Sissy (Niang Niang Qiang) - Chap 59
Chapter 59
Shao Qun hadn’t eaten for several days, and his stomach was immediately in distress as soon as he ate something.
But he didn’t care about such a minor issue. Instead, he grabbed Li Wenxun and said they should leave as soon as possible.
Some irritation bubbled inside Li Wenxun. As soon as he arrived from Beijing, he went straight to this dam house to save this young man who had entirely lost it. He didn’t even get a tiny bit of rest! And now, the chair he’s sitting on hasn’t even warmed yet and he has to go on to the next flight? Was Shao Qun fucking kidding him?
“Do you fucking think that all the airlines belong to your family, and you can get a plane whenever you want? Or maybe you have the guts to ask your old man for a military plane to go look for your little love? Huh?”
Shao Qun scolded: “What are you nagging me for? What if he went back to his hometown today? What if he is there right now?”
Li Wenxun rolled his eyes at him: “It’s not his mother’s death anniversary yet.”
Shao Qun asked in surprise: “How do you know?”
“I remember he dropped out of school around March or April, and his mother died a couple months after that.”
Shao Qun didn’t let go: “How do you know that?”
“Well, we were in the same school after all, and I have a good memory. Also, it was around the time of middle school entrance examinations, so I can remember it clearly. At the time, the teachers organized some student donations for him…”
Shao Qun paused and sat back in his chair: “Donations…?”
Li Wenxun took out another cigarette, and his expression was a little uncomfortable: “Right…you went abroad, so you don’t know what happened. He dropped out because his mother had to be hospitalized. Apparently, she drank too much and became paralyzed. But he was an honor student, if you remember. So the school actually tried to get him back. If he got into high school, they promised to subsidize his studies and his monthly living expenses. But he never returned to school. I heard that he worked several jobs and went on to borrow a lot of money, so he didn’t have time for school anymore. That’s when the school organized this donation for him. It’s kinda funny that when he was still in school, nobody gave a shit about him. But as soon as he dropped out, the teachers started going on about his tragic life, so a lot of people sympathized with him and even competed to see who could donate more.”
Shao Qun’s body gradually became cold.
Shao Qun had heard some stuff about Li Chengxiu’s past from Xiao Zhou but at the time he just thought that he was pretty tough. The only reason he even investigated him was because he was eager to get Li Chengxiu to eat out of his hand. Once that purpose was fulfilled, he didn’t give it much thought and soon forgot all about it. But now, hearing it all from Li Wenxun’s mouth, he realized that what Li Chengxiu went through back then was quite something. Li Wenxun could remember it even after more than 10 years have passed.
The more he listened, the more sorry he felt for Li Chengxiu.
The more he found out about Li Chengxiu, the more he realized that he really didn’t even know him.
He thought that Li Chengxiu was weak and useless. Li Chengxiu was indeed not very manly, but he could already support himself and his paralyzed mother at the age of thirteen or fourteen. Shao Qun couldn’t even imagine his pampered self in Li Chengxiu’s circumstances. He would neither have the courage, nor ability.
He remembered that he always laughed at Li Chengxiu for being a sissy, but now he really felt that Li Chengxiu was a man who could take on a lot of responsibility.
He might not be able to provide a rich life for his family, but he would definitely spare no efforts to take care of his close ones. Even if he had to kneel on the ground, he would still take on this burden to protect others in his life.
Just like when Shao Qun and Li Chengxiu were together. Li Chengxiu had no money or power, but he tried very hard to be kind to Shao Qun in any way he could, and he treated him wholeheartedly.
But what did Shao Qun do?
Shao Qun’s face paled.
He regarded Li Chengxiu as a dispensable plaything, trampled his tenderness and admiration to nothing, took all his kindness for granted, and then squandered everything without cherishing it at all.
He suddenly had a feeling that the reason why Li Chengxiu left him didn’t only have to do with his marriage. Li Chengxiu was probably really disappointed in him.
Shao Qun thought that this was his retribution now. He never actually considered being nice to Li Chengxiu before, he only blindly absorbed all his tenderness and kind feelings. When Shao Qun finally came to his senses and wanted to treat Li Chengxiu well, Li Chengxiu no longer wanted him.
