Sissy (Niang Niang Qiang) - Chap 48
Chapter 48
Li Chengxiu’s body was shaking. He knew that he couldn’t fight against Shao Qun, yet he was still pushing him away as hard as he could, because Shao Qun’s touch made his hair stand on end. In an enclosed space with nowhere to go he had to face the person he wanted to avoid the most.
Shao Qun hugged him tightly.
The feeling of this long-awaited hug was both familiar and unfamiliar. The man in his arms seemed thinner than before, and Shao Qun even felt a little pained when he tightly wrapped his arms around him and felt the protruding shoulder blades.
Shao Qun wondered why touching such a thin, cowardly man who could cry easily, made him feel so comfortable and peaceful. Even feeling Li Chengxiu’s temperature against his own skin was enough to warm him up, and it seemed that his frozen body was gradually thawing.
So was his heart… and it felt sore and painful.
Shao Qun was in a daze, holding Li Chengxiu in his arms, when he felt a sudden pain in his shoulder.
Li Chengxiu’s eyes were wet, as he was biting Shao Qun’s shoulder as hard as he could.
Shao Qun gritted his teeth: “Go on, bite. But biting a fucking shoulder won’t do you any good. Do you have the guts to bite here?” Shao Qun raised his neck, exposing the major artery to his sight.
Li Chengxiu released Shao Qun’s shoulder and said in a trembling voice, “Let me go. I want to go home.”
The car had already started long ago. Li Chengxiu didn’t know where Shao Qun was taking him, but no matter where it was, as long as Shao Qun was there, Li Chengxiu didn’t want to go.
Shao Qun clenched his teeth and said, “You want to go home? Which home do you mean? Do you think that the place Li Shuo gave you is your home? Then why didn’t you want the apartment that I gave to you? Is his place made of gold or something?”
Li Chengxiu put his hands against Shao Qun’s chest and pushed him away.
He was afraid of Shao Qun – the brute force of his hands, the aggressive smell of his body, his fierce expression. All of it made him really scared.
Li Chengxiu was trembling with fear, as he cowered in the corner, choked and said, “I want to go home.”
Shao Qun felt a pain in his heart, and all he wanted was to hold Li Chengxiu’s face and kiss him.
He didn’t know what to do. Shao Qun had never dealt with somebody like that before. Somebody who didn’t know how to protect himself, somebody who didn’t know how to resist, somebody who didn’t know how to fight back. Li Chengxiu’s words and actions made Shao Qun really uncomfortable, so he could only try to cover his mouth with his lips.
Li Chengxiu turned his face away and twisted his neck to the greatest extent possible.
Shao Qun grabbed his chin and continued chasing his lips. Li Chengxiu frantically struggled: “Asshole, asshole!”
Didn’t the atrocities of that night also start with a rough kiss? He didn’t remember, and he didn’t want to remember. The humiliating pain, the embarrassment and then the despair of lying in the hospital was like a nightmare. Just a little reminder caused all the bloody memories to flood his mind.
The more he resisted, the more insistent Shao Qun was.
“No! No! Shao Qun, let me go! Don’t… Ah—” Li Chengxiu suddenly screamed so loudly that it frightened the driver who couldn’t help but turn around.
Shao Qun was stunned. He desperately hugged Li Chengxiu, trying to calm him down.
Li Chengxiu cried and curled up: “Don’t touch… Don’t touch me!!! Shao Qun… you are…an asshole! Don’t touch me…”
Shao Qun felt as if his heart had been stabbed several times. He sharply roared: “Why are you afraid of me? Why the fuck are you afraid of me? Even Li Shuo can touch you, why can’t I? Why the fuck can’t I?”
Li Chengxiu raised her face that was covered in sweat and tears. He then hoarsely said, “You are an asshole.”
Shao Qun grabbed Li Chengxiu’s chin and kissed him fiercely.
The space in the car was too small, and Shao Qun couldn’t get a hold of Li Chengxiu for a while. He was hit several times in the head, and it made him so angry he was about to explode. He finally managed to twist Li Chengxiu’s arm behind his back like he would do to a fighting opponent. All of that just to get a kiss.
When their lips touched, Li Chengxiu bit down hard.
Shao Qun was in pain for a while, but instead of retreating, he desperately continued his attack, desperately pushing at his lips and squeezing them, as the taste of blood gradually filled his mouth.
Li Chengxiu’s and Li Shuo’s affectionate kisses appeared over and over again in Shao Qun’s mind, and he felt that it was driving him crazy.
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes in pain. He was pinned to the backrest by Shao Qun who was kissing him so hard that he couldn’t breathe, and his heart couldn’t stop feeling sad.
Shao Qun let go of Li Chengxiu, panting heavily and looking at his tear-stained face. Suddenly he couldn’t even get angry. He only felt sad.
