Mr. Melancholy Wants to Live a Peaceful Life - Chap 35

While You Zhengping was only a patrolling auxiliary policeman in name, when he had no special assignment, he would still patrol along with the main force. This way, he could reasonably conceal his identity.

Their auxiliary police team isn’t normally busy, so they had greater maneuverability.

At 11 AM, when You Zhengping finished his routine inspection assignment and returned to the bureau to wait for lunch, he saw Cen Xiao and the other Protectors gathered together, talking and laughing. Even Lian Yufan’s group, which had later been incorporated into the squad, was happily getting along with the others, laughing at something unknown.

You Zhengping walked over and said with as much dignity as he could muster, “What are you doing? Our work is lighter than that of other police personnel, but we still can’t make such a show of it. It makes a bad impression to get together and loaf around!”

He was after all an auxiliary police squad captain, amounting to being at the leadership level. When Cen Xiao had violated the new regulations by carrying a passenger on the motor scooter, You Zhengping had also been reprimanded. Since then, he had been especially attentive to police conduct and discipline. Even though their positions were different, if they wore these uniforms, they had to assume the corresponding responsibilities.

“We’re not,” Cen Xiao said, laughing and turning his head. “Boss, come here and watch, it’s so much fun! Anyway, we’re not slacking off, we’re working! Hahaha!”

His unbridled laughter really didn’t look like he was working.

“Who are you calling boss? A bandit like you can call me Captain You,” You Zhengping said aloofly. “Anyway, it’s almost time for the midday break, so I can watch with you.”

He came over carrying a cup of water, glancing over as he drank. In an instant, he was startled by the picture on the phone into spraying water all over his teammates’s heads.

“Control yourself, Captain You. Don’t drink while watching the livestream!” His teammates all wiped their heads.

“Ahem!” You Zhengping quickly put down his cup. The livestream had scared him into splashing water all over the floor. Luckily, he’d been drinking warm water that Yu Hua had put into a thermos mug for him that morning, so it didn’t burn anyone.

On the phone’s tiny screen, three people were dancing. These three were all very familiar to You Zhengping. Naturally they were Zhen Li, Yuan Luori, and Lian Yufan.

Zhen Li was leading, using his dabbler’s skills to teach the two new people.

Zhen Li said, “The next move I’m going to teach you is the foundation of all dance movements. It tests the strength of your back and legs, your flexibility, and your control of your leg muscles.”

When he had spoken, he took a striding leap, bent his knees in midair, the muscles at the front of his calves pulled taught. He came down on the ground and slid over it for several meters. During this process, Zhen Li’s waist was very supple. He made excellent use of his core strength. His movements throughout had been fluid and natural, his posture very precise.

“Did you see that clearly? The trick is that it’s not your knees that touch the ground, it’s the muscles at the front of your calves, which protects your knees. Our knees are non-renewable resources. We have to use our muscles to protect our bones and tendons,” Zhen Li explained to the other two.

Barrage comments flew by following his move:

[If I saw that right, that move…]

[A sliding kneel, the most precise and excellent sliding kneel to protect yourself in a crisis!]

[Heavens! He’s turned the sliding kneel into a cheat code to pass on to the two newbies. President Zhen is too selfless, too touching!]

[Yuan Luori is dancing, he’s dancing! Before during the lifestreams Yuan Luori sat there not moving like a sculpture, but this time he’s participating in learning the sliding kneel (crossed out) the dance movement. He must have been moved by President Zhen’s passion!]

[Heavens, how can Luori-xiaogege’s waist be so flexible and so attractive? I just had a look at my cat, and Luori-xiaogege’s waist is really just like a cat’s!]

[Thin waist, long legs, cold and aloof, Luori really is a black cat in person.]

[Yuan Luori is very good-looking, but…]

[Here it comes, Luori-xiaogege’s cheat code—looking for his contacts!]

[Yuan Luori: Look at my gorgeous sliding kneel! Oh no, where are my contact lenses? Where have they gone?]

