Mr. Melancholy Wants to Live a Peaceful Life - Chap 47
—XX/XX/XX, I went back to the rental apartment near my company, closed the door, and sat on the floor laughing unstoppably.
After Xiao You carved our names into the tree on impulse, the park manager told him to pay a fine and write a self-criticism. I ghostwrote the self-criticism, and he called Cen Xiao to come help with the fine.
I admit that I deliberately didn’t offer up the 500 yuan Xiao You was short, deliberately watched him worry about finding someone to borrow money from, deliberately watched Xiao You looking helpless under cover of writing the self-criticism.
On the surface I was worried and sad, stroking Xiao You’s hair in consolation, but in reality I was laughing so hard that my abs are sore.
After living so many years, this is my first time finding such an inherent weakness in myself, but unexpectedly, I don’t hate it.
Xiao You can always overturn my predictions, my perfections, adding a tint of amusing awkwardness to all my carefully planned perfect memories.
Starting from I don’t remember when, my life had lost all surprise, until Xiao You charged into without any warning. He can always bring me new anxieties.
I’m even looking forward to seeing whether he’ll bring even more interesting unexpected events on the next date.
—XX/XX/XX, As expected, it was another day for a multi-person date.
I’ve almost gotten used to Cen Xiao and the others coming along behind us on our dates like conjoined twins. I pretended not to notice, checked the traffic conditions, and drove to an area being directed by the traffic police. As expected, Cen Xiao and the others, who were riding motorcycles without helmets, were caught by the traffic police. While they were being fined, I slammed on the gas pedal and quickly left, throwing off the hangers-on.
I managed to get two hours alone, booked a little private room at a karaoke place with Xiao You. I can’t sing, and while Xiao You is perfect in all things, he can’t sing a scale. We wailed together for a while and were both severely afflicted by noise pollution.
Finally I chose some slow songs and let the original songs play. Xiao You and I abandoned our duets, not challenging unknown territory again.
The atmosphere was very ambivalent with love songs playing. As I had wanted all along, I got a kiss with no one spying.
After leaving the karaoke bar, we passed a lovers’ hotel. Xiao You stopped and looked at me. My heart beat like a drum.
I’d thought of myself as a person with little desire. I’ve been single for many, many, many years. I didn’t think of forming an attachment. When I saw the look in Xiao You’s eyes today, some indescribable images flashed through my mind.
Ah, well, I was too rash.
When will the next date be?
—XX/XX/XX…
You Zhengping rolled all over the bed as he read the desktop calendar diary. Every date he and Yu Hua had gone on was so interesting. When he finished reading, he awkwardly picked at the ground with his toes, but he felt a sense of embarrassed pleasure rising in his heart.
Yu Hua was so proper on the surface, but internally he had a lot going on inside.
Unfortunately, the calendar diary only went up to before their cold war. That was where Lian Yufan’s investigation had stopped. You Zhengping respected his husband’s privacy and gave him his space. This part had been forced on him by his work, so he had had to read it. He wouldn’t secretly read anything that came after; he could only endure his curiosity and control himself.
Time passed quickly as he read the calendar diary. Two hours flashed by.
“Xiao You, we’re out of oyster sauce. Go down and get me a bottle.”
The voice coming from outside the door startled You Zhengping into awareness. He stuffed the copied book into a backpack and made an inhuman leap to shove the backpack into the bottom of the cabinet. At the same time, he unlocked the door. The whole process took less than a second.
“All right, let me get dressed.” You Zhengping put a piece of paper into his chest pocket, got his phone, then changed his clothes and shoes and went downstairs.
When he was gone, Yu Hua, who had been in the kitchen, walked out. He fixed his eyes in the front door for several seconds, then turned and went into the bedroom.
Yu Hua had given You Zhengping an opportunity to go out. What would Xiao You choose? What had been written on that paper he had put into his pocket?
Yu Hua lightly tapped the bedroom wall and used “time replay,” ready to see what Xiao You had done when he had discovered his identity.
It would take five to ten minutes for Xiao You to go downstairs and buy oyster sauce. Yu Hua wanted to finish watching what had happened over the span of two hours before he returned, so he sped up the replay by fifty times. He closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his sight had turned into “super vision.”
This was one the scraps of power he had unsealed last time. An ordinary person could understand and accept what they saw according to the speed of human events. Beyond that speed, the naked eye couldn’t distinguish. “Super vision,” however, could distinguish all speeds that the naked eye couldn’t capture. To eyes with “super vision,” a vehicle traveling at a speed of 120 kph would seem as slow as a crawling snail. A quickly attacking fist would also be as sluggish as slo-mo.
Using the “super vision” ability, he could watch what had happened with Xiao You in three minutes, and he would feel that after speeding it up, the playback was still very slow.
When Yu Hua saw You Zhengping take the calendar diary out of his backpack, he knew he had guessed wrong. Yu Hua had found this copy of the calendar diary long ago while he was cleaning. Xiao You had no idea how to hide things.
He had known that this was the inevitable result of the investigation, and it was no problem for Xiao You to understand him better. He might have wanted to cover some things up while they were dating, but they were an old married couple who had been married for three years; he wasn’t afraid of any shattered image.
