I Rely on Beauty to Stabilize the Country - Chap 4
004 – His Majesty Catches A Flower Thief1
Above the river, a small boat drifted away with the waves.
Xue Yuan stood at the bow of the boat with a gloom look. At the back, Chang Yuyan, the son of the Deputy Chief of Dali Temple2 leisurely enjoyed a cup of wine all by himself. When he saw the other’s atrocious appearance, he said with a laugh, “Turns out, your younger step-brother3 didn’t catch a blight?”
The corner of Xue Yuan’s lips rose as he gently laughed, “Yuyan, what do you call it? He played tricks on my mother’s body. I4 nearly killed him when I went back to the house today.”
Chang Yuyan laughed heartily, “Even implicated your father to be penalized by salary cut and let your father and you be scolded by the Emperor in front of all officials.”
Xue Yuan smiled deeper, “You don’t say! As soon as he went home, he spared me. He also told me to look for a chance to admit mistake with the little Emperor next time.”
Chang Yuyan laughed silently.
This guy, Xue Yuan, looked human with the manner of a dog5, but his temper was even more brute than a dog. There was a smile of a gentleman on his face, but what he thought might be some kind of vicious and harmful things.
This person was even heaven-daring and had no rules and virtues. If General Xue hadn’t paid close attention to him, Xue Yuan could seriously cut up his younger step-brother and throw him out to feed the wolves. He was not at all afraid of other people’s criticism and moral scolding.
The son of a great general turned out to be a bandit leader.
Chang Yu Yan said, “You’d better simmer down a bit. There are many people in the capital keeping an eye on you.”
“If I ride a horse in the downtown can be described as an act of crime,” Xue Yuan said, “I’ll pile up a Jingguan6 in front of their doors some other day, so that they know what is called a crime.”
“You can’t pile it up even if you want. It’s not a battlefield. Where would you find so many heads to make a mountain?” Chang Yuyan poured himself another cup of wine. Half-reclined on the board, he recited a poem aloud, “Silk skirt with lotus-leave patterns of pure color and good cut, lotus flowers bloom on both sides of the picker’s face. Randomly, they enter the pond and disappear from sight, only their singing tells that there are souls coming out7.”
Xue Yuan said, “Where are the lotus leaves? And neither is this the lotus season.”
Chang Yuyan: “Although there are no lotus leaves, I saw a lotus face.”
He pointed to a handkerchief floating not far from the boat. “If I’m not wrong, the handkerchief should be embroidered with a portrayal of a beautiful lady.”
Xue Yuan picked up the oar and fished up the handkerchief. It was silk-woven, soft and smooth, and didn’t stick on the hand even wet. Xue Yuan squinted. After seeing the pattern on it, he smiled with a deep meaning.
Chang Yuyan curiously asked, “Is it a portrayal of a beautiful lady?”
“No,” Xue Yuan laughed horrifyingly, “it’s a portrayal of a dragon.
*
Gu Yuanbai, who was reading through the memorials8, suddenly felt cold on his back.
He frowned. The attendants had changed his handwarmer timely, brought hot tea, and made the fire in the brazier inside the palace hall more blazing. For people who were in good health, the temperature was already very hot. The palace maids and eunuchs were already sweating, but Gu Yuanbai felt that the temperature was just right.
He tightened the exquisitely carved handwarmer in his hand. With a wave of his brush, he got up after criticizing the last memorial and asked people to tidy up the table.
The young Emperor had a weak body and looked like he had not yet reached 20 years old. Gu Yuanbai tried several times to solve the physiological needs of men, but he lost his appetite every time he looked at that tender pink and sparse hair down there.
The color and shape were very nice and smooth, which could even be called delicate. However, putting it on Gu Yuanbai himself was a glaring blow to his male self-esteem.
It was so delicate that it turned red with a rub and wilted no matter how it felt.
Gu Yuanbai stood at the window and sighed deeply.
Since Gu Yuanbai dispatched Tian Fusheng, he was attended by a little eunuch. The little eunuch said cautiously, “What’s bothering Your Majesty?”
Gu Yuanbai was about to speak when he heard the noise outside the palace hall. He frowned, “What is happening outside?”
