I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 87

After being triaged by the ER doctors, Jaewoo was hurried away to an operating room. A crowd of medical personnel surrounded him, rolling him past the doors, and a moment later the light above them turned on. Now all they could do was wait.

Hyunjin looked up at the light blankly, then leaned back against the wall of the hallway and slowly slid down to the floor. There were chairs available just a few feet away, but he didn’t have the energy to walk to them. Instead he crouched there, his unblinking gaze fixed on the operating room door.

‘Please, please let him be safe.’

Hyunjin begged, knowing that the universe had never granted his prayers before. They could take anything they wanted from him as long as Jaewoo was alright. Hyunjin prayed over and over again.

His emotions felt like they were boiling over with rage and sorrow, like his heart was being burned out of his chest. He wanted to do something to vent the terrible pain he was feeling, but instead he swallowed it all down and waited. All that mattered was that Jaewoo came through his surgery safely.

Hyunjin wasn’t the only one wrestling with his feelings – Mujin was the same. He grabbed a cigarette from his pocket with nervous fingers and muttered to himself.

“He’ll be fine.”

Mujin had been stabbed in the stomach several times before and he’d always been okay. Mujin repeated those words one more time as he stuck the cigarette in his mouth before fumbling in his pockets again.

It seemed like he couldn’t find what he was looking for. Mujin clicked his tongue, then walked over to Hyunjin and held out his hand.

“Phone.”

Normally Hyunjin would have refused, but he had a suspicion about why Mujin needed one. He took out his cell phone and handed it over. Without even a ‘thank you’, Mujin turned it on and immediately dialed someone. The other person picked up almost instantly.

“It was a man in his mid to late 50s wearing a beat up jacket. Looked like he might have been on drugs. He might still have the weapon on him. Find him.”

At those words, Hyunjin’s heart sank. No, it couldn’t be. His father was being held at the police station; there was no way he’d be back on the streets so quickly. He listened closer, barely able to catch the response from the other end of the call.

─ The place is swarming with police. I think they’re looking for the same person.

“What the fuck, the police? Who cares about them? Find him before they do.”

Mujin’s hand clenched around his cigarette.

Watching this, Hyunjin thought he understood. If the police arrested that person, he’d be handed over to the court for judgement. After going to trial and receiving his sentence, he’d be sent to prison. Mujin had enough power to make his life there a living hell, but the thought of that wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him.

Hyunjin had always hated people like that, but right now he found himself in agreement. He couldn’t be satisfied with Jaewoo’s attacker living comfortably in prison. He’d never felt hatred like this before, as if he wanted to kill someone with his bare hands. His eyes flashed as he stared at the phone, the bloodlust plain to see.

Deep inside, he wanted to run to his father and demand he tell him why. Why had he done this? Then, he wanted to hurt him the same way he’d hurt Jaewoo.

‘I just wanted to live a normal, human life.’

A regular, everyday life of sleeping, waking up, going to work, and returning home. If he could have spent a lifetime doing that with the person he loved, how happy he would have been. They could have spent each day together, laughing, having fun, going on the occasional date. Seeing a movie at a theater together, going to amusement parks, or even just taking a short walk nearby. If it was with Jaewoo, Hyunjin would have been happy no matter what they were doing.

That was all Hyunjin wanted, but the people around him wouldn’t let that happen. Even his parents, the people who had brought him into the world, had only made him suffer.

‘Why won’t they just leave us alone?’

His head was pounding, spikes of pain shooting through him, and he couldn’t stop his hands from trembling. Every time he glanced over and saw the light on above the door of the operating room – every time he even thought of his father – a murderous rage filled his body.

Hyunjin took a deep breath and slammed the back of his head against the wall.

Wham!

The dull pain helped clear Hyunjin’s mind a little.

‘I can’t do that.’

He still had his younger brothers to watch out for, and Jaewoo wasn’t dead yet. There was still a chance that the surgery would be successful and that Jaewoo would be fine. He couldn’t afford to collapse now. Knowing how close he’d come to giving in to his weakness made Hyunjin feel nauseous.

Mujin threw the cell phone back to Hyunjin. When he caught it, he realized it was vibrating with an incoming call from Hyeonu. Hyunjin quickly pressed the call button and answered, hearing an urgent voice come over the line.

─ Brother, where are you?

Hyunjin cleared his throat and tried to answer calmly.

“I’m at the hospital.”

─ The hospital? Why? Who’s hurt?

“Jaewoo is.”

─ Really? Is it bad?

Hyunjin’s throat was still dry, and he swallowed hard, trying to wet it. He suddenly became aware of the tangy smell of iron coming from somewhere. When he looked down, he saw Jaewoo’s blood still staining his hands from when he’d tried to stop the bleeding. In an instant, the feel of Jaewoo’s hot blood gushing out over his hands came back to him.

“…Not bad.”

Hyunjin could barely bring himself to speak. On the other end of the call, Hyeonu started to cry.

─ First you got hurt, and now Uncle Jaewoo is hurt too. I wish we’d never come here.

Hyeonu had been brave for so long, but he couldn’t take it anymore. Hyunjin tried to comfort his younger brother as gently as possible, but he didn’t know if he’d succeeded. He was almost ready to collapse himself.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Hyeonu. Are you in the RV with Woohee? If you look in the front pocket of the blue backpack, you’ll find a wallet with some money inside. You can order some food while you wait, okay?”

Hyeonu’s crying slowly quieted. Eventually he asked, with a little sniffle.

─ Brother, are you sure you’re alright?

Hyeonu was so quick to pick up on these things. Hyunjin tried to tell him that he was okay, but Hyeonu spoke before he could.

─ Don’t say that you’re okay when you’re not. I don’t like it when you do that.