Was this person in front of him the same one who used to kiss him with a shy and tender look?
He no longer smiled at him. His eyes no longer held any warmth or affection. Did he still love him? Could everything be restored again?
Shao Qun felt scared. What should he do if they could not be like before?
Li Chengxiu buried his face in his hands and didn’t lift it up anymore.
Shao Qun still stubbornly held him in his arms. But he felt that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t hold him at all. It seemed that Li Chengxiu might disappear at any moment. Shao Qun also couldn’t let go of him, afraid that then he himself would go under.
The car quickly arrived at the destination. It was a place that Li Chengxiu had never been to before.
Just as Shao Qun was about to carry him out of the car, Li Chengxiu avoided his arms and slowly stumbled out of the car by himself.
Shao Qun coldly pulled him into the room and slammed the door shut. The sound of the lock seemed like a nail driven right into Li Chengxiu’s heart.
He was still wearing his house slippers when Shao Qun brought him to this weird place. He didn’t know what was awaiting him. Although he was afraid, he had no choice but to face it all alone, yet again.
Shao Qun wiped his face, and his hand felt heavier than a thousand pounds. After hesitating for a while, he finally calmed the turbulent emotions in his chest, clenched his teeth and asked: “You…Have you slept with him?”
Li Chengxiu’s face was woeful, as he gave Shao Qun a blank look.
Shao Qun felt that his heart was about to jump out.
He was fervently praying that Li Chengxiu would deny it.
In Shao Qun’s heart, Li Chengxiu was as clean as a clear spring. He was the most pure and the most beautiful thing he had ever owned. Li Chengxiu was his private possession, and Shao Qun couldn’t imagine him being invaded by another man. It would be the same as somebody raping his wife. Just thinking about it drove Shao Qun insane.
Shao Qun’s face was miserable, as he hoarsely asked again, “Tell me, have you or have you not. You haven’t, right?”
Li Chengxiu’s expression changed, he suddenly opened his mouth and whispered, “I have.”
It seemed that at that moment Shao Qun was struck by lightning, and his eyes instantly turned red. He grabbed Li Chengxiu by the throat and slammed him against the wall. His face was distorted, as he coldly said, “Say it again.”
Li Chengxiu’s eyes were filled with fear, but he still said in a trembling voice: “I have.”
Shao Qun rubbed his temples with his fingertips and said shakily, “He… he forced you, didn’t he?”
Li Chengxiu looked at him mournfully with some accusation in his eyes: “He isn’t you.”
He isn’t you.
He isn’t you.
Shao Qun’s pupils contracted sharply, and he slowly released his hold on Li Chengxiu’s throat. However, almost immediately his hard fist appeared in front of Li Chengxiu.
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes.
The expected pain didn’t come. But a loud noise exploded in his ears.
Li Chengxiu turned his face to the side and saw Shao Qun’s fist hitting the wall. It was now stained by the blood oozing from his knuckles.
Shao Qun was raising his fist and punching the hard wall over and over again. It was akin to self-harm – by punching the wall and hurting himself physically he could at least transfer some pain.
When he was a child, a professional trainer taught him a lot of self-defense techniques. He knew exactly where to attack and how to defend, but no one ever told him what he was supposed to do if someone broke his heart.
He has never been in love in his life. Love… ah… love. What could Shao Qun know about it? He had finally found someone whom he wanted to be together with peacefully. And he managed to drive him into the arms of another man.
This was the person whom he cared about the most when he was growing up. But neither back then, nor at this moment did Shao Qun realize that this anguish that was deeply engraved in his bones was something called “love”.
When Shao Qun heard other people go on about who was in love with whom, he always dismissed these talks, thinking that such a dumb thing didn’t have anything to do with him. Until the time he met Li Chengxiu. Shao Qun was really moved by him and in his own way gradually tried to be good to him. He seriously thought about staying with Li Chengxiu for a long time.
If this was love, then shouldn’t Shao Qun be allowed to make mistakes? He had no experience, after all. That’s why he made a mess, that’s why he screwed things up. Wasn’t it possible to start over? Li Chengxiu couldn’t just turn around and leave, letting him fall so hard first and then throwing a giant boulder on top of him!
Li Chengxiu looked at the scarlet blood on the wall, and it pained his heart. He wanted to stop Shao Qun several times, but no matter what, he just couldn’t open his mouth. He could only close his eyes and hold his breath. He was afraid that if he didn’t tense up, he would collapse on the spot.
Shao Qun didn’t know how long he spent punching the wall. He only stopped when his fist was so bloody and beaten up that it couldn’t move anymore.
Li Chengxiu’s tears ran down his cheeks, but he didn’t dare to open his eyes.
