Mr. Melancholy Wants to Live a Peaceful Life - Chap 31

When they had finished dinner and Yu Hua had cleaned the kitchen, he went to the sofa to watch TV. The weather forecast had just ended. He turned on the internet TV and chose to watch Deception from Love. This was a story about the female main character’s husband cheating on her and seizing control of her family fortune. The female main character was in the dark about it for the first couple of dozen episodes, and in the latter couple of dozen episodes she got revenge.

You Zhengping, who had been indolently leaning on Yu Hua’s shoulder playing a game: “…”

He switched to lying down, slipping from Yu Hua’s shoulder to his lap. With his head pillowed on Yu Hua’s sturdy thighs, he absent-mindedly kept playing.

As he played, You Zhengping snuck glances at Yu Hua’s expression, seeing him studiously watching the drama with a grave expression, all but taking notes.

When Yu Hua saw that the female main character’s husband was not only cheating, but also plotting to steal her family fortune along with his mistress, he subconsciously stroked You Zhengping’s hair.

You Zhengping couldn’t keep playing. He cast aside his teammates, dropped his phone, and rubbed his head against Yu Hua’s lap. He put his arms around his husband’s waist, planning to bring the jealousy issue out into the open.

Feeling Xiao You hug him, Yu Hua paused the TV, bent his head, and lowered his gaze to look at his husband. His eyes were full of tender emotion.

While the atmosphere was ripening, You Zhengping’s phone rang. Yu Hua picked it up and, after a glance, passed it to You Zhengping.

When he took it, You Zhengping’s mind buzzed. The call was from Cen Xiao.

It’s eight in the evening, a time when a bit of something might happen between a married couple, and you’re calling me? Weren’t you taking Zhen Li home to indirectly probe the enemy?

You Zhengping cursed inwardly, but he was worried that Cen Xiao and Zhen Li had run into a new Destroyer, so he quickly picked up the phone. When he heard what Cen Xiao had to say, his face instantly turned green.

“What’s wrong?” Yu Hua asked, seeing his husband’s expression.

“Cen Xiao…took a passenger on his police-issued motor scooter, and, as a police employee, he violated the Xuyang District Traffic Rules and Regulations. He not only had a passenger, the passenger was injured, so the situation is serious. A fine alone isn’t enough to express the government’s condemnation. The two of them have been taken by the traffic police to sign letters of admonition,” You Zhengping said.

“Carrying an injured passenger?” Yu Hua asked, frowning.

“It’s your boss, Zhen Li,” You Zhengping said.

As he spoke, Yu Hua’s phone also ran. He looked—of course it was Zhen Li.

“Great…Director Yu, I’m with the traffic police,” Zhen Li said.

“You’re an adult. You have a duty and an obligation to be responsible for your own conduct. When you sign the letter of admonition and pay the fine, they’ll let you go. Why did you call me?” Yu Hua didn’t stand on any ceremony with his boss.

“That’s not it,” Zhen Li said quietly. “When we were arrested, someone filmed it and posted it online, and now some fans are squatting at the traffic police’s door, waiting for me to come out so they can film me. Won’t this impact my ability to earn money later?”

Yu Hua: “…”

On the other end, Cen Xiao said to You Zhengping, “I’m a police employee, the traffic police say they need to see my superior.”

You Zhengping: “…”

Oh, yes, when they had changed professions, he had taken on the rank of the captain of the auxiliary police squad.

He and Cen Xiao were police officers. Like the traffic police, they belonged to the police bureau’s inner organization. They were colleagues. But the organization wasn’t the same.

It was up in the air whether Cen Xiao violating a regulation would be a major issue. Rather than going to their direct superior, it was better to go to the squad captain You Zhengping, tell him to restrain his subordinate, not let this kind of thing happen again.

“You wait, I’ll be right there,” the melancholy husbands said in unison.

The melancholy husbands, who had just been lounging on the couch preparing to enjoy a sweet and stimulating night, had to accept their fates, get dressed, go outside, and clean up after their colleagues.

Yu Hua drove, taking You Zhengping to the gates of the traffic police unit. There were indeed over twenty people scattered in small knots outside the door. There were also people holding cameras who looked something like paparazzi.

Zhen Li had recently become an internet celebrity. He didn’t have a management company. He was all on his own. His popularity was abundant, but he had also gotten in quite a few people’s way. Now that he was involved in a scandal, while it wasn’t a major issue, it was still an entertaining piece of news. There were people who wanted to become popular by reporting on it, and there were people who wanted to take the opportunity to drag him down. In the System’s survival game worlds and in the ecology of ordinary internet celebrities, it was all war.

