I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 88
A terrible pain pierced through Jaewoo’s body. He could feel his strength draining rapidly. The noise of doctors and nurses shouting echoed in his ears, but the sound quickly became quieter and quieter, until all he could hear was vague muffled words.
‘I liked it better when it was loud.’
With that, Jaewoo closed his blurry eyes. He wanted to see Hyunjin one last time. He wanted to hold his hand and kiss him again.
‘I don’t think I’ll be able to.’
It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. As he lay there, a familiar scene came to mind as he suddenly remembered something he’d forgotten.
That day had started out no different than any other day. Jaewoo hadn’t seen Eunjoon in a while, so he’d gone over to his apartment, only to discover that someone else had arrived there first. It was Eunah, Eunjoon’s younger sister. That was a bit troublesome, since Eunah absolutely detested Jaewoo.
However, that day Eunah had acted friendlier than she usually did. Eventually she even asked Jaewoo for a favor.
“I need you to bring me a book from my brother’s study.”
“You can do it yourself, can’t you?”
“If I go in there my brother will get angry at me. He won’t mind if you do it.”
It was a ridiculous request. Why should he listen to her? That was the thought that ran through Jaewoo’s head, but in the end he gave in. Eunah was clever enough to know just how to play on Jaewoo’s weaknesses.
Jaewoo had often visited Eunjoon’s study, and he’d also borrowed books from him before, so he hadn’t thought too deeply about Eunah’s request. He looked around and quickly found the book with the green cover that Eunah had mentioned to him.
‘Oh, I’ve read this one before.’
He remembered being surprised because the book contained some hardcore BL themes. For a while after reading it, he hadn’t been able to look Eunjoon in the face without blushing, but eventually he’d recovered. In the end, he’d felt relieved knowing that Eunjoon was also into men.
As Jaewoo turned around holding the book, he was shocked to find Eunah standing behind him with a strange smile on her face.
After that, all he could remember was static, until he finally woke up to discover he’d transmigrated into that same book. It seemed as though Eunah and Eunjoon both had secrets that they’d hidden from him.
Jaewoo couldn’t believe he was only remembering that now. He felt an icy chill sweeping through him; he no longer had the strength to open his eyes, and his body felt heavy, as if he was sinking down into the depths of the ocean. His consciousness began to fade as his breathing stopped.
“Seo Jaewoo has passed away.”
Even though he could barely hear anything at all, for some reason, those words came through clearly.
Then he felt a strange sensation, almost like time was rewinding for him. His body became lighter, and he was able to hear things clearly once more. Finally, Jaewoo opened his eyes and found himself in Eunjoon’s study once more.
Everything looked the same as he remembered. Even Eunah was still standing in front of him. The only change was in her expression – instead of the strange smile, her cheeks were puffed out and she looked dissatisfied.
“Park Eunah.”
When he called out her name, she flinched slightly before glaring at Jaewoo.
“I’m not going to apologize.”
After saying that, Eunah turned around and stomped away, leaving Jaewoo alone in Eunjoon’s study. As Jaewoo slowly examined his surroundings, his eye was caught by a familiar book with a green cover sitting on Eunjoon’s desk.
Jaewoo rushed over to it and flung it open. This time, nothing happened. All he could see was the contents of the novel. But strangely, as he flipped through the pages, the story seemed different from the one he’d read.
The character of Jaewoo, the lousy side top, had changed. Each and every detail was exactly as he remembered from his time in the book.
“Our names were the same.”
Jaewoo mumbled to himself as he glanced over the changes. He desperately wanted to know what happened to Hyunjin after he died. He turned the pages over one after another until he finally reached the end. Suddenly, a man’s hand reached out from behind him and slammed the book shut.
“You don’t need to see anymore.”
It was Eunjoon.
“Welcome back to the real world, Jaewoo.”
Welcome back? Welcome back?! Jaewoo spun around and grabbed Eunjoon by the collar.
“Explain.”
“Huh?”
“Explain it all!”
“Calm down, Jaewoo.”
Eunjoon smiled lazily, even Jaewoo was still holding him by the collar. He looked so laidback that Jaewoo wanted to punch him in the face.
“Sometimes ignorance is bliss.”
“So you refuse to tell me anything?”
“Why don’t you just think of it as a strange, temporary dream?”
Jaewoo was left speechless. Maybe Eunjoon could dismiss things so simply, but for Jaewoo, he refused to reduce his experience there to ‘just a strange dream’.
“Is there a way to return?”
“…You want to go back?”
There was a strange gleam in Eunjoon’s dark, black eyes. He spoke calmly, not trying to push Jaewoo away or break free, just convince him.
“Jaewoo, it’s just a world in a book. It’s not like reality – when the book ends, the world follows. You have a good life here; why would you want to go back?”
Jaewoo loosened his grip, his hand falling back to his side. He said through gritted teeth.
“You know why.”
“Ah, love.”
Eunjoon let out a chuckle, although it didn’t seem like a happy one. There was a sense of danger contained within that laugh.
“Well?”
Eunjoon shrugged his shoulders and continued.
“Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, are you hungry? How about we have something to eat first? I’m in the mood for spaghetti.”
