent of concern there.
“I’ll be careful.”
“Alright, alright. By the way, how old did you say you are?”
Hyunjin mentally calculated his age.
“I’m twenty-one years old.”
“I remember when I was that young… Then, I’m guessing you’d be able to use something like this?”
Oh-ssi handed him a flat envelope.
“Open it.”
When Hyunjin opened it, he found two movie tickets inside.
“A guy I know asked me to enter a contest with him the other day, and it turned out I won these. But I don’t have enough time to go, so I thought I was going to end up just throwing them away. I don’t even like movies like that to begin with.”
When Hyunjin studied the movie tickets more closely, he saw that they were for a horror movie, something you wouldn’t bring kids to. Apparently Oh-ssi hated horror movies.
“You’re young though, so I’m sure you must have someone to go with?”
Someone to go with… The first person that came to mind was Jaewoo. Maybe in the past, he could have asked Jaewoo to go with him without hesitation. But he wasn’t sure if he wanted to risk it now. He went to hand back the envelope to Oh-ssi.
“I don’t have anyone to go with either.”
“Even if it’s just you, you should make time for it.”
Oh-ssi spoke firmly, taking the envelope and placing it inside Hyunjin’s pocket.
“People your age should have fun sometimes. There’s more to life than just work.”
With that said, Oh-ssi quickly left in search of something to do. Over the course of the day, Hyunjin tried to return the tickets, but he wasn’t able to manage it. When he started home from work later that evening, the envelope with the tickets was still in his pocket.
A movie… Hyunjin had seen films occasionally during school, but he’d never paid to go to a theater. Would it be fun? Hyunjin fiddled with the envelope as he walked. As he got closer to the house, his steps became slower and slower. The thought of seeing Jaewoo again made his heart pound. He was trudging along, trying to figure out how to calm himself down, when the front door suddenly opened and Jaewoo’s face appeared in front of him.
“Oh, Hyunjin.”
Jaewoo quickly spotted Hyunjin.
“Hyung.”
Hyunjin tried to remain calm. He needed to try to act like he normally would. With that in mind, he attempted to smile at him, but for some reason it felt awkward this time.
“C’mon in, it’s time to eat.”
Jaewoo seemed to feel just as awkward. His expression was stiffer than usual. The weather had gotten cold enough that it was no longer comfortable to eat on the porch, so Hyunjin followed Jaewoo to his room. The two of them slipped off their jackets, and Jaewoo reached out to take his with a welcoming motion.
Plop.
The envelope fell out of Hyunjin’s jacket. Jaewoo reached down and picked it up without thinking about it, and Hyunjin’s heart sank.
“You dropped this.”
Jaewoo handed over the envelope, his hand tense.
“Thanks.”
Hyunjin reached out immediately and took back the envelope. Maybe that was why Jaewoo’s curiosity was piqued.
“What is it? Did you get paid?”
At that question, Hyunjin shook his head.
“No.”
Jaewoo’s mouth shut at Hyunjin’s response. He got the impression that Hyunjin didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Things between them were still so awkward, it was probably better to try and move on. He’d decided on that, but then Hyunjin opened his mouth of his own accord.
“It’s some movie tickets.”
“Movie tickets?”
When they heard those words, the kids’ eyes lit up.
“You’ve got movie tickets?”
“What movie?”
Hyeonu and Woohee asked excitedly, but Hyunjin responded with an apologetic expression on his face.
“Sorry, you can’t see it. It’s only for grown-ups.”
The kids’ expressions immediately turned sulky. Now that Hyunjin thought about it, the kids had never been to a proper movie theater either. He should have taken them to see a movie at least once. Once more Hyunjin found himself regretting his past actions, even though he knew that back then, he hadn’t had the spare time or money in order to do that. He still felt guilty for not being able to do more to treat his younger siblings.
“A movie that’s only for grown-ups?”
The tips of Jaewoo’s ears turned red as something occurred to him. Hyunjin hastily fished out one of the tickets and showed it to him.
“It’s a horror movie.”
Once he saw that, Jaewoo smiled and replied back to him.
“Oh, I see! Was it released recently? It sounds like it’ll be fun.”
Jaewoo might just be being polite. Even though he knew that, Hyunjin found himself anticipating something without meaning to.
“…Then would you like to go see it with me?”
Jaewoo’s expression turned a bit embarrassed at Hyunjin’s words. Ah, he’d asked for nothing. That’s what Hyunjin assumed, and he quickly tried to deal with the awkwardness.
“It’s just because I don’t have anyone else to go with. I’ve never been to a movie theater before, so I thought I would ask you. You don’t need to worry about it.”
What was he saying? Hyunjin wanted to slap his hand over his mouth. Didn’t it sound like he was begging Jaewoo to come with him instead of trying to reassure him? He didn’t know why he had to tell him that he’d never been to a theater before. The ticket was starting to get crumpled from Hyunjin clenching his hand too hard.
‘This wasn’t going to work.’
