Mr. Melancholy Wants to Live a Peaceful Life - Chap 45

Yu Hua never thought that he was unhappy. Every day since meeting You Zhengping, he had been very happy.

While there were in fact many stumbling blocks on the road ahead now, he could lift his foot and kick them away. How much strength would it take?

Of course, the process involved a lot of trouble. It also made Yu Hua very worried. For example, at first when his power had suddenly increased, he had been unable to have intimate contact with Xiao You. For another example, he had accidentally broken the phone Xiao You had given him. Also, he had fretted about how to make (launder) the money to support Xiao You. Or, for another example, after finding out Xiao You’s identity, he had to worry about how to be a better family member to a Protector. Finally, there was the problem of getting those pants back… Ahem, never mind about the pants.

In sum, all of Yu Hua’s worries and vexations came from considering how to treat You Zhengping better. It was all troubling, but as soon as he remembered that all his worries were for the sake of a better future, even the worrying was happy.

In fact, when he had found out that Xiao You was a Protector, when the surprise had passed, Yu Hua had been rather glad.

He had thought that he had been silently doing battle with both the Destroyers and the Protectors. He hadn’t known that he and Xiao You were fellow travelers. At the amusement park, when he had been considering how to teach Yuan Luori a lesson, Xiao You had also been beating up Yuan Luori out of anger that Yu Hua had been injured.

It was tiring going ahead on your own. With someone to accompany you, you wouldn’t be lonely.

When Yu Hua had seen Xiao You injured, he had been genuinely enraged, distressed, sad, and even fearful when it was over. Apart from that, up to today, the rest had all been happiness.

Even when he had accidentally kissed Xiao You under the black-cloaked man’s identity, it had quietly raised his expectations. Would Xiao You realize that he was the black-cloaked man because of that? Would Xiao You get suspicious and secretly go through his phone, his pockets, his nightstand, the underside of the mattress, the safe, the bank card history, the browser records, and the suitcase on top of the wardrobe? With this small expectation, Yu Hua was once again happy.

“We’re very happy now.” Yu Hua wiped his somewhat oily hands. He turned, kissed You Zhengping’s forehead, and smiled in satisfaction.

Seeing Yu Hua’s totally unknowing look, You Zhengping gradually steadied in the midst of his distress.

Lian Yufan’s mother’s pain, Luo Huai’s pain—he wouldn’t let that happen to Yu Hua.

The Protector Perpetuation Program had been built on the basis of the Destroyers running wild and the need for people to stand up and do battle with them. In the fifteen years that there had been no Destroyers, the Protector Perpetuation Program had gradually stopped.

As long as there were no Destroyers, this program would never have a chance to start again.

You Zhengping thought that his generation was blessed. From Zhen Li and Yuan Luori, they knew that the Destroyers had a System behind them, and the System was the true mastermind. And the System had taken heavy damage in a fight with a powerful “clearer” (Zhen Li had mentioned him to Yuan Luori), so there had been no Destroyers in their world for fifteen years. Now, the damage to the System hadn’t been repaired yet, and it was going to do battle with the black-cloaked man again. As long as they could use the black-cloaked man to get rid of the System, then they really could deal with all the Destroyers once and for all!

You Zhengping clenched his fist. He loved the world and was willing to protect it with all his strength, but he was also human. He had selfish desires. He hoped to attain happiness.

Lian Yufan’s father had been unable to give both sides what they wanted, leading to Lian Yufan’s pessimism and rationality. But You Zhengping’s ideal had always been “I want it all.” He would put that conviction into practice at all times.

Having worked it all out, You Zhengping wasn’t sad anymore. Sitting at the dining table holding his face in his hands and watching Yu Hua being busy in the kitchen, his heart was full of their little home.

Actually, a Protector’s physique really was a good thing. He had spent all morning in excessive exercise, but his back didn’t feel tired at all. The small muscle strains and abrasions from the exercise had healed completely within a few minutes. There was absolutely no need to worry about not being able to get out of bed.

Back when he had been unable to control his special ability, he had worried that if he took the lead in exercise, he would hurt Yu Hua, so he had quietly lain there unmoving, letting Yu Hua help him stretch.

