Reply to Keats - Chap 5
Chapter 5: Highs and Lows
According to the Feng Shui master, the “ghost” can only be sent away after the hour of Hai.
The rest of the people stayed overnight at Chen’s house. Chen Wan went to get the car in the rain. Cao Zhi also went out. He had just half-truthfully revealed his whereabouts at the dinner table. It was unclear whether he was on his way or deliberately blocking people.
“You weren’t there to park the car that day.”
This is a declarative sentence.
There is no need to wear a six-figure suit to park your car. Chen Wanhui and Chen Zhai always wear casual shirts and jeans. They are extremely casual in their outfit. They are low-key and ordinary, and they don’t seem to have any ambitions.
Chen Wan turned her head to look at him calmly, turned the car key calmly, and said firmly: “I’m just going to park the car.”
Cao Zhi chuckled in the night: “If you say so, then so be it.”
Chen Wan also maintained false politeness, said goodbye, turned and left.
Someone had thrown a rusty dog chain on the flat ground in front of the security booth.
Chen Wan stepped over swiftly, without looking around, his heart as calm as water.
He is no longer the illegitimate child who was tied with a dog chain and bullied and teased in his youth.
A home with wealth and luxury may look glamorous and bright, but in fact it is the place where filth and dirt are hidden. The deformity and cruelty of rich people are incomparable to those of ordinary people.
Who could have imagined that born in such a family, Chen Wan was tied to a dog hole when he was a child, with no food to eat and no clothes to wear.
When he was a child, he envied the beggars on the street the most because at least they were free.
Hell on earth, not worth living.
The Volkswagen that Chen Wan drove was inconspicuous among the Chen family’s luxury cars. Only when he got closer could he see clearly that the body of the car had several more scratches than when he came, and they were very low. He guessed that they were probably done by the boys who bullied Judy tonight.
Not sure if the tire was punctured.
The rain started to fall heavily again. Not wanting to alarm the people in the house, Chen Wan squatted down to make sure the tires were safe before getting in the car.
After closing the car door, I felt deeply tired. Without turning on the lights, I just leaned over the steering wheel for a long time before I came to my senses.
Raindrops as big as beans hit the windshield, but even in the closed compartment one could still hear the sound of wind and waves coming from far away, and palm leaves scratching the windows.
Chen Wan lit a cigarette and took two deep puffs before he felt oxygen rushing into his lungs, relieving the suffocating feeling of being drowned by the heavy rain and the night. In the darkness, he reached for the radio switch and turned it on to make some sound.
Hong Kong’s golden songs are playing the collection of the Queen of the Millennium.
“You live happily
I’m trying to survive
How many people are standing on the top of the mountain overlooking my tiredness,
You define life
I insulted survival
Only suitable to stay in the valley of the mountain and sort out my mess
I have not seen the end, nor the grace, I am very far away from you.”
The phone on the center console vibrates.
Chen Wan was awakened, moved his fingers, clenched them, and took some effort to receive it.
“Good evening, Mr. Chen.”
“Monica.”
“I’m sorry to call you so hastily. Since you didn’t come for a follow-up visit last week, the prescription can’t be used continuously, so I have to call you.”
Last week, Chen Wan was so focused on Zhao Shengge’s return that she forgot about it. She apologized profusely, “I’m sorry, Monica. I missed the appointment. Please also remember the last consultation fee. It’s my problem.”
Monica paused for a moment and said helplessly: “Mr. Chen, that’s not what I meant.”
Her patient had great empathy for others but not much for herself.
But as a doctor, she couldn’t just sit there and do nothing: “Are you free these two days? Can you try to find time to come for a face-to-face consultation? This treatment phase is quite special, so it’s best not to interrupt it.”
Monica has been Chen Wan’s chief psychologist for many years. Chen Wan never thought that he had any mental problems. It was Zhuo Zhixuan who found Monica for him after he felt that something was not right with his friend at certain times and he occasionally revealed some crazy ideas.
Monica is Zhuo Zhixuan’s senior at Columbia University. Chen Wan doesn’t care much about her condition, but doesn’t want to disappoint her friend or cause trouble for the doctor, so she says she can go over now if she doesn’t want to bother him.
Monica breathed a sigh of relief. Patients like Chen Wan who seemed to be cooperative but were actually the most uncooperative were the most difficult to deal with. She said, “Okay, I’ll wait for you in the clinic.”
