Sissy (Niang Niang Qiang) - Chap 62

Chapter 62

Li Chengxiu felt very embarrassed. He didn’t expect Xiao Ji to think like that about him. He really just wanted to help him out of kindness, nothing else.

Li Chengxiu thought that Xiao Ji would not come again this time, however in his heart he hoped that they could return to the way things were before. Even Teacup seemed to miss him very much, often squatting motionlessly at the door, as if waiting for Xiao Ji to come over.

Facts have proven that Li Chengxiu was entirely unable to figure out what’s going on in the minds of young people. After a few days of silence, Xiao Ji came over yet again, carrying a plastic bag in his hand.

As soon as Li Chengxiu opened the door, Xiao Ji unceremoniously handed him the bag: “I want to eat steamed scallops with garlic.”

Li Chengxiu was a bit surprised for a while, but then he laughed and let him in.

Xiao Ji showed a bit of embarrassment on his face. When he came in, he didn’t speak and only played with Teacup.

Li Chengxiu called him over when the meal was done. He squinted at Li Chengxiu and awkwardly sat down at the dining table, staring straight at Li Chengxiu with his dark eyes.

Li Chengxiu handed him the chopsticks: “Eat!”

Xiao Ji took the chopsticks, ate two bites and suddenly said, “My full name is Ji Yuanqi.”

Li Chengxiu was startled and just said, “Oh”.

“I came here because I want to play professional basketball, and my family wouldn’t let me. So I ran away.”

Li Chengxiu didn’t know why he was telling him all of that, but he continued to carefully listen.

Ji Yuanqi looked at him with his bright eyes: “I told you everything about me. Now tell me all about you too.”

Li Chengxiu didn’t understand what he meant: “Tell you what?”

Ji Yuanqi responded: “Tell me all about yourself. Where are you from, how old are you, what did you do before coming here, why are you here, and…. your boyfriend… what’s going on with him?”

Li Chengxiu felt that he was developing a headache.

He didn’t know what the young man wanted from him. He seemed like someone who just said directly what was on his mind. Li Chengxiu felt that the generational gap between them was just too big, and it was so much easier to eat together before the misunderstanding.

Ji Yuanqi was unrelenting, tapping his chopsticks against the bowl: “Tell me! I’ve told you everything.” That somehow meant that if Li Chengxiu did not share something about himself, Xiao Ji would be an offended party.

Li Chengxiu reluctantly said: “My…my hometown is… in Beijing. I worked…there. This year…I turn twenty-nine.”

Ji Yuanqi tilted his neck to think, saying to himself: “Ten year difference…? Ah, it’s okay ……” He then continued to knock on his bowl, “Continue! What about your boyfriend? Where is he from? How old is he? What does he do? Why did you split up?”

Li Chengxiu really couldn’t take this questioning anymore. Why would he need to tell all that to Xiao Ji?

But Ji Yuanqi was still waiting for the answers with his eyes wide open.

Li Chengxiu sighed: “Let’s not talk about this…”

The young man was unhappy, and his face immediately darkened: “Why can’t you talk about it? Haven’t you already split up? Is there still some love left?”

For some reason, Li Chengxiu suddenly felt that this guy was just as domineering and self-willed as Shao Qun when he was a child. He couldn’t tell what exactly it made him feel – sentimental or disgusted. He gently put his chopsticks on the table and stopped talking.

Ji Yuanqi saw that Li Chengxiu refused to speak, so he became gloomy. After a long silence, he finally said with a bit of bargaining in his voice: “Well…why don’t you try it with me?”

After Li Chengxiu’s experience last time, he already understood what Xiao Ji meant by “try” and looked up at the youngster in surprise.

Ji Yuanqi felt that his cheeks were a little hot: “Anyway… you are single. And I am also single. Let’s try it. Why not?… Don’t you like men? I’m very handsome… Why don’t you like me?”

Li Chengxiu’s face froze.

He felt as if a child just ran up to him with a particularly novel toy and insisted on playing with him. And this child thought that it was a waste not to try out such an interesting toy together.