As they had spent more time together, they had gotten used to this method of exercise. Even though You Zhengping could control his special ability now, he was still too lazy to take the lead.

And Yu Hua was fit. During exercise, he was always powerful and precise. You Zhengping could only keep up with the intensity of his exercise because he was a Protector. If he were to take the lead, he wouldn’t be able to do as good a job as Yu Hua.

Yes, it was quite harmonious.

You Zhengping’s legs swung under the table. Watching Yu Hua arrange four dishes and a soup on the table, he breathed in the fragrance in satisfaction. Today’s lunch was Yu Hua’s secret recipe sweet and sour spareribs, secret recipe beef stewed in soy sauce, secret recipe lightly fried pork loin, and some brightly colored vegetables whose names You Zhengping didn’t know (he could precisely distinguish among meat smells, but vegetables were all the same); the soup was clear eel soup. Each dish was very large and full of food.

“You’ve made so much food in just an hour?” You Zhengping picked up a piece of sparerib. It was so fragrant he nearly cried.

“I prepared some of it last night. You sent a message last night saying you were going to rest today, so I was planning on making you something good to eat,” Yu Hua said. When he had been upset last night, he still hadn’t forgotten to take care of the food. He had stewed the beef, made gravy, and cooked the soup.

“It’s so good!” You Zhengping ate with such relish that he nearly bit through his tongue. He gave an “ow” and stuck out his tongue. There was blood on it.

Yu Hua quickly poured him a glass of cool water and sighed. “Why are you in such a rush? No one is fighting over it with you.”

“Because it’s so good,” You Zhengping said. “I haven’t eaten your cooking in two days.”

“Only two days.” While Yu Hua said this, inside he was bursting with happiness.

“I can’t stand not eating it for a single day.” You Zhengping put his arms around Yu Hua’s waist. “My life depends on Chef Yu’s secret recipe home cooking.”

“Then I’ll make some snacks that you can carry with you. You can put them in your pocket and sneak a mouthful when you’re taking a break from your assignments. You’re not allowed to take them out and show them off, or else they’ll all get stolen,” Yu Hua said, smiling faintly.

The amount of snacks he made for You Zhengping had always been very large because he knew that You Zhengping wouldn’t be able to resist showing them off at work, and the jealous underlings would definitely steal them. These snacks were set aside for being stolen. This time, to preserve the life of You Zhengping, who was away from him too long, he wanted to preserve the snacks; naturally other people couldn’t be allowed to know.

“Yes, yes.” You Zhengping nodded repeatedly.

Since he had already bitten his tongue, Yu Hua forbade You Zhengping from eating too quickly. If he picked up the meat too quickly, Yu Hua would cough gently, and from time to time stick some of the green thing made of unknown vegetables into You Zhengping’s bowl.

Pulling a long face, You Zhengping said, “I don’t want to eat vegetables. The green looks very environmentally friendly.”

“There are many nutrients in vegetables that meat doesn’t have. You can’t only eat meat,” Yu Hua said.

“All right.” You Zhengping pursed his lips. “It’s all out of love.”

When they had eaten, Yu Hua turned on the news channel out of habit, listening to it as he washed the dishes. You Zhengping, rubbing his full belly, sprawled on the couch and called, “I have three days off, and the day after tomorrow is Saturday. Let’s go see a movie! We won’t take anyone, just the two of us.”

Yu Hua turned off the tap and thought that these words sounded familiar. Last time when they had gone to the amusement park, You Zhengping had said the same thing. Yu Hua had counted then. Cen Xiao and five other children of a previous marriage had come, and Lian Yufan had brought six people. Lian Yufan had also forced Zhen Li to bring Yuan Luori. The amusement park’s employees had also looked ready to fight; they must also have been You Zhengping’s colleagues. Counting them all up, there were thirteen Protectors, two Destroyers, and twenty-one outside personnel; in total, that was thirty-six spinning third wheels. Yes, that was “just the two of them.”

Yu Hua picked up a clean cloth to dry the dishes. As he dried, he asked, seeming careless, “What are Cen Xiao and the others planning to do during their three days off?”

“Who cares about them?” You Zhengping snorted. “A crowd of third wheels.”

