Sissy (Niang Niang Qiang) - Chap 65
Chapter 65
When Li Chengxiu woke up, he had a splitting headache, and the process of opening his eyes was hard beyond imagination. Being covered in the quilt made him feel suffocated, his throat was dry and hoarse, which felt particularly painful.
He felt it was too hot, so he wanted to stretch his hand out of the quilt. As soon as he moved, something moved right next to him.
Shao Qun’s somewhat tired face immediately appeared in Li Chengxiu’s hazy sight. Li Chengxiu opened his mouth, and Shao Qun immediately leaned down and asked nervously, “Chengxiu, you’re awake! What’s wrong? Do you need anything?”
Li Chengxiu’s throat was uncomfortably dry. In a hoarse voice he said, “Water…”
Shao Qun quickly poured him a cup of hot water. Only after testing the temperature himself, did he put his arm behind Li Chengxiu’s back to help him up and brought the cup to his mouth.
Li Chengxiu frowned and gulped down a few sips. Although the warm water hurt his throat while going down the pipe, he still felt more comfortable after drinking.
Li Chengxiu looked at the surrounding environment and realized that he was in a hospital. He asked Shao Qun, “My phone?”
Shao Qun hurriedly took out his mobile phone from the drawer.
Li Chengxiu flipped through his phone book, his vision still a little blurry.
Shao Qun held his hand, “Chengxiu, it’s already past 3 am. Who are you calling?” Li Chengxiu was stunned. He looked at the dark sky and then looked at his phone again. Since he was hospitalized, he had to ask for a leave after all.
Shao Qun realized that Li Chengxiu wasn’t quite awake yet, so he pressed him back to the bed, “Have some rest first. Whatever you need to do, you can do it tomorrow, okay?”
Maybe because he was so sick and confused, Li Chengxiu did not resist Shao Qun. In a total daze, he let Shao Qun tuck him back under the covers and fell asleep again after only a short while.
After Xiao Ji left, Shao Qun watched Li Chengxiu for a while, then crawled into his bed and fell asleep right next to him. When he woke up, he realized that the kid hadn’t come back.
Shao Qun frowned, hoping that the youngster didn’t decide to steal his car and escape.
He was not so much afraid of his car being stolen, since he had an anti-theft GPS tracking enabled and could find it anywhere, but rather he didn’t want Li Chengxiu to stay in his uncomfortable sweat-soaked clothes.
Shao Qun waited for Li Chengxiu to fall asleep, then got up and planned to go back to the house himself. When he returned, he found that the youngster’s door was half-closed, and the lights were still on. He pushed the door and saw that the apartment was in a mess. It seemed there had been a fight. His car keys and the keys to Li Chengxiu’s apartment were lying on the sofa.
Shao Qun picked up the keys, wondering if there was a robbery and whether he should call the police. On second thought, it was none of his business if this guy was robbed. He also wished that this idiot who constantly hung out around Chengxiu’s ass would disappear as soon as possible.
Shao Qun entered Li Chengxiu’s apartment and picked out two pajamas for him and some toiletries. He then added some dog food to Teacup’s bowl before leaving.
When he returned to the hospital, it was already dawn. Li Chengxiu was sleeping soundly, and Shao Qun reached under the covers to touch his clothes. They were really damp.
He gently lifted the quilt, unbuttoned Li Chengxiu’s shirt and was about to change his clothes. When Li Chengxiu’s fair chest was exposed, Shao Qun felt that his heartbeat suddenly accelerated, as if his heart was about to violently jump out of his throat.
Although Shao Qun didn’t consider himself a promiscuous person[5], he had seen quite a few naked men and women in his lifetime. There were many exceptional beauties among them, and yet…not a single other body before could make him so nervous.
At this time, Li Chengxiu looked really defenseless, especially with his eyes closed and sleeping so peacefully. He was now all at his mercy. Shao Qun couldn’t stop thinking about how many outrageous things that would make anyone blush he had done to this body when the two of them were together. These thoughts seemed to set him on fire.
