I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 7
He didn’t know how to define Jaewoo’s actions. He paid careful attention and consideration to the small details, but it didn’t feel overbearing. Instead, there was only one word that came to mind.
‘Sympathy.’
He’d wished for that once. That seemed like the closest match for Jaewoo’s actions. At that thought, Hyunjin paused. He may not know a lot, but he knew this much – there was no such thing as sympathy in this world. After living by himself for so long, taking care of his younger siblings, that was one truth that was written in stone.
After the meal, Hyunjin washed the lunchbox clean and then threw himself into the restaurant work. Once his shift was over, he’d need to quickly buy some meat before his evening part-time job started. He would have just enough time to run home, quickly stir-fry the meat, feed Hyeonu and Woohee, and then leave.
As soon as he was free, he immediately headed to a nearby butcher shop.
“A pound of pork, please. I’m planning to stir-fry it.”
The owner of the butcher shop recognized Hyunjin from his job at the restaurant across the street and gave him some extra pork. Hyunjin took it gratefully, feeling like his busy day was being rewarded. Now he just needed to buy some vegetables at the mart on the way home.
Imagining how much his brothers would enjoy dinner tonight made him feel better after a long time. He rushed out of the shop to hurry home, but suddenly someone stopped in front of him. When he looked up, it was a familiar face.
“Hey, it’s been a while. How’s my best customer1?”
The man greeted with a rude attitude.
“The interest was deposited the day before yesterday.”
The man in front of him worked for a loan company. Although he worked for a legitimate company, the way he spoke and his actions made him little better than a gangster, in Hyunjin’s mind. And he wasn’t far off track.
They were originally gangsters, and the current loan company was established as a way to go legit. That’s why most of the employees were ex-gangsters.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. How long are you going to pay just the interest? What about the rest of the money?”
“If you can wait a little longer.”
“Great. ‘Please wait’, how many times have you said that? Let’s get real, can you even afford to repay the principal? Convenience stores, restaurants, bars, loading docks, even if you worked there for a hundred years, all you can do is pay the interest.”
It was true. Knowing that, Hyunjin’s future was even more hopeless. The neverending loan was an albatross around his neck2, causing his whole attitude to become one of hopelessness and despair.
“Instead, come work for us. Won’t that be good for your bottom line? Just learn how to turn a blind eye to things, and the money will come rolling in3!”
When did they start to pressure him like this, when they used to not care as long as he paid the interest? Maybe it was when Hyunjin reached his adult size. That was when they started offering to introduce him to work. He’d been tempted at first, but once he’d realized what they wanted him to do, he’d refused every time they brought it up.
Even if part-time workers were at the bottom, he didn’t want to go down any further. Hyunjin wanted to live like a normal person.
“C’mon, think of your siblings. Your younger brothers…”
“Don’t touch my younger brothers.”
Hyunjin gritted his teeth and said.
“Woah, hey now, we’re a legit company. We don’t mess with kids, yeah? Well, at least as long as the interest is paid.”
Then the singing voice of a lively girl group rang out from somewhere.
“Oh, wait a minute. There’s a call.”
The man held up a hand to Hyunjin and answered the phone calmly.
“Yep. Uh huh? Wow, the balls on that guy, eh?4“
The man answering the phone raised the corners of his mouth and let out a rotten smile. It was an ominous expression. After the call, the man shoved his phone back into his back pocket. When he turned back to Hyunjin, his attitude was disgusting.
“Hey, have you heard the news?”
Hyunjin didn’t want to know.
“Best Customer, did your dad get himself in trouble again?”
“What?”
Hyunjin’s heart sank. He hadn’t seen his father since he’d abandoned them with his debts. What else had he done now?
“Turns out he borrowed money from another company and then split.”
The man laughed in his face.
“Who do you think decided to take it over? Your debt just keeps getting bigger and bigger. That means you’re going to owe more interest moving forward. Let’s see. Then, the new amount…”
The man took out his phone again, pressed it hard, and showed the screen to Hyunjin.
“It’ll be like this.”
It was an amount of interest that he had no chance of repaying. It was twice the amount that he’d been paying up until then. Hyunjin’s hands were trembling.
“Is that a reasonable amount!”
“No use complaining. Unlike us, they aren’t an official company, so the interest is a bit high. You owe what you owe.”
Hyunjin punched the wall. The back of his hand was bruised and scraped, but he didn’t care. His father’s gambling addiction had already saddled his children with an enormous debt, and he was still going back for more? Did he have no conscience at all?
Seeing Hyunjin like that, the man whispered meaningfully.
“Y’know, we wouldn’t normally do things like this, but you’ve got a lot of eyes on you. You should take us up on our offer now, before things get too difficult in the future. Consider it a favor for my favorite customer. What’s that you’ve got in your hand, anyway? Meat? You can’t even pay back your loan, but you’re over here eating like a bigshot. Better eat up. This could be the last piece of meat you enjoy for a while.”
Then he snickered and walked leisurely to the other side of the street. In his mind, Hyunjin wanted to strangle his father. He wanted to choke the life out of him and go on a rampage. But he couldn’t. His two younger brothers, his precious siblings, were counting on him.
Hyunjin stood there blankly for some time. He didn’t turn his head for a moment. Then, belatedly, he started to take slow, plodding, heavy steps onward. It felt like he had shackles on his ankles.