Yu Hua relaxed slightly. After drying all the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, he sent a message to Lian Yufan: You’re working overtime on Saturday.

At this moment, Lian Yufan had just woken up. His hangover was giving him a headache and making him nauseous. While he was feeling awful, he read Yu Hua’s message and instantly sent back an angry voice message: “Why would I have to work overtime? What is there at your crappy studio to work overtime for?”

Yu Hua had guessed that Lian Yufan would be angry. He didn’t listen to the voice message but converted it to text. Lian Yufan’s Mandarin was very standard. He had a Level 1-B certificate1. The accuracy of the speech to text conversion was very high.

Yu Hua quickly typed on his phone: You weren’t at work yesterday or today, two days in a row. Do you mean you don’t need to work overtime to make it up?

Lian Yufan was simply about to die from rage. After the operation, the others had easily gotten three days of vacation with the help of the criminal police captain who understood the situation. What about him? He was being exploited daily by the Demon King Yu! He angrily said, “I won’t! Haven’t you already deducted my full attendance bonus? I don’t need this month’s wages, go ahead and deduct, I’m not working today, tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow!”

In the afternoon, Yu Hua sat down on the couch to relax. You Zhengping saw him sitting at the edge of the couch and wriggled over to him like a caterpillar, putting his head on Yu Hua’s lap, thinking that this was how his head should be pillowed.

With Xiao You’s head resting in his lap, Yu Hua smiled at him warmly. At the same time, his fingers didn’t stop. He coldly replied to Lian Yufan: We have a new colleague. I’m planning to employ “him” as public relations director. You’ll be competing with “him.” “He” doesn’t rest on weekends but stays at the office working diligently. You can come or not on the weekend, as you like.

“What!” Lian Yufan instantly leapt out of bed. “He’s hired another new employee?”

Ignoring his headache, he got dressed and went to find Yuan Luori, who was sitting quietly in the library, reading a complete set of legal texts while waiting for someone to take him back to work. He had just gone two steps when he stepped on something soft. The thing gave a “hmph.” Lian Yufan looked down. He had stepped on Cen Xiao’s stomach. The ground was scattered all over with liquor bottles.

Cen Xiao and Lian Yufan had been drinking last night. Lian Yufan had passed out after three bottles. Cen Xiao, whose emotions had been complicated, had drunk the rest on his own after helping Lian Yufan to bed. Cen Xiao wasn’t sure how many bottles of alcohol there had been in Lian Yufan’s fridge, but at any rate the fridge was empty now. Baijiu, red wine, and beer had turned into empty bottles.

Because of his special ability, most of the alcohol Cen Xiao drank evaporated instead of being absorbed, so his alcohol tolerance was excellent. It may be a slight exaggeration to say he could drink a thousand cups without getting drunk, but he could drink a whole crowd under the table without a problem.

Even so, because he had been in a bad mood yesterday, Cen Xiao had still gotten drunk. After putting the last bottle out of the way, he had gone straight to sleep on the ground. His body temperature was high, anyway. He wasn’t afraid of getting cold. If he slept in the snow in winter, all the snow around him would have turned to steam by morning, saving work for the street cleaners. Before, whenever there had been snow on the training field, everyone would push Cen Xiao out on the field to sleep so they wouldn’t have to sweep the next day.

“Did you drink an entire distillery?” Lian Yufan splashed his forehead with cold water and didn’t wake Cen Xiao. He rushed to the library.

The library was deserted. Lian Yufan hit the door and said, “Yuan Luori!”

“Here.” Yuan Luori crawled out from under a table, wearing a pair of black-framed glasses and hugging Civil Law. “Are you going to take me back?”

Yuan Luori was Lian Yufan’s responsibility right now. Lian Yufan was going to drop him off at the studio when he left the base. Lian Yufan had gotten drunk last night and had only woken up at midday, so there had been no one to mind Yuan Luori. He was in a bit of a rush to get back to the studio. He had arranged with the livestream fans to livestream studying law again tonight.

“What are you doing under the table? The lighting is bad. Why don’t you protect your eyes when you’re already near-sighted?” Lian Yufan said, covering his forehead. He felt that nothing had pleased him since he’d been transferred to the Xuyang District.

