I Became the Lousy Side Top - Chap 99
He’d been caught. Hyunjin had figured it out – it was obvious from the way he’d called his name. Jaewoo couldn’t help but smile at the title of ‘hyung’, something which he hadn’t heard since he’d left this world. But after a moment, his smile faded.
‘I have to decide.’
Whether to confirm, or deny. Either way had its difficulties.
“Are you really my Jaewoo?”
There were so many emotions crossing Hyunjin’s face, Jaewoo could barely parse them. The only reason he could was because he was feeling the same mixture of sadness, anger, and happiness.
Even though Jaewoo hadn’t answered, it looked like Hyunjin had already come to a conclusion. Seeing the resolve on Hyunjin’s face, Jaewoo inadvertently took a step backwards as he continued to hesitate. However, Hyunjin pressed forward, refusing to let him retreat. He grabbed hold of Jaewoo’s wrist and held on tightly, as if he had no intention of letting go.
Jaewoo took a deep breath.
“That’s right.”
He’d said it. He’d really said it. There was no turning back now.
“Then can I ask you a few questions?”
What he was asking for was proof, something that only the two of them would know.
“Do you remember that first night when we drank beer together?”
“I remember it.”
The words spilled out from there: Jaewoo’s memories of drinking beer and getting drunk together, talking about trivial things as they got to know each other. All the tiny little memories of their life together, accumulating to form their past and prove Jaewoo’s existence.
“You really are my Jaewoo.”
Hyunjin pulled Jaewoo close and wrapped his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Even through their thick winter jackets, Jaewoo could feel Hyunjin’s heart pounding. After a long moment spent holding each other, Hyunjin whispered brokenly.
“Why?”
His voice was filled with emotion, the underlying resentment impossible to disguise.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
There had been countless opportunities to speak, and yet Jaewoo hadn’t told him who he was. It was the fault of his greed and fear. Half of him was desperate to be loved for himself, and half of him was terrified that Hyunjin’s feelings might have changed, now that he was back in his original body. In either case, Jaewoo had acted selfishly. There was only one thing he could say.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. Just tell me why!”
Hyunjin’s voice rose.
“Do you have any idea how hard this past year was for me?”
The body in his arms began to tremble. Jaewoo slowly pulled back and saw that Hyunjin was crying. Huge teardrops rolled down his cheeks and under his chin before dripping to the ground. Seeing Hyunjin cry made Jaewoo feel like his heart was breaking.
“Please don’t cry. It’s all my fault.”
“I’m not crying.”
But the tears continued to run down his face silently. Somehow that sight was even harder to watch, and Jaewoo felt a pain in his chest, as if he’d committed a great sin. Why had he done this? He’d made Hyunjin cry.
Jaewoo shifted awkwardly before moving forward and wrapping his arms around Hyunjin again. His current body was slightly larger than his previous one, so it was easier for him to reach. He patted his back slowly, but the tears didn’t seem to slow.
“I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything.”
In the end, Jaewoo had to admit defeat.
“I want to know it all.”
“Let’s go home first. It’s too much for me to explain right here.”
At those words, Hyunjin began to move, walking forward up the slope despite the tears still running down his face. When they reached the house, the two of them went to Jaewoo’s room. The air was cold, but the electric mattress pad warmed up quickly. They sat on the mattress together, soaking up the heat as Jaewoo continued to comfort Hyunjin.
“The truth is, I’m not originally from here.”
“Really?”
“I’m from another world.”
“That’s why you asked me if I believed in other worlds earlier?”
“Yes.”
Jaewoo’s expression turned bitter as he continued to explain. It seemed like Hyunjin was fully prepared to believe anything Jaewoo said, because over the course of the long story, he never once interrupted.
“Do you believe me?”
“I believe you. Although I don’t know if I really want to. In that year after you died…”
Hyunjin paused for a moment, as if his throat was tight, then continued.
“In that year, I might have been alive, but I wasn’t really living.”
“…But you made it somehow.”
“I suppose. I had to survive because of my brothers, but Jaewoo, my true desire was something different.”
“Your true desire?”
The tear tracks down Hyunjin’s cheeks glistened under the fluorescent lights.
“I wanted to follow you.”
“Hyunjin!”
“I wanted us to be together, even though I knew it wasn’t possible. Don’t worry. I never tried anything myself.”
Because as much as he’d loved Jaewoo, he’d also loved his younger siblings. After saying that, Hyunjin fell silent.
‘What did I do?’
Jaewoo clenched his teeth. Throughout the course of their relationship, even though he’d tried to help Hyunjin, he’d done nothing but cause him pain time and time again. Did he even deserve to be with him? He felt terrible about himself.
“This – everything – it’s all my fault.”
“That’s right. It is all your fault.”