[I was wrong. I thought before that Yuan Luori wouldn’t learn dancing with President Zhen because he was reserved, because he thought it was beneath his dignity, because he disdains dancing. Now that I’ve seen him flailing around over the floor, I realize that Yuan Luori was worried that if his movements were too strong he’d knock out his contact lenses. Director Yu, I’m begging you, buy our Luori-xiaogege some better contact lenses. When I see his misty, helpless gaze, I feel awful.]

[Why are you asking Director Yu and not President Zhen?]

[Because Director Yu can do everything.]

[Because Director Yu is cool and unmoved.]

[Director Yu: Space for rent for a contact lens ad. Look at our adorable and helpless Yuan Luori-xiaogege. Nice Mr. Advertising Company, hurry up and save him!]

[You’re all only looking at Director Yuan and President Zhen, what about Director Lian? A beauty with a teardrop beauty mark!]

[A wooden beauty, you mean. What’s so interesting about just standing around there? Watching Yuan Luori looking for his contact lenses is cuter.]

[Don’t worry, Director Lian will succumb in the end. Didn’t Director Yuan just stand around before?]

[Why are there so many hot guys in one little studio???]

[It must be because, for the sake of rescuing the studio from the verge of bankruptcy, the directors have to stand up and become idols!]

From outside the livestream image came Yu Hua’s cold voice: “Yuan Luori, can’t you get used to those contact lenses? You use those daily lenses like hourly lenses. Using up ten or more in one day wastes too much of our starting capital.”

“Ordinary mortal, who are you to order me around?” Yuan Luori said staunchly.

So far, he had no idea that Yu Hua was the black-cloaked man, and he thought that all of Yu Hua’s memories concerning levelers had been removed. He was only a pitiful wretch who knew nothing. Therefore, Yuan Luori maintained a superior attitude in the studio. Only such an attitude could dispel Lian Yufan’s suspicions.

Yuan Luori was of a disposition to see the black-cloaked man as an idol, the Protectors as enemies, the levelers as the same class as him, and ordinary people as mud. If he found out too early that Yu Hua was the black-cloaked man, he would definitely act extremely respectful. Lian Yufan was a planted agent at the studio and would certainly have become suspicious. Yu Hua was currently hiding his identity, and Yuan Luori’s aggressive attitude made Lian Yufan dismiss a good deal of his suspicions.

“Fine, I won’t order you around,” Yu Hua said politely. “But the studio really doesn’t have the money to bear the cost of your contact lenses. For now we’ll use your base salary for this month to buy lenses. Only if an advertising company chooses you to advertise for them will you get a bit of a commission from the advertising fees, let’s say…10%.”

When Yu Hua mentioned the commission, Zhen Li indicated in a timely manner that they were going to rest a bit and paused the livestream. He couldn’t let the fans hear the contents of Yuan Luori’s contract.

“What!” Yuan Luori knew that he was an ordinary person now and could only support himself by earning money. Hearing the huge amount Yu Hua was taking out of the commission, he said in astonishment, “Why should the studio take 90% of the money I earn with my sweat and blood?”

“Here is the contract you personally read and personally signed at the very beginning.” Yu Hua had been prepared. He got out a copy of the contract and passed it to Yuan Luori.

What had Yuan Luori cared then about an ordinary person like Yu Hua? He’d cared even less about laws and contracts. He hadn’t realized that what he had signed with his own hand was an indenture.

Lian Yufan had suffered deeply due to his contract during these past few days. Naturally he understood how important this was. He took Yuan Luori’s contract and fixed his eyes on it to read, saw that it was several times harsher than his own contract, and nearly laughed out loud. Enjoying Yuan Luori’s misery, he said, “According to this contract, within the next ten years, you can only take a ten percent commission from all the money you make for the studio, because the contract says clearly that you aren’t a natural person, you’re a ‘commodity’ meticulously cultivated by the studio. Your face and your name come entirely out of the studio’s operations. All you have to do is make money with your looks and give the studio 90% of it.”

Yuan Luori was no longer the assassin who didn’t abide by the laws. He had gone through the Protection Organization’s demonic training process and had some understanding of various kinds of law. He snatched away the contract and flipped through it. His vision instantly went black.

