Reply to Keats - Chap 45
Chap 45
Sharp Silence
Zhao Shengge sent several more emails before the other party replied: [???]
[You won’t read it anyway! I have already discussed today’s mind structure map with Mr. Chen alone,] Fang Jian told him with satisfaction, [I’m afraid it will be difficult for you and Mr. Xu to understand it at the current level, so we decided to come up with a simplified version to connect with Minglong’s technical specialists.]
Fang Jian was arrogant and didn’t have the intention to curry favor with Party A. He said directly to his old classmates: “Don’t worry about it. We will give you a detailed report when we are ready to land and ask for money.”
“…” Zhao Shengge was silent for two seconds, then said: [Send it to the group.]
Fang Jian: [Not so fast.]
Zhao Shengge: [No need to simplify, just post the original version. ]
Fang Jian: [Do you understand? ]
Zhao Shengge: [You can try. ]
[……] Fang Jian has his own time plan and doesn’t like others to disrupt his plans. [I’m doing an experiment now and will be free after 1 a.m.]
“…” As Party A, Zhao Shengge politely informed him, “I have a meeting tomorrow. I hope to see you in the group in ten minutes. Thank you.”
[……] Fang Jian cursed a few times. If Minglong hadn’t given him too much and he had a bunch of hungry graduate and doctoral students, he would have quit the group immediately.
Ten minutes later, the group showed that a compressed file was being uploaded. Due to the large size, the upload time was very long.
The noisy music gave him a headache. Chen Wan thought he had seen it wrong, but after careful comparison, he was sure that this was the same document that Fang Bo sent him this morning.
Chen Wan didn’t know why the other party changed his mind again, because Fang Bo told him in the morning that they would sort out the information to come up with a simplified plan and design drawings and then make a unified report to the two parties.
No one spoke in the group still, but there was never any awkwardness where Chen Wan was. He expressed a few opinions below as if he was seeing the information for the first time.
Then he directly entered Zhao Shengge’s dialog box, but there was no response from the other party.
Chen Wan waited for a while, and until Zhuo Zhixuan had had a drink with several girls at different tables, the dialog box was still quiet.
Is Zhao Shengge still working and not seen? Or has he also been to the weekend nightlife?
Several times, Chen Wan had already started typing, but deleted it in the end.
He is the Party B and can only passively wait for Party A to come to him for report. There is absolutely no reason for Party B to push Party A, especially on the weekend.
Chen Wan declined a lady’s invitation to drink and her cell phone lit up.
Zhao Shengge actually called me directly.
Chen Wan stood up, walked out of the booth while Zhuo Zhixuan was still staring at her, and found a quieter place to answer the call.
“Mr. Zhao.”
“Chen Wan.”
Zhao Shengge’s voice was very low, deeper than usual. Chen Wan felt that it was a little distorted, but was not sure: “Mr. Zhao, do you want to talk about the plan that Fang Bo posted in the group?”
Zhao Shengge didn’t answer immediately. He paused for two seconds before saying, “Outside?”
“Is it noisy?” Chen Wan covered the microphone and quickly looked for a quieter place. “I’m outside, but I have nothing to do now. We can discuss it. I just finished watching the stereogram this afternoon.”
Zhao Shengge said, “Is it convenient for you?”
“Convenient.”
Zhao Shengge said with understanding: “If it’s inconvenient, we can talk about it later.”
Chen Wan said firmly: “It’s convenient. Work is important. Fang Bo told me today -”
Zhao Shengge coughed lightly.
“Mr. Zhao,” Chen Wan stopped, “what’s wrong with you?”
The hoarseness of his voice was not an illusion.
Zhao Shengge was silent for two seconds before saying, “No, you continue.”
Chen Wan hesitated for a moment, but lowered his voice and said, “Mr. Zhao, your health is important.”
With the recent change of seasons, the flu has been raging, and many employees of Ke Xiang have taken sick leave. Even the partner and senior student Han Jin was unfortunately infected. It is basically Chen Wan who is holding on alone.
Han Jin was afraid that Chen Wan would also collapse, so he went to get an IV drip for a few days and then went back to work. When he came back, he said that the hospital outpatient department was overcrowded recently.