Hyunjin’s response to Jaewoo’s pained words was uncharacteristically cruel. Before Jaewoo could react, his hand reached out and grabbed on to Jaewoo’s tightly. He slowly began to intertwine their fingers together, holding on as if he never planned on letting go. In a stern voice, he said.
“So from now on, you’ll have to stay by my side forever. That’s the only way you can start to repay all the pain you caused me. You will, right?”
Jaewoo looked at their intertwined fingers and nodded slowly.
“I will.”
Jaewoo had to promise him a few more times before Hyunjin would loosen his grip, but even then he didn’t let go. Instead he ran his fingers over Jaewoo’s hands, which were different than they were before, as if he was trying to relearn them.
He pressed their palms together, touched his fingers, and rubbed his nails. After that, his hand began to creep its way up along Jaewoo’s wrist. It didn’t seem like Hyunjin meant it to be seductive – instead, it almost felt like he wanted some sort of confirmation that Jaewoo was really there. But regardless of his intentions, Jaewoo couldn’t help but react. He was only touching his hand, but the tips of his ears felt hot.
“Shouldn’t we make dinner soon?”
Hyunjin’s hand stopped moving as he looked up at Jaewoo. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Jaewoo quickly pulled free and wiped Hyunjin’s cheeks, wishing he had a handkerchief.
“What would you like to eat?”
“I’ll like anything you make.”
“Where did you learn such sweet talk?”
“It’s true.”
Hyunjin responded, rubbing his cheek against Jaewoo’s palm and then grabbing it when he tried to pull back. Then he started to stroke Jaewoo’s skin once more. He continued trying to touch him as much as possible, even as the two of them journeyed to the kitchen to begin preparing dinner. He only let go once Jaewoo began cooking, but quickly wiggled his way behind Jaewoo’s back and wrapped his arms around his waist instead.
As they prepared and served the meal, the children hovered nearby, watching them. Their brother was acting so differently from usual that the two of them couldn’t help but be hesitant. Throughout dinner, their eyes darted between Hyunjin and Jaewoo. Finally Woohee, who was the honest type, couldn’t take it anymore and spoke up, poking Hyunjin’s side.
“Brother, is something wrong?”
“What?”
“You didn’t act like this before.”
Hyunjin immediately understood what Woohee was saying.
“You’re right.”
“Then what’s going on?”
“The two of us are close now.”
They’d decided not to reveal Jaewoo’s identity to the kids for the moment. Not until they had settled things with Choi Mujin, anyway.
“Well, I guess it’s good that you’re friends.”
Woohee answered non-committedly and started eating again. But from that point on, Jaewoo felt as though Woohee’s attitude towards him had changed. Before that, Woohee always used to run towards him at the promise of food, but now he began to keep his distance. Hyeonu also started acting more politely towards him, like he had when they’d first met.
“What’s going on?”
Woohee asked, pouting.
“Brother used to have someone before, too.”
Although the children hadn’t known the details of the relationship between Hyunjin and Jaewoo, they’d had a vague suspicion. They’d thought that Jaewoo would stay by their sides forever, but then he’d died. The two of them had really liked Jaewoo, and after he was gone, they’d spent a long time crying and feeling depressed. But now their brother had brought in someone new, just like that!
In the beginning, they’d spent time with the new Jaewoo without much though, but after that dinner, Woohee seemed to have reconsidered.
“They’re not the same.”
Woohee said firmly.
“But if our brother likes him?”
Hyeonu wasn’t as openly unfriendly as Woohee, but he was also uncomfortable with these changes. He still remembered his Uncle Jaewoo vividly, and now it felt like someone new was trying to take his place. Woohee seemed to feel that especially keenly.
“I don’t like it!”
Hyeonu let out an awkward chuckle. He was trying to remain neutral, not on either brother’s side, but it wasn’t easy.
Just then, the new Uncle Jaewoo walked up to them.
“Do you want a snack?”
Woohee turned his head, ignoring him. Hyeonu was forced to speak for both of them.
“What is it?”
“Fried bread crusts1. There’s a bakery nearby that gives away their unused crusts.”
Then he held out a basket, stuffed full of bread crusts, fried and covered in sugar. Even though they were only crusts, they still looked delicious.
“I’ll just have one.”
Hyeonu felt bad about refusing it altogether, so he only took one. The moment he took a bite, he felt like he was transported to a new world. Crispy, savory, and sweet, the crust of bread in his hand disappeared in an instant. Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed another piece.
It was so good! Hyeonu started chowing down on the fried crusts like a machine. Before he knew it, Jaewoo had sat down next to him with the basket in his lap. Looking at the two of them, Woohee’s cheeks puffed out in anger.
‘Hyeonu, you moron!’
He couldn’t believe he was being won over by food. Woohee felt betrayed by his older brother.
Footnotes
식빵 귀퉁이 튀김 – sigppang gwitung-i twigim – Fried Bread Corners. Crusts of bread that are fried in oil and then rolled in sugar or other seasonings. Recipe