Yu Hua scanned the surrounding crowd, realizing that he would have a hard road ahead of him to launder money, no easier than resisting the System. After all, he was already a familiar hand at dealing with the System. Practice makes perfect, and he had had thousands of years of it, but he was a newbie when it came to using levelers to make money.

He straightened out his clothes in the car, making himself look like a solemn social elite. When he had ensured that he wouldn’t be made a fool of because of his clothes, he picked up a peaked cap and put it on You Zhengping’s head, quietly saying, “I’ll get out first and lead those people away. You get out of the car when they’re not paying attention. Remember to pass on those words to Zhen Li.”

“Fine.” You Zhengping looked up at Yu Hua and suddenly thought that his current grave, composed look was extremely handsome.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Meeting his eyes, Yu Hua’s heart heated up.

“It’s nothing,” You Zhengping said, smiling. “I was just thinking, it seems like you take this job pretty seriously. Your whole manner is different. It’s kind of attractive.”

“Only kind of?” Yu Hua raised his eyebrows.

“Very attractive.” Under cover of the car and darkness, with no one outside watching, You Zhengping leaned close and quickly kissed the corner of Yu Hua’s eye. He suddenly loved those self-confident eyes.

“Wait till we get home,” Yu Hua said a little disapprovingly. “There are too many people here.”

There was opposition in his voice, but the corners of his mouth turned up uncontrollably.

Yu Hua used all his self control to manage his expression, then got out of the car, his face solemn.

Anyone who would come to a police bureau to lie in wait for Zhen Li naturally knew all the circumstances. As soon as Yu Hua got out of the car, they recognized Director Yu, who rarely showed his face but still had more of a presence than Yuan Luori with his perfunctory daily livestreams.

The people scattered all over with their phones and cameras surged up, surrounding Yu Hua. The average person faced with an attack like this would have made a fool of himself, but Yu Hua had seen every kind of monster; twenty-some people couldn’t make him lose his composure.

“You’re Director Yu, right? Have you come to pick up Zhen Li?”

“Zhen Li is an internet celebrity with a million fans, but he’s violated traffic regulations and set a bad example for minors. Is he still qualified to keep his internet fame?”

“When Zhen Li sprained his ankle and stopped livestreaming for three days, was it really only a sprained ankle? An injury can be announced right away, why did he have to wait three days?”

“The person who violated the regulations along with Zhen Li was a police employee. Does this mean that Zhen Li has led a police employee astray?”

A few people charged to the front and asked difficult to answer questions. Nothing Yu Hua said now would be of any use. These were all malicious leading questions. If he didn’t answer, that was no problem, either. They could misinterpret silence as guilt.

“Ah! It’s Director Yu! Director Yu has come to pick up President Zhen!”

There were screams at the periphery. These were not very rational fans.

Yu Hua swept his gaze over the crowd and calmly said, “I’m only the Zhen Li Studio’s human resources director. I have no authority to answer your questions on my boss’s behalf. Please wait for him to come out so he can explain things to you himself.”

While he drew everyone’s attention, a person wearing a black cap furtively got out of the car and silently snuck into the traffic police unit.

“In reality, our work isn’t so bound by dogma. If you encounter a genuinely handicapped individual or need to take steps as soon as possible, these matters have their relative importance, and violating discipline can be understood. We would perform a concrete analysis of the concrete problem. But look at what you’ve done. If you’re taking your friend home, can’t you get him a cab? Do you absolutely have to use a police-issued single person vehicle to take him? Examine your conscience. Is his ankle that badly sprained?” As soon as You Zhengping came in, he heard the captain of the traffic police unit speaking sincerely to Cen Xiao.

“You’re right, you’re right.” Cen Xiao nodded repeatedly.

“We’re colleagues, I don’t want to be so harsh, but your conduct in this amounts to poking holes in our new policy! If we can’t set an example internally as a warning and as instruction, won’t everyone think that police employees are privileged? Then what becomes of the deterrent abilities of law enforcement personnel? What becomes of the credibility of the government?” The captain was a fifty-something veteran. His speech was bitterly resentful.

“You’re right, you’re right.” Cen Xiao had turned into a nodding machine, not daring to say a single extraneous sentence.