“It’s safe under the table,” Yuan Luori said. “The near-sightedness isn’t a big problem. It’s more comfortable to wear glasses than contact lenses. They won’t bounce out of my eyes.”

Yuan Luori wasn’t worried about myopia and astigmatism. The great master clearer had promised him that he would heal his eyes!

Yuan Luori had seen the black-cloaked man heal the handsome protector with his own eyes. He had determined that the black-cloaked man’s healing abilities were absolutely more powerful than medicine from the System. He only had to wait patiently.

Though the great master’s healing might require some intimate contact. Yuan Luori pursed his lips. Though this was his idol, he still wasn’t especially willing.

“Yu Hua said that the studio has hired a new director. Do you know what Destroyer it is? Is Destroyer 192 still alive?” Lian Yufan asked.

Lian Yufan instinctively thought that any employees who could join this crappy studio were either his fellow Protectors who needed to do it for work or new Destroyers. Yu Hua had joined unknowingly, but at least he was a Protector’s relative.

“There’s-there’s a new one? I didn’t know.” Yuan Luori pushed at his glasses. “I came to the base with you yesterday. My phone was confiscated in the car. I don’t have a source of information.”

The base still didn’t allow Yuan Luori to bring in his cell phone. Lian Yufan’s phone, which could communicate with Yu Hua, was special. Because he was in a special position as a spy, he could apply to have a phone with a location blocking ability. Even You Zhengping wasn’t qualified to have a phone that could communicate with the outside world from the base.

“That’s true.” Lian Yufan rubbed his aching temples. “Wait a moment, I’ll take you back to the studio in half an hour.”

While Lian Yufan washed his face, changed his clothes, and cleaned himself up, Yuan Luori found an employee to take care of the paperwork for borrowing the books, and to sign for goods received (the glasses). These expenses were undertaken by the Protection Organization. The organization had abundant funds. But the use of every sum of money had to be recorded in detail. This was to prevent corruption from breeding.

After painlessly knocking out Yuan Luori, Lian Yufan left the base with him. On the way, he sent Yu Hua another message: I’m going to work now, and I’ll work normally on the weekend. I’m not going to give you an excuse to replace me!

Yes! When he read the message, Yu Hua inwardly made a victory sign, but on the surface he maintained a steady appearance.

Xiao You had said that Cen Xiao wasn’t going to work and could go wherever he wanted to to have fun; Lian Yufan had agreed to work overtime on Saturday. This showed that the Protectors really didn’t have an operation on Saturday. He and Xiao You truly would have a two-person world.

A perfectly clean two-person world with just the two of them, no Cen Xiao or Cen Xiao’s wallet, no Lian Yufan or Protectors, and no Destroyers.

Countless date spots in the Xuyang District flew through Yu Hua’s mind in a flash. He combined them in his mind into the perfect date plan. Just then, You Zhengping reached out his arms to be hugged. “Whenever we’ve gone on a date before, you’ve been responsible for arranging the time, finding transportation, finding a good restaurant, finding a good movie, finding…somewhere to stay the night, haha. I was only responsible for being an idiot. This time, leave it all to me, all right? I’ll arrange it.”

Yu Hua immediately hugged his husband, who was for once being demanding. He lowered his head and brushed his nose. His eyes were smiling. “All right, this time I’ll listen to you. Whether your plan is good or not, you can’t go to Cen Xiao and the others for help.”

“As if I had any use for them!” You Zhengping said disdainfully. “I suspect all our dates before turned into such a mess in the end because of them. A pack of good-for-nothings, always in the way. I’ll do better without their help!”

“All right, I’ll leave it all to you,” Yu Hua said virtuously.

You Zhengping loosened his hold, his head still lolling in Yu Hua’s lap and rubbing.

Suddenly, a sense of familiarity came from the back of You Zhengping’s head. He tapped the back of his head and blinked.

Why did this seem kind of…

Just then, the pressure cooker in the kitchen beeped. Yu Hua got up and said, “Your snacks need to be boiled and fried. When they’ve cooled down, it’s best to put them in vacuum-sealed bags so they’ll be convenient to carry along. No one will find them because of the smell.”

As a virtuous wife, Yu Hua had all the necessary small household appliances. How could he not have a vacuum sealer?

