Sissy (Niang Niang Qiang) - Chap 76
Chapter 76
After seeing the ultrasound photos, Li Chengxiu, like most parents waiting for the birth of their child, started anxiously preparing for the arrival of the baby – buying clothes, toys, baby bottles and so on and so forth.
When he got off work one day, he went to a nearby shopping mall and found that the current baby products were terrifyingly expensive. Almost more expensive than stuff for the adults!
Li Chengxiu walked around becoming more and more depressed until Shao Qun called him and asked him where he was. He then finally decided to go home.
As soon as Shao Qun found out that he went shopping by himself, he pestered him to go to the shop together next Saturday.
“This is our son! Why would you go alone?”
To think about it, Shao Qun wasn’t quite wrong about that.
Shao Qun was, of course, a rich wealthy man who threw everything he saw right into the cart. When he got the same clothes in different colors, Li Chengxiu quickly stopped him.
Such a small piece of fabric cost hundreds of thousands! It was basically just a rip off, since little babies grow really fast. It would be really expensive and uneconomical to buy clothes which could only be worn a handful of times.
Looking at the label was enough to make Li Chengxiu’s skin crawl. There was no way around buying pacifiers and cribs. But clothes he could also make by himself.
Li Chengxiu felt a bit awkward at first but finally couldn’t bear it anymore, so he said all of that to Shao Qun.
Shao Qun looked at him with a smile: “So you can also make clothes, huh?”
Li Chengxiu nodde. There was basically no manual work that he couldn’t do.
Shao Qun felt really happy. He hid behind the shelf and gave Li Chengxiu a quick kiss: “My wifey is really virtuous. You can do anything! Okay, since you can make clothes by yourself, let’s not buy all this shitty stuff and rather go get some nice fabrics.”
Li Chengxiu blushed and quickly looked around, for fear of being seen by others.
The two of them got into the car, while carrying large and small bags. Shao Qun then drove them to buy a lot of good-quality fabrics.
Li Chengxiu touched the soft materials, and his heart was filled with joy and hope.
Shao Qun had a lot of financial staff at his company. So although it was almost the end of the year, Li Chengxiu’s workload was not too heavy. He spent all his spare time sewing clothes for his son.
Shao Qun thought it was a very fun and fresh idea. The most important thing for him was being able to interact with Li Chengxiu. So he would have been happy, even if he was just sitting there and staring at the wall in a daze. After work, he would go to Li Chengxiu’s place and search up pictures of cute babies on the Internet. They then discussed which baby clothes looked good and which pictures could be used as inspiration.
Shao Qun bought so much fabric that one could fill half a wardrobe with it. Li Chengxiu wasn’t worried at all about running out of materials but he got quite addicted to the craft.
His heart softened every time he looked at the babies on the Internet, which were dressed as watermelons, as Mickey Mouse, as Superman, even as little angels… He couldn’t help but imagine what his son would look like. Would he also be just as fair and chubby and look cute in everything?
When Li Chengxiu was sewing clothes for the baby, Teacup would roll around in the pile of fabrics. Sometimes Li Chengxiu would become a little absent minded and try some fabrics out on Teacup’s little body. Finally, he even sewed some pieces for the puppy. Later, he got even more addicted and started making matching outfits for his son and Teacup. Although the baby still wasn’t there, Teacup was ready and available. Li Chengxiu finished his piece and put it on the puppy, trying to imagine what his son would look like wearing these kinds of clothes. He then smiled so much that his eyes turned into tiny slits.
Li Chengxiu was happy, and Shao Qun was happy. He kept boasting: “My wifey really knows how to live right. And my wifey is very skillful.”
Not only did he boast around, he also took pictures of the clothes and of the dressed up Teacup and posted them on the forum of the game he was playing in his spare time to show off how capable his wife was. Sure enough, soon a bunch of envious comments appeared under his post, and Shao Qun pulled Li Chengxiu closer to show these remarks to him.
Li Chengxiu was a little embarrassed but he looked at the compliments from strangers with bright eyes, and also felt very happy.
It seemed to Shao Qun that the timing and the atmosphere were just right, so he gently hugged Li Chengxiu and kissed him on the neck.