As soon as his voice fell, someone ran in and announced, “Your Majesty, an assassin has been caught outside.”
Gu Yuanbai’s complexion abruptly darkened. The Captain of the Imperial Bodyguard, who guarded him on the side, had even a darker complexion than his.
*
It was already dark when he finished criticizing the memorials. The assassin dressed in all black and his tracts were strange. If Gu Yuanbai had not thoroughly purged the imperial court long ago, and that the Forbidden Army and the Imperial Bodyguards worked diligently, they might not have discovered this person.
Gu Yuanbai sat high behind the official correspondences. His voice was like the cold wind on the twelfth lunar month, “Who sent you?”
The assassin was pressed to the ground and cried out for injustice, “Who will send a flower thief to be an assassin? Your Majesty is a good judge. This little one is blinded by lust and simply mustered the courage to enter the palace to have a look.”
Gu Yuanbai: “A flower thief picking in Zhen’s palace? Which flower do you like in Zhen’s palace?”
The Emperor’s tone was heavy. There weren’t any imperial concubines in the Imperial Palace. The flowers could only befit the palace maids in the Imperial Palace.
The assassin exerted himself to look in the direction of the Emperor. The young Emperor was so angry that his lips were red, his tragus9 were filled with blood, and his eyes contained ice belted with anger. Everywhere was a sight to behold, which made anyone be dazzled and could not afford to miss any.
The assassin opened his mouth wide as he looked at the Emperor in shock. His face abruptly turned red. He lowered his head and did not reply.
Captain of the Imperial Bodyguard rushed forward and kicked the assassin. The assassin grunted. With a sudden burst of strength, he overturned several Imperial Bodyguards that suppressed him but was instantly pressed by more people.
Bright yellow dragon boots appear in front of his eyes. Gu Yuanbai raised his feet to lift the assassin’s face. If there was no blood on this face, it would have look graceful but unshowy with those bright eyes. This was the face of a noble gongzi.
The assassin blinked away the blood at the side of his eye and looked up at the Emperor carefully. Close up, even the Emperor’s slender wrists were within his sight. He earnestly and sincerely said, “Your Majesty, this commoner is truly only blinded by lust for a moment.”
The corner of the Emperor’s lips slightly rose, “You think Zhen believed it?”
Every place was like jade, and yet more honorable than jade. The sweat that flowed out of these skin and flesh that was nurtured with pampering probably smelled fragrant.
The assassin felt his heart itch. The boots that lifted his chin smelled fragrant. He explained, “This little one saw you outside the palace. Never expected you to enter the palace nor expected you are the Emperor.”
Gu Yuanbai looked down at him and laughed grimly for quite a while before he spoke, “Throw him into the prison and properly interrogate.”
The Imperial Bodyguards dragged the man out. The assassin was still smiling while his eyes wandered around inside the palace hall, yet his peripheral vision never left the Emperor.
Gu Yuanbai coughed a few times as he looked at his smiling face coldly.
After the man was dragged out, the Captain of the Imperial Bodyguard took the lead and knelt in front of Gu Yuanbai. Gu Yuanbai glanced at them and refused to let them get up. Only after a good while that he calmed down and said, “Never again.”
Such a thief was let to rush to the front of the Xuanzheng10 Hall inside the Grand Imperial Palace.
Were all the guards in the palace useless?!
It was a shame that the assassin’s mouth was full of nonsense. Gu Yuanbai thought hard about who could be sending him, but his head began to ache at this time.
He rubbed his forehead with a slight frown. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Zhang Xu was looking at him. Gu Yuanbai frowned, “What?”
The Captain of the Imperial Bodyguard bowed his head in shame, “Your Majesty, your servant [I] will not let such a thing happen again.”
“Go and investigate where it went wrong,” Gu Yuanbai said coldly, “Zhen wants to see who left him a doghole!”
After the Captain of the Imperial Bodyguard withdrawn, Tian Fusheng scrutinized the Emperor’s complexion and persuaded, “Your Majesty, it’s time to eat.”
After a good while of persuasion, Gu Yuanbai reluctantly nodded and let him bring up the meal. A moment later, a table of exotic delicacies was placed in front of Gu Yuanbai.
