I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 93
Jaewoo covered his mouth with his hand as he thought of a new possibility. One, ‘Seo Jaewoo’ was dead. Two, the ‘Seo Jaewoo’ he had previously transmigrated into wasn’t really him. The life he’d lived, his personality, his hobbies: all of those had been different.
So what about now? He’d returned to this world using his own body. Since that was the case, wouldn’t it be okay for him to be a little selfish?
Wouldn’t it be alright to start a relationship with Hyunjin as himself, not as the reborn Seo Jaewoo? Their names were the same, but everything else about them were different, so Choi Mujin shouldn’t pay him any attention anymore.
After a moment, a shiver ran down his spine.
‘What am I thinking?’
Even as he knew it was wrong, he still felt the temptation rising up in him over and over again. He’d proven that he was willing to sacrifice everything for Hyunjin’s happiness, so why was he even thinking about lying to Hyunjin just so he could have him? Was he truly so two-faced?
Jaewoo tilted his head backwards until it hit the wall.
‘It hurts.’
Hyunjin was looking at him in surprise. Jaewoo tried to force his brain away from that train of thought.
‘I can’t avoid the subject any longer.’
Maybe it was because his life was stable now, thanks to the old woman helping him. He’d become greedier than he was before.
“I know a little bit about him, just a little.”
“I want to hear it.”
Hyunjin sat up straight in his seat. He looked so cute that Jaewoo couldn’t help but sigh. At the sound, Hyunjin immediately opened his mouth and started trying to explain.
“It’s not anything weird. Jaewoo and I, we’re…”
He paused for a second.
“…The two of us are close.”
Why didn’t Hyunjin just say they were lovers? Then Jaewoo remembered: although they both knew that they liked each other, they’d never even been on a date.
‘We were never lovers.’
“So you’re friends with Jaewoo?”
“Yes.”
“With his personality, he didn’t seem like the sort of guy to have friends.”
“He was like that at the beginning, but we gradually got closer.”
Under the table, Jaewoo clenched his hands into fists. He felt like if his willpower faltered for a moment, he’d reach out and touch Hyunjin.
‘No, not like this.’
The two of them still weren’t together.
“Alright. More importantly, how’s Jaewoo doing these days?”
How had Hyunjin been since he’d died? What had he done in the year that followed? Jaewoo wanted to know everything.
“Jaewoo passed away.”
Hyunjin’s voice was calm, but there was a deep sadness in his words that was readily apparent. Jaewoo couldn’t help but feel guilty – it was his own death that had affected him this way. He didn’t know how things had gotten so twisted up.
“The truth is, he was murdered.”
Hyunjin’s hands were shaking slightly with anger. Jaewoo wanted desperately to hug him, and reassure him that it wasn’t his fault. He shouldn’t have to suffer anymore.
‘I can’t do that, though.’
To do that, he’d need to reveal that he was Seo Jaewoo. Jaewoo smiled bitterly.
“I see.”
A silence fell, the two of them lost in thought for a while.
“Then, where is Jaewoo interred?”
“We set up a small shrine for him1.”
At the look of mourning that crossed Hyunjin’s face, Jaewoo unconsciously asked.
“What if Seo Jaewoo was actually alive?”
“That’s not possible. I was the one who identified his body; I saw the whole thing, from start to finish.”
Hyunjin spoke firmly.
“Jaewoo is dead.”
He wasn’t. He was still alive and sitting right in front of him. The body that had died was just a shell.
But Hyunjin wouldn’t see it that way.
Jaewoo closed his eyes for a long moment before opening them again. In the meantime, Hyunjin seemed to have gotten control of himself once more. He continued speaking, but his voice was calmer and more subdued.
“But I would be so happy if he was still alive.”
Hyunjin smiled, soft and small. Jaewoo was left breathless by the sight, unable to take his eyes away. It was the first time he’d seen such a smile on his face since he’d returned. Finally, Jaewoo took a breath and began to tell Hyunjin about himself.
He spoke about his life, hoping that Hyunjin would make the connection between himself and ‘Seo Jaewoo’. Hyunjin listened intently, but no matter how long he spoke, Hyunjin still didn’t recognize him.
‘This is starting to annoy me.’
Jaewoo began to become more and more blatant.
“Jaewoo, you like to cook just like my Jaewoo did?”
“Yes, I love cooking and feeding people. You need to gain some weight too, Hyunjin.”
“Am I that thin?”
“When I first saw you, I thought you were a skeleton.”
“I’m not that skinny.”
Hyunjin stroked his face with his hand.
In the past, Hyunjin had been walled off. He didn’t trust others, and refused to get close to them. But after meeting him again for the first time in a while, Jaewoo felt like his guard was lower than it used to be. The old Hyunjin would never have agreed to drink with someone he’d just met for the first time.
The two of them hadn’t gone anywhere special, they’d just bought some cans of beer and then returned to the soup restaurant. By that time, the restaurant had already closed.
“Is it okay for us to drink in an empty restaurant?”
Hyunjin asked.
“It’s alright. I actually sleep here.”
“Here?”
Hyunjin looked around the restaurant space. Jaewoo took pity on him and pointed towards his room.
“There’s a small storage area over there where I sleep.”
The storage area was in the space behind the wall. Jaewoo shrugged his shoulders and searched through the fridge for ingredients to use for snacks. Since he’d been cooking his own meals, he had permission to use the ingredients, but for the sake of his conscience he tried not to use too much.
In the end, he prepared some stir-fried kimchi with rolled eggs, some plain kimchi, and some radish kimchi. That was enough. Although they didn’t seem like they would pair well with the beer, neither of them cared. They sat there together quietly, popping open their cans.