When Shao Qun slightly lifted Li Chengxiu’s shoulders to change his shirt, Li Chengxiu seemed to wake up. He looked at Shao Qun with his half-open wet eyes, his face blushed, and his mouth slightly opened. His body seemed as soft as mud, his hair was closely sticking to his forehead, and his eyelashes were slightly trembling. This image that made one think of a sheep about to be slaughtered made Shao Qun’s blood boil.
Shao Qun’s head was buzzing, as he nervously sweated all over his body. He kept saying mostly to himself, “I… I’m going to change your clothes… just change your clothes.”
Li Chengxiu didn’t seem to understand what he was saying at all. He looked at him for a while and then closed his eyes again.
Shao Qun breathed a sigh of relief. His desire for this person had reached an incredible level. Only when he was close to Li Chengxiu, did he feel really alive. Unfortunately, even if Shao Qun had the heart of a thief, he did not have the guts. Li Chengxiu was already repulsed enough by him, so he didn’t dare to annoy him. But if he at least didn’t take a little advantage of the possibility to touch around while changing his clothes, could he even be considered a man?
After changing Li Chengxiu’s clothes, Shao Qun was sweating profusely. Although he didn’t get a lot of rest during the night, he couldn’t sleep. So he got up and went to get something for Li Chengxiu to eat in the morning.
At noon that day, Li Chengxiu woke up again.
The nurse took his temperature, which had dropped significantly. He also looked much more energetic. Shao Qun helped him up, opened the insulated lunch box, and said with a smile, “This porridge was freshly prepared by the hotel staff. It smells delicious. Eat some.”
Li Chengxiu’s nose was stuffed, and he couldn’t really smell anything, so he didn’t even look at the porridge. Instead, he looked at Shao Qun and asked, “What about Teacup?”
Shao Qun reassured him: “Don’t worry. I have fed it.”
“Then… what about Xiao Ji?”
Shao Qun frowned, “No idea.”
Li Chengxiu sighed and said tiredly: “Where…where is the invoice?”
Shao Qun was stunned, “What invoice?”
“For hospitalization…Give it to me. I’ll pay you back once I’m discharged.”
Shao Qun’s hand that was holding the bowl with porridge froze for a moment. He silently put the bowl down and looked at Li Chengxiu with some discomfort, “Chengxiu, is there a need for such strict accounting between you and me?”
Li Chengxiu shook his head, “I don’t want to… owe you.”
Shao Qun’s face sank. After a long silence, he finally gave up, bent down and pulled out the trash can from underneath the bed. He then picked out a crumpled piece of paper from it and handed it to Li Chengxiu.
Li Chengxiu took the invoice, wondering if the company would reimburse him.
His hands were weak, so he could barely hold his mobile phone when he called his boss. The boss was busy and didn’t have a minute of free time. When he heard that Li Chengxiu was sick, he even moaned in frustration, but there was nothing he could do. So he just told him to get a good rest and then hung up.
Shao Qun was still holding the bowl and looking at him.
Li Chengxiu glanced at the porridge and stretched out his hand. Shao Qun’s face brightened, he quickly scooped a spoonful and brought it to Li Chengxiu’s mouth.
Li Chengxiu reflexively moved away. Looking at the embarrassment on Shao Qun’s face, he also lowered his head.
Shao Qun handed the bowl to him and asked softly, “Can you eat it yourself?”
Li Chengxiu raised his hand and took the bowl. He didn’t know what to say, so he just ate in silence. Shao Qun was uncomfortable and was looking for something to say. “The doctor said that your fever will pass by tomorrow. There are a lot of flus going around this season. It’s not a big deal… Eat slowly, don’t burn yourself… Is it hot enough? Does it taste good?”
Li Chengxiu didn’t answer. He could barely finish half of the portion.
As soon as he put the bowl down, Shao Qun took it away and then gently wiped Li Chengxiu’s mouth with a tissue. Li Chengxiu couldn’t stand Shao Qun’s attentiveness. He grew up without anyone ever being so caring towards him, let alone at the time when he was sick. This person here was Shao Qun, and Li Chengxiu really didn’t know how to respond to him.