Chen Wan was afraid that the other party would work overtime too late, so he overtook the car several times. When they arrived at Admiral Street before ten o’clock, Monica poured him some water and asked, “How are you doing recently?”
Chen Wan seemed to be very cooperative, describing his recent condition and symptoms in detail, just like in previous consultations. Monica hypnotized him.
Under the influence of drugs, the pathological and true personality is awakened and revealed.
“I punctured their arteries.”
Monica paused while recording and gently comforted the patient.
“The right limb was amputated.”
“Dogs won’t eat their bones.”
The language used when one is completely relaxed is chaotic. It is just a quick description and real mapping of some conceptual fragments and words at the bottom of the mind. Therefore, it is very disjointed and has no logic at all.
“The bullet is traveling at 6.8 mph. It can be faster.”
“Working overtime, very late.”
After a long time, Chen Wan said.
“He didn’t look over here.”
After about twenty minutes, Monica ended the hypnosis.
Monica was the only person besides Zhuo Zhixuan who knew about Chen Wan’s relationship status. Now that his name had reappeared in the records, she said, “Mr. Chen, you didn’t tell me that he was back.”
The incandescent light was bright. It was not until this moment that Chen Wan truly realized that Zhao Shengge was really back. It was not a dream he had in the hypnosis room, nor was it a data in his previous EEG and psychological CT.
So he smiled and said, “Yes, he is back.”
Monica nodded, with no joy or sorrow in her eyes.
Because of the emergence of new variables, Monica re-arranged the psychological test for Chen Wan.
Since she took over, Chen Wan has transitioned from reactive depression to latent depression, showing many characteristics that are rarely seen in clinical practice. His mental state and behavioral characteristics are very complex and contradictory.
Perhaps most people think that he is a very considerate and gentle person, but many tests reflect his self-destructive tendencies. He uses a gentle appearance and normal etiquette to suppress his world-weary and reactionary personality.
Behind the strong empathy and compassion lies the indifference and coldness towards one’s own desires and needs.
Now it is barely maintaining a relatively stable state.
“Do you think his reappearance will have a big impact on the treatment plan we originally formulated?”
Although Chen Wan didn’t think he was sick, he wouldn’t be perfunctory about other people’s work. After careful consideration, he answered carefully: “Not too big.”
“Why?” the doctor whispered. From her years of understanding, she knew very well the importance of this name.
“My life shouldn’t change much,” Chen Wan said slowly, word by word. “The emotions you asked me to record, such as happiness and sadness, satisfaction and resentment, are still mine. I give them to myself. I can control them myself. Everything is up to me.”
“Doctor, we can just continue with the previous plan. There’s no need to treat this as a new variable or a new opportunity.”
He said this calmly, but Monica had a bad feeling, as it further confirmed Chen Wan’s indifference to her and his determination to seek help from others.
However, she did not refute Chen Wan’s statement, but only made a tactful suggestion: “Maybe -”
Chen Wan shook his head slowly and firmly: “I’m not sick because of him, and -”
“I believe that I need to, and can, take control of my emotions.”
“Please help me do this.”
Monica did not insist any longer. Chen Wan was the most resolute patient among her patients, the most cooperative and easy-to-talk to gentleman, but also the most stubborn patient who could not be shaken by external forces.
“Okay,” Monica had to say, “I respect your wishes, but if possible, I hope you can take at least a week off. I need to observe your condition during the onset of the disease more carefully and comprehensively, and provide you with systematic and continuous physical therapy and training.” People with sober self-destructive tendencies will be difficult to control in the end.
Chen Wan was embarrassed: “I’m sorry, doctor, I have a full work schedule recently and I really can’t spare the time.”
“One week is not okay, how about three days?”
Chen Wan was still apologetic, but her tone was firm: “Not right now, we can find time later.”
Monica was silent for a while, then sighed: “Then you must take your medicine on time and come for follow-up visits on time.”
Chen Wan agreed with a smile. He was not trying to hide his illness or deceive the doctor, but he was pursuing a new project in the science department. Chen Wan had very little time to rest every day, and even less time to sleep.
At ten o’clock on Thursday night, Chen Wan drove to the Portuguese Casino alone. Even on a weekday, the casino was crowded.
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Hong Kong Radio’s Top Song of the Day: “Highs and Lows”