After a while, he heard the sound of a door closing.
He opened his eyes again, and saw that he was left all alone in a huge house.
Right next to his face there was a wild blood spatter, which looked terrifying.
Li Chengxiu slumped down on the ground, hugged his knees and cried in pain.
Most of the night afterwards was spent rummaging through every corner of the room. Unfortunately, Li Chengxiu couldn’t locate the spare key. Shao Qun had locked him inside.
He couldn’t go out, couldn’t make a phone call, and couldn’t even cry for help, since he was somewhere high up.
He ran around until it was almost dawn. He couldn’t help but succumb to the fatigue, so he finally fell asleep on the sofa.
He felt so cold that he shivered all over but he couldn’t wake up. This feeling tormented him for a long time, until something was wrapped around his body, and a pair of warm and strong hands held him, allowing him to finally sleep peacefully.
Li Chengxiu didn’t sleep for too long.
The blindingly bright early morning sun was shining directly into the living room. Li Chengxiu woke up in confusion and found that he had an extra hand in front of him.
Immediately alert, Li Chengxiu slightly propped himself up and noticed that he was covered with a blanket, while Shao Qun was holding him in his arms. His hand was on Li Chengxiu’s shoulder in a defensive gesture.
At that moment, Shao Qun also slowly opened his eyes. When Li Chengxiu got up, he was still sitting on the sofa, since his legs were too numb to move.
Shao Qun just wanted to reach out to touch Li Chengxiu, but Li Chengxiu had already jumped off the sofa and rushed up to the door in a few big strides. He then pulled the door handle as hard as he could. After realizing that the door was still locked, he lowered his head in despair.
Shao Qun stood up reluctantly, staggered towards Li Chengxiu and hugged him from behind.
Only then did Li Chengxiu realize that he reeked of alcohol.
Shao Qun’s voice was so hoarse that it seemed like it was an entirely different person talking. He muttered in a faintly pleading tone: “Chengxiu, I’m not getting married. You couldn’t accept the marriage… And I’m not getting married anymore. Let’s get back together, okay? Let’s make up!”
How could Li Chengxiu believe any word coming out of Shao Qun’s mouth ever again? Hearing this, he felt like he was slapped. It was painful and embarrassing.
He couldn’t forget what Shao Qun told him that night.
What would Shao Qun want with a man who couldn’t give him a child? This was obviously just another lie.
Li Chengxiu broke free from his arms, turned around to face him and pressed his back against the door: “Let me go.”
A cold light erupted in Shao Qun’s eyes. He placed his hands on both sides of Li Chengxiu’s face and said in a deep voice: “I won’t let you go. Do you think I will let you return to Li Shuo? I don’t want you to ever see him again. You can only be with me. Only me.”
Li Chengxiu was frightened by the madness and obsession in Shao Qun’s eyes, and he felt cold again.
He had long known that Shao Qun’s behavior was very different from that of normal people. He always did unexpected and bold things, but Li Chengxiu really didn’t expect that Shao Qun would actually be insane enough to lock him up.
Even the anger and sadness in Li Chengxiu’s heart were nearly gone.
If Shao Qun had even a trace of respect towards him as a human being, how would he be able to do something like this to him?
Shao Qun looked at Li Chengxiu somewhat lost in thought, raised his hand that was wrapped in layers of gauze to his eyes and gently touched his hair: “Won’t it be nice to return to the way we were? I promise I will be good to you. I will give you whatever you want, Chengxiu. Can you still treat me like before?”
Li Chengxiu’s eyes were cold, and his heart was also completely cold.
Shao Qun was suddenly flustered: “No. Not like before. I’ll find a housekeeper. You won’t have to do any housework anymore. But can you still cook for me? I’d like to eat your food… You won’t have to cook every day…”
Shao Qun couldn’t go on, because at that point Li Chengxiu’s eyes were like hot knives, stabbing him painfully all over.
Li Chengxiu in his memory was such a gentle person. He was never angry and never cared about winning or losing an argument. He had never seen such a look on his face and in his eyes. It was as if… It was as if Li Chengxiu had given up all hope in him.
Shao Qun wondered if he had done something wrong again.
But he had no choice. He couldn’t watch Li Chengxiu and Li Shuo come together. He regretted not stabbing Li Shuo that day.
Apart from restricting Li Chengxiu’s freedom, he actually had no other way to keep him around.
He planned to take Li Chengxiu back to Beijing with him once everything was settled here. It was his old nest after all. Even if he had to lock him up for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t let Li Chengxiu leave him.
Shao Qun didn’t dare to think about his life without Li Chengxiu. He never imagined that one day, he could be attached to another person to such a crazy degree that he would only feel at ease when he had firmly imprisoned him by his side.