Shao Qun put an extra pillow behind his back, and held his hand gently, “Chengxiu, do you feel better?”
Li Chengxiu silently pulled his hand back and closed his eyes.
It was only him and Shao Qun in this quiet ward. It was hard enough for Li Chengxiu to even be in contact with Shao Qun, so now that he was completely alone with him he felt panicked and trapped in a corner with nowhere to escape.
He could only try his best not to listen to him or look at him, in order to suppress the unspeakable anxiety in his heart and maintain a calm expression.
Shao Qun was already used to being ignored by him. He raised his hand to tuck Li Chengxiu’s quilt and said softly, “May 1st is a holiday, so don’t think about work anymore. Take a good rest. I’ll stay with you.”
Li Chengxiu looked at him quietly, and said witlessly, “Shao Qun, stop wasting your time on me.”
Shao Qun felt a stab of pain in his heart, but he managed to smile on the surface, “How can time spent on you be a waste?”
Li Chengxiu looked tired, “We will never go back to the old days, so let me go.”
Shao Qun’s eyes seemed to instantly dim, as if covered by a layer of mist. He whispered, “Chengxiu, let’s not talk about this, okay? I’ve already told you, I won’t give up. I can’t give up on you. Unless you die, you won’t be able to get rid of me. I, Shao Qun, plan to haunt you for the rest of my life.”
Li Chengxiu showed a pained expression, “Shao Qun, you have everything. I don’t have anything. Let me… go.”
Shao Qun’s eyes felt sore, his vision blurred instantly, he gritted his teeth and said, “Chengxiu, it’s not fair for you to say that. I can give you everything, but you don’t want it. Without you, I have nothing.”
Li Chengxiu closed his eyes, which were full of sorrow.
Shao Qun smiled bitterly, “Chengxiu, since you mentioned it, then let’s talk about it. There are many things I want to say to you, but you get annoyed whenever you see me. How about we talk things out now, okay?” Shao Qun thought that this might be a good opportunity for him. They say that sick people are more fragile in their hearts and more dependable on other people. If he made some effort right now, Li Chengxiu might soften up to him more.
Shao Qun held his hand tightly, preventing Li Chengxiu from pulling it back, and looked at him with affection in his eyes.
“Chengxiu, you don’t want to believe anything I say at this point. But I want to tell you something. Do you know how I found you?”
Li Chengxiu just looked at him.
Shao Qun said, “I went to your hometown.”
Li Chengxiu trembled and gave Shao Qun a blank look.
Shao Qun said solemnly: “I went to your hometown, and I saw your old lady neighbor Mrs.Zhang and also your fourth aunt.”
Li Chengxiu seemed a little moved, “She….they… are they okay?”
Shao Qun touched his hand soothingly, “They are both doing fine. After I found your fourth aunt, I contacted the person who is looking after your mother’s grave. When you sent him money, I traced it to the nearby bank… Chengxiu, after you left, I’ve been trying my best to find you every day. Do you know how worried I was? I… I just told you to move out from that house. I had no idea you’d completely disappear all of a sudden. You’re really ruthless.”
Shao Qun showed a bitter smile. The time when he was looking for Li Chengxiu was probably the darkest and most unbearable time in his life. Even now, when he recalled being in so much pain from missing Li Chengxiu and being unable to protect himself from it, he felt chills all over his body. He never wanted to experience something like that again in his life.
Li Chengxiu took a deep breath and also seemed to be lost in memories.
Shao Qun continued: “They told me a lot of things about your childhood. I realized how much of a fucking bastard I was when I was a child. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t…wouldn’t be so unlucky. I…I didn’t expect that… I was just…” Shao Qun’s face showed pain and guilt.
Li Chengxiu’s body trembled.
He had almost no good memories from his childhood. The only thing worth recalling was the time he spent with Shao Qun. Unfortunately, even these beautiful memories were completely wiped out by a series of events that happened later.
Now that Li Chengxiu thought about it, he really should have stayed away from Shao Qun without any hesitation, when he reappeared in his life. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to sink into that humble sweet illusion and once again become attracted to this person.