But how many adults would actually be interested in children’s toys?

Ji Yuanqi moved his chair next to Li Chengxiu, raised his chin arrogantly, while his eyes flashed with anticipation: “How about it? Why don’t we try?”

Li Chengxiu sighed: “Xiao Ji, this… you can’t just try it. You like girls… You can’t try this kind of thing.”

“What can’t I do? I even once ate scorpions on a dare!.”

Li Chengxiu didn’t know what to say to that. In Xiao Ji’s eyes, dating a man might just be a novelty and a fun game. He didn’t have to take any responsibility or pay a price if something went wrong, because it was just… trying.

Li Chengxiu couldn’t help being a little angry, so he said coldly: “You are still young. You… Forget it. Just eat and stop talking about it.”

Ji Yuanqi was unhappy: “I’m so fucking sick of people dragging age into this. We’re both men. Just be more honest. This young master wants to be with you. What do you have to lose?”

Li Chengxiu didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He shook his head: “Let’s just eat.”

Ji Yuanqi wanted to say something else, but seeing that Li Chengxiu lowered his head and didn’t even look at him anymore, he rolled his eyes at him and ate with his head down.

Li Chengxiu thought that he would soon get bored with the topic and move on, but he didn’t expect that since that day Ji Yuanqi would constantly talk about the matter, joke around and sometimes even make pretend-gestures of wanting to kiss Li Chengxiu. It was as if Xiao Ji was addicted to this game now.

Fortunately, he mostly just talked a lot and didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. After listening to his nonsense for a long time, Li Chengxiu didn’t take it seriously anymore.

The weather was getting warmer, and the summers in Guangzhou were quite difficult. Li Chengxiu was dazed from riding in the overheated full bus. He got off and unsteadily walked home. When he was about to enter the building, he suddenly heard an excited incoherent cry behind him.

“Chengxiu!”

Li Chengxiu’s whole body froze, and it seemed that the entire heat he had accumulated left his body at once.

He thought he was just dizzy and probably hallucinating, but when he turned his head to look at the source of the sound, he realized that this nightmare was real.

Shao Qun really stood in front of him.

Li Chengxiu’s heart violently throbbed. The memories that he had forcibly sealed up, suddenly broke free and instantly flooded his mind. He drew a blank and almost subconsciously turned around to run.

Shao Qun rushed up to him with a single stride and hugged his waist.

Li Chengxiu’s face turned pale, and he desperately struggled, “Let me go!”

Shao Qun hugged him tightly and trembled “I won’t let go again, Chengxiu. I will never let go again.”

Li Chengxiu used his elbow to hit his stomach as hard as he could.

Shao Qun gasped but still didn’t let go.

There were usually only a few people on Li Chengxiu’s way home. But it didn’t mean that nobody would pass by at all. It was a bit weird for two men to be hugging so ambiguously in the middle of the street.

Li Chengxiu was anxious and scared, and his body trembled uncontrollably. Here we go again. He was hiding left and right, hoping to completely erase his traces in this world. Why couldn’t this person just let him go?

He just wanted to live a peaceful life and stop having trouble with anyone. Why can’t such a humble wish come true? Was Shao Qun trying to force him to die?

Shao Qun’s hands were shaking with excitement. In the past six months, he really had no idea how he had survived. He never got a good night’s sleep, never stopped missing Li Chengxiu and he really couldn’t wait to exchange everything he had just for a bit of news about Li Chengxiu.

He was tortured by constant disappointment, and now his only hope was just to see Li Chengxiu and know where he was. Hopeless thoughts were devouring his soul day by day and he never wanted to experience that feeling again. Whatever happens, he must stay where he can always see Li Chengxiu.

Shao Qun carefully sniffed the warm and pleasant smell coming from Li Chengxiu’s neck and felt the security and satisfaction from finally hugging this person. He feared it was just an illusion, that his arms would be empty the moment he woke up.

Li Chengxiu took a deep breath and said hoarsely, “Let me go.”