Li Chengxiu’s determination to avoid Shao Qun at any cost couldn’t be more obvious now that he had so resolutely walked away. At first he had a little hope that Li Chengxiu might still have some feelings for him, but now that hope has been replaced by a gloomy despair.
Li Wenxun realized that Shao Qun wasn’t speaking anymore, and, seeing his pale face, he knew that he had somehow irritated him again.
Li Wenxun sighed: “I’m just telling you not to rush it. First of all, I remember that his mother’s death anniversary is at least two or three months away from now. Second of all, you have to think carefully about what you’re going to do with him once you find him.”
Shao Qun was stunned for a moment, then muttered: “I haven’t thought about it yet but I definitely won’t let him suffer any injustice.”
Li Wenxun hummed: “Okay, Shao Qun, don’t accuse me of being mean but even if he is willing to be with you again, there’s still a grievance that he might not want to bear. Once you get married, he will break up with you. Do you intend to never get married for the rest of your life?”
Shao Qun raised his chin slightly and gave Li Wenxun a bright look.
Li Wenxun sat up straight and said in surprise, “You can’t be serious?”
Shao Qun turned his face away, “I haven’t figured out how to deal with my family yet. If they make a big deal out of it, I’ll kneel at the gate and go on a hunger strike. It’s not like they can kill me anyway.”
Li Wenxun scolded: “Shao Qun, you’re fucking insane! Now you’re even talking about dying for him. Who doesn’t act a bit foolish when they are young? But what if all that passion wears off in a couple of years? What if one day you look at him and you realize you’ve grown tired of him? And for that you want to fall out with your entire family? What will become of you?”
Shao Qun’s face was full of sadness, but there was determination in his eyes: “Don’t say such things. I’m a fool now, and I will stay a fool for the rest of my life. Don’t try to talk me out of it. You’ve never met a person like that in your life. You have no idea what it’s like to have your heart ripped out by someone.”
Li Wenxun waved his hand: “Fine, fine, fine! Stop being so gross! You’re really possessed.”
Shao Qun shook his head with a wry smile, stood up and said, “Let’s hurry up, we can catch a flight in the evening.”
Li Wenxun sighed, grabbed his jacket and put it on.
Once Teacup got better, Li Chengxiu started running around the city again and looking for a job.
He was actually pretty sure that he was going back to working in the kitchen again, but to his surprise a small trucking company hired him instead.
The company’s accountant got pregnant and suddenly resigned without a warning. Although the company was small, the accounts were pretty trivial, and one accountant was enough to deal with all the workload, it was still very troublesome for the business when she left. Li Chengxiu came by coincidence. When the boss saw that he had worked for such a big company before, he hired him on the spot.
When Li Chengxiu came home, he was very excited. After so many days of darkness, his mood was finally improving.
When he passed by the vegetable market near his home, he bought some fish and meat, planning to prepare a special treat that day. He wanted to invite Xiao Ji to have a lively meal together, and he also wanted to cook something nice for Teacup.
Li Chengxiu was busy in the kitchen, when Xiao Ji came by.
The guy was a big tall man who followed his nose. As soon as he smelled delicious food in Li Chengxiu’s house, he immediately ran over to eat.
Li Chengxiu got along with him pretty well, and he gradually even learned some things about him.
Although the youngster didn’t go into details, it was clear that he didn’t come to the city to study but rather he had a fight with his family and ran away from home. He had no money, so he had no other choice but to stay at this place and eat instant noodles every day.
Li Chengxiu wanted to coax him into fixing his relationship with his parents but as soon as he started talking, Xiao Ji’s face fell. Li Chengxiu thought that they were really not familiar enough for this kind of advice, so he stopped saying anything but still called him over for dinner.
Now that Li Chengxiu had a job, he was much less anxious.
He usually didn’t spend much money. He only bought food and paid for his lodging and transportation. There were no extra expenses, except for feeding an extra person. Who did eat a lot.
When Xiao Ji came over that day, he was a bit awkward.
Li Chengxiu didn’t notice that anything was wrong, so he just casually told him to sit down as usual and not to bully the little Teacup. Then he went on with his diner preparations.
After a while, he had a strange feeling. Li Chengxiu looked back and realized that Xiao Ji was motionlessly standing behind him. He was a bit startled.