Chen Wan raised his hand and looked at his watch: “If you feel uncomfortable, you can rest first. I will compile a report as soon as possible–”
Zhao Shengge said: “It’s okay, I’m fine.”
“…” Chen Wan felt that his tone was lighter than usual. He couldn’t be called weak, but it wasn’t as deep and powerful as usual. He asked worriedly, “Mr. Zhao, have you taken your temperature? Have you taken any medicine?”
After saying that, he felt his tone was too urgent, so he took a breath and added, “It’s flu season recently, and many people are getting sick. We still have to be more cautious. If you don’t pay attention to the early stages of a cold, it won’t be easy to get better if you delay it for too long.”
Zhao Shengge said yes.
Chen Wan said yes. He felt that Zhao Shengge didn’t care much about his health, so he asked more carefully: “Where do you feel uncomfortable now?”
“Fever and sore throat.”
“I don’t know if you have a fever,” Chen Wan frowned. “Take your temperature first. If it’s high, you need to take antipyretics. I think you should have some medicine at home.”
“It seems to have expired,” Zhao Shengge said, “It’s okay, let’s deal with the work first.”
Chen Wan frowned and didn’t agree with him. Instead, she asked, “Can you trouble the driver to take me there?”
“I’m on sick leave.”
Chen Wan stopped herself before she could say “Then I’ll send it to you”.
Zhao Shengge’s whereabouts and address have always been strictly confidential. It was too presumptuous for him to ask like this.
It’s like trying to find out the other person’s address indirectly, trying to take advantage of the opportunity.
He and Zhao Shengge have become more familiar with each other recently, but not to the extent of knowing each other’s address and delivering medicine in the middle of the night. I’m afraid even Zhuo Zhixuan should not be able to go to Zhao Shengge’s house casually.
Why does Chen Wan do that?
His heart was torn between reason and worry. He was worried about Zhao Shengge’s health, but also afraid that he would appear to have ulterior motives and be rejected.
Chen Wan rarely acted so decisively. These few seconds seemed particularly long, and the breath in the electric current slowly faded.
Because hesitation is a form of rejection.
Chen Wan hesitated for too long, and it was hard not to be misunderstood.
Silence is invisible, but very sharp.
Until a female voice came from behind: “Hey, Mr. Chen, come back quickly, the depth charge has been launched.”
They were the girls that Zhuo Zhixuan had just invited to their table to drink. They were in a band and had a lot to talk about with Zhuo Zhixuan.
The already delicate atmosphere became even more sensitive. Zhao Shengge was silent for two seconds and said on the phone, “You go ahead and do your work. I’m hanging up.”
Chen Wan was startled and called out “Mr. Zhao”, but Zhao Shengge probably didn’t hear it as the phone got busy.
Zhao Shengge felt that his head really started to hurt from this time, but he still insisted on returning to the study to work, and finished reading the hundreds of pages of documents in the group alone on this lonely night.
In fact, Zhao Shengge never thought that he was a person who forced others to do things. He didn’t like to force others or make things difficult for others, especially Chen Wan. He also prided himself on his calm and self-controlled personality.
But maybe it’s really because the flu virus is too fierce, making people nervous and confused, and always making some wrong analyses that overestimate themselves.
Zhao Shengge had everything since he was a child, but he could hardly get what he wanted, and maybe he would never have it in the future.
For a person with a strong character, when the last bit of fragility and willfulness in his heart is accidentally revealed, if it is not caught, it will almost be permanently sealed and erased.
A long time after the phone call was hung up, Chen Wan remained in the same position motionless, his breathing became rapid, but he did not have the medicine with him.
He realized later that he seemed to have made a wrong decision, but some things are just a moment of consciousness at the moment, and once they are gone, they are gone.
I can think of my own wishes while maintaining my sense of propriety and dignity.
He thinks he is foolproof and secure, but in fact he is timid and overwhelmed.
Chen Wan felt disappointed and a little disgusted with herself.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered in his heart, not knowing who he was saying it to, maybe to the sick Zhao Shengge, or maybe to Chen Wan, who once truly wanted to treat Zhao Shengge well.