However, no matter how delicious it was, a person would be tired of eating it for three years. Gu Yuanbai had no appetite. After he moved his chopsticks once, he didn’t want to move them again. He couldn’t help thinking of a series of delicious foods, such as a scrambled egg with tomato, hot pot barbecue, hamburger, and coke.
In particular, tomatoes. Gu Yuanbai used to be apathetic to tomatoes before, but in recent years, he almost became obsessive about tomatoes. He craved it when he thought of its sweet and sour taste. However, the tomato was introduced into China in the Ming Dynasty. He craved it so much now that he drooled since he couldn’t eat this big red fruit.
Once he thought of food, it couldn’t be stopped. Gu Yuanbai’s anger dispersed and only craving was left now. There were no hot peppers in Great Heng Dynasty at present. Currently, the spiciness in dishes was mostly mixed with spicy seasonings such as Sichuan pepper, cornel, ginger, mustard, betel, and so on. This body was weak and could not eat spicy food, so Gu Yuanbai seldom encountered spicy taste in the past three years.
After thinking about all kinds of food in his mind, Gu Yuanbai pondered for a while. Then, he beckoned someone and carefully instructed him before letting him go to the Imperial Kitchen to make a bowl of fried noodles in soybean sauce11 as per his instruction.
A moment later, a bowl of noodles covered with soybean sauce was put in front of Gu Yuanbai, with scallions sprinkled on it. The aroma was lingering and the appearance was really good. Gu Yuanbai picked up the noodles, wrapped them in soybean sauce and meat, and fed it to his mouth. The appetizing aroma assailed his nostrils, which then raised his appetite.
Gu Yuanbai cleanly ate the bowl of noodles and was fully satisfied. Gu Yuanbai looked again at the delicacies on the table that had not been touched. He moved his finger and lazily instructed, “Let people make another bowl of noodles and give it to General Xue along with lotus-shaped duck slivers and golden tripe soup.”
“Yes.”
*
General Xue personally received the food from the palace. The eunuch sent to deliver the dishes said with a smile, “General Xue is in the heart of His Majesty. When eating, His Majesty remembered General. There is also a bowl of noodles in the food box, which is a new dish that His Majesty asked the Imperial Kitchen to work out tonight. He specially asked this small one to bring a bowl for General to try it fresh.”
General Xue was moved and said in a deep voice, “The benevolence from His Majesty is vast. Your servant thanks His Majesty for the thought.”
The eunuch smiled with satisfaction and then left.
That night in Xue Residence.
The two dishes bestowed by the Emperor were placed in the center, while the bowl of noodles was placed in front of General Xue himself. General Xue carefully mixed the noodles and took the first bite respectfully.
The old madam looked at him with a smile, “What His Majesty has given us can’t be wasted. Today, don’t be reserved. Lin-ger can also drink some wine.”
Second-gongzi Xue responded affirmatively. Seeing General Xue’s chopsticks lifted, he also raised his chopsticks and reached out to the bestowed dish in the middle. Halfway, Xue Yuan’s chopsticks hit him on the back of his hand with a forced smile, “Did I let you eat?”
In an instant, there was a red mark on the backhand of Second-gongzi Xue. He looked at the elders with a grievance. However, both the old madam and General Xue seemed not to have seen it. Second-gongzi Xue had to let go of that dish and turned to a dish of vegetables nearby.
Xue Yuan changed to a new pair of chopsticks. He looked at the two dishes in the middle, took a bite, and said, “After hitting with a stick, give jujube12. General Xue, the Emperor treats you like a dog in training.”
“Then you are the son of a dog,” General Xue loudly said.
Xue Yuan was too lazy to argue with him. He concentrated on eating the imperial food from the palace. When he had eaten half, he suddenly spoke, “It’ll be the Lantern Festival Palace Banquet in a few days. I’ll go into the palace with you then.”
General Xue looked at him suspiciously and warned, “Don’t you think of doing anything to disgrace me.”
Xue Yuan drew up a gentle smile. He fished out the Emperor’s handkerchief to wipe the dirty dust on his shoes. Then, he threw it on the ground and trampled it a few times. He said, “Why would I?”
That sick and weak Emperor scolded him so hard in front of all the officials. Could he still dare to do any outrageous thing?
