Mr. Melancholy Wants to Live a Peaceful Life - Chap 29

It was already dark when You Zhengping woke up. He blinked, not quite understanding how things had happened.

He had bought everything according to Yu Hua’s shopping list, come home and seen Yu Hua burning the pants. Yu Hua had said he had thought they were inauspicious. He didn’t want to use the clothes they had worn to the amusement park again.

This part You Zhengping could understand. Many of his elders had this habit, and some even wanted you to step over a brazier afterwards; they said this removed the bad luck.

Though Yu Hua was a graduate of an institution of higher learning who had grown up receiving an education in scientistic socialism, there were still certain things he clung to. You Zhengping was very receptive of this.

Furthermore, after burning the pants, Yu Hua had realized that doing this was too dangerous; it was easy to start a fire. So he had put out the flames and cleaned up the ashes, and he had checked the house for sparks, thoroughly checking to make sure that every place was safe.

After clearing away the smell of smoke inside, Yu Hua had put the clothes the two of them had worn that day in the washing machine, planning to wash and disinfect them, then put them in a vacuum-sealed bag and donate them. You Zhengping also understood this.

Everything was very reasonable and very normal. The unusual thing had happened after the washing machine had started running.

You Zhengping had given the shopping list and the goods to Yu Hua, but for once, Yu Hua hadn’t checked whether everything on the list had been bought. He had fixed his gaze firmly and unwaveringly on You Zhengping.

“What-what is it?” Faced with Yu Hua’s gaze, You Zhengping retreated towards the back of the couch, feeling unexpectedly panicked.

Yu Hua, always tidy to the point of obsessive-compulsiveness, casually tossed aside the things You Zhengping had bought. He put one hand on the couch, leaned down, and gently sniffed You Zhengping’s lips.

“You’ve been sneaking food,” Yu Hua said confidently.

“Your…sense of smell is very good. I even had gum,” You Zhengping said guiltily.

He struggled to shift backwards. The couch Yu Hua had bought when they had been decorating was large and sturdy. There room for You Zhengping to wriggle for a long time.

Seeing You Zhengping dodge, Yu Hua bent his knee and moved forward. He took You Zhengping’s wrist and pressed his lips to it, sniffing gently. “We decided we were going to take care of our health, eat light foods. We decided on a diet as dull as water. But you went out to sneak food.”

“Just, just a bit of barbecue, I didn’t even get full.” You Zhengping felt his hair standing on end. Gooseflesh trembled on the arm Yu Hua had kissed.

“Aside from the barbecue, is there anything else?” Yu Hua asked.

“I also had a bottle of coke.” Under Yu Hua’s gaze, You Zhengping threw down all his defenses and confessed everything. “I often drink coke when I’m on duty. It’s all because Cen Xiao makes me. He says everyone’s happily staying up late and getting bald together, and there I am sneakily taking care of myself ahead of time. They made me get into the habit of drinking Coca-cola, it’s all their fault, I was forced!”

Yu Hua sighed faintly. With one hand on the couch, he released You Zhengping’s wrist with the other hand and brushed aside the hair in front of his forehead.

With his fingers tangled in the luxurious black hair, Yu Hua sighed. “Such thick hair.”

“Right, right, it’s Cen Xiao’s fault, all of those underlings are good for nothing!” You Zhengping nodded his head like a chick pecking grain.

The hand left his hair and pinched You Zhengping’s chin. Yu Hua closely examined You Zhengping’s face. After gazing at it for a moment, he suddenly said, “You’re really handsome.”

It was no wonder that when You Zhengping had been struggling and calling for help in the car that time, Yu Hua hadn’t been able to resist going over to put a stop to the activity in the car. He had been walking hesitantly towards the restaurant where his blind date had been arranged when he’d been attracted by a heart-wrenching cry for help. Yu Hua had been planning to look on coldly, then leave, but he had seen a young man full of vitality sticking his head out the car window.