It felt like his body was about to collapse. Still, Hyunjin kept moving forward. It felt like it took forever to get home. When he opened the gate and entered, there was a blanket hanging from the clothesline in the middle of the yard. The ramen stain was still there, but it was much better than yesterday.
“You’re home?”
Jaewoo, who’d been about to pick up the blanket, greeted Hyunjin with a smile. But Hyunjin couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t move his body. Even the simple act of handing over his lunchbox was impossible now.
“Did you eat well?”
Ready or not, Jaewoo came over and took it from his hands.
“Oh, you bought some meat. Do you want to make a meat side dish for the kids?”
It wasn’t until after hearing Jaewoo’s question that Hyunjin thought of the meat he was holding. Suddenly, Hyunjin remembered what the man had said and had to fight back the urge to vomit. He couldn’t do that now, not when the children were watching.
Hyunjin always had to be the strong older brother. He answered, raising the corners of his mouth.
“Yeah.”
“Wow, that’s meat. Meat!”
“I like meat!”
The ignorant younger siblings laughed and ran and clung to Hyunjin. His body felt like it was about to collapse, but he desperately persevered. Then he remembered hitting the wall earlier. Because of that, the knuckles on the back of his hand were split, and he felt like he wanted to cry. He can’t let his brothers see him like this.
At that moment, Jaewoo covered the back of his injured hand with his own.
“Come on, don’t you two still have homework to finish? Let’s go in and wait. I’ll whip up a delicious side dish for you.”
“Yes!”
“Okay!”
The children followed Jaewoo’s directions, entering the house calmly as if they hadn’t just been jumping up and down like monkeys. Then, Jaewoo gently held Hyunjin’s hand and led him to his room.
“Wait a minute.”
Then he went through the closet and pulled out a first aid kit.
“My grandmother was always well-prepared. It’s a little old, but I’m sure it’s still fine.”
Fortunately, the first aid kit had everything he needed in it. The expiration date was close, but not over. After wiping the wound with an alcohol swab, Jaewoo took a small breath. The wound looked worse than expected. The disinfectant must have been painful, but Hyunjin hadn’t responded.
‘Could it be that the top has already approached him?’
Jaewoo continued the treatment while carefully observing Hyunjin. Seeing his drooping figure, Jaewoo’s heart went out to him. Even if he knew that the top would treat him kindly later, he was still a bastard when he first appeared. Besides, he wasn’t the only one that bothered Hyunjin.
‘That fucking father of his.’
Hyunjin’s father was an absolute scumbag. A man who abandoned his children so he could gamble to his heart’s content. Such a person didn’t deserve even one kid, let alone three of them. And just like that, Hyunjin’s younger brothers became his weakness.
“A job…”
While he was covering the wound with gauze, Hyunjin spoke first.
“I need another part-time job.”
“What? Aren’t you already working nearly every hour of the day?”
Jaewoo looked shocked. He knew of at least three part-time jobs that Hyunjin worked at – a convenience store, a restaurant, and a bar, and he’d also pick up jobs on the side whenever he had time. Even then, the majority of his money went towards paying off the loan interest, with only a meager amount left over for living expenses.
“I need to earn more. How, how…”
Hyunjin stammered out incoherent words. Unthinkingly, Jaewoo reached out and hugged Hyunjin.
“Deep breaths.”
Hyunjin’s body was trembling as Jaewoo patted him on the back. He wondered if this time Hyunjin would punch him to get him off. There was a good chance he would, but Jaewoo couldn’t leave him in this condition.
As the trembling got worse, Hyunjin still didn’t reject Jaewoo. He leaned into Jaewoo’s arms and breathed quietly, then he buried his face in his shoulder.
Then, Jaewoo’s shoulders started to get wet. Hyunjin was crying silently, only the movement of his body giving him away as the tears poured out. He cried so bitterly that Jaewoo’s heart ached.
“It’ll be okay. It’ll all be okay.”
Even though he had no way to tell, he felt confident that Hyunjin was comforted by his words. Hyunjin unconsciously reached out with both hands and clutched at Jaewoo. And he cried and cried again.
Why do you have to be so hard on yourself? Why is the world so cruel to you? Jaewoo wanted to ask.
Footnotes
여어, 오랜만입니다. 고객님. – “Hey, it’s been a while. sir.” Honorifics, my nemesis. This guy keeps calling Hyunjin ‘gogaengnim’ which is basically ‘honored customer’ as a way to mock him. I’ve tried to get that across throughout his speech without having to explicitly say it.
희망이 없으니까. 언제 다 갚을지 모르는 돈에 짓눌려 음울해질 수밖에 없었다. – “Because there is no hope. I couldn’t help but feel depressed, weighed down by the money I didn’t know when it would all be repaid.” The idiom ‘albatross around one’s neck’ refers to a heavy burden someone carries, especially a burden that torments someone incessantly. This idiom comes from the 19th-century poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.
눈만 딱 감으면 돈이 우르르르르! – “If you just close your eyes, money will start flowing!” I really wanted to make a reference to ‘money printer go brrrrrrrrrr’ here, but it didn’t fit the scene. So now you folks get to enjoy it instead.
그 사람도 대단하네. – “That person is amazing too.” I’m guessing on this one, but I think the gangster is basically saying “Wow, that guy’s bold/brave”.
