Mr. Melancholy Wants to Live a Peaceful Life - Chap 24

Zhen Li turned circles around the office like an ant boiling in a pot. Occasionally he used his long sleeve to wipe his forehead. Today he was dressed in the cool and roomy outer robe of the Wei and Jin Dynasties1; the spacious, dark purple robe with its expansive sleeves had a pattern of bamboo leaves embroidered on it, perfectly combining the alluring and the repressive. His anxious look added even more to the aesthetic of a sickly beauty of the period. Sitting in front of the livestream unmoving, he could still attract fans.

The fans were very confused. How could Zhen Li wear such a gay shade of purple and look like such a baffled little hipster? It must have been that his temperament was too stupidly foolish, or else his expression was too anxious.

Next to him was the as-ever unprofessional Yuan Luori in his eternally unchanging form-fitting black clothes, disdainfully watching Zhen Li parading his looks out of the corner of his eye, feeling that his patience had already reached its limit. He was very impatient with Zhen Li’s activities; at this rate, how long would it take him to clear?

The livestream fans had already seen it all from Yuan Luori. With these interactions, there was no way to promote a ship; candy shoved down your throat wasn’t sweet at all. They weren’t buying.

After struggling through the daily fixed 10am-12pm livestream, Zhen Li turned off the livestream and sighed lengthily.

He was a newbie who had taken fifteen years to go through four levels, but he had to manage a studio and realize a hundred a million in profits in three years. Not only did his subordinate directors not listen to his orders, they were always threatening his life.

Take this livestream, for example. What internet celebrity livestreamed every morning? Didn’t everyone choose traffic-heavy times around eight in the evening? Could you make any money livestreaming in the morning?

But Yu Hua hadn’t agreed. He had said that he had to go home in the evening to cook dinner and watch the news. He didn’t want to work overtime at the office because of a livestream. Anyway, two people working overtime in the evening was an ambiguous situation; he wouldn’t be able to explain himself to Xiao You.

So Zhen Li had been forced to arrange to livestream in the morning. That he was still able to attract fans like this was all thanks to the big wardrobe he had equipped. But despite this, Yu Hua still thought his foundation item was too lowly.

Not only did he get bullied by his subordinates, the World Protection Organization also had its eyes on Zhen Li. It was one thing to be interrogated about Yu Hua and Yuan Luori’s identities; Zhen Li had been prepared for that. But what kind of cursed mission was it to make him lure Yuan Luori to the amusement park? How could he get him to agree without raising his defenses?

Tomorrow was the planned date. Zhen Li, caught in the middle, was harassed enough to cry. His IQ wasn’t high enough, and most of it was spent on his appearance. How could he think of a way? He had to rely on Yu Hua, who was a master strategist.

Since the start of the livestream, Zhen Li had been shooting looks at Yu Hua, hoping that the great master would come up with an idea.

Noticing Zhen Li’s roving eyes, the livestream fans had all asked President Zhen whether he really couldn’t stand Director Yuan and wanted to switch partners, and that was why he kept making eyes at Director Yu offscreen. Zhen Li was nearly scared to death when he saw the barrage. His gaze froze at once. He was petrified that Yu Hua would dig his eyes out.

There was no one to help him. All Zhen Li could do was keep up an awkward lagging conversation with Yuan Luori after the livestream ended.

“How many worlds have you passed?” Zhen Li asked.

“Thirty-seven.”

“That’s a lot, amazing,” Zhen Li praised lifelessly, but he was thinking, The great master passed 3841 worlds. That’s more than a hundred times your number.

Yuan Luori said, “It’s not that much. I heard that all ten of the Clearing League’s first-rate masters have passed over a hundred, and the head of the league has passed two-hundred eighteen. He’s the most powerful among the current levelers.”

Yu Hua, pretending to be busy next to them: “…”

“Oh, two-hundred eighteen.” Zhen Li snuck a glance at Yu Hua. “How fe—many! Amazing!”

“What’s so amazing about it? Even at two-hundred eighteen, he’s still nowhere near clearing. I don’t know how many levels the first clearer passed. It must have been at least five hundred.” Yuan Luori was sitting on the desk with one leg bent up, hugging his leg with both arms, his chin resting on his knee. He seemed rather lonely.

“Five hundred levels…may not be quite enough.” It really wasn’t enough. Even the order of magnitude wasn’t enough.

“Who knows? I can’t imagine any more.” A trace of weakness appeared in Yuan Luori’s face. He drew a dagger from his waist and stabbed the table with it, fiercely saying, “This is a multi-person mission. The System promised that anyone who participated would clear. I barely survived my thirty-seventh world. I may not be able to survive the next. I can’t let this opportunity go!”