Yu Hua had thought then, if he didn’t do something to help this young man, he might regret it.

When the young man had indicated that he and his friends had only been playing around, and had shown him countless photos of friendly play, Yu Hua had felt faintly lost, thinking that he must have appeared to the young like a humorless idiot who had taken frolicking and laughter for a crime, and had even wanted to call the police.

The young man truly was very handsome, so handsome that you would be captivated with one look.

“Th-thank you?” Hearing Yu Hua call him handsome, You Zhengping first thanked him politely, then said, “You’re more handsome than me.”

The only person in the world You Zhengping would admit to be more handsome than himself was Yu Hua.

“What are you thanking me for?” Yu Hua laughed. The coldness in his eyes gradually warmed over. The arm propped on the couch switched to encircling You Zhengping’s waist.

Without the support of his arm, Yu Hua’s body pressed down on the couch.

You Zhengping had been right; Yu Hua was more handsome than him. Since they were using their faces to do battle, what right did he have to blame him for using his face to blind others’ eyes?

The hand holding You Zhengping’s chin changed positions, and then, and then they…well…exercised.

The time had gone from morning to evening. You Zhengping squeezed his arms, thinking that not only was Yu Hua’s back strong, his arms were also unexpectedly quite strong. When he had easily picked You Zhengping up, You Zhengping had been scared, worried he might fall at any moment.

“Hehe…hehe…” You Zhengping laughed to himself from time to time, simply lying in bed not wanting to get up, lazily waiting for Yu Hua to finish making a midnight snack and come get him out of bed.

After getting up to some mischief, the two of them had napped for a while. About when it had just gotten dark, Yu Hua had called out quietly in vexation: “The clothes are still in the laundry!”

He had quickly gotten up and dressed, rinsed the already wrinkled clothes again, then dried them. Then he had used a clothes steamer to iron out the wrinkles and hung them out on the balcony to get rid of the water vapor from the steaming. When they were completely dry, he had arranged them.

Having arranged the clothes he was going to donate, Yu Hua had told You Zhengping that he was going to make a midnight snack. While it would still be light food, he could make You Zhengping some beef stew with tomato, and he could let him eat the pieces of beef from the soup.

You Zhengping crossed his arms under his head, feeling pleased.

In fact, when one form of appetite had been satisfied, another wouldn’t be so strong.

For example, in times of great stress, some people would choose to use binge eating to alleviate it, while some would use the method of frenzied shopping.

In the morning, You Zhengping had felt he hadn’t had enough to eat, but after a round of exercise, while he felt somewhat hungry after the activity, his mental state was full. He didn’t especially want to eat meat.

As he thought this, he fell asleep again in spite of himself. After all, he had taken out an overdraft on his strength. He had to sleep to get some rest.

When Yu Hua finished cooking, he gently opened the door and saw that You Zhengping was still asleep, his sleeping countenance lively and comfortable. He couldn’t quite bear to wake his husband, so he sat at the bedside, watching You Zhengping’s sleeping face.

All the little details of married life surged up to his heart. Yu Hua felt a sense of peace. He slowly left the bedroom and went to the study. He turned the desk calendar to today’s date.

Since his special abilities had awakened, he hadn’t kept up with his desk calendar diary. At first he had been afraid of crushing the fragile pen. Then he had felt that no matter what he wrote, he couldn’t avoid the issues of the System, the levelers, the mission, the undone seal, and so on. The calendar was a means for Yu Hua to record his true feelings. He was planning to wait until he was old, then take it out and use it to remember his and You Zhengping’s youth together. Yu Hua wasn’t going to write anything contrary to his wishes in it.

Today, Yu Hua’s mood had finally recovered, and he felt he could write the diary once again.

He turned to the back of the calendar page and wrote in very small characters:

—XX/XX/XX, Xiao You and I are staying home and resting off injuries for certain confidential reasons. Lately I’ve been busy with all kinds of things. The pace of life has been fast. Today the pace has slowed down for once, and I decided to do a general cleaning.