Hyunjin decided. He should just throw the ticket away. As he was looking for the trash can, Jaewoo suddenly reached out and grabbed his hand urgently.
“Don’t throw it away. I can go with you.”
Hyunjin’s hand immediately lost its strength. Only now did he realize that he’d been unconsciously crumpling the ticket, and he quickly tried to smooth it out with his hands. Luckily the paper was thick enough that it hadn’t torn.
“When is it good for?”
“Until the end of the month.”
“Oh look, you can use the number here to make an advance reservation with your cell phone.”
“I guess you can.”
“Alright, then shall we go this weekend?”
“That sounds great.”
Hyunjin answered quickly. Jaewoo laughed at his eagerness, and things between them relaxed a bit.
“Sounds good to me too. Well then, it’s time to eat. Today we’re having cabbage with soybean paste sauce1, I had a sudden craving for it.”
The table was quickly set. The green cabbage had been boiled well, and looked translucent. It was served with a thick, boiled soybean paste sauce. Apart from that, there were just a few already-prepared side dishes. Still, Hyunjin was happy because everything on the table had been prepared personally by Jaewoo. Even though he could cook for himself, food just tasted better when Jaewoo cooked it for him.
“The cabbage is delicious, hyung.”
Woohee started coaching Hyunjin from his seat next to him.
“First put some rice on the cabbage, then you add this. This way!”
Woohee demonstrated how to turn the cabbage into a wrap. It looked like Woohee had fallen deeply in love with the taste of the cabbage and soybean paste sauce as soon as he first tried it.
Hyunjin washed his hands, then picked up a cabbage leaf. He put a spoonful of hot rice inside, and added some soybean paste on top of it, then he rolled it up and ate in one bite, letting the sweet taste of the cabbage and the salty, savory taste of the soybean paste meld together in his mouth. If things kept going like that, he felt like he could eat cabbage and soybean paste sauce forever.
“I wanted to boil some pumpkin leaves, but I thought the kids would like cabbage better. Does it taste good?”
“Yes, it’s delicious.”
Was it just because the food was so good? Strangely, the corners of Hyunjin’s eyes felt hot. He’d thought that he might never be able to sit around a table like this with Jaewoo ever again, but here they were. Jaewoo was right in front of him, even though they weren’t as close as Hyunjin had hoped for. Just this was enough to make him so happy.
“I made a lot, so eat as much as you like.”
“Okay. I want to eat a lot.”
The food went down smoothly. Like that, Hyunjin ate three entire bowls. Once Jaewoo finished eating, he peeled an apple for their dessert. After finishing the apple, Hyunjin’s stomach was finally full.
Before they knew it, it was already late evening. Hyeonu and Woohee had finished their homework, and were now watching MeTube2 on Jaewoo’s cell phone, their heads tucked together. Jaewoo was in the kitchen, cleaning bean sprouts in a large colander. Hyunjin stood next to him, helping with the preparation. It was a day like many others.
‘That wasn’t how it should have gone.’
Jaewoo lay down on the blanket, sighing under his breath. He’d told himself that he would distance himself from Hyunjin, but when it came down to it, he wasn’t able to.
‘No, who could act cold when faced with that expression?’
Hyunjin had said that he’d never been to a movie theater before, that he had no one to go with. When he’d heard that, Jaewoo had said ‘I can go with you’ without even stopping to think about it.
‘What’s wrong with me…’
He needed to focus on maintaining their current relationship. Friends went to movies together all the time, right? It would be okay. Jaewoo tried to keep a positive attitude.
But even if he tried, there were still so many things wrong with this situation. Neither Hyunjin nor Mujin were acting as he expected. Jaewoo had a bad feeling that if things continued this way, the story might not reach its happy ending. He needed to do something, but he didn’t know what else he could do. Still, he couldn’t just stay idle.
‘Isn’t there anyone who could help me?’
For some reason, he thought of his friend who was no longer with him. He had been his closest, most dependable friend. Jaewoo still couldn’t fully remember what he looked like, but most of his memories had him there by his side.
‘I want to meet you again.’
Jaewoo thought, and then slowly closed his eyes.
Jaewoo fell asleep thinking that, but he never expected that the very next day, at Mujin’s company, he’d meet a lunatic that also claimed to be his friend!
“Hello?”
Yoon Jiheon. He was the man that Jaewoo had met at the club that night.
“Have we met?”
Jaewoo desperately tried to pretend not to know him, but Jiheon completely ignored his attempts.
“Don’t you remember me? I’m your friend.”
‘No, I definitely don’t have a friend like you.’
The friend that Jaewoo had been yearning for definitely wasn’t this sort of friend. Jaewoo clicked his tongue as he thought back on the events of earlier that morning.
Footnotes
양배추랑 강된장 – yangbaechulang gangdoenjang – Cabbage with soybean paste. I couldn’t find a standardized recipe for this, but here’s a few that seem close (although neither one can be made into wraps). Recipe, Youtube video
There’s a few options for what MeTube could refer to. There’s a Russian Youtube clone, a television channel, as well as a Youtube channel.