Li Chengxiu was indifferent to Shao Qun’s grabby hands and feet and didn’t respond one way or another, still intently reading new replies on the forum.
Seeing that he didn’t react, Shao Qun became more and more daring, hugging his waist, then gently biting his lower lip, and finally licking and sucking to deepen the kiss.
Li Chengxiu was frightened by his sudden enthusiasm, and was stunned, until he felt Shao Qun’s hand reaching inside his clothes.
Li Chengxiu’s mouth was completely blocked by Shao Qun, and he couldn’t say anything even though he wanted to speak.
Shao Qun had been acting fairly well in the past few months. Unfortunately, he had been holding back for too long, so as soon as he got a little taste of Li Chengxiu, his body went out of control.
He pushed Li Chengxiu down on the sofa and kissed him passionately while stroking his smooth skin. Li Chengxiu could already feel something hot and hard pressing against his thigh.
He suddenly panicked, and a huge fear enveloped him like a dark cloud.
Li Chengxiu’s last memory of intimacy was Shao Qun’s brutal and humiliating treatment. Even a year later, he couldn’t completely get rid of that shadow. Especially now, when the same person who treated him like that was pressing against him, impatient to invade again.
Li Chengxiu felt his body twitching hard, and his eyes instantly dimmed.
What Shao Qun did to him in that cramped up rental loft was the nightmare of his life. Li Chengxiu forced himself to forget it, but Shao Qun chose to use the same behavior yet again to give him a reminder.
Li Chengxiu tremblingly pushed him away: “Let go… Let me go…”
Shao Qun, who was already on fire, turned a deaf ear to his pleas, lightly bit his collarbone and proceeded to undo his belt with one hand.
Li Chengxiu suddenly opened his mouth and fiercely bit down on Shao Qun’s shoulder .
Shao Qun was in pain – he let out a muffled cry, and his grip loosened.
Li Chengxiu pushed him as hard as he could, so that Shao Qun ended up heavily falling off the sofa right down to the ground.
Shao Qun was confused by the fall. Before he could regain his senses, Li Chengxiu jumped up, rushed to his bedroom and locked the door from the inside.
Shao Qun sat on the ground.
After a long while, he gave himself a frighteningly loud slap in the face. Only then did he finally get up from the ground, grit his teeth and knock on Li Chengxiu’s door.
“Chengxiu…”
Shao Qun put his forehead against the doorframe and said dumbly, “Chengxiu, I’m sorry. Don’t be mad at me.”
There was no sound coming from inside.
“Don’t be angry… I…I couldn’t hold back, but… but I… I really won’t force you any more. If you don’t want to, I won’t…”
Shao Qun squatted on the ground in frustration, his face was filled with disappointment and sadness: “If you don’t want to, I really won’t force you… Chengxiu, come out. I won’t do anything like this in the future, okay?”
Shao Qun smiled bitterly: “Chengxiu, you have to understand me a little, I am a healthy man. How can I not think about these kinds of things, when I look at you…I just… my brain went into overdrive, and I got confused. I… I promise it won’t happen again. Just stay by my side – I will burn incense to deal with my own issues. Let’s just take it slow. I promise that I won’t force you. I will just wait until you are willing to accept me, okay? I know that for you that time was…that time…Fuck, it’s all my fault, I deserve it. Chengxiu, don’t mind me, you also don’t have to… don’t have to be afraid of me. I’ll fucking cut my own dick off but I won’t force you again. Just trust me…”
He sat at Li Chengxiu’s door for a long time, but there was still no response. Shao Qun sighed, wiped his face, got up from the ground and staggered back to his room.
The atmosphere between the two of them had been very good recently. Li Chengxiu was kind to him, and he would cook dinner for him every night. Shao Qun just couldn’t help but want to go a bit further, become more intimate.
But Li Chengxiu was still afraid of him and very resistant. It seemed he could still feel the way he trembled in his palms.
As soon as Shao Qun remembered what he had done to Li Chengxiu, he wanted to kill himself. If there really was a regret-fixing medicine in the world, he would buy it even if it made him go bankrupt.