With time, even though I clean the rooms each day, some hard to spot dust will still gather in corners. It breeds germs.

There are not perfect people in this world, nor people who always live in the sun. There will always be times when you have to hide certain feelings in the dark. But as long as you sweep regularly, keep your life and mentality clean and tidy, you can still hold your head up and conduct yourself well.

Xiao You secretly ate barbecue outside. I was a little angry, and more angry that he’s been drinking coke with Cen Xiao and the others where I can’t see.

While the harm of coke is small, it accumulates over time, and one day it will turn into a hard to ignore calamity. It has to be dealt with as early as possible.

In order to punish Xiao You for secretly drinking coke, I decided to make him exercise with me. I’m very fond of exercise, but this time I went a little overboard. I made Xiao You beef stew to restore his strength.

PS: Due to certain confidential reasons, I have burned Xiao You’s pants. Must remember to buy some new ones when I get paid.

After writing in the diary, Yu Hua’s feelings became a good deal happier. He returned to the bedroom and kissed You Zhengping awake. He quietly said into his husband’s ear, “Get up and eat.”

You Zhengping opened his eyes and put his arms around Yu Hua’s neck, dazedly saying, “Don’t feel like moving.”

Yu Hua simply picked You Zhengping up and carried him to the dining table.

His arms were sturdy and strong, his steps firm as he lightly went from the bedroom to the dining room. You Zhengping’s head had cleared on the way. He squeezed Yu Hua’s arm. As he scooped meat out of the stew, he exclaimed in admiration, “Your arms are so strong.”

Yu Hua drank a mouthful of stew and smiled faintly. “A regular routine and a healthy diet, reinforced with exercise. As long as you have those, your physical condition will be very good.”

“After this, I pledge not to lie around in bed, not to drink coke, and not to eat junk food,” You Zhengping said amenably.

“It doesn’t have to be that absolute,” Yu Hua said. “As long as you don’t go overboard, once in a while is all right. I’ll eat with you.”

You Zhengping was instantly delighted. He ate the beef stew with tomato in satisfaction. How could Yu Hua be so nice? He truly was too blessed!

—

His superiors had only given You Zhengping three days of vacation. Three days later, he had to return to his post and finish the work handover with Lian Yufan.

Yu Hua, on the other hand, could rest for seven days. And if the Protection Organization didn’t let Zhen Li go, he could have an even longer vacation.

On the fourth day, You Zhengping, glowing with health and carrying a food box, went to report at the police bureau. After signing himself in, he secretly removed to the Protection Organization base. Before starting work, he opened the fragrant box of food to show off to everyone. “These are the self-control snacks Yu Hua got up early this morning to make me, healthy and delicious!”

The food box contained Yu Hua’s secret recipe beef jerky, crispy chicken breast cutlets, fall-of-the-bone pickled pepper chicken feet, and small pieces of fried milk. Unlike the chicken legs last time, it was all snacks you could eat to have something to chew on between proper meals. It was all food that wouldn’t take up space in your stomach and could be digested quickly, the sugar and fat giving a strong sense of fullness; it was a magic weapon against weight gain.

You Zhengping was young and liked to eat. Yu Hua was worried about him eating his way to high blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar, so ordinarily all the food he made him was focused on being healthy, with low fat, salt, and sugar contents. It was tasty but somewhat bland.

Now Yu Hua was aware of You Zhengping’s relative consumption capability. Special ability users consumed more each day than an average person could imagine.

The average person could consume between 1,200 and 2,000 calories per day. If they did more manual labor, then they would consume more, but they still couldn’t have too many carbs and too much fat without putting a burden on their metabolism and leading to such irreversible illnesses as diabetes.