At this point, he should have withdrawn his “time replay” and “super vision” abilities, but Yu Hua couldn’t resist wanting to know how Xiao You would react to him when he read the contents of the calendar diary.
He saw Xiao You smiling sweetly, unable to resist rolling on the bed hugging the book after each section he read, from time to time writing something on the piece of white paper.
Yu Hua curiously approached the bed, crouched down, and fixed his eyes on the white paper. He saw what was written on it:
1. Yu Hua likes to watch romantic movies, because movie theaters are dark and you can hold hands in the dark. He wanted to secretly kiss me when the main characters of the movie kissed. Unfortunately, every time the movie tickets were bought for a group of nine, and we watched The Avengers series of superhero movies. My underlings and I were filled up with righteous indignation while watching and kept yelling, “Hit them!”, “Go on!”, “Charge!” Yu Hua ate popcorn alone off to the side. It was very dull.
Preparations for tomorrow: pick out a sweet romantic movie, buy a little bag of popcorn. Be careful not to spill the popcorn or the coke while kissing. That would be disappointing. It’s best if I initiate the kiss (underlined). Yu Hua seems to want me to take the initiative more.
2. No more having lunch at barbecue, malatang, hotpot, starch jelly places, or any kind of tasty food place like that with a lot of noise and people. Choose a Chinese restaurant or a Western restaurant with quiet and cozy surroundings, with tasteless dishes where there’s only a tiny bit of food in the middle of a big plate, and you can’t get full and nothing tastes good. Yu Hua is a little fastidious about food, he doesn’t have any requirements for how the food tastes, the important thing is the surroundings.
Preparations for tomorrow: before going out, nibble something filling, like bread. I’ll be eating air for lunch.
3. In the afternoon, go to high quality shops to try on clothes. Yu Hua is a little vain, he likes to try on respectable clothes from some famous brands, slim-fitting, that make your legs look long, but that are uncomfortable to move around in. He also likes watching me trying on clothes and buying lots and lots. I’ll fulfill his requirements.
Preparations for tomorrow: find a reasonably-priced shop so Yu Hua’s credit card doesn’t get maxed out. After buying clothes, take the smallest steps possible. Don’t jump around too much and tear the pants.
Remember at all costs: No arcades. Yu Hua is bad at games.
4. It’s not important what we eat for dinner. The important thing is that the restaurant has to be dark, the kind that’s suitable for candlelight. Hire a violinist to play classical music for Yu Hua while we eat. The main course for dinner will be music.
Preparations for tomorrow: when listening to classical music, pinch your leg. You absolutely can’t fall asleep, absolutely! You Zhengping, you can do it!
5. Before leaving the house, hire an hourly worker to come over and to arrange ninety-nine roses in a heart shape on the bed in the bedroom, make the bedroom look romantic and sensual (though I’m not especially sure what sensual actually is), put in some colored lights arranged to write out “Messrs. YouYu.” Yu Hua likes tidiness, and clean and safe surroundings. However high quality a hotel is, it still won’t accord with his requirements. It’s better to arrange things at home.
Preparations for tomorrow: stall for time as much as possible until it’s dark before going home. It’ll be dark inside when we get home. Before Yu Hua turns on the light, use a remote to light up the colored lights.
You Zhengping returned home carrying the oyster sauce and saw Yu Hua sitting at the dining table, hands cupped under his chin, looking like his was deeply considering something.
You Zhengping sniffed. There wasn’t the familiar smell of food from before. He looked into the kitchen. There were vegetables chopped on the cutting board, but they hadn’t been cooked.
Had he been waiting for the oyster sauce? You Zhengping put the oyster sauce in front of Yu Hua. “I bought it.”
Yu Hua picked up the bottle of oyster sauce with both hands, his palms gently massaging the glass bottle. His movements were careful, patient, gentle.
You Zhengping blinked. What was wrong with Yu Hua? He went over and gently blew into his ear, reminding him that his husband was over here. It wasn’t that bottle of oyster sauce!
“I’ll go cook right away.” Yu Hua got up, holding the bottle, and looked deeply at You Zhengping. He smile warmly. “I’ll make you something tasty.”
Seeing his back moving busily in the kitchen, You Zhengping concentrated. He thought that Yu Hua’s expression seemed very familiar. When had he seen it before? It seemed that he had seen it many times.
You Zhengping thought about it while he ate, while he played games, while his teammates cursed him. In the evening, while he was lying on his side in Yu Hua’s lap as Yu Hua cleaned his ears for him, he was still thinking about it.
With his hand on Yu Hua’s knee, You Zhengping suddenly remembered. The day before he had accompanied Yu Hua in exercise for the first time, Yu Hua had smiled like that. The day before he had kidnapped Yu Hua to go to the Bureau of Civil Affairs for a marriage certificate, Yu Hua had smiled like that. The day before their wedding, Yu Hua had also smiled like that.
“Don’t fool around, I’ll hit your ear.” Yu Hua patiently cleaned You Zhengping’s ear for him, one hand pressing down Xiao You’s occasionally flailing arm.
