Sissy (Niang Niang Qiang) - Chap 74
Chapter 74
Shao Qun’s eyes gradually filled with tears: “I didn’t want to force you either. I had exhausted all my tricks at that point. And you still wouldn’t even look at me. So I had to do what I did. And if I didn’t, would you be here talking to me? Li Chengxiu, let me tell you, taking this knife was far less painful than what I felt when you stabbed at my heart over and over again. I tried everything else. At first, I thought that as long as I was a good person, treated you well and let you know that I really loved you, you’d forgive me. Then I found out the hard way, that that wasn’t fucking true. No matter how good I was and no matter whether you believed in the sincerity of my feelings or not, you still didn’t want me anymore. You just didn’t fucking want me at all. Since you left me no way out, what else was I supposed to do?”
Li Chengxiu sat down on the chair, covered his face with his hands, and his shoulders slightly trembled.
Shao Qun looked at him with unbearable pain in his heart.
He was at his wit’s end. All he could do now was desperately throw his weight around. If Li Chengxiu’s heart still didn’t soften after all of this, what else was he supposed to do? Die? Lock him up?
Either way, they’ve both come to the end of the line. Li Chengxiu was still unwilling. Shao Qun could obviously make him happy, yet he refused to accept it. Why? Why couldn’t he just trust him again? Shao Qun would literally do anything for him. So why did he refuse to go back to the way they were?
How stubborn was Li Chengxiu? He was stubborn to the point that Shao Qun’s forehead was bleeding from trying to break through the wall that Li Chengxiu had built around his heart.
He was desperate.
Li Chengxiu suddenly moved and asked witlessly, “What… what else are you planning to do?”
Shao Qun smiled a miserable smile: “You tell me. If you’re going to leave now, just pick another place I should stab at. What do you say, if you just leave like this, why don’t you pick a place and stab you again. If I die, you’ll have your peace, and no one will disgust you anymore.”
Li Chengxiu couldn’t help crying when he said: “Shao Qun, threatening me with something like this…you…you are sick…”
Shao Qun took a deep breath, trying to prop himself up. He then turned his face towards Li Chengxiu and said anxiously: “Chengxiu, is it so hard to accept me again? Hm? You once loved me, and we were also very happy together. We can be just like we were before. No, I… I will treat you a thousand times better than before. Is that so hard? If you give me one more chance, you will save me and yourself. I beg you, give me a second chance. You can do whatever you want with me, except leave me!”
Li Chengxiu covered his face.
After a long time, he asked in a weak voice: “Is it true…the thing about the child?”
Shao Qun was stunned for a moment, then he realized that he was asked a question and hurriedly said, “Yes! It’s true.”
“A boy or a girl?”
“She just got pregnant, I don’t know yet… If you’re so eager to know, we can do a chromosome test[2]…”
“No…” Li Chengxiu raised her tear-stained face, “If…If it’s a girl…you… and Shao family… won’t need it?”
Shao Qun responded anxiously: “Nobody said that! Doesn’t matter if it’s a boy or a girl – your child is also my child. So how can I not need it?”
Li Chengxiu looked at him as if he was in a trance.
Is this affection, or is it just a creepy obsession?
The image that Shao Qun had created in Li Chengxiu’s heart was inseparable from cruel ruthlessness. But more and more he felt that maybe he didn’t know Shao Qun well enough. This man could do all these crazy things, his eyes were full of sadness and deep affection… Was it the same man who brutally humiliated him? Li Chengxiu almost couldn’t recognize him anymore.
No matter how much he told himself not to fall into the trap again, his heart had still moved. And he actually began to believe that Shao Qun really loved him.
Although he couldn’t forgive what Shao Qun had done to him, Li Chengxiu also couldn’t continue lying to himself.
Shao Qun loved him. And this time it was true.
After this person had hurt him, humiliated him, and pushed him into the abyss of excruciating pain, the most painful thing in the world was hearing Shao Qun tell him that he loved him.
Loved him to the point where you could do anything and be relentless in his pursuit.
Li Chengxiu felt that after these two years of his entanglement with Shao Qun, he was more exhausted than ever before.
He suddenly wanted to lie down on the ground and tell anybody, who passed him by, that he didn’t care about love and that all he wanted to do was to never get up.
Li Chengxiu wiped his tears with quick violent motions. He needed to be alone for a while.
He didn’t want to face Shao Qun at this moment. And he didn’t want to face his own predicament. He wanted to be alone to think about all of this in peace.
He had to think about Shao Qun and also about his innocent soon-to-be-born son or a daughter.