Yu Hua looked at the desk. In an “Office Materials Requirement List,” he entered: Purchase desks at second-hand market, quantity: 50.

“R-really?” Zhen Li’s feelings were very complicated. He picked up Yuan Luori’s birdcage and poked the parrot inside it. “You’re so desperate to clear. What are you planning to do after you clear?”

“Don’t touch the parrot.” Yuan Luori snatched away the parrot. “Of course I’m planning to take the enormous power I get from inside the System, go to a…a safe world like this one, and occupy that world. I want everyone to look at me!”

“Well, actually, you can also do that here by doing a good job attracting fans,” Zhen Li whispered.

Zhen Li was deliberately avoiding the parrot, so Yuan Luori didn’t hear these words.

Yuan Luori’s mood changed at the mention of his wish after clearing. He had a desire to talk and said to Zhen Li, “What do you think, has my idol already taken over the System and become the controller of countless worlds?”

“Who is your idol?” Zhen Li was panicked.

Yuan Luori said, “Of course it’s the legendary clearer.”

Yu Hua: “…”

Yuan Luori said: “I was enduring my nineteenth world when he cleared. That world was too hard. I was seriously injured and about to die. Then the System issued a notice, announcing that to celebrate the emergence of the first clearer, all the worlds’ difficulty levels would be reduced to one tenth. It’s all because of him that I was able to survive. He’s my savior.

“Apart from survival, the reason I want to clear is so that I can get closer to that matchless person.”

Yu Hua really couldn’t listen to any more of this. He threw the office materials requirement list he’d just filled out onto the desk and expressionlessly said, “Why didn’t the clearer wait a few more minutes to clear?”

Hearing Yu Hua slander the person he most revered, Yuan Luori ground his teeth. “If I didn’t need to hide, if I didn’t still have a use for you, I’d already have…”

“No, no, no!” Zhen Li quickly acted as peacemaker, blocking Yuan Luori. “You have to take this seriously, you can’t reveal your identity, the Protection Organization is very powerful!”

Yuan Luori held himself back. If the target of the System’s mission really was the head of the Protection Organization, then he truly couldn’t act rashly.

Seeing that the two of them had talked awkwardly for ages without mentioning tomorrow’s date at the park, Yu Hua gave Zhen Li an excuse. “Boss, I’ve finished today’s work. I request permission to leave early. I have a date with my husband tomorrow. I want to get home early today to prepare.”

“Oh, all right, go ahead, I’ll count it as full attendance,” Zhen Li said.

After Yu Hua left, Zhen Li quietly said to Yuan Luori, “There’s something I have to confess.”

“What?”

“Actually, my identity has already been exposed. The night before yesterday, a person from the Protection Organization with the rank of captain ambushed me at my house, interrogated me, and made me tell him which of you and Yu Hua was actually a leveler,” Zhen Li said.

“You…” Hearing that Zhen Li had revealed his identity so easily, Yuan Luori was so angry he got out his dagger. “Good-for-nothing!”

Zhen Li obligingly said, “That’s right, I’m a good-for-nothing, but I didn’t reveal your identity, I said that Yu Hua was the leveler.”

“Good for you, but will they believe that?” Yuan Luori slowly put his dagger away.

“We can make them believe it,” Zhen Li said. “The Protection Organization is planning to test Yu Hua tomorrow during his date to see whether he possesses special abilities. We only have to follow quietly and make it look like Yu Hua has powers, and you won’t be suspected anymore. That’s the strong point of a hidden assassin type.”

Yuan Luori wiped the dagger with Zhen Li’s wide sleeve and praised him: “Finally you’ve said something clever, but you’re not ruthless enough. I not only want to use him to get rid of suspicion, I also want to make the Protection Organization kill him. I have to conceal my identity, so I can’t touch him, so can’t I make the Protection Organization do it themselves? Hahaha!”

Zhen Li raised his head and looked at Yuan Luori, thinking, Go ahead and laugh, today’s the only time you’ll get to do it.

Now that he had finally succeeded in tricking Yuan Luori, the rest of this wasn’t Zhen Li’s business. He lightly patted his sleeve, planning to leave the office.

“Wait.” Yuan Luori called Zhen Li to a halt and said suspiciously, “He only asked you for leave just now. How would the Protection Organization have known the night before last that he had a date tomorrow?”

This question brought Zhen Li up short. He said uncertainly, “Could it be because he booked tickets online using the real-name system?”

“I feel uneasy. You and I will go to that amusement park tonight to lay traps ahead of time,” Yuan Luori said.