Not a day went by that he didn’t miss the time when he and Li Chengxiu were in love. It was the happiest, most blissful memory in his life. It was just a pity that he had destroyed it by his own hands. He wanted to put it all together again but didn’t expect that it would be so difficult.
It was still unknown how he could make Li Chengxiu whole again and how long it would take him to deal with the large, broken pieces of sadness and despair.
Every day Shao Qun spent with Li Chengxiu was full of happiness and pain. If his huge desire for this person was released, he would destroy himself and him too, so he can only endure, endure, endure… Even if he couldn’t bear it, he had to continue to endure it.
He wanted Li Chengxiu to sincerely accept him. He wanted all of him. Completely.
When Li Chengxiu heard the sound of the outside door closing, he felt relieved and at the same time unbearably exhausted.
At this point, he actually wanted to start over with Shao Qun.
Regardless of whether he was initially willing or not, now the two of them got along well with each other. Also, the child was going to be born very soon. Since Li Chengxiu didn’t have any other choice anyway, he was also willing to make his life a bit less difficult.
Moreover, re-accepting Shao Qun turned out to be less difficult than he had imagined.
Shao Qun respected Li Chengxiu in many regards and really cared for him. Both of them also had more common topics and a closer relationship because of the child. Everything was going well. Li Chengxiu hoped that they could continue like this, and he was satisfied with the way things were.
But this incident right now was obviously a hurdle that Li Chengxiu couldn’t avoid. If both of them could pass this obstacle, they would have a much easier time going forward. But if they couldn’t, both of them would suffer.
Li Chengxiu buried his face in the quilt and felt the urge to cry for a while.
Subconsciously, he had already outlined his new “home” and his new life with Shao Qun and their soon-to-be-born child.
As long as Shao Qun didn’t abandon him, he was going to dedicate his whole life to this “home”. Wouldn’t it mean that he also should make some compromises for the sake of “home”?
The next day, Shao Qun didn’t dare to go to Li Chengxiu’s place for breakfast.
When the two of them met in the company, Li Chengxiu acted as usual. He glanced at Shao Qun and left. Shao Qun wanted to lean over and say a few words to him, but he really didn’t dare to.
After getting off work, Shao Qun drove home and waited for Li Chengxiu in the staircase.
When Li Chengxiu came back, Shao Qun didn’t say anything and just followed him upstairs.
Li Chengxiu gave him a look but said nothing.
The two of them went upstairs quietly. Li Chengxiu took out the key to open the door, and then he suddenly turned around and asked Shao Qun, “Are you coming in to eat?”
Shao Qun stared at him blankly, feeling close to tears for a while.
Li Chengxiu muttered to himself, “In the morning…I boiled bone-broth…Days are getting cold.”
Shao Qun suddenly came up, hugged Li Chengxiu from behind, buried his face in his neck and said hoarsely, “You’re not angry anymore…”
Li Chengxiu gently broke away and whispered, “Let’s eat.”
Shao Qun was relieved. He didn’t sleep last night, because he was worried that the harmonious atmosphere between them that he had been cultivating so hard in the past few months was destroyed by his impulsive behavior yesterday. However, Li Chengxiu was still willing to eat with him. He was so happy he wanted to jump up and down.
The two then ate facing each other. When they finished their meal, Li Chengxiu stood up and was about to clean up the dishes.
Shao Qun also suddenly stood up. Startling Li Chengxiu, he fell to one knee in front of him.
Li Chengxiu saw Shao Qun take out a small red flannel box from his pocket.
Anybody would know what it was at a glance, and Li Chengxiu’s heart suddenly leaped.
Shao Qun opened the small box, and Li Chengxiu saw a platinum diamond ring.
The diamond ring looked simple and elegant, and it didn’t have any excessive design – it wouldn’t look awkward on a man’s hand. The designer’s talent and good taste were reflected in the elegant and concise style of the ring. Even Li Chengxiu couldn’t help but admire the craftsmanship.
