I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 81
“‘Even if we can’t be together, I want to at least be in the same world,’ right?”
Jaewoo bowed his head at Eunjoon’s words.
“…Really?”
“It’s just a thought.”
“‘Just a thought’…”
Eunjoon’s mood turned foul. ‘Just a thought.’ Hadn’t he heard Jaewoo say that so many times before? He had a single-minded tenacity to him, and it often wasn’t long before his thoughts turned into actions.
When Eunjoon had first discovered that Jaewoo had entered this world, he’d thought it had been an unavoidable accident, nothing that couldn’t be fixed by finding him and bringing him back. Well he’d found him, but he’d never thought that Jaewoo would fall for a character in the novel before they could return.
It was a possibility that had never occurred to him, which just made him feel even worse. To give your heart to someone that you thought wasn’t even real, and that you’d only known for a short time, instead of your friend that’d stayed by your side all that time: how ridiculous was that?
Gradually, his heart turned cold. Even now, Eunjoon couldn’t let go of Jaewoo.
“Jaewoo.”
At Eunjoon’s call, Jaewoo raised his head. He could see the lingering regret plain on his face.
“Why do you seem to think that Choi Mujin is the only one that can make Yoo Hyunjin’s life a living hell?”
“…What?”
It took a few seconds for Jaewoo to understand what he meant and choke out an answer.
“Everything that Choi Mujin did, I can do worse.”
“Eunjoon.”
Jaewoo’s voice was trembling.
“Breaking that kid, Yoo Hyunjin? It wouldn’t even be hard.”
“Why are you saying this?”
“Because you don’t seem to understand reality.”
“You said that we’re friends.”
“I’m telling you this because we’re friends. How can I watch you make a mistake like this and just ignore it?”
“This isn’t a mistake.”
Jaewoo’s voice was tight, as if it was being squeezed out of him.
“Yes it is. This isn’t our world. You’re even willing to sacrifice your future, all for a character in a book? Are you insane?”
Eunjoon approached Jaewoo once more, but this time Jaewoo lacked the strength to move away. He took one stumbling step back and then collapsed on the spot. Looming over Jaewoo, Eunjoon continued speaking.
“Jaewoo, listen to me. I’ll fix everything. I’ll get rid of all the impediments in Hyunjin’s way and let him live a comfortable life. Without you around, Choi Mujin won’t care about him anymore either. So let’s go back to our world.”
“It’s so easy for you to tell me to die.”
“Dying is just a means to an end – to get back to the real world.”
Jaewoo placed his hand on his forehead.
“If you’re having a hard time, I’ll help you.”
“Let me think about it a bit. Give me some time.”
“Fine. How about a day?”
“That’s not enough, I need a little more.”
“Are you trying to use up the week that Choi Mujin gave you?”
“You know about that too?”
Eunjoon shrugged.
“Fine, I’ll wait for you.”
Eunjoon spoke generously, but on the inside he was boiling up. Was that person, Yoo Hyunjin, so important to Jaewoo? More than him, even though they’d been friends for so long? Even knowing that Jaewoo still didn’t remember everything, it was enough to upset him.
‘If only his memories had come back completely.’
Everything would be different, Eunjoon thought. If that was the case, wouldn’t it be alright to push Jaewoo even further? Hadn’t he done that a few times before? Once they were back in the real world, he’d apologize and Jaewoo would grumble for a bit before forgiving him. He’d need to do something nice for him to make up for it, but then it’d be over.
“I’ll wait for you to decide, Jaewoo.”
Eunjoon lied, already planning to do as he wished. He’d reached the limits of his patience, and couldn’t think of any other way.
“So don’t worry about anything else.”
With those final words, Eunjoon let him go.
Frozen, Jaewoo sat on the ground after Eunjoon left, staring blankly up at the night sky. The wind picked up, tousling his hair. It was only after Jaewoo felt the salty sting of the sea air in his nose that he seemed to come back to his senses.
Why couldn’t everyone just leave them alone? Jaewoo had never thought anyone would be attracted to him, but now there were too many. He let out a deep sigh before standing up.
“I wonder if there are any stores still open…”
After walking for a bit, he saw a 24-hour convenience store that was lit up. He bought some alcohol, then walked back to the beach. Sitting down on the sand, he cracked open a can of beer.
He sat there drinking, watching the pitch-black sea, until the beer can was nearly empty. Normally he would have gotten drunk a long time ago, but tonight his mind seemed oddly clear.
The ocean at night was just as beautiful as during the day, although it was harder to see it. As he was looking out, a shadow fell over Jaewoo.
“What are you doing here?”
It was Hyunjin. Why was he there when he should be sleeping? Jaewoo looked up at him in confusion and saw sweat dripping down his forehead. It looked as though he’d realized Jaewoo wasn’t in the RV and had run around looking for him.
“I’m having a drink. Do you want one?”
Jaewoo handed Hyunjin a beer.
“Your alcohol tolerance is terrible. Why are you drinking by yourself all of a sudden?”
