Mr. Melancholy Wants to Live a Peaceful Life - Chap 16

You Zhengping had always appeared in front of Zhen Li in the form of the handsome uncle, and Lian Yufan had taken that form. Zhen Li had seen You Zhengping once before at the subdistrict office, but they hadn’t made a deep connection. They were practically strangers. Seeing a stranger burst into his studio, Zhen Li was bewildered.

On account of You Zhengping’s uniform, Zhen Li got up and politely asked, “What’s the problem, Uncle Policeman? We’re a legitimate business.”

Though Director Yu had ordered President Zhen to do some illegal work to make money quickly, President Zhen, for the sake of his own life, wasn’t planning on putting those orders into practice. Why would the police come to the door?

“What did you call me?” Hearing the word “uncle,” You Zhengping’s voice rose two keys.

Zhen Li was a Destroyer, threatening the safety of the world’s people, running a briefcase company and tricking his husband Yu Hua into joining it, getting Yu Hua investigated by the Protection Organization. Zhen Li had done all this to them, and yet he still wanted to seduce You Zhengping’s Yu Hua and swagger around calling him “uncle?” Was he old? No, he was only twenty-five!

But Zhen Li’s records said he was in his third year of university, twenty-one years old. He really was younger than You Zhengping.

“Don’t you normally call the police ‘Uncle Policeman’?” Zhen Li’s face had the word “innocent” written all over it. “I was being respectful. If you don’t like that, then how should I address you? Auxiliary Policeman-gege?”

The composition “Auxiliary Policeman-gege” sounded too much like “Honored Concubine-jiejie!”

“This is my husband. He must have come to visit me.” Yu Hua, who had been sitting steadily at the desk, quickly got up and nearly hopped over the desk.

When he left the desk, Yu Hua’s face appeared on the livestream for the first time. The barrage instantly went crazy:

[I was wrong, I only thought that Director Yu was over 185 cm tall. I didn’t expect Director Yu to be so handsome!]

[Despotic director and cute president, what a great plot, that’s worth having.]

[The little auxiliary policeman is also very handsome! You’re adorable when you’re fuming, like a little squirrel. I want to poke your cheeks.]

[Wanting to poke +1, when there’s such a cute guy on patrol, I want to bring him food and water, want to bring him home. Wait! The cute guy is married? Ah!!! Screaming myself hoarse!]

[No, he’s not the only one who’s married, Director Yu is also married, what did he say? This is his husband? So you’re really married? You weren’t only saying it during the interview to make President Zhen jealous?]

[The two of you look barely over twenty, why do you have to go into the grave of marriage so young?]

[When Director Yu walked over, no, when he slid over at the speed of light on his long legs, his face was very close to me, wow, he’s really handsome!]

Yu Hua’s handsome face was quickly followed by a black screen. Yu Hua had turned off the livestream.

He could sell Zhen Li off at a good price…ahem, with a good contract, and leave after getting back his hundred million. But he didn’t want himself and You Zhengping to appear in the public view. They were an ordinary couple, living a life of common concerns and trivialities. They wouldn’t get involved in the flashy culture of internet celebrities.

When he heard that the “Auxiliary Policeman-gege” was the great master’s husband, Zhen Li was dumbfounded. During the interview, the great master had in fact said that he had a husband with whom he was very close. But Zhen Li had thought that this was only because the livestream had been going then, and the great master hadn’t wanted the fans to put him and Zhen Li together in their imaginations.

But now, not only had the great master introduced this person as his husband, he had also run over to the Auxiliary Policeman-gege with his voice shaking and his steps unsteady, his ingratiating posture just as practiced as Zhen Li’s kneeling.

Fortunately, Director Yu’s knees were straight. After shutting off the livestream, he went to You Zhengping, held his husband’s hand, and introduced him to his “boss.” “President Zhen, this is my husband, You Zhengping. Pingping, this my boss, Zhen Li.”

“Pingping” was You Zhengping’s childhood name. Normally only his elders called him that. He didn’t especially like this name because it sounded unsophisticated. Yu Hua understood his husband’s views and wouldn’t call You Zhengping that in front of his crowd of underlings. In the ordinary course of life, he would only murmur the name “Pingping” in You Zhengping’s ear when they were performing back strength exercises together.

Calling him “Pingping” now in front of Zhen Li was to tell Zhen Li about “Pingping”’s importance to Yu Hua.