“Captain, hello, I’m Cen Xiao’s direct superior.” You Zhengping took off his cap, took out his auxiliary police ID, and passed it to the captain. He very politely said, “Sorry, since there are people outside and I’m not on duty, in order to maintain police discipline, I didn’t put on my uniform.”

“You’re his superior?” The captain looked at You Zhengping’s ID. “It’s one thing for him to take a passenger, but the passenger was also some internet celebrity, leading to that crowd outside. That makes this harder to handle.”

You Zhengping recited what Yu Hua had told him: “I understand. In the old, worn-out view, Comrade Cen Xiao’s conduct is perhaps only a trivial matter, but in reality it will have an adverse impact on our execution of police duties. We will post Comrade Cen Xiao’s disciplinary action on our official account and publicize the letter of admonition to set a good example and demonstrate our serious view of this matter.”

Hearing that You Zhengping’s speech was more rigorous than his own, the captain couldn’t resist seeing him in a favorable light. “…Not bad, young fellow. At such a young age, you’ve made a thorough study of policy.”

It was all line after line of official language.

You Zhengping laughed and showed a young man’s helplessness, awkwardly saying, “I really do feel very sorry, but I don’t know how to express it. I had to crib.”

His manner in owning up was excellent. The captain calmed down and said, “Enough. Just post the disciplinary action. It’s enough for the young man to understand his mistake. Don’t think that your uniform is dashing, don’t think that police-issued equipment is for showing off. They represent the responsibility to set an example, do you understand?”

These last sentences were addressed to Cen Xiao. Cen Xiao nodded his head like a chick pecking grain. “I understand, I understand.”

Seeing that the captain was willing to let Cen Xiao go, You Zhengping had Cen Xiao sign the letter and complete the formalities. At the same time, he said to the captain, “That internet celebrity Zhen Li, I know him, too. This matter needs not only an official statement, the internet streaming media should also display the proper attitude. Shall I go advise him to cooperate, stream a video to explain himself?”

“Go ahead,” said the captain.

You Zhengping went to Zhen Li. Seeing that it was the great master’s husband, Zhen Li’s legs trembled. He exerted his willpower to keep himself from kneeling and fearfully said, “I’ve made trouble for you.”

You Zhengping had had dealings with Zhen Li while wearing the handsome uncle Protector’s face. He knew this person was a coward, nothing like a Destroyer. He hadn’t noticed that his attitude towards Yu Hua was overly reverent.

“It wasn’t your fault, it was that brat Cen Xiao’s own mistake. You’ve just been dragged into it,” You Zhengping said. “It’s already happened, and I know you’re in an awkward position, but you still have to account for yourself. I hope you can explain things to the people outside.”

“How should I explain?” Zhen Li asked.

You Zhengping got out the script Yu Hua had jotted down. “Yu Hua wrote this. Hurry up and memorize it, then go out and broadcast a statement. Though you can’t read it off the script.”

“No problem!” As soon as he saw the script, Zhen Li found his backbone. He and the great master had communicated in writing several times. He was rather familiar with this method.

He made an “ok” hand gesture towards You Zhengping, bent his head, and quickly memorized the script.

The captain also came over to check the script. Seeing the forceful handwriting and the contents, he said in praise, “Beautiful handwriting, and the contents are precise and accurate. Did you write it?”

“I asked someone to write it,” You Zhengping disclaimed credit.

Everything was prepared. The formalities were completed. Cen Xiao also read the script after Zhen Li. Carrying the signed letter of admonition, the three of them left the police bureau.

Seeing Zhen Li come out, the people surrounding Yu Hua immediately ran over, repeating the questions they had just asked.

Zhen Li had been rather panicked, but he felt he had found his bearings now that he had memorized the script. He said to all the people questioning him, “Everyone, please keep calm. There are so many of you, I can’t answer all of you at once. We’re going to impede official business if we block the door like this. There’s a small public square up ahead, let’s go there, all right?”

His manner was excellent. Faced with aggressive and malicious questions, he hadn’t gotten angry; instead, he had subtly pointed out the reprehensible behavior of the people surrounding the police bureau.

Everyone had to go to the little square. In the process of removing, there was time for Zhen Li to turn on his phone and livestream.

He didn’t use any filters. He held the phone away from himself using a selfie stick, getting the people chasing him with questions into the frame, too. Then he admitted his mistake towards the camera, saying that his awareness of the law was weak and he had violated traffic regulations. He hoped that his fans wouldn’t imitate his behavior and take his example as a warning.