Li Chengxiu asked, “What’s the matter?”
Xiao Ji’s expression was a little unnatural. After hesitating for a long time, he took something out of his pocket and handed it to Li Chengxiu: “This is for you.”
Li Chengxiu didn’t respond. He looked down and saw that the guy was handing him a mobile phone. He was a bit confused: “Huh?”
Xiao Ji blushed slightly: “That’s… I’ve eaten a lot of your food recently… But I have no money to give you. So maybe you can sell this for a few thousand RMB…”
Only then did Li Chengxiu finally understand what he meant. He hurriedly pushed Xiao Ji’s hand away: “No, we are neighbors! Besides, you didn’t even eat that much.”
Xiao Ji still continued to push his phone into Li Chengxiu’s hand: “Take it! Or I’m gonna be too embarrassed to continue eating and drinking for free.”
Li Chengxiu shook his head: “Really, no! Keep it in case your family contacts you…”
Xiao Ji curled his lips: “They won’t. I have already changed my number. There’s nobody who would contact me now, so what’s the use of having a phone? I have written down all the important numbers anyway. So you can just sell it.”
The two pushed and shoved for a long time. Li Chengxiu was obviously less stubborn than the youngster, so in the end he had no choice but to accept the phone.
It seemed that Xiao Ji really felt a bit uncomfortable and sincerely wanted Li Chengxiu to sell the phone and get some money.
Seeing that Li Chengxiu had finally accepted the phone, Xiao Ji’s face got a little better and he asked, “Hey, I actually want to find a job. Can you help me with that?”
Li Chengxiu shook his head. He had been in this city for less than a month, and he himself had just found a job. There was really no way for him to help anybody else with the job search. Also, he wasn’t sure what a nineteen-year-old kid like Xiao Ji could even do.
Xiao Ji was a little disappointed and sat down on the sofa to play with Teacup.
The living room and the kitchen were only a few steps away from each other. In fact, they were basically in the same room, only separated by a piece of glass. While Xiao Ji was playing with Teacup, he couldn’t help but look at Li Chengxiu’s busy back.
A strange thought suddenly popped into his mind. He wondered how a man’s waist could be so thin.
This weird thought was quickly banished from his mind by a delicious aroma that filled the room. The little Teacup eagerly jumped on Xiao Ji’s knees, looking in the direction of the kitchen.
Xiao Ji smiled wickedly, poked the pup’s stomach and said, “If you grow even fatter, we can use you as our backup food!”
Teacup turned around and bit Xiao Ji’s finger in response.
Li Chengxiu was in a good mood today, so he cooked several dishes. Xiao Ji’s eyes lit up: “What’s going on today? Usually there’s only green vegetables, radishes and very little meat. How could you suddenly afford to get so much meat and fish? ”
Li Chengxiu smiled: “I found a job.”
Xiao Ji said “oh” and then added: “No wonder then. Congratulations, congratulations! Would have been nicer to celebrate with some wine.”
Li Chengxiu shook his head: “Just drink your tea.”
Xiao Ji didn’t care either way.
He would have never expected before to be so excited just to see a bit more meat on the table. In his situation, after eating instant noodles and dry bread, he already considered a plate with green vegetables a blessing. Li Chengxiu was just so good at cooking, that Xiao Ji really couldn’t control himself and had to run to his place to eat every day. Apart from good food, he also got company and at least somebody to talk to. It was much better than sitting alone at home not knowing where to go.
After dinner, Xiao Ji brought his computer over and connected it to the old TV set left by the previous tenant.
Two of them together with a tiny dog sat down on the sofa to watch a movie.
Li Chengxiu made a pot of tapioca pudding, and just the smell of it could make one drool. They each sat on their own side of the sofa, leaning over and holding a bowl of pudding in their hands. They ate while watching the movie. Teacup was squatting in between them, also looking eagerly at the screen.
Xiao Ji used his toe to tickle Teacup, and the puppy somersaulted face-down on the sofa. The youngster laughed.
Li Chengxiu glanced at both of them with a smile, feeling a little warm in his heart.
Holding the documents in his hand, Shao Qun was walking in the middle of the bluestone road between the two rows of old houses. As he walked, he was examining the rusted house numbers.