Hyunjin’s face twisted up, like he’d bitten into something sour. He hadn’t realized that the children had understood so much. It seemed like Hyeonu disapproved of Hyunjin’s method of trying to pretend that everything was fine. He should have been more honest with him. All Hyunjin could do was blame himself.

─ We’ll wait here for you, so come back soon.

With that, Hyeonu hung up. A nearby nurse, who’d been watching the whole time, spoke quietly to Hyunjin.

“You can’t talk on the phone in here.”

They’d been intimidated by the atmosphere between Mujin and Hyunjin, but they’d finally gotten the courage to speak up.

“Sorry.”

Hyunjin offered a short apology, while Mujin didn’t even glance over at them. The nurse decided not to press the issue and just left. Even from a distance, Mujin had an air of danger about him – the nurse wisely decided to save themselves.

Now all they could do was wait. The two of them stood outside the operating room in silence, neither of them leaving, not even to wash the blood off their hands.

Not until Jaewoo came out.

A long time passed. Hyunjin was still sitting on the floor, staring at the operating room door, while Mujin stood nearby doing the same.

Eventually a doctor came through the door. Their face above the surgical mask was completely white. Without realizing it, Hyunjin clenched his teeth.

“I-I’m sorry.”

The first words the doctor said were an apology. A look of rage crossed Mujin’s face when he heard that. The doctor continued on, giving the date and time, before finally adding the words they’d been dreading.

“The patient, Seo Jaewoo, has passed away.”

For a moment, Hyunjin couldn’t breathe. A shock ran through his body and his brain turned to static.

Mujin stalked towards the doctor and grabbed him by the collar, threatening him in a menacing voice. The sight was enough to make Hyunjin return to his senses.

“What was that? Say it again. Who died?”

“S-Seo Jaewoo has passed away.”

Steadfast, the doctor repeated what he had said, even though Mujin’s grip on his collar had tightened and he was having trouble breathing. Mujin gritted his teeth and shoved the doctor away.

“It was a single stab wound to the abdomen, at best. Even if you were unlucky and it hit an organ, who would die from just that?”

Mujin let out a bark of laughter, his eyes looking crazy. Then he pushed past the doctor and advanced towards the operating room, his long legs eating up the distance quickly.

“Sir, stop!”

A second doctor and a nurse rushed forward and tried to stop him, but Mujin shook them all off.

“Hurry up and find someone to stop him!”

During the chaos, Hyunjin also stood up and moved forward. He entered the operating room behind Mujin, following in his footsteps. He knew he shouldn’t be there, but he also knew he wouldn’t believe it unless he saw it for himself.

Hyunjin couldn’t believe he was dead. Who could believe such a blatant lie? He walked into the operating room. As soon as he did, he saw Mujin facing away from him, looming over the operating table. He seemed frozen, not saying a word.

There was a familiar sound ringing out from somewhere – a sound he’d often heard on TV shows. It sounded like a bird chirping continuously until it blurred into a neverending beeping noise. Hyunjin stepped forward until he stood in front of the operating table. A face came into view, its skin colored a sickly white and its eyes closed, unmoving. Jaewoo’s face, which had always been so full of life, now looked like a wax doll.

Hyunjin reached out to hold his limp hand. He tried to lace their fingers together once more, but his hand was shaking too much. A green covering hid the rest of Jaewoo’s body from view, but the scent of blood was everywhere.

“Jaewoo.”

Hyunjin called his name.

“My Jaewoo1.”

He tried again. Jaewoo made no reply, his eyes still closed.

Mujin raised a hand and slapped Jaewoo full in the face.

“What are you doing?!”

Hyunjin grabbed Mujin’s wrist.

“Fuck off! There’s no way he’s dead! I might not be a doctor, but I know people don’t die from little wounds like that! Get up, get your ass up!”

“Stop!”

Hyunjin shoved Mujin away. Mujin let out a shocked laugh and then kicked Hyunjin in the stomach. Hyunjin refused to admit defeat. He stepped forward again, his fist flying.

“Stop, stop!”

The doctors and nurses shouted at them, terrified, but the two of them weren’t able to stop. The hatred and resentment that had been building inside them both had finally found an outlet.

Eventually someone called hospital security. The guards came rushing in and barely managed to separate the two of them. Although the rest of the room was a mess, the area around the operating table had been left untouched.

Mujin spat out a gob of blood caused by Hyunjin’s punch and spoke.

“I’m going to find out everything.”

The security guards, who had been threatening to call the police, quieted down.

“I’ll also compensate the hospital for the trouble.”

The doctors and nurses also became silent, their eyes tired. Ignoring his own injuries, Hyunjin staggered to his feet and approached the operating table once more. His eyes welled up with tears, until eventually he couldn’t stop them from streaming down his face.

Everything felt like a nightmare.

Footnotes
A note from the translator: Earlier in the story, I commented that Hyunjin liked to call Jaewoo ‘hyung’ or ‘Jaewoo-hyung’, which is an affectionate term for an older brother. At the time, I had decided to leave that term untranslated, since ‘Brother Jaewoo’ didn’t have the same effect. Then a few chapters went by between references, and the next time it popped up in the story, I translated it as simply ‘Jaewoo’. I’ve continued doing that throughout the chapters since then.
In this line, Hyunjin first calls for ‘hyung’, then for ‘Jaewoo-hyung’. I’ve chosen to use ‘Jaewoo’ and ‘My Jaewoo’ instead. I wanted to get across the degree of affection implied in Hyunjin’s use of the honorific, although I don’t know if I succeeded or not. I’m honestly not sure what the general preference is regarding keeping honorifics vs. translating them literally vs. translating them figuratively, but this is what felt right to me.

TLDR: I’ve made a choice to translate ‘Jaewoo-hyung’ in this instance as ‘My Jaewoo.’