Yu Hua got up and opened the pressure cooker. The aroma of meat burst out. You Zhengping was attracted by the smell and came over to the pressure cooker, circling like a greedy cat.

Every time You Zhengping circled, his arm unconsciously touched Yu Hua. Yu Hua helplessly said, “I’m making these for you to take to work. If you eat them now, they’ll be gone by then.”

“But I’m only going to work in three days. Even if you vacuum pack them, they’ll still disappear. And you’ll be wasting vacuum bags,” You Zhengping said, blinking. “If you’re going to make snacks, it should be the day before work.”

“Aren’t we going on a date the day before you have work?” Yu Hua tapped You Zhengping’s forehead. “Do you have the mind of a goldfish? Only seven seconds of memory.”

“Oh.” You Zhengping looked covetously at the meat inside the pressure cooker, licked his lips, and pitifully said, “All right, then.”

Seeing how aggrieved he looked, Yu Hua smiled in spite of himself and shook his head helplessly. “Fine, at worst I’ll get up early to make more. Go ahead and eat these.”

You Zhengping’s eyes lit up. He was just about to reach out a hand to grab when Yu Hua lightly smacked the back of his hand. “Don’t use your hands. Wash your hands, then use chopsticks. And you can only have one piece. I still have to fry the rest. After I’ve fried them, you can eat as much as you want.”

You Zhengping exuberantly washed his hands over and over, picked up chopsticks, and ate a piece of meat. He was so happy his eyes narrowed.

Suddenly, he touched the back of his head and said uncertainly, “What was I just going to say? Did I forgot something?”

Yu Hua had already put on the pot, heated the oil, and begun to fry the meat. You Zhengping smelled it and really couldn’t concentrate. He put down his hand and fixed his eyes on the meat leaving the pot.

Yu Hua arranged the snacks on the coffee table for You Zhengping, once again ordered him to use chopsticks instead of picking them up with his hands, then went into the study with his laptop to work.

Since he was going to rest on Saturday, then he had to rest tomorrow as well (after all, Xiao You didn’t have days off often, he had to stay with him). Before that, it was best to finish taking care of business.

Yu Hua went through his online office to contact the group that was making the talent show and renegotiate Yuan Luori’s contract, changing the contract into one that wouldn’t earn that much money and wouldn’t be like signing an indenture, but would be very beneficial for Yuan Luori’s future development.

Yuan Luori being able to escape this calamity was owing to him helping Xiao You protect the fallen children on the roof. While Xiao You had been fighting Destroyer 192, he had been unable to spare attention to look after the children. Yuan Luori had stealthily picked the three children up right away and moved them far away from Destroyer 192, saving You Zhengping from worrying about trouble coming from that direction.

Since he had rendered meritorious service, Yu Hua would give the hero preferential treatment, give Yuan Luori a future. As for how he would develop on the talent show, that would rely on his own performance.

While You Zhengping happily ate snacks and Yu Hua was busy with work, Lian Yufan returned to the studio with Yuan Luori. As soon as he walked in, he saw Zhen Li stretching his leg muscles. There was no one else in the room.

“Where’s the new director Yu Hua hired? Is it a Destroyer?” Lian Yufan asked hastily.

Zhen Li: “…”

He stretched out a trembling finger, pointing to his feet. A little husky was tied to the chair leg. There was a full bowl of dog food in front of it; it hadn’t eaten a bit.

Lian Yufan said, “…This is the new public relations director?”

Zhen Li nodded. “If Yu Hua said it was, then it is.”

Lian Yufan: “…”

What breed of demon was Yu Hua?

Author’s Note
Lian Yufan: What breed of demon is Yu Hua?

Yu Hua: The lovesick breed of demon.

Lian Yufan: I’ve never seen such a petty person.

Yu Hua: You may not know it, but everything you’ve encountered at the studio, all the stumbling blocks I’ve put in your way, every last bit of it, stems entirely from a pair of pants. So when are you going to return the pants to me?

Translator’s Note

1Grading from the Putonghua Proficiency Test or Putonghua Shuiping Ceshi (PSC), used in mainland China to test pronunciation in Mandarin/Standard Mainland Chinese. Level 1-B is 92% standard pronunciation.