Only after thinking about it, he would come back and tell Shao Qun… tell Shao Qun that…
Li Chengxiu got up from his chair and shuffled out.
Shao Qun’s pupils shrank sharply, and in a trembling voice he asked , “Li Chengxiu, where are you going?”
Li Chengxiu stumbled out without turning around as if he didn’t hear him at all.
Shao Qun shouted anxiously: “Li Chengxiu! You are not allowed to leave!”
At that moment, he felt as if an invisible hand had penetrated through his chest and was tightly and mercilessly squeezing his heart. No surprise, that it hurt like hell.
He propped himself up on the bed with his arms and was about to roll over. Unfortunately, his body had lost too much blood, so it was obviously not as flexible as he had imagined. As soon as he left the bed, he couldn’t keep his balance and fell heavily to the ground. Shao Qun felt a sharp pain in his waist, and warm blood started flowing out again.
Li Chengxiu was shocked when he turned around and saw Shao Qun struggling on the ground.
He hurried back and helped him up: “You…What are you doing?” His hand touched Shao Qun’s waist, stained with blood, and his voice changed: “Shao Qun, you… Ah, the wound… Shao Qun!”
Shao Qun put his arm around Li Chengxiu’s neck and choked: “Chengxiu, don’t go. Don’t leave me. I have nothing else left in my life… Stay by my side, I beg you. You stay… I’m dying… If you leave, I’ll go crazy… really… really…I’ll go crazy… You stay…”
“I’m not…not going anywhere…I…Doctor!!!”
The door of the ward suddenly burst open, and Shao Wen rushed in first, followed by the doctor and two nurses. They came up to help Shao Qun, and the scene became a chaotic mess.
Li Chengxiu didn’t even understand who pushed him out of the ward. While he was still out of it, he was heavily slapped, and then a woman’s cry rang in his ear.
It took him a long time to realize that it was Shao Wen who was sitting next to him and crying.
It turned out that even such a strong woman would cry so sadly.
Li Chengxiu slowly got back to his senses and said hoarsely, “I’m sorry.”
Shao Wen’s shoulders paused. She maintained this awkward position for a long time before her crying finally faded. She wiped her face and stood up.
Shao Wen was very tall. In her high heels she was even taller than Li Chengxiu. As soon as she got up, her facial expression went back to indifference and sternness. This put an invisible pressure on Li Chengxiu.
“Come with me,” she said coldly.
The two of them entered an empty ward. Shao Wen turned her back to Li Chengxiu, looked out the window and after a long time spat out: “When our mother died, Shao Qun was only four or five years old.”
“All year round, our father was not at home. Besides, he’s not the type to take care of children. At that time, I had to bring up my two younger sisters, who were eight and six, as well as Shao Qun… Shao Qun is more like my son than my brother. He grew up being pampered by everyone around him. He always got what he wanted. And there came a time when I realized that he became selfish and stubborn. He never gave a thought to what others did for him or to what I did for him. There was always someone around to clean up his fucking messes…”
Shao Wen paused, “But… it was just the way he was. He… I remember when he was nine years old, there was a man in my school who kept harassing me. After he found out, he went to pick a fight with that person. Could a nine-year-old boy beat a grown man? To be safe, he brought a knife… No one taught him to do that. I myself knew there was a better solution to the situation. But he went there on impulse… and almost ran into a disaster. He doesn’t care what others think. He has his own ideas on how to be good to somebody. And it doesn’t matter to him, if that somebody wants that or not in the end.”
Shao Wen turned around and looked at Li Chengxiu blankly: “I watched him grow up, and I worry every day that he will cause irreparable disasters because of his recklessness and impulsiveness. He is more daring than an average person. He dared to stab somebody when he was nine, he dared to steal my dad’s gun, he dared to jump from the third floor on a bet. Today, he hurts himself for you, tomorrow he’ll dare to drive into the wall.”
Looking at Li Chengxiu’s terrified expression, she smiled sarcastically: “This is how my brother is. He has to get what he wants, or, sooner or later, he will destroy himself or others.”
She took a deep breath: “After telling you all of this, I want you to know that it is impossible for me in this lifetime to approve of a man entering our Shao family. But I have no choice. Before doing any of his stupid things… Shao Qun could always force me to compromise. Fortunately… Fortunately, at least he agreed to the matter about the child. So the major demand of the Shao household about having a descendant has been satisfied. Since Shao Qun agreed to make such a concession, I also have to give up some of my positions. So, from now on, I don’t care about your private affairs.”