This intimate form of address also succeeded in eliminating You Zhengping’s anger. He’d wanted to throw Yu Hua off, but when he heard “Pingping,” he softened, turning his push into a pull, squeezing Yu Hua’s hand and saying to Zhen Li, “Hello, President Zhen. I’m sorry, I came to visit my husband without making an appointment. It was rude of me. You can just call me Mr. You.”

He stuck close to Yu Hua. If not for Yu Hua and Zhen Li’s relative positions in the workplace, You Zhengping definitely would have kissed his husband right in front of Zhen Li!

“No, you don’t need to call me ‘president,’ I’m the youngest, you can just call me Xiao Zhen, sir,” Zhen Li said stupidly, not yet recovered from the news of the great master having a husband.

“Boss, I’d like request leave to go talk to Pingping.” Only Yu Hua could maintain his “normal” persona in this moment.

As he spoke, his lips inadvertently brushed against You Zhengping’s ear, simultaneously shooting Zhen Li a cold and vicious look.

Yu Hua was telling Zhen Li that You Zhengping was his. Don’t think of hurting him.

Feeling Yu Hua kiss his ear, You Zhengping was delighted. As he smiled, he sent Zhen Li a fierce look, warning him not to even think about seducing Yu Hua.

Zhen Li: “…”

An age passed before he finally found his voice. Pretending to be calm, he said, “We’ve just signed a contract. This doesn’t count as a full working day. You can leave early, have a nice candlelight dinner with Mr. You.”

Mr. You and Mr. Yu’s expressions simultaneously said, “At least you know your place.” They left the office holding hands.

When they were gone, Zhen Li sat down on the floor to recover. After a long time, he climbed to his feet with difficulty, picked up his phone, turned on the livestreaming software, and publicly explained why the livestream had suddenly stopped earlier. He said that Director Yu didn’t want his work to impact his family, so he had turned off the livestream. As the boss, Zhen Li was extremely apologetic. He would livestream at the same time tomorrow.

Because the three of them were so handsome, the fans forgave Zhen Li. Zhen Li sighed in relief and sat on the floor hugging his knees, thinking, Why do I have it so hard?

When Mr. You and Mr. Yu went downstairs, they met Cen Xiao and the others, who had just hurried over. You Zhengping looked distastefully at them. “What are you guys doing here?”

We were worried about you! Cen Xiao swallowed the words down and forced himself to say, “You shouldn’t do your personal business while wearing your uniform. We brought your clothes. Hurry up and change.”

“Personal business while wearing your uniform” was a veiled warning to You Zhengping not to impulsively reveal his identity.

“I’ve got it,” You Zhengping said dully, still not in a great mood. “Give me the clothes. I’ll go change.”

He accepted the casual clothes he usually wore and took them to a restroom to change, leaving Yu Hua with Cen Xiao and the others.

They’d known each other for a long time, so they were fairly familiar with each other. It wasn’t awkward without You Zhengping there. “The roast chicken legs were delicious, thank you.”

Yu Hua liked everything connected to You Zhengping and treated his friends very well. He said, “It was Zhengping who wanted me to make some for you. He said you had all been working hard patrolling every day and wanted me to help you eat better.”

“Don’t put in a good word for him.” Shi Yongfu waved his hands. “If we weren’t strong enough, he wouldn’t have given us a single mouthful to eat! He’s unbearably stingy. One of these days, he’s going to get so fat!”

“No, I measure his weight and body fat percentage regularly. If there’s any fluctuation, I adjust his diet to make sure he stays healthy.” Saying this, Yu Hua’s tone was faintly self-satisfied. You Zhengping’s ability to eat while maintaining a good figure was because of what Yu Hua fed him.

Cen Xiao and the others: “…”

They were suddenly feeling full. Was it fun luring the single dogs in and then killing them? They wanted relationships, too!

When You Zhengping came out after changing, he saw his underlings “joyously” chatting with Yu Hua and felt inexplicably displeased. He dumped the auxiliary police outfit he’d changed out of into Cen Xiao’s arms and impatiently said, “Beat it, don’t get in the way of our two-person world.”

Cen Xiao was used to You Zhengping’s attitude; brothers were there for mutual mockery. He tactfully led the underlings away. Before leaving, he told Yu Hua, “Next time you make something tasty, send some for us, too!”

“All right,” Yu Hua agreed, smiling.