Hyunjin took a sip of beer and a bite of the rolled eggs. Then he tasted the kimchi, and a look of surprise spread across his face.
“What is it?”
“Did you make this kimchi?”
“Yes.”
The old woman still made her own kimchi every few days, but since she’d been having trouble recently, Jaewoo had been the one to make it this time. He’d used the old woman’s recipe, naturally, but oddly enough it still ended up tasting like his usual kimchi.
‘It’s the same as it’s always been.’
Jaewoo wasn’t particularly impressed by it anymore, but Hyunjin looked different. There was an expression on his face that Jaewoo couldn’t read as he said.
“It tastes the same as the kimchi Jaewoo used to make. Did…”
At those words, Jaewoo’s heart began beating faster, a feeling of dread warring with one of anticipation. Had he recognized him? The idea of being found out because of kimchi made him want to smile, but no matter what the cause, it would all be okay.
“Did you teach my Jaewoo how to cook?”
Jaewoo’s expectations plummeted through the floor.
“Or was it the other way around?”
“No, no. I was the one to teach him.”
Although ‘teaching’ probably wasn’t the right word, considering both Jaewoo and ‘Seo Jaewoo’ were the same person.
“I see. They taste so alike; I was surprised.”
Hyunjin reached out with his chopsticks once more. He ate a piece of rolled egg and then some of the stir-fried kimchi before draining his can of beer in one long pull. After, he popped open a new can.
Jaewoo also started drinking his own beer. There wasn’t a lot of food, but there was plenty of alcohol. When it came to drinking, Jaewoo’s tolerance was much stronger than ‘Seo Jaewoo’s’ had been, enough so that he didn’t get drunk after just one can anymore.
Instead, Hyunjin was the one who started showing signs of inebriation first.
‘He used to be able to handle his liquor much better than this.’
His tolerance seemed weirdly low today. Hyunjin finished off his second can of beer, and poured himself a glass of soju2.
“I’ll make sure to pay for it.”
He emptied one bottle, then a second one. Jaewoo started wondering if he should cook something else to try and soak up some of the alcohol. He got up from his seat and began looking through the fridge to see what else he could make. If Hyunjin kept going like that, the liquor was going to eat away at his stomach.
Jaewoo fried up some tuna pancakes using canned tuna, then added some stir-fried sausages and vegetables. He thought that the old woman might have bought them for herself, as a side dish, but as long as he replaced them tomorrow morning it’d be fine.
“Don’t just drink alcohol, eat something too.”
“I’m fine.”
“You say you’re fine, but you’re not.”
Jaewoo grumbled and shoved the plate of food in front of Hyunjin.
“I really am fine.”
Despite his protestations, Hyunjin still devoured the food eagerly. After a minute he seemed to realize what he’d done, and his face turned red as he muttered.
“I’m not really this kind of person.”
“I know.”
“I’m really not. It’s weird, but I feel so relaxed when I’m with you.”
He looked so adorable as he tried to explain, Jaewoo had to fight back the urge to hug him. He eventually remembered that Hyunjin still didn’t know who he was, and managed to resist.
On the other hand, Hyunjin was very drunk just then, so wouldn’t just a little hug be okay? A naughty thought flashed through Jaewoo’s brain.
‘Wake up!’
Jaewoo slapped his cheeks with both hands. He tried to distract himself by taking a bite of tuna pancake. The seasoning was perfect, and it tasted delicious, suitable for either a side dish or a little nibble. He finished it off with a glass of soju.
‘Good.’
Jaewoo felt like he had finally calmed down a bit. In the meantime, Hyunjin had continued to drink. Jaewoo felt like he should probably stop him now, so while he wasn’t looking, he stole the soju bottle and stashed it away. While Hyunjin looked around the table for it, he continued eating.
Good, he needed to eat even more.
‘Is there any rice left?’
Eating a full meal so late at night probably wasn’t the best idea, but Jaewoo really wanted to get Hyunjin to have some more. He got up and started to walk towards the fridge, but was forced to a sudden stop mid-step. When he turned around he found that Hyunjin had grabbed hold of his hand and refused to let go.
“My Jaewoo.”
Hyunjin called out for the old Jaewoo.
‘Tell him he made a mistake.’
Jaewoo didn’t know why he was still doing this. He carefully removed Hyunjin’s hand and left to get more food. When he returned, he found that Hyunjin had fallen asleep on the table. Jaewoo scratched his head, at a loss, before trying to wake Hyunjin up, but Hyunjin just lay there bonelessly and didn’t move. Eventually, Jaewoo was forced to carry him to his small storage room.
Even though Hyunjin was thin, he still weighed quite a lot, probably a result of his muscular physique.
After giving up his bed to Hyunjin, Jaewoo found himself with no place to sleep. He spared one last glance for the sleeping Hyunjin before heading back to the restaurant and cleaning up the traces of their drinking party. Only after he’d finished washing all the dishes did he return to his seat, lying down on top of the table himself.
A million thoughts were running through his head. There were still so many problems in front of him, but now, having met Hyunjin again, he couldn’t help but feel like everything was going to be okay.
“They say the human heart is like a reed3.”
Jaewoo chuckled and slowly closed his eyes.
Footnotes
납골당 – nabgoldang – ossuary. A small receptacle or shrine where the bones of the dead are interred.
소주 – soju. A clear, colorless traditional Korean alcohol. It is generally highly alcoholic, although some lighter varieties are becoming more popular. Wikipedia
사람 마음은 갈대라 – salam ma-eum-eun galdaela – The human heart is like a reed. I looked, but I wasn’t to find any references to this being a Korean saying.