“Huh? I’m going, too?” Zhen Li said in surprise. “The Protection Organization knows my face. I’ll be observed.”

“No problem, I know disguise techniques.” Yuan Luori pulled a crumpled-up old man mask out of the System’s space.

“I won’t do it,” Zhen Li refused. He didn’t even have the System anymore. All he had left was his alternate dimension stomach. Wasn’t he going to his death if he went to the amusement park?

“You have to go,” Yuan Luori said, clutching the back of Zhen Li’s neck.

With a death grip on the back of his neck, Zhen Li couldn’t refuse. He tearfully went with Yuan Luori through the night to lay traps at the amusement park.

Zhen Li spent a busy night, and You Zhengping and Yu Hua didn’t sleep well, either. They were both masters at pretending to be asleep. They seemed to be sleeping soundly all night, but in reality they didn’t sleep a wink.

In order to rationalize the Protection Organization’s actions, You Zhengping had announced all over the police bureau that he had a date that weekend, and he had swapped several shifts with colleagues into order to get the day off. Due to his massive public display of affection, many people knew his itinerary, so there would be nothing unusual about the Protection Organization scouting it out. Yu Hua wasn’t suspicious at all.

The two worried people held each through the night. In the morning, Yu Hua “regained consciousness” per the alarm as usual. He opened his eyes. With complicated thoughts, he looked at You Zhengping’s sleeping countenance. When he had looked for a while, he scratched his husband’s nose and said quietly into his ear, “Get up, the itinerary is tight today, we have to be up early.”

“Uh-huh…” The wide-awake You Zhengping hugged the quilt and said, “Let me sleep for five more minutes. I’m so sleepy.”

He never got up early. It would be unreasonable for him to get up right away now.

“I’ll go make some simple food first. You can sleep for another ten minutes, that’s all, all right?” Yu Hua said.

“Yeah, call me when it’s ready,” You Zhengping said “murkily.”

Today’s breakfast was milk and homemade sandwiches. Yu Hua quickly fried two eggs, warmed up the bread in the toaster, prepared the savory Spam and greens, spread salad dressing on the insides of two slices of bread, arranged the pieces of Spam, fried eggs, and greens on them, and within five minutes, two simple sandwiches were completed.

Yu Hua warmed the milk to the most suitable temperature for drinking and poured it into a cup, then went to get You Zhengping out of bed.

You Zhengping pretended to struggle for a moment, then got up with his hair a mess. He quickly brushed his teeth and ate the breakfast Yu Hua had made in a few mouthfuls.

While You Zhengping was showering, Yu Hua quickly washed the dishes, dried them, and put them in the cupboard, properly arranging them, changed into casual dress that was suitable for moving around in, and waited for his husband by the door.

His husband washed up very quickly. His hair was still wet when they were about to go out. Yu Hua was worried he would catch a cold and got out a blowdryer to dry You Zhengping’s hair for him. Only when it was more or less dry did they change to sneakers and go out.

In the car, they put on You Zhengping’s favorite music to listen to. He sat in the passenger’s seat, took a picture of Yu Hua seriously driving the car, and posted a Moment of it with the comment, “We’re going on a date today. Got up early, so I’m tired. Luckily there’s an angel to drive for me, so I can catch up on some sleep.”

“Why hasn’t anyone favorited it?!” You Zhengping said resentfully five minutes later.

Yu Hua was amused by his impatient look. “Cen Xiao and the others don’t get up until noon on days off. It’s only seven. Your friends aren’t out of bed yet.”

“Crowd of night owls. They’ll be bald sooner or later,” You Zhengping said discontentedly.

He understood perfectly well that Cen Xiao and the others had been lying in wait at the amusement park since three in the morning. They were wide awake now.

You Zhengping’s squad were irregular personnel, but this time, they were dealing with two or even three Destroyers at once, so Director Xiao was very cautious and had put Cen Xiao temporarily in charge of the squad so they could support Lian Yufan.

The amusement park opened for business at eight-thirty. Yu Hua reached the suburbs after driving for an hour. He parked the car and got out a picnic basket. Inside were the snacks he had prepared last night, such as roast chicken and roast duck. He had carefully wrapped these up in tinfoil to keep them warm and fresh.

This amusement park was already deserted to the point of having no restaurants or shops. There was only a small supermarket remaining at the entrance, and the only food items it supplied visitors with were bread, instant noodles, and bottled water. Lian Yufan hadn’t wanted to harm innocent people; at this moment, all of the amusement park’s employees had been swapped with the Protection Organization’s irregulars. These people were robust and talented, and they had been carefully cultivated. The only difference between them and Protectors was that they didn’t have special abilities.