They finally found the urban village where Li Chengxiu lived before but only after they experienced a long journey with a plane, a car, and even a rickshaw.
Shao Qun remembered that Li Chengxiu had told him when he was a child that his home was far from school, and that he needed to travel one hour by bus every day. This turned out to be true. This place was technically still in Beijing, but it was already on the sixth or seventh ring road. You could say that this was Beijing but it really wasn’t in any way that mattered. The place didn’t look anything like the flashy modern capital.
The situation in this area had actually improved a lot recently, because a university had been established nearby, which brought some businesses with it.
The demolitions had started here last year, and the row of houses that Shao Qun saw in front of himself now were actually intended to be demolished by the end of the year. Many people had moved out already. If they hadn’t taken a rickshaw, they wouldn’t have found another driver who knew his way around.
Shao Qun was holding onto the address of Li Chengxiu’s distant relative that Xiao Zhou had found last year. But judging from the current situation, it seemed that she had moved out.
They looked around for more than 20 minutes before finally finding the old house.
They knocked for a long time but nobody came out, and there was no movement inside. However, somebody from next door peeked out.
It was an old lady with cataracts which looked like an unnatural milky haze covering her eyeballs.
The old lady seemed to still be able to see them. She looked Shao Qun and Li Wenxun up and down: “Who are you looking for?”
Shao Qun gave her the name of the relative.
The old lady said “oh” and added: “She moved away…moved away several months ago. To a big building.”
Shao Qun asked her if she knew the woman’s current address.
The old lady looked at them with some suspicion: “What do you need that for?”
Shao Qun said: “We are former classmates of one of her relatives. And we need to ask her something about him.”
“Which relative? This place is small, and I basically know everyone in her family.”
“Li Chengxiu. Do you know him?”
“Li Chengxiu?” The old lady thought for a while, “Oh, that child really is her distant relative! Such a pure and nice boy! He was the one who was such a good student, right?”
Shao Qun nodded quickly: “Yes, yes, that’s him! Do you know him?”
“Everyone in our village knows him. That child did not have it easy. He was very good at school already at a young age. So the government financed his junior high school education. It’s a pity that he had such good-for-nothing parents! His father left his mother… If he had gone to school properly, he would have been so successful. But I heard that now he is working in the south somewhere. It’s such a pity.” The old lady said and shook her head.
There was pain in Shao Qun’s heart, and he didn’t know what to say for a while.
Li Wenxun hurriedly asked, “Auntie, where does his relative live now? Please tell us.”
“I can’t really say exactly. They moved to the area with those big tall buildings. Why don’t you come in and sit for a while? My son is going to be off work soon, so he’ll take you there.”
Shao Qun and Li Wenxun exchanged looks. Since they were the ones asking for a favor, they had no choice but to enter that dilapidated house that was about to collapse at any moment.
The old lady poured a glass of water for both of them. Then she took out an old photo album from the cabinet, flipped it to the middle page, put her glasses on and looked for a long time. Finally she pointed at one of the photos and handed it to Shao Qun: “Is it this child?”
Shao Qun looked at the old photo.
It seemed to be a photo from somebody’s wedding. There were banquet tables everywhere, and in one of the corners one could see Li Chengxiu’s fair and delicate face.
Shao Qun felt that his heart stopped for a moment. The memories flooded him like a tide. He vividly remembered this fair-skinned boy who made his heart flutter and also how he suppressed those feelings because of fear.
After more than ten years, that exciting and enchanting feeling of wanting but being too nervous to get closer gradually came back to Shao Qun in its pure original form. The feeling was painful and kind of bitter, but it was also mixed with a hint of sweetness.
Shao Qun knew now that he really liked Li Chengxiu back then. Even if he was still ignorant and green, and the feeling didn’t surpass the level of trivial budding affection, Li Chengxiu was still his first love. No wonder that he had remembered him for so long, no wonder he couldn’t help but want to get closer to him when he met Li Chengxiu again.
It seemed that there was such a person in his life whom he liked a lot. But when he encountered those feelings for the first time, he was too young. And later, he considered himself too esteemed for him. So till now, he never actually completely realized his own feelings.
Shao Qun gently touched the corner of the photo, feeling the urge to cry.