“I know it’s bad.”
There were many reasons, but none that Jaewoo could tell him. He let out a defeated chuckle and lifted his can to his mouth again. Hyunjin sat down next to him before silently opening his can of beer and emptying it in one go. After finishing it, he crushed the can and then spoke.
“Can you tell me what’s going on?”
No, no, no. Jaewoo shook his head. Seeing this, Hyunjin began to worry his lip.
“Don’t bite your lip.”
“Someone so important to me is hiding things. How can I not?”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Still, I want to know.”
Hyunjin was persistent. Jaewoo knew why, though. Even though he’d escaped from Mujin, the anxiety still remained. He wasn’t sure how he’d react if he found himself in such a situation. He shouldn’t have let Hyunjin catch him drinking.
Now that it was too late, Jaewoo couldn’t help but blame himself.
“On our last day, I’ll tell you then.”
“The last day of the trip?”
“Yeah.”
With that assurance, Hyunjin stayed silent.
“…I should have brought some snacks. I need something to keep my mouth busy.”
Jaewoo grumbled as he emptied another beer can. He’d lost track of how many he’d had by now.
“Would you like me to go buy some snacks?”
“No, it’s okay.”
At this point, Jaewoo started going crazy.
“You’re all the snack I need.”
Sober-Jaewoo never would have said something like that in a million years. Drunk-Jaewoo wrapped his hand around the back of Hyunjin’s neck and tugged him closer before leaning forward and pressing his lips against Hyunjin’s own. He could taste the beer on his lips as they kissed.
‘Oh, did I surprise him?’
Hyunjin’s eyes were wide, but he didn’t pull away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Jaewoo and kissed him back even harder.
Instinctively, Jaewoo opened his lips, his tongue darting forward to press against Hyunjin’s. He breathed in as Hyunjin exhaled and Hyunjin did the same, the air from their lungs intermingling.
‘I feel strange…’
It was his first time kissing someone so thoroughly. He kissed him until he couldn’t breathe, his chest screaming for oxygen.
“Mwah!”
Jaewoo pulled back, gulping in air. With shaky hands, he held up his beer and took another sip.
“Jaewoo.”
When he turned around, Hyunjin’s eyes were shining with a strange light. Jaewoo wanted to convince himself it was only the moonlight reflecting off them, but he knew the truth: it was desire.
“What do you think of me?”
‘I like you. No, I think I love you.’
But he couldn’t say those words out loud.
“You’ve been a good brother to me.”
“Is that all?”
Jaewoo’s lips thinned, and he took another drink. Since he couldn’t bring himself to answer, he took the next best option. But this time it seemed as though he’d finally gone too far, and he began to feel dizzy.
“You always avoid talking about this.”
Hyunjin’s voice was bitter.
“But I’m not backing down this time.”
He was an upright, dependable person; a good guy that just wanted to live a normal life. If only Jaewoo was gone, there was a chance that he could pull himself together and live happily along with his brothers. With Eunjoon looking after them, Mujin wouldn’t be able to touch them.
‘I don’t want to go.’
But he had to.
‘I want to stay here.’
That was an impossible wish. Tears welled up in his eyes.
“Jaewoo, are you crying?”
Hyunjin’s voice was soft, as if he was trying to soothe him.
“Even if you cry, I still won’t back down.”
Hyunjin’s expression became more determined. It was so unfair. The fact that they couldn’t be together despite their connection made Jaewoo want to wail.
Hyunjin held Jaewoo in his arms.
“I don’t know what’s wrong, but you can depend on me for anything. I want you to.”
Jaewoo turned and hugged Hyunjin, their faces next to each other.
“Why are you only honest when you’re drunk? I can’t just keep feeding you alcohol every time…”
Listening to that grumbling voice, Jaewoo felt sleepy.
“Are you already asleep?”
Yes, he was asleep. Jaewoo closed his heavy eyelids and placed his ear on Hyunjin’s chest. He could hear his heart pounding. Listening to the rhythmic thumps made him feel at ease.
At that moment, only the two of them existed. Jaewoo’s head was swimming with alcohol, and he opened his mouth without thinking and finally said the words that had been in his heart that whole time. He spoke softly, almost mumbling, but Hyunjin seemed to have heard him. The pounding of his heart became more intense, and the arms that were wrapped around him squeezed tighter.
“I like you too.”
The sound of those words ringing in Jaewoo’s ears was sweet.
He shouldn’t have said that. The voice of Jaewoo’s reason whispered that into his ear, but its tiny voice was drowned out by his drunken brain. This was why they said you should only drink alcohol in moderation.
Jaewoo smiled and started to fall into a peaceful sleep.
“I’ve never been as happy as I am right now.”
Before he completely passed out, Jaewoo thought he heard an excited voice saying something. The sound of it made him smile for a moment before it faded as reality reasserted himself.
‘Me too. I want to feel that way too.’
That was Jaewoo’s last thought.