Li Chengxiu looked at her blankly, his throat seemed to have closed up, and he couldn’t make a sound.
Shao Wen hugged her chest and looked at him: “You don’t have to be afraid. If he really likes you as much as he claims, you should be glad. Although he often pisses off the people he likes with his various shenanigans, he will also give his everything to protect us from any harm.” Shao Wen stepped closer to Li Chengxiu with her high heels. Her eyes became colder, “Things have come to this. I don’t want to hear any more words that I shouldn’t hear. You just stay by his side. If you cause any more trouble to my brother, I won’t let you off.” After Shao Wen finished speaking, she walked right past him.
Li Chengxiu squatted down holding his head.
His fate had always been decided by others. Who had ever asked him what he thought? Who had ever asked him, whether he was willing or not?
Everything Shao Qun had done shocked and frightened him. Li Chengxiu had to admit that Shao Qun had achieved his goal.
Unless Shao Qun chased him away, Li Chengxiu wouldn’t dare to think about “leaving” again.
Shao Qun’s desperate appearance, bleeding out on the ground and looking at Li Chengxiu as if he was abandoning him still lingered in his mind. Even if he was reluctant, he couldn’t stop himself from looking forward to having a child whom he had actually always wanted from the bottom of his heart. This little hope was now a part of his heartbeat.
Shao Qun had thrown an invisible big net, tightly wrapping it around Li Chengxiu and making him unable to move even an inch away.
Li Chengxiu originally thought that he could push Shao Qun out of his life completely, but he had underestimated the level of Shao Qun’s obsession. In the face of such a crazy person who would literally do anything there was nothing left but a complete surrender.
Li Chengxiu thought about his future life. The most difficult thing was going to be kicked out by Shao Qun yet again.
But come to think of it, this fear was completely useless. No matter how scared Li Chengxiu was, he had no choice but to take this path. When the time comes, he’ll still be alive. So even if Shao Qun doesn’t want him anymore, he will at least have the child. Li Chengxiu will then secretly take the child away, so he won’t end up alone.
At least he won’t be alone…
Li Chengxiu covered his head and cried.
His life was too hard. It was too hard, when no one even took him seriously. Li Chengxiu wanted to think for himself, wanted to protect himself but there was always someone around who wouldn’t let him do what he wanted. Honestly, how many things in his entire life had actually gone smoothly for him from beginning till the end?
He knew that he was a thirty-year old man, so he shouldn’t always complain and ask why the Heavens had treated him unfairly. But he just couldn’t restrain his grief and anger. If there were really gods in this world, then Li Chengxiu wanted to ask them whether it was possible for a good person who never went against his conscience to live a peaceful life? Everyone claimed it was the case. So why was reality so different?
When Shao Qun woke up, the first thing he did was look for Li Chengxiu.
When he saw that Li Chengxiu wasn’t there, he quickly pushed the button by his bedside.
Before he even lifted his finger, the door opened, and a tired Li Chengxiu came in.
Shao Qun was ecstatic: “Chengxiu! Chengxiu.”
Li Chengxiu was carrying a lunch box in his hand which he then put down by the bedside. He looked at Shao Qun with red swollen eyes and said lightly, “I made porridge.”
Shao Qun was stunned for a moment. He almost thought that he was hallucinating from excessive blood loss. He stretched out his trembling fingers, grabbed Li Chengxiu’s hand and put it on his knee. He then excitedly said, “Porridge? You… made porridge for me?”
Li Chengxiu sniffed: “Didn’t you… want porridge?”
Shao Qun held his hand and then put it to lips, almost greedily kissing him. His eyes filled with tears: “Chengxiu, thank you… Thank you, Chengxiu…” He was so excited that he couldn’t say anything anymore.
Li Chengxiu’s eyes were also full of tears. He wiped them and said: “Drink… Drink your porridge.”
Shao Qun stretched out his other hand: “Let me… hug you, Chengxiu…”
Li Chengxiu hesitated for a moment and finally leaned down.
Shao Qun tremblingly wrapped his arms around Li Chengxiu’s neck and burst into tears. He couldn’t say another word other than repeating his name over and over again.
Li Chengxiu looked at the snow-white sheets beneath him with bewildered eyes, and tears rolled down his cheeks.
Could they be happy this time?
Could this person accompany him for the rest of his life?
How long was the shelf life of his sincere promise?
These were the questions that tightly gripped his heart, but they couldn’t be answered at this moment. Li Chengxiu could only let time slowly reveal the answers.