You Zhengping lay on his side. Yu Hua’s hand lay on his arm. He suddenly thought once again that this gesture was very familiar, so familiar that it seemed to have happened not long ago.
This time, You Zhengping couldn’t remember no matter what. He was frowning with thoughtfulness until he went to sleep.
To save their strength for exercising after the date tomorrow, tonight the two of them didn’t exercise, only kissed each other, said goodnight, and went to sleep.
You Zhengping had a bellyful of thoughts. His mind was in chaos. He kept thinking he should remember something, but also that he shouldn’t remember it.
He fell asleep in a daze and had a disorderly dream.
In the dream, Lian Yufan was telling him that the organization had determined to adopt modern technology and use an artificial womb to produce the ideal offspring. They were making the Protectors with unique abilities contribute sperm. You Zhengping did everything he could to resist. He was absolutely unwilling. Director Xiao used his special ability to control him, forcing him to the contribution location.
Lian Yufan’s expression was peaceful; clenching his fist, he said, “I’ll have to be a good dad.” Luo Huai was expressionless. In the dream, You Zhengping seemed to be unable to see Luo Huai’s face; he only heard Luo Huai say happily that when the child was born, he could escape.
Escape? Escape what? When it was You Zhengping’s turn, he resisted fervently, rolling on the ground making a scene, unwilling to contribute. So the organization used the more advanced virtual imaging technology to project a “Yu Hua” in front of him.
The fake “Yu Hua” was too handsome, and he knew how to seduce him. When You Zhengping almost couldn’t control himself, their base was attacked.
Cen Xiao came to the contribution room, picked him up, and ran. He said that the black-cloaked man had fought his way in. The black-cloaked man wanted to destroy the world.
Everything instantly turned upside down. The black-cloaked man lifted the whole base and turned it over. The subterranean magma bubbled out. The whole Xuyang District became hell on earth.
Director Xiao and the other senior Protectors made the young Protectors run away, taking the underaged young students who were training at the base with them, while the old farts brought up the rear.
You Zhengping crowded a few teenagers into his space. Cen Xiao went ahead, opening the way by controlling the fire. They thought that Director Xiao and the others were so powerful that they could hold out for at least half a day, give them the opportunity to run away.
But in less than a minute, the black-cloaked man, carrying a string of aged Protectors, blocked their way. The black-cloaked man said that these Protectors were still alive, and that he had knocked all the living beings in the Xuyang District unconscious and temporarily hidden them in a safe place.
The black-cloaked man said that he could let these people go, could even restore the wrecked city, but he had one condition. He wanted the Protection Organization to hand over You Zhengping.
You Zhengping bravely stepped forward to save everyone and was taken away by the black-cloaked man.
They arrived in a pitch-black space where night and day were indistinguishable and time didn’t pass.
The black-cloaked man put his hands around You Zhengping’s neck, but he didn’t apply pressure, his thumbs and forefingers rubbing You Zhengping’s skin like Yu Hua had stroked the oyster sauce bottle during the day.
The black-cloaked man said, “Human, you have betrayed me.”
You Zhengping struggled desperately. He said, “Ever since you saved me and Lian Yufan, the organization has changed its views towards you. We’re willing to work with you, and we can stop investigating your identity. We’re doing our best to trust you, why are you doing this?”
As he spoke, You Zhengping couldn’t resist starting to cry. He didn’t want to act so embarrassingly in front of an enemy, but he couldn’t control himself.
The black-cloaked man’s embrace was very comfortable. When he was hugged, You Zhengping felt like he’d come home.
“Why are you crying?” The black-cloaked man’s cold voice warmed. “It was you who betrayed me.”
Long, narrow fingertips wiped away You Zhengping’s tears. The black-cloaked man gently lowered his head and kissed his lips.
You Zhengping raised his hands at once and tore off the black-cloaked man’s mask. He wanted to see clearly who this person humiliating him was!
The instant he was about to see the black-cloaked man’s face, You Zhengping suddenly woke from his dream. His head was drenched in sweat and his whole body was weak, as though he had been seriously ill.
“What’s wrong?” Yu Hua’s bleary, concerned voice came from the dark.
“Don’t turn on the lights!” You Zhengping released his senses, recalling the dark space in the dream. Why did it feel something like his bedroom?
“All right, I won’t.” Yu Hua sat up and hugged You Zhengping.
This embrace… You Zhengping pushed Yu Hua’s chest, curling up in his husband’s arms like a human ostrich.
Yu Hua held him, felt for a towel hanging at the head of the bed, and wiped the away You Zhengping’s sweat.
Yu Hua’s body was warm, and his fingers were warm. The black-cloaked man he had encountered in in his dream and on the roof had had ice cold fingers and lips, without human warmth.
The body temperature was different, and the feeling was also different. It was hard for You Zhengping to be sure.
So…it really had been just a dream? You Zhengping clutched his head.
Yu Hua: I’ve flashed the evidence around in front of Xiao You’s eyes in every possible way, and Xiao You has dodged it precisely, turning a blind eye.
You Zhengping: I dreamed about the bad ending!