Then he reached out and grabbed Jaewoo’s wrist like he’d done a hundred times before. This time, Jaewoo shook him off roughly.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Huh, really? That’s a pity.”
“I’m going home now.”
“Yeah, good idea. You should take a break. Just leave the book behind, Jaewoo.”
Eunjoon’s finger snapped out, pointing towards the book in Jaewoo’s hand.
“That belongs to me.”
Jaewoo closed his mouth mulishly, clutching the book to his chest.
“Even if you take it, it won’t be of much use to you. Leave it with me, and you can come read it anytime you want.”
“You want me to come back here?”
“Sure. You used to come here all the time, didn’t you?”
That was back when Jaewoo thought that Eunjoon was his best friend. Jaewoo held back the curses that he wanted to spew at him and ran out, the book held in his arms.
When he opened the study door, Jaewoo saw Eunah standing silently in front of it. It looked as though she’d been trying to eavesdrop by pressing her ear to the door.
“Wait, that book…!”
Eunah reached out for the book in Jaewoo’s arms, but it was too late. Jaewoo rushed past her and ran out of the house.
The world outside was a familiar one. He truly had returned to his regular life. Instantly his eyes welled up with tears. He never thought he was such a crybaby. He covered his eyes with the back of his hand as he stumbled to a stop.
Unlike the world of the novel, where winter was slowly coming to an end, here it was summer. The hot sun blazed down on him, making his skin sting. Even that minor difference was enough to make him feel sorrow.
“Hyunjin, Hyunjin.”
Jaewoo called out his name, even though he knew that Hyunjin couldn’t hear him. At that moment, he just missed him so much.
“Hyunjin.”
Jaewoo stood in the middle of the sidewalk, tears pouring down his face. Occasionally someone would walk past him giving him weird looks, but he couldn’t force himself to stop. How could he?
Jaewoo stood there, crying his heart out.
Hyunjin raised his head, bags below his eyes and a tired expression on his face.
‘Did I doze off for a moment?’
His sleepless nights seemed to be catching up with him. He knew that he needed rest, but every time he tried, he’d wake up screaming from nightmares. As a result, he’d become severely sleep-deprived.
When he tried to stand up, he found himself stumbling. Rest wasn’t the only thing his body needed – he hadn’t been eating properly either. No matter what he put in his mouth, he ended up vomiting. Even though he knew his younger brothers were worried about him, he couldn’t help himself.
Dazedly, Hyunjin stared down at a photograph of Jaewoo with a black ribbon wrapped around it. He’d looked for more pictures of Jaewoo, but he hadn’t been able to find any that looked good. He’d finally chosen one of the photos he’d taken at the beach. In the picture, Jaewoo was smiling.
Jaewoo was dead, and Hyunjin felt like he was going to lose his mind. Unfortunately, there was too much for him to take care of to let him give in to his grief. Hyoenu and Woohee were still depending on him. In the immediate wake of Jaewoo’s death, even as he was busy preparing for Jaewoo’s funeral, he still made sure to be there for them. As for himself, Hyunjin felt like he was teetering on the brink.
He was like he was walking along a tightrope high in the air. If he wobbled even slightly, he’d plummet to his doom. He was using all his strength just to hold on day by day, but the truth was that deep inside, Hyunjin wanted nothing more than to give in. Amidst such contradictory feelings, Hyunjin was struggling to adapt to his new normal.
They’d set up a viewing1 for Jaewoo, but only a few people had wandered in to pay their respects, and Hyunjin hadn’t recognized any of them. He didn’t know if they were people that Jaewoo had just known in passing, or someone he’d had a real relationship with. It just underscored how little Hyunjin really knew about Jaewoo.
‘I should have asked him more about himself.’
Now that it was too late, he regretted it. Jaewoo was already gone.
“Brother.”
Hyeonu, who’d been guarding the entrance to the viewing hall, called out to Hyunjin in an urgent tone.
“That guy is here again.”
‘That guy’. Hyunjin glanced over toward the entrance with indifferent eyes. Mujin was just walking in, his suit looking pristine. Over the past few days his face had grown haggard, but today his eyes were shining brightly.
Mujin took one long look at Jaewoo’s photo before standing in front of Hyuniin.
“We caught him.”
Hyunjin’s shoulders, which had been slumped over, twitched.
“It was your father.”
Hyunjin had already suspected that.
“But there’s something odd about the whole thing. Where did someone without any money get the drugs? And why did he go to such lengths to kill someone that had nothing to do with him?”
Hyunjin had also wondered about that. At first he’d thought his father had been targeting himself, but after going through his memories of that night, he’d realized that wasn’t the case. He’d been after Jaewoo all along.
‘Why? Why?!’
What benefit was there to killing Jaewoo? Hyunjin couldn’t figure it out.
“I’m going to go ask him now.”
At those words, Hyunjin’s eyes changed.
“Are you coming with me?”
“I’ll go.”
Could he finally get answers to his questions? Hyunjin’s eyes sparked to life again after so long. He entrusted the children to the care of the mortuary’s security guard and followed after Mujin.
Footnotes
빈소 – binso – mortuary. A place within a funeral home where the body/coffin is displayed for people to come pay their respects before being buried.