But special ability users were different. To maintain their special ability, their daily caloric intake exceeded 10,000 calories. Following a fierce battle, their consumption would be even more difficult for a human to imagine. This frightening consumption capacity definitely couldn’t be supported merely with food. You Zhengping and the others relied more on absorbing all kinds of energy from the atmosphere, for example, sunlight, heat, gravitational potential energy, and so on.

Even though they could use the external world’s energy, this still operated on the basis of their own bodies’ strength. They could absorb the caloric value of their food directly, without going through their metabolisms. The higher the caloric value, the better food was for them.

Food intake alone wasn’t enough, either; the Protectors also secretly injected themselves with high-energy mixtures, or else they really would have been too hungry.

Yu Hua understood some of this, so he was gradually changing tactics when it came to food. Proper meals still had to have suitable nutritional value. Even if the caloric value wasn’t a concern, they still needed to replenish high-quality protein, vitamins, fiber, and other nutrients. You couldn’t eat junk food just because you weren’t worried about getting fat.

But for snacks, Yu Hua could adjust his tactics. Deep-fried take-out snacks were mostly made using recycled oil, while the ones he made himself were definitely made with fresh oil. They were healthy and sanitary and could safely be eaten.

When the food box was opened, the aroma wafted around. Everyone who smelled it swallowed involuntarily.

At this time, apart from You Zhengping’s squad, Lian Yufan’s squad was also at the Xuyang District base. They sniffed enviously, saying, “Oh, that smells so good.”

Lian Yufan’s squad was still reserved, but You Zhengping’s squad didn’t stand on formality. The squad’s spiritual leader Cen Xiao handed down his command: “Get it!”

His teammates surged forward at once, holding down You Zhengping and snatching his snacks.

“You aren’t allowed to take it, it’s all mine!” You Zhengping guarded the food with his life.

But Cen Xiao said with a malicious smile, “Everything I see is mine. Will it answer if you call it?”

“It will!” You Zhengping said. “The food box has my name on it!”

“Well, not once it’s out of the box!” Cen Xiao said rudely. The squad descended like locusts and ate up all the snacks.

All of Lian Yufan’s squad simultaneously swallowed their saliva, breathing in deeply of the fragrance to satisfy their craving.

“What are you sniffing? What a sorry picture!” Lian Yufan walked into the office carrying a box of files. First he reprimanded his subordinates. Then, grim-faced, he said to You Zhengping, “Captain You, I’m handing over the documents and investigation materials. I’ve put all of the personal information concerning Yu Hua inside. I guarantee that there are no backups or copies. My squad and I have all sworn not to mention intelligence concerning Yu Hua. Please receive this handover!”

You Zhengping got up, put his empty food box on the desk, and took the box from Lian Yufan’s hands. After a conscientious check, he signed the handover receipt.

Now that Yu Hua had been entirely cleared of suspicion, the leadership authority for the Xuyang District had returned to You Zhengping’s hands. The handsome uncle mask also belonged to him again.

Lian Yufan’s squad also got down to business and returned the Man-in-the-Street masks Numbers 1-6, which they had taken from You Zhengping’s squad. Everyone accepted them gladly. Only Cen Xiao hesitated, then said, “I think I’ll keep using the plain face I got later.”

You Zhengping looked at Cen Xiao in surprise.

Cen Xiao said, “I got a little friendly with Zhen Li while using Plain Face Number 1. That face is fairly suitable for keeping up a connection with Zhen Li. He’s already agreed to be the organization’s informer, so it would be good to leave a mask he’s familiar with.”

That made sense. You Zhengping nodded in agreement. After this, Cen Xiao would use the Plain Face Number 1 mask.

When the handover was finished, everyone cleared the smell of snacks out of the conference room and waited for Director Xiao to arrive and announce personnel adjustments and plans.

While waiting, You Zhengping asked, “What has Yuan Luori given up?”

He had been on vacation for three days and couldn’t receive excessively long messages. He had had to wait patiently until he came back to the base to ask.