He didn’t do it, he sucked.
“Where have you been?” Zhuo Zhixuan looked at his face.
After Chen Wan came back, he drank some wine.
“Hey,” Zhuo Zhixuan tried to stop him, “What’s wrong?”
Chen Wan wiped her face, put away her emotions, and said, “It’s okay.”
Zhuo Zhixuan snatched the wine from his hand, frowned, and said seriously: “Speak.”
Chen Wan’s throat rolled and he told the truth.
“Zhao Shengge has a strange personality, so it’s normal that you can’t understand him. However,” Zhuo Zhixuan said, “you seem to have fallen into a misunderstanding.”
“What.”
“That’s right, how should I put it.” Although Zhuo Zhixuan is not as delicate as Chen Wan, he is still better than Chen Wan who is hanging on a tree in the love field. “Don’t you think you are going too far?”
Chen Wan whispered, “You don’t understand.”
Zhuo Zhixuan patted his shoulder: “I understand, of course I don’t understand, secret love is like walking on a tightrope, crossing a cliff, every step is cautious as if treading on thin ice.”
After all these years, he knew how Chen Wan had been through it: “I wanted to be nice to him, but I didn’t dare to be nice to him. I didn’t know how to be nice to him. But, have you ever thought that you are the one who exaggerated a lot of things? In fact, in the eyes of others, it was just an ordinary social interaction that couldn’t be more normal.”
Chen Wan lowered his eyes: “Really?”
“If you’re really scared, then use me as an example. For example, last time, if I said I wanted to win at the poker table, would you help me?”
“meeting.”
“Then last time, if I was in trouble in Eagle Pond, would you cover for me?”
“Yes.” There’s nothing to say.
“Go ahead, let’s have dinner together. If I leave my cigarette box in the hotel, will you hand it to me personally?”
“meeting.”
“do you like me?”
“…”
Zhuo Zhixuan spread his hands: “Isn’t that the end? What are you afraid of?”
“Chen Wan, you are too careful.” Zhuo Zhixuan has never had a crush on anyone, but it does not affect his advice at all: “Everything you care about and are so cautious about is actually just ordinary social etiquette in the eyes of others. None of your actions cross the boundaries of ordinary friends.”
“If you didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t have known that you still liked him.”
“…”
He seemed to understand: “The more openly you have a crush on someone, the longer you can hide it.”
“…”
“When you can’t make up your mind, just judge it by the way you get along with ordinary friends. Let’s not talk about our friendship. If it was Tan Youming who said he was not feeling well and was alone at home tonight, and you happened to be outside and asked if he wanted to get some medicine, what’s wrong with that? That’s perfectly normal. If you didn’t ask, you wouldn’t be yourself, you wouldn’t be Chen Wan.”
Chen Wan was startled, as if something had hit him right in the heart.
Under normal circumstances, even if it was an ordinary partner, Chen Wan would provide enough emotional value and politely ask if the partner needed help.
But when he arrived at Zhaosheng Pavilion, he was only met with a few seconds of hesitant and cold silence because of his guilty conscience.
To some extent, Chen Wan treated Zhao Shengge worse than an ordinary friend.
Chen Wan realized it belatedly and felt sad and guilty.
His whole heart and all his love were intended for Zhao Shengge, but the person who should have been favored the most received the least.
This is unfair and puts the cart before the horse.
Zhao Shengge does not necessarily need Chen Wan’s concern and care for him, or her buying medicine and sending him to the doctor. Zhao Shengge has everything. Zhao Shengge can refuse, but Chen Wan should not remain silent. This is a statement and a concern.
This seriously goes against his original intention and will. Chen Wan hopes that Zhao Shengge feels that he is cared for, that he is not alone when he is sick, and that he can take medicine well and rest well.
Chen Wan felt regretful and determined to correct his mistakes in the future, but he didn’t know if there was still a chance to make up for it.
The author has something to say:
In my opinion, it’s just that he’s busy hanging out with girls on the Red Square, and he’s not even an ordinary friend to me.