Shao Qun looked up at him sincerely: “Chengxiu, I know I’m acting like a fool…Don’t laugh at me. I ordered this ring a long time ago. I already had it before you… left. I… I originally planned to give it to you back then, but I didn’t have the chance. And afterwards…I didn’t even dare think about it. You hated me so much that you definitely wouldn’t want it. I don’t know if you can accept it now. This ring is my promise to you, there’s no other meaning to it. With this, I want you to know that I will treat you as my wife, I will be good to you for the rest of my life, I will respect you forever, and I will never hurt you again. Don’t be afraid of me. I am patient, I will wait as long as you want. I will wait for you to sincerely accept me.”
Tears welled in Li Chengxiu’s eyes, as he looked at the beautiful ring. He was filled with emotion.
What Shao Qun was doing right now was once Li Chengxiu’s shameful fantasy which he knew people would mock him for.
How would he ever dare to admit to anybody that there was a time when he, a man, dreamed of Shao Qun affectionately proposing to him just like he was doing now? When he used to be in love with Shao Qun, this little fantasy had a sweet taste of shyness to it, and made Li Chengxiu savor it again and again.
But when this fantasy really became a reality, Li Chengxiu didn’t have any more expectations towards the person in front of him.
What an entirely tragic thing it was.
Li Chengxiu felt heartbroken.
Shao Qun took out the diamond ring from the box and held his hand: “Chengxiu, can I put it on for you?”
Li Chengxiu gently bent his fingers.
Shao Qun was still holding his hand. He then lightly pinched the ring and looked at Li Chengxiu with quiet expectation and determination in his eyes.
The two of them were looking at each other for a while. Li Chengxiu finally lowered his eyes and slowly stretched out his fingers.
Shao Qun was so excited that his hands were shaking. He tremblingly put the ring on Li Chengxiu’s left ring finger.
The size was just fine. As soon as Li Chengxiu felt the ring around his finger, suddenly an inexplicable sense of responsibility surged in his heart. It was as if Shao Qun had given him all his lifelong expectations for happiness. And he chose to accept it. He now had to bear this responsibility for the rest of his life and be there for him till the bitter end.
He didn’t know if every person who decided to enter a marriage felt this way at first.
Li Chengxiu only knew his own state of mind at that moment, and he felt that suddenly something was different.
Shao Qun got up and excitedly hugged Li Chengxiu.
He really didn’t expect Li Chengxiu to accept the ring. In order to get this thing on Li Chengxiu’s hand, Shao Qun had already prepared for a long-term war with hard resistance. So right now he was so happy he could fly.
Since the New Year was coming closer, Shao Wen’s phone calls became more frequent.
Shao Qun felt bad in front of his family. Although he wanted to celebrate New Year’s together with Li Chengxiu, he understood that this wasn’t the right time to act like that. Now he needed to go and placate his old man, so one day he might bring Li Chengxiu home with him for the celebrations.
When Shao Qun told Li Chengxiu that he wanted to go home for the New Year’s, he carefully observed Li Chengxiu’s expressions.
Li Chengxiu was not surprised by this at all. He just felt a little strange when he remembered how lively his last New Year’s Eve was and what farce it evolved into at a later point.
Nobody wanted to be alone on New Year’s Eve. But Li Chengxiu knew that Shao Qun couldn’t ignore his family and stay with him.
He had had lonely celebrations for so many years already, and it was fine to have another one like that. So Li Chengxiu behaved very normally.
Shao Qun kept comforting him: “Once I manage to pacify my dad, my sister, and the others, I will be able to take you home for the Chinese New Year in an upright manner.”
Li Chengxiu nodded noncommittally, knowing that that day was very far away.
Before the holidays, Shao Qun took Li Chengxiu shopping to buy New Year’s goods. Whenever he saw anything he fancied, he immediately bought it, so even Teacup got a new fancy dog bed.
On the twenty-ninth, Shao Qun reluctantly returned to Beijing.
The two of them hadn’t been apart from each other for more than half a year at this point. When Shao Qun was gone, Li Chengxiu was suddenly not used to it. His heart felt empty – especially at this time of New Year’s reunions, his loneliness seemed to be exponentially magnified.
On New Year’s Eve, when he and little Teacup celebrated the festival all by themselves, Li Chengxiu missed Shao Qun a lot.