Also, he expressed his apologies towards the police employee who had been implicated. He had only been helping him, but he had been dragged into trouble and been chastised along with him, receiving an admonition.

At the same time, Zhen Li was very grateful to the traffic police for correcting his mistaken behavior in a timely manner, rendering instruction and precautionary measures before disaster could strike. He was very grateful to these lovely and venerable people.

Finally, Zhen Li was only Zhen Li, an ordinary person who liked to dress up and eat good food. Zhen Li felt very honored to have attained the liking of so many people because of his hobbies. When his ankle was better, he would try even harder to make better videos to pay everyone pack.

After this heartfelt, formal, and polite explanation, the people who had appeared in the frame asking questions didn’t dare to speak again. Zhen Li had said everything; what else was there for them to ask?

Zhen Li posted the recording from just now online. It was forwarded by the Xuyang District traffic police unit to encourage and praise his attitude of acknowledging his error and improving on it. You Zhengping also contacted the manager of his department’s official account. They acted in concert with the Xuyang District traffic police, forwarding the video.

The people waiting for Zhen Li came up empty-handed, lost interest, and left. Yu Hua, hiding behind Zhen Li, laughed gently.

It was 9 PM, a high traffic time. The topics #PresidentZhenApologizes# and #NoPassengersOnScooters# at once surged to popularity, making the Zhen Li Studio even more popular.

Zhen Li signed autographs for his real fans and explained that this had nothing to do with Director Yu. The fans left satisfied. At last, only four people were left in the little square.

Cen Xiao dropped to the ground. Taking no care for his image, he said, “That was exhausting. I’m hungry.”

Yu Hua, who had silently acted as the man behind the scenes the whole time, swept his gaze over Cen Xiao’s pant legs. He proposed, “It really has been tiring, so let’s go eat a late night snack. My boss is buying.”

Zhen Li: “…”

“There’s…no need for that.” You Zhengping instinctively sensed Yu Hua’s hidden resentment towards Cen Xiao and was afraid this late night snack would be a Hongmen Banquet1 and tried to prevent it.

“There is,” said Cen Xiao, who knew nothing. “There’s no need for Zhen Li to buy, I’ll do it, it’s all my fault.”

While everyone was discussing whether to go have a late night snack, someone walked out of the traffic police unit and trotted over to the small square. Seeing Zhen Li, he puffed, “Why didn’t you call me about this?”

This person was the newly hired public relations director Lian Yufan. He had seen the video of Zhen Li being taken to the traffic police unit and hurried over. He hadn’t expected that the matter would have been handled already.

“And who is this?” Yu Hua had never seen Lian Yufan’s real face.

Zhen Li swallowed. “This is our newly hired public relations director Lian Yufan. Since you were still on vacation, I didn’t tell you. I was waiting for you to get back to go through the hiring formalities.”

“Oh, I see.” Yu Hua lowered his head to look at Lian Yufan’s pants. He was wearing a pair of light gray pants. Though it was late at night and there wasn’t much light, Yu Hua still saw the stain on the pant leg.

Oh, I see.

Lian Yufan had grabbed a pair of pants at random when he had seen the news. He hadn’t paid attention to which pair it was, and he definitely hadn’t expected Yu Hua to be here.

Cen Xiao and You Zhengping weren’t on very good terms with Lian Yufan. They had also just seen Lian Yufan with the beauty mark, and their expressions both became wondering. You Zhengping, unaware of the impending crisis, said maliciously, “What a bewitching beauty mark, Director Lian, hahaha.”

Reasonably speaking, Lian Yufan shouldn’t have recognized the two of them. While he was very angry, he had to maintain his smile.

Yu Hua, however, put an arm around his husband’s waist and gently said, “I didn’t know you liked beauty marks.”

As he spoke, he pointed at the corner of his own eye and politely said, “Since we’re future colleagues, we’re all friends here. How about we go have a late night snack together?”

Author’s Note
Zhen Li: I’m tired today, I don’t want to eat with my subordinates, and I really don’t want to be the one footing the bill. I still owe a hundred million.

Cen Xiao: I’m safe.

You Zhengping: Those pants, those pants, Lian Yufan, change out of those pants right now!

Yu Hua: Whose pants do you want to change?

Lian Yufan: What is this whole mess?

Translator’s Note

1Reference to a well-known historical event during the Chu-Han Contention (206-202 BC) in which one insurgent leader invited his rival to a banquet that was intended as a trap.