Shao Qun hesitated for a while, but finally let go. He still clung to Li Chengxiu’s sleeve, as if he was afraid that he could disappear in the next second.

Li Chengxiu turned his face, and Shao Qun looked at him greedily and eagerly, his eyes full of deep sadness.

“Chengxiu, I missed you very much. You left without saying a word. It was too cruel.” After Shao Qun said this, his eyes looked a little blurry.

Li Chengxiu distanced himself from him, looking at Shao Qun who had become so thin and haggard in just a few months. He couldn’t tell what was happening in the heart of this man, so he said solemnly, “Shao Qun, Li Shuo and I have broken up. What do you still want from me? What else do you need?”

Shao Qun said sadly, “I just want us to go back to the past.”

Li Chengxiu felt heartbroken. Back to the past? How long ago does he want to go back to?

If time could really be reversed, Li Chengxiu would have wished to never have known Shao Qun in the first place. He would have preferred to live alone and unattached for his entire lifetime, without any worries, rather than having this big hole dug in his heart and having to constantly relive what happened. It’s a pity that none of them could ever go back. Li Chengxiu could only continue protecting himself and not repeat the same mistakes again.

Li Chengxiu gently shook his head, “Shao Qun, let me go.”

Shao Qun grabbed his arm and said hoarsely, “Chengxiu, I’ve been looking for you for so long. Please don’t say this. I can’t give up on you, do you understand? I really like you. Give me a chance, and I will treat you well. I have liked you my entire life, and I will only be good to you in the future. I’ll do whatever you say, as long as you stay by my side. I can promise you anything, okay? Chengxiu, give me a chance, I beg you! Let me make it up for you!”

Li Chengxiu closed his eyes in pain, “Shao Qun, I can’t… trust you again. Let…let me go.”

Shao Qun said anxiously, “Trust me one more time! I won’t lie to you again. If I had lied to you, would I have gotten myself into this mess? Do you know how much effort I put into finding you? Chengxiu, I… I did a lot of things wrong in the past. I was too much of an asshole, and I know that you hate me. But you used to love me, right? Give me a chance and let me treat you well this time. You can use me as anything you want. The only thing I ask of you is that you don’t run away anymore. If I can just see you, I will be satisfied. Chengxiu, give me a chance.”

Li Chengxiu pushed him away, ” Don’t say all this, Shao Qun, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to move again. Don’t… don’t force me again. I…We…”

Li Chengxiu couldn’t even say a complete sentence. The sadness and hope in Shao Qun’s eyes were so obvious that he couldn’t ignore it. This person used to be so high-spirited and arrogant. How could he be showing such an expression now? Maybe he really believed in what he himself was saying?

Li Chengxiu was really scared. Shao Qun was probably someone who wasn’t used to rejection. Or maybe all of this was just some momentary whim? Even if his intentions were true at this point in time, who knew how long they would even stay true. One year? Two years? Three years? Shao Qun will at some point be expected to get married and have a child of his own. So sooner or later, Li Chengxiu would just end up falling into an even more unbearable situation than before. And he was never going to let such a thing happen to him again. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

Shao Qun looked at Li Chengxiu’s avoidant look, and he really felt as if his heart was being torn out. He endured the heartache, wiped his face and forced himself to calm down.

When he saw Li Chengxiu just now, he got excited and lost his calm. Before coming here, he had warned himself many times to take it slow, not to be too hasty and not to push Li Chengxiu into a situation where he is forced to run away again. But as soon as he saw this man, he forgot everything.

Shao Qun shook his head, took a deep breath and said solemnly, “I won’t force you to do anything. So don’t run anymore, okay?”

Li Chengxiu pulled his arm away from Shao Qun, “As long as you don’t come here again, I won’t run.”

Shao Qun showed an extremely bitter smile, “Chengxiu, I really can’t do this. Can you at least let me see you? I won’t force you. I just want to come see you.”

Li Chengxiu said in a trembling voice, “I don’t want to see you.”