Not only did he have to hand over 90% of his earnings, he also had to compensate for losses.

If Yuan Luori wanted to break his contract early, he had to compensate the studio for the next ten years’ losses. Yu Hua had written out an extremely complicated formula for calculating losses. The formula used Yuan Luori’s present number of fans and rate of increase of popularity for its calculations. Inserting Yuan Luori’s current hundred-thousand plus fans into the formula, if he broke the contract now, he would have to pay the studio a penalty of over twenty million before he could go engage in other work.

“What kind of crappy contract is this?” Yuan Luori said angrily.

“This contract is entirely in keeping with the laws and regulations. If you have objections, you can go request legal aid,” Yu Hua said with a faint smile. “You would be responsible for the costs of requesting legal aid and for the cost of the lawsuit. During the lawsuit, because you would have caused losses for the studio due to your work, you would still have to pay compensation even if you won. Judging from the current trial periods, the sum of the compensation that you would have to pay would be…over a million.”

Yuan Luori: “…”

Lian Yufan put his hands on Yuan Luori’s shoulder. He sighed. “Some people who once looked down on the law now see their disdain turn into a sword to stab them in the heart. Don’t use the law to protect yourself if you have another way.”

Director Lian seemed sympathetic, but in reality he was laughing inwardly. If he hadn’t cultivated a polite false smile as a mask from a young age, he would have been rolling around on the floor laughing by now.

Yu Hua didn’t give Director Lian a chance to enjoy himself. After chastising Yuan Luori, he said to Lian Yufan, “Director Lian, why weren’t you cooperating with the work during the livestream just now?”

“I’m the public relations director. I’m not going to pander to the crowd with you!” Lian Yufan’s smile stiffened. He stood on the same battlefront as Yuan Luori, resisting Yu Hua.

“Oh, very well.” Yu Hua looked down and pressed some keys on his calculator. “Owing to Director Lian’s lack of cooperation and resulting losses during the livestream, the required compensation is…not much, only three hundred thousand and change.”

“What!” Lian Yufan nearly dropped his polite expression. This wasn’t how he was going to spend the millions he’d saved through years of frugal living!

“This is the popularity I forecasted for the livestream ahead of time.” Yu Hua got out yet another mathematical calculation that an ordinary person couldn’t understand anything of. “Since you won’t cooperate with the script, you’ve caused about this number in losses to traffic, and according to your contract…”

“Enough!” Lian Yufan got a headache at the mention of the contract. “It’s fine, I’ll do it, you’re really at the top of the pyramid in capitalism.”

Yu Hua said, “You flatter me. I’m only a perfectly ordinary human resources director, of the same rank as the rest of you.”

“Aaaah!” Having finished reading the contract, Yuan Luori was so angry he tore the copy into pieces and threw it at Yu Hua.

Yu Hua was sitting at his desk. The scraps of paper fell on his cold and unfeeling face like snowflakes. Upon seeing this, Zhen Li quickly held Yuan Luori back. It seemed like he was pleading on Yu Hua’s behalf, but in reality he was worried that the great master would get angry and kill Yuan Luori.

But Yu Hua’s temper was very good. After 3,841 worlds, he wouldn’t lose his temper over little things like this. He only calmly said, “Director Yuan, you seem to have forgotten your duties as environmental maintenance director. You have to clean up these scraps yourself. If you aren’t competent to handle this work, then…”

He looked down and pressed a key on his calculator.

“I’ll sweep it! Can’t I sweep it?!” As soon as he saw the calculator, Yuan Luori’s vision went dark. He even started to regret tearing up the copy of the contract just now.

After a break, the livestream resumed, and the image had changed greatly. Director Yuan had his head down, sweeping, occasionally pressing down on the rims of his eyes to avoid his contact lenses falling out, which he would have to compensate for. Director Lian, meanwhile, looking annoyed, was learning dance moves with Zhen Li. He was very, very unwilling.

Seeing this image, the barrage comments and the patrolmen’s dining hall instantly filled with merriment.

You Zhengping looked at Lian Yufan’s former teammates and saw them laughing each more cheerfully than the next. He suddenly remembered that Cen Xiao and the others were the same; they also laughed very happily if they saw him make a fool of himself. It was true that it was the happiness of all subordinates to make sport of their superiors in private.