Cen Xiao said, “He gave us a list of several Destroyers he’s familiar with, and he told us about the System behind them. Yuan Luori understands the System better than Zhen Li. He’s helped us answer the question of why the Destroyers’ technology has declined.”

When they had questioned Zhen Li before, the Protectors had wondered why the Destroyers’ control system had changed from a floating interface to a cell phone control. Zhen Li had just become a leveler fifteen years ago and had used the phone from the start. He hadn’t experienced the floating interface era and didn’t know anything about it.

Yuan Luori, however, had told the Protectors that this was because the first clearer had appeared fifteen years ago and the System’s difficulty level had decreased. Then the control interface had degenerated into the manually-operated one.

“According to the information supplied by Yuan Luori, we have sufficient evidence to suspect that the black-cloaked man who appeared at the amusement park was that first clearer. It’s very likely he’s also the direct cause of Destroyers not coming to our world for fifteen years.” Cen Xiao handed the minutes of Yuan Luori’s interrogation to You Zhengping. “We are inclined to see the clearer as being opposed to the System, and opposed to the Destroyers who came to our world before. As long as he acts appropriately, he may not be an enemy, and may even become a helper. Our leaders believe that while temporary collaboration is possible, we can’t entirely trust him. In the end, we have to remain on our guard against the Destroyers. Their attitude towards the black-cloaked man inclines more towards control than collaboration.”

You Zhengping quickly skimmed the interrogation minutes as he listened to the commentary. He pointed to one line in the minutes. “What’s wrong with Yuan Luori’s eyes?”

The line was: Yuan Luori reports that he is unable to see objects clearly. His vision is blurred.

“An eye exam was performed. He has a high degree of myopia and astigmatism. He’s already been prescribed glasses,” Cen Xiao said. “When the black-cloaked man simultaneously cut off his three linked lines of sight and ruined his foundational power, his eyes couldn’t take the strain of the backlash from his ability. That he wasn’t blinded is already a good thing. We consulted an ophthalmologist. In his situation, laser surgical correction can’t completely restore his vision. At most it can be restored to 6/90. It’s better to just wear glasses.”

You Zhengping wanted to say, “how awful,” but he remembered Yuan Luori’s arrogant appearance at the amusement park that day, and Yu Hua lying injured on the ground. By the time the words came to his lips, they had changed to, “He deserves it!”

“After the black-cloaked man did all this to him, how come the interrogation minutes are still overflowing with unreserved praise for the clearer?” You Zhengping asked.

Cen Xiao laughed. “The mentality of a worshipper, I guess. My idol abuses me a thousand times, and I treat him like my first love.”

“He’s wrong in the head.” When he understood the general situation, You Zhengping put down the interrogation minutes.

Soon, Director Xiao came into the conference room. Seeing the young squad, he said, “I’ve received a notice from the World Protection Organization Joint Conference. The European Protection Organization just took two Destroyers alive. Before they could learn anything from them, they self-destructed. Based on the abilities and battle methods they described, one of these Destroyers’ abilities closely coincide with one that Yuan Luori mentioned. We suspect these two are also with the Clearing League.”

The Protectors’ expressions became grave. It wasn’t only the Xuyang District. Destroyers were appearing throughout the world.

Director Xiao said, “At present, the only surviving members of the Clearing League are Zhen Li and Yuan Luori. Their Systems were fortunately removed by the black-cloaked man, and that saved their lives. We have to use them as bait to attract the attention of the other Destroyers, so we must send someone to protect them.

“Captain Lian Yufan, the organization has resolved that you are to enter Zhen Li’s studio in the form of an employee to observe and protect these two important informers at close range.”

Author’s Note
Zhen Li Studio’s four members: useless president; near-sighted janitor; most powerful Destroyer, HR director, clearer, and Protector’s family member Yu Hua; and elite Protector Lian Yufan.

Small, but still perfectly functional.