Shao Qun wiped his face and said hoarsely, “Chengxiu, what I did to you is my biggest regret in this life. Not only was I a total bastard when I was young, but more so when I grew up. And I hurt you again and again. Honestly, I have never been in a relationship with anyone in my life, so I have no experience. I didn’t know how to treat you, so I have done a lot of wrong things. I don’t have the moral right to see you anymore, but want to tell you that I… I am…. I’m really in love with you. And, I swear, no one in this world loves you more than me.”
Li Chengxiu felt that his heart was hit by something heavy. For a moment, he even felt like he was painfully suffocating.
This man… this man said that he loves him.
He pushed him into the abyss and then reached out and told him that he loved him.
Shao Qun’s eyes were red – he was holding back his tears. He grabbed Li Chengxiu’s hand tightly, as if it was a piece of driftwood. If he let go, he felt he would drown in an instant.
“Chengxiu, it serves me fucking right if you don’t belive me right now. But you can’t drive me away. I’ve thought about it for a long time, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And since I already decided to give you my lifetime, I’m not afraid to wait for you. A year or two, or ten, or even twenty. You can do whatever you want with me, I won’t complain. As long as I can see you, I will fucking volunteer to do anything. I won’t give you an opportunity to get close to others, I’ll chase everybody away, and I won’t let you disappear from my sight ever again. I will follow you wherever you go. Chengxiu, that’s the kind of person I am – you won’t be able to chase me away. And since you can’t get rid of me anyway, let me take care of you. I owe you that much. You said that you had nothing. But if I give myself to you, you will have everything, right? Use me if you need me. And if you find me annoying, I’ll just look at you from a distance…”
“Don’t say these things…” Li Chengxiu’s shoulders collapsed.
Shao Qun saw that Li Chengxiu’s attitude seemed to be softening, so he continued: “Chengxiu, just think about it, your rejection towards me is not so strong. You also like me, right? Everything used to be so good between us…I just want to go back to the way we used to be. I could see you every day whenever I came back from work. And after a tiring day, I could eat a meal cooked by you. And we had fun during holidays, just like every normal couple. I want to spend my whole life like this with you. I thought…I just thought we could have a home…”
“Shut up!” Li Chengxiu cried out suddenly and covered his head with his hands.
Most likely the 39 degree fever[6] had weakened his nerves, because Li Chengxiu seemed to have an instant emotional breakdown. He hoarsely screamed, “Shao Qun, you are a monster! All you do is lie to me… You…you will get married… and then…you still insult me! I… I don’t believe a word you say! Get out! Shao Qun, you are a monster! ”
Shao Qun had the illusion that his heart was bleeding. He hugged Li Chengxiu and choked: “I am a monster, but I really like you. Chengxiu, look at me, look very carefully. Do you think I would make myself look like this just to deceive you? What do I want? What the fuck do I want? I can’t even go home anymore… I just want to be with you. I will never lie to you again. I’ve never been in a relationship before. You have to allow me to make mistakes. Chengxiu, you have to let me make some mistakes. Yes, I was wrong. I made too many fucking mistakes! Give me a way out, please! Let us have a chance to go back. We have to go back! Don’t tell me that we can’t! Even if the road is split in half, I’ll still walk back! As long as you nod your head, as long as you give me a chance…okay? You just need to give me another chance. ”
Li Chengxiu didn’t know where his strength came from, but he managed to quickly push Shao Qun away and retract himself under the quilt, covering even his head. His body violently trembled.
Shao Qun’s arms were empty, and his heart was also empty. He fiercely wiped his face and with eyes full of pain looked at the man covered up in the quilt.
Who could show him the way? What was he supposed to do?
Li Chengxiu had sealed his heart. He is not willing to give him even a tiny gap, even if he cries, screams, and jumps around. The life in the past when Li Chengxiu would abide by his every command now seemed like a dream to Shao Qun.
He used to own this person completely… But now even if he takes out his heart, Li Chengxiu won’t even look at it. Shao Qun’s life was so fucked up. He didn’t know how long he could last like this. He didn’t know whether he would go completely insane one day and do something that would make Li Chengxiu hate him for the rest of his life.