“Why would you make them food?! A hoard of locusts. They stole all my chicken legs.” At the mention of the chicken legs, You Zhengping felt hurt. “You get so tired doing the housework, there’s no need to make anything for them.”

Yu Hua did what the livestream fans had wanted to do, poking You Zhengping’s puffed-out cheek. Smiling, he said, “They’re your friends. I want them to approve of me, to like me, to wish us well.”

You Zhengping’s anger cooled at once. Holding Yu Hua’s hand, he said, “I’m off work. Do you want to go have a candlelight dinner or go home and cook for me?”

“Which would you like?” Yu Hua asked.

“I think the food you make is the best!” You Zhengping said.

“Then let’s go home.” A warm current rose in Yu Hua’s heart. “I like to watch the news broadcast while eating, and listen to the weather forecast background music while washing the dishes.”

This was Yu Hua’s plain yet happy life. He definitely wouldn’t let anyone destroy it.

“All right, all right!” You Zhengping nodded his head repeatedly.

Then his phone’s message notification rang. You Zhengping fished out his phone. It was from a strange number that had sent an advertising message.

But You Zhengping could tell that this message came from Lian Yufan, using the Protectors’ code.

Lian Yufan said: Don’t go home. We’re searching your apartment.

You Zhengping’s anger instantly flew to the top of his head. Damn it! How did Lian Yufan know he was going home? Who was spying on them? And that was his and Yu Hua’s home, what right did those bastards have to search it!?

Before he could encourage Yu Hua not to go home, the same number sent him another coded message.

Translated, the message was: I planted a nano-listening device on you that sticks to the skin, the newest technology. It won’t be discovered. Scout out Yu Hua’s intentions during dinner. Be careful of personal information. Don’t be counter-probed. As a relative of the suspect, you must cooperate with the work of the organization.

You Zhengping’s hand shook as it clutched the phone.

“What does it say?” Yu Hua looked at the message, not at all guarded, and saw that it was an advertisement. “These businesses are a pain. If you buy something at the store, your personal information gets leaked, and you’re always getting junk messages. There’s no way to block them.”

“Right, you’re always getting junk messages,” You Zhengping said, squeezing the words out from between his teeth. “How about we go out to eat?”

“Hm?” Yu Hua looked doubtfully at You Zhengping. Why would he change his mind just like that?

“I, I got paid today! I haven’t been working for a full month, but my job issues wages at a fixed time every month, so I’ve been paid ahead of time. Though it’s my trial period salary, it’s still 4000 yuan, so I have an opportunity to invite you out to eat,” You Zhengping said, smiling, quickly thinking of an excuse. He wasn’t smiling from happiness. Under his sweet smile, there was deep agony.

He was cooperating with Lian Yufan to lie to Yu Hua. He was a bad partner.

“So much money? Then we really do have to celebrate,” Yu Hua said cooperatively. “What do you want to eat? As the guest, shouldn’t I be the one to choose?”

“Of course, go ahead and pick. Somewhere with a nice atmosphere,” said You Zhengping.

“Then…will the restaurant where we had our blind date do? The atmosphere is good, there are private rooms, and it’s the place where we met,” Yu Hua said into You Zhengping’s ear.

Yu Hua’s expression was smiling, but he wasn’t happy. He knew that You Zhengping had an uncontainable character. At dinner today, he would definitely ask about Yu Hua’s relationship with Zhen Li. Given Yu Hua’s qualifications, he was simply wasting his talents on Zhen Li’s studio. You Zhengping would definitely want an explanation.

Yu Hua had already prepared a flawless excuse, but when he thought of lying to You Zhengping, who was so pure, he felt very sad, as pained as if the System had used its power to block all the blood vessels in his heart.

“Of course that’ll do. I also love that restaurant. So many of our memories are there.” You Zhengping’s expression was fond.

But inside he was crying. He was going to lie to and interrogate Yu Hua at the restaurant where they had first met. It was too cruel.

Both their hearts were full of self-blame. Neither of them dared to look at the other’s expression, so neither found out that his husband was forcing a happy look.

This couple that seemed so much in harmony while actually being at odds got a taxi and went to eat dinner hand in hand, their smiles brimming with sweetness.

Author’s Note
Yu Hua: I’m lying to him.

You Zhengping: I’m lying to him.

Messrs. Melancholy: I’m a real scumbag!