The Protectors and the irregulars wore nanotech masks. Apart from Lian Yufan, taking the lead, who was using the handsome uncle’s face, the rest all had unremarkable man-in-the-street faces.

Yuan Luori and Zhen Li were disguised as an elderly man and woman buying tickets on the scene. The “elderly man” Yuan Luori was holding his parrot, and the parrot was vigilantly watching the people around them. The “elderly lady” Zhen Li kept his body as stooped as possible, pretending to be short.

All the ordinary people had been cleared out of the amusement park. The only people wearing their own faces were You Zhengping and Yu Hua. There wasn’t a single ordinary citizen. They were all people with super powers or veteran special forces.

The park opened at eight-thirty. The melancholy husbands went in, holding hands and carrying a lunch basket. They were met with the sight of a peeling “Welcome,” shops with tightly closed doors and windows, dried-up fountains, a yellowed lawn, withered flowers, and creaking attractions.

You Zhengping: “…”

Truly a great place to commit major crimes in broad daylight! If you ran into trouble here, no one would come to help even if you screamed your throat out!

Yu Hua was also astonished by the bleakness of the amusement park. He pointed to the lawn and said, “Uh…are you sure about looking for memories here?”

“Of course!” You Zhengping stubbornly ran up to a closed sugar figurine stand. “I still remember, when I was eight, I came here and ate a sugar figurine. When I’d eaten it, I wanted another one. My dad wouldn’t buy it for me. He said it was bad for my teeth. I was a brat then. I was so mad, I cried and rolled around on the ground in front of a whole crowd. The people around us all criticized my dad, saying that the child only wanted to eat a sugar figurine, why not buy it for him?”

He recalled it as he spoke, standing by the side of the sugar figurine stand, stroking the long-rotted wood.

Yu Hua put down the basket he was holding, picked up the camera hanging around his neck, and photographed the scene of You Zhengping remembering his childhood.

“What happened then? Did our dad buy you the sugar figurine?” Yu Hua had married into his husband’s family; You Zhengping’s parents were his parents, too.

“My dad didn’t spoil me,” You Zhengping said, laughing. “He brought me up to the sugar figurine stand and bought twenty of them at one go. He ordered me to eat them all up. A real man had to take responsibility for his own words. Since then, I don’t dare to eat candy anymore.”

Remembering the taste of those twenty sugar figurines, You Zhengping unconsciously rubbed his stomach. He had eaten until his tongue had gone numb back then. It really was a psychological shadow.

“That’s a bit cruel.” Seeing his lingering fear, Yu Hua’s heart ached a little.

You Zhengping said, “I didn’t really eat all of them. My dad ate the rest. He doesn’t like eating sweets, but that day he said, a son throwing a tantrum in public is the father’s fault, so he also had to bear a portion of the responsibility. When we finished eating the twenty sugar figurines, he seemed to be in more pain than me. I was a very bratty, very mischievous child when I was little. Cats and dogs all hated me. It’s because my dad was an example to me that I got out from the crooked path and onto the the proper one.”

The two of them chatted as they walked, and the deserted amusement park didn’t feel very scary. At each place they came to, You Zhengping talked about a childhood memory, and Yu Hua took a photograph to commemorate it.

“Stop taking pictures of me, we need to take a picture together,” You Zhengping said. “Let’s find someone to take a picture for us. Uncle, could you help us out?”

Lian Yufan, having been called “uncle,” turned woodenly and took the camera, inwardly cursing You Zhengping while on the surface he calmly took a picture of the two of them.

Yu Hua hadn’t expected that You Zhengping would choose the Protection Organization’s leader right away. His face stiff, he held You Zhengping’s hand and let the handsome uncle take a picture for them.

Not far off, the “elderly lady” Zhen Li watched the scene of the Protector captain taking a picture for the most powerful Destroyer. He was so scared his white-haired wig nearly fell off. What a masterpiece this was!

Author’s Note
Hundreds of years later, this photograph will be entered in the history books.

University entrance exam history question: In this photograph, who is the most powerful Destroyer, and who is the most powerful Protector? What era-spanning significance does this photograph have?

Answer: The Protector and the Destroyer were united in marriage, setting off the first shot of the era of peace. It became known as the “Amusement Area 531 Event.” This was the first time humans had a different understanding of Destroyers. You Zhengping and Yu Hua’s marriage safeguarded the world’s stability and peace for many years. We must applaud Comrade You Zhengping’s sacrifice.

(I can’t go on.)