Hearing this, Shao Qun had the urge to slam his head against the wall, “Okay, you don’t fucking have to see me. I just want to see you. Chengxiu, can you leave me at least that? Just a little tiny hope? A small breath of fresh air?”

Li Chengxiu took a step back, lowered his head, and tightly bit his lips.

Shao Qun sniffed, forced himself to step away and raised his hands. He then said, “I’m not forcing you. You don’t need to guard against me and you don’t need to be afraid of me. I just want to make up for the mistakes I made. I will never hurt you again. You…you can just pretend that I don’t exist and live your normal life. I will come look at you from a distance, and it’s all going to be fine. All fine.”

Li Chengxiu didn’t say anything. His chest was already hurting and he couldn’t speak anyway. He took another few steps back and didn’t dare to look up at Shao Qun. He finally turned and walked away.

Shao Qun stared blankly at Li Chengxiu, leaving in a hurry. He felt like his body was entirely empty, as if he would never be able to fill this emptiness ever again.

Li Chengxiu returned home in despair. Ji Yuanqi knew it was him as soon as he heard footsteps going upstairs. He immediately came out of his room wagging his tail and shouting “I’m so hungry!!!”

Li Chengxiu didn’t see him at all. He was about to close the door when he entered his apartment, and the door panel almost hit Xiao Ji right on the nose.

Ji Yuanqi let out a “fuck!” and got inside anyway, “What are you doing!?”

Li Chengxiu seemed to only notice the youngster at that moment and finally turned around to look at him.

Ji Yuanqi saw at a glance that Li Chengxiu’s eyes were red, as if he had been crying. He got nervous all of a sudden, walked over, sat down next to him and asked, “What happened? You cried? Why?”

Li Chengxiu shook his head, and was about to get up, “I’ll cook.”

Ji Yuanqi grabbed him and said, “Don’t go! Tell me why you were crying. Who bullied you?”

Li Chengxiu continued to shake his head, “It’s okay.”

“It’s not fucking okay! Is it okay to have red eyes like a damn rabbit? Do you think I can’t help you? If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, how can I help you? Just tell me who bullied you!”

Li Chengxiu turned around and walked to the kitchen, saying solemnly, “It’s okay.”

Ji Yuanqi was angry. He pulled at his hair shouting, “SOmething is obviously wrong! Come on, tell me!”

Li Chengxiu ignored him and got busy cooking.

Teacup jumped out of its nest right around this time, circled around Li Chengxiu twice and then began woofing with its neck raised high.

Ji Yuanqi came up and picked it up. After putting the pup in his pocket, he pulled Li Chengxiu over, pinched his chin and seriously said, “Li Chengxiu, I won’t let anyone bully you. Tell me, and I promise I’ll make them pay! ”

Li Chengxiu was forced to look at him, and Ji Yuanqi suddenly realized that the sadness and despair in his eyes was something he had never seen before.

Although Li Chengxiu was often thoughtful, and Ji Yuanqi suspected that he had some secrets in his heart, he had never seen him this sad.

Li Chengxiu said dumbly, “Xiao Ji, you can’t help me. Stop asking.”

Ji Yuanqi wanted to get angry, but he couldn’t. He really wanted to do something for Li Chengxiu to repay him for his kindness, but the other party obviously didn’t have any confidence in him.

Also, since he had no money or power right now, why should Li Chengxiu even believe him? He was currently being taken care of almost entirely by this sissy whom he despised at first. And he can’t do anything to repay him.This strong psychological gap didn’t only hurt his self-esteem, but also made him very sad.

Ji Yuanqi put down his hands dejectedly and sat back down on the sofa.

He looked at Li Chengxiu’s silent back. He wanted to help him and protect him. He wanted to get along with Li Chengxiu for a long time. Could Ji Yuanqi finally man up and reverse the situation? Could he stop being the one who needed care and instead take care of Li Chengxiu? Ji Yuanqi kind of hated his current predicament, and he slowly began to struggle with his thoughts.