The auxiliary police squad didn’t fit in with the other regular police personnel at the bureau. There was some resistance to this team of sluggish irregulars. Seeing them laughing without restraint, someone came over curiously to look at the phone and saw that they were concentrating all of their attention on watching three young internet celebrities dance. The senior policeman shook his heads involuntarily. He really couldn’t understand today’s young people.

“What’s so interesting about watching them parading themselves around?” a policeman in his forties or fifties said.

Thirteen young auxiliary policemen raised their heads simultaneously, looking at the old policeman in unison. Their gazes startled the old policeman into backing up two steps with his food tray, wondering whether these people would beat up an old man over some “idols.”

While the old policeman stood there uneasily, one of Lian Yufan’s teammates clapped and said, “Right, parading themselves around, that’s the phrase, I’m going to keep that as my screensaver, hahaha!”

Cen Xiao warmly put an arm around this teammate’s shoulders. He blinked and said, “Remember to send me one.”

The barrier between You Zhengping’s squad and Lian Yufan’s squad was thoroughly destroyed in this moment. They were one happy family.

The old policeman truly couldn’t understand these young people. He blankly took his tray to find a place to eat.

Just then, the alarm in the dining hall rang. Everyone immediately put down what they were doing and gathered quickly. This was the highest level of alert. It wouldn’t be ringing if there weren’t a mass event.

You Zhengping’s squad also put away their phones and went to gather at the main entrance.

In less than a minute, the well-trained crowd was standing lined up at the gates of the police bureau. The captain of the criminal police said, “All police personnel who have experience with demolitions cases and those who are thirty years old and under and have perfect scores in sprinting, come with me.”

You Zhengping’s squad all had excellent physiques. They were the cream of the cream. They quickly followed the captain into the car. In the car, the captain said, “There’s been an explosion in the Xuyang District Park. The fire department and the central bureau’s demolitions group have already arrived. We’re primarily going to assist. Those with experience will go with the demolitions group, the rest will help disperse the crowd.”

The Protector squad had come into contact with instruction on all kinds of military weapons. You Zhengping immediately asked some very professional questions, such as whether the bomb was home-made or military issue, what the detonation method was, what the estimated force of the explosion was, and so on.

The criminal police captain looked at You Zhengping. “You’re a specialist?”

“I understand a little,” You Zhengping said modestly. “Cen Xiao is the authority here.”

Cen Xiao was a fire-type special ability user and very interested in all kinds of heat weapons. He was dedicated to combining his special ability with these weapons to make them more powerful. He didn’t do so lightly, and if he did, the might was astonishing. If not for the fact that You Zhengping could contain Cen Xiao’s attacks with his spaces, it was hard to say who would be captain.

The criminal police captain quickly asked Cen Xiao some relevant questions. Cen Xiao not only answered fluently, he also pointed out the strengths and weaknesses of several kinds of bombs, and the means to respond to them.

“Very good,” the criminal police captain said. “When we get to the park, you two come with me. The rest of you, help the armed police pacify the crowds.”

The police car drove quickly the whole way and reached its goal in less than half an hour. The park was tightly surrounded by the armed police. Even the criminal police captain wasn’t allowed in.

“Why aren’t I allowed in?” the captain asked urgently. “During my service, I worked in the demolitions group. I have experience dismantling over twenty bombs.”

Someone who seemed to be in charge saw the criminal police captain and You and Cen behind him. He frowned. “You can go in, but you have to sign a confidentiality agreement. No matter what you see, you can’t talk about it.”

“Yes, sir!” the criminal police captain quickly agreed, then said to You and Cen, “Since you aren’t allowed in, you can go…”

“Not need for that. They can come with me,” the superior said.

“Yes, Director Xiao!” Seeing that Director Xiao had asked the criminal police captain to sign a confidentiality agreement, You Zhengping and Cen Xiao knew that they didn’t need to conceal their identities in front of him.

“What?” The criminal police captain saw these two auxiliary policemen who didn’t do any proper work suddenly change entirely in bearing, instantly becoming two stern, well-trained soldiers. This even made the captain, who had over twenty years of experience in police work, feel terrified.

The criminal police captain followed Director Xiao into the park. The park’s beautiful scenery had changed into a mess. It had been blown full of holes. There was a small boat floating in the park’s manmade lake, with a wailing little boy in it who had a glass bottle tied to him. That little boy was…

Director Xiao said to You and Cen, “I don’t know what means the Destroyer used. He can make any item explode. A few leaves fell just now, and this is the state of the park now. This Destroyer is very aggressive. He contacted us directly and told us that if the glass bottle tied to the little boy on the lake explodes, it can destroy everyone and everything within a fifty-meter radius.”

This was You and Cen’s first time encountering such an aggressive Destroyer, and he had taken a hostage. They felt helpless.

“His voice came through a voice-changing device, and he used a high tech method to disrupt positioning. We can’t find where the Destroyer is located,” Director Xiao said angrily. “He said that he wanted us to make a public announcement, use the media to force the black-cloaked man to make an appearance, or else he’ll blow up that child! It’s completely devoid of conscience!”

As he spoke, Director Xiao played the recording of the Destroyer’s communication: “Ahem, hello, everyone. Can you hear my voice? This phone should be able to reach this world’s special ability organization, right? The crowd that caught Yuan Luori, I mean. I don’t know what you’re called, and of course it’s not important to me what you call yourselves.

“Let me introduce myself. I’m one of the ten managers of the Clearing League. I’ve cleared 192 levels. You may not understand what 192 levels entails. I’ll give you a frame of reference. Yuan Luori cleared 37 levels, so I’m worth about five Yuan Luoris. Not so strong, but strong enough.

“Before, that individual who defeated Yuan Luori went through the System to tell us not to trample on law and order, not to hurt people. It really sounded scary. But, you know, his communication really saved me a lot of trouble. He doesn’t want us to destroy this world, so doesn’t that mean that if I kill people or have a large impact on society, he’ll appear?

“You see, when it comes to fighting, I believe I won’t lose to anyone, but I just don’t like trouble. It’s hard looking for someone, especially looking throughout the whole world for someone concealing his identity.

“This right now is so convenient. As long as your government officially spreads this event on a large scale, the target of the mission has a chance of seeing the information no matter where he’s hiding, and he can come to the location of the bomb to see me.

“We know that from the official perspective, you aren’t willing to create terror, but that’s all right. There’s nothing that can’t be solved with an explosion. If once isn’t enough, then we’ll do it some more times.”

“Asshole!” You Zhengping punched a nearby tree.

Because of his assassin attributes, Yuan Luori preferred acting in the shadows. Even for the battle at the amusement park, he had chosen a remote location and method that would confuse people. He hadn’t caused large-scale harm. You Zhengping and the others had never seen such an aggressive Destroyer before.

“I’ll go rescue him,” You Zhengping and Cen Xiao said in unison.

“Wait.” The criminal police captain tugged on Director Xiao’s sleeve. “Sir, that child, he, he’s my son!”

“I know,” Director Xiao said gravely, “that’s why I allowed you to enter. Calming the child’s emotions will ensure that our team members can smoothly complete the assignment.”

As Director Xiao spoke, You Zhengping took the nanotech mask some team members had brought, tore off his police badge, and simultaneously reached out to touch Cen Xiao. Cen Xiao instantly disappeared.

He had used a space to wrap up Cen Xiao, so no one would see this teammate of his who had such a strong ability to control fire, creating an opportunity for a sneak attack.

Author’s Note
Yu Hua: According to Yu Hua’s Rule, the worse you’ve done, the more you suffer.

Yuan Luori: I released bubbles, now I’m blind.

Lian Yufan: I wore the wrong pants, now I’ve paid for a hundred pairs of pants.

Zhen Li (sweet fool): Huh? I’ve been fine, the great master is pretty nice to me.

Yuan & Lian: Because you have no power!

Zhen Li: So according to Yu Hua’s Rule, this next Destroyer…

Yuan & Lian: My rank will increase!