Subordinate Doting - Chap 156
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He Zhuo hugged him tightly, holding his hands and putting them on himself. He didn’t let go even if he was beaten and scolded and struggled. He comforted him with trembling lips, “It’s all over, it’s all over. It’s my fault. If you want to punish me, just punish me, okay?”
”What’s the use of saying sorry! What’s the point of you saying this now! Do you know how I died? Huh?”
He twisted He Zhuo’s face and questioned him word by word:
”If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have gone to Suist and would not have been burned to death. Do you know how painful it is to have your bones burned dry bit by bit? Do you know that I could hear the sound of my skin and flesh being burned in those few seconds? Do you know that when I died, I only had the stone you gave me!”
He pushed He Zhuo away, dropped his hands, and knelt weakly.
It’s like a helpless stalk of grass that can be blown away by the slightest breeze.
”If you knew, why do you still think that I still want to be with you in this life?”
”Am I so despicable in your heart…”
The high and mighty people always boast of being affectionate by hurting others first and then making amends, but they never think about whether the person who was hurt still wants this compensation.
A person who is beheaded will never forget the pain of having his neck cut by the knife. How could he fall in love with the executioner just because the executioner put his head back on?
”I never want to see you again,” he said.
The truth did not save him from the nightmare, but instead forced him to pull out the love in his heart bit by bit.
Love and romance are damn things that will only make him miserable and addicted.
If he were to be reborn with his memories, the first thing he would do would be to kill William and the four servants, then beat up He Zhuo and never allow him to set foot on Neville’s land. Then he would lead his team members to live a carefree and happy life. How could he live a life worse than death like now?
Once he makes a decision, he will never change it.
He Zhuo knew that he had been sentenced to death, and said in his dying struggle:
”We’ve been through so much, and you’ve said you liked me thirteen times, so all these likes will be discarded in an instant, right…”
Ji Tingyu was no longer crazy, and was as calm as a pool of stagnant water.
”What’s the use of liking and loving?”
”When you loved me, you could even notice my swollen teeth from the ice. When you didn’t love me, you didn’t even notice my serious illness. In the final analysis, our relationship is maintained by this illusory thing, without any guarantee or effectiveness. We love each other madly now, but we can’t guarantee that we won’t abandon each other like a worn-out shoe the next day.”
”But you know I will always love you. There is no such thing as ‘uncertainty’.”
”I’m talking about me.”
Ji Tingyu stood up, walked to the closet, took out his nightgown and slowly put it on. The belt of the nightgown was fixed to his chest with a pin. He took out the pin and the sharp tip of the needle pierced into his nail.
The fingers are connected to the heart, which is the part of the body that cannot bear pain the most. The sharp pain is like a whip hitting the heart.
”I find I don’t like you that much anymore…”
Ji Tingyu turned his back to He Zhuo, and the needle pressed deeper and deeper. Every word he spoke was like gouging out a piece of his bone.
”You are arrogant, strong, irritable, and lustful. I used to think you were great, but now I just find you disgusting. I didn’t feel bad when you were covered in wounds that day. Instead, I felt… I felt relieved if you died…”
Sorry, that’s all I can say…
He will never be able to get over that hurdle in his heart.
Looking at He Zhuo’s face reminded me of the insults and cold treatment he had shown me in my previous life. Seeing his back made me feel despair and fear. Bitterness rose up in my throat reflexively, and I waited for someone to grab my hair and feed me mud.
How can he love in such a dead end?
Forgetting and abandoning is his only way out.
He Zhuo didn’t know how to react to these words. His face was burning and he took a few steps back like an embarrassed child, confused and dazed. He wanted to say something, but his lips trembled countless times and he couldn’t squeeze out a single word.
”I, I understand. I won’t bother you anymore.”
Ji Tingyu rested his forehead against the wardrobe and covered his mouth with his bloody hands to prevent his tears from escaping.
He Zhuo wanted to leave, but after taking a few confused steps, he stepped back apologetically.
”I remember you carved a piece of stone for me before. Do you still want it? If not… can you give it to me?”
The stone was picked up in the windbreak cave, and it was engraved with the words: In the spring of 2018, I met He Zhuo, he was a little wolf with blue eyes.
That was the first time that Ji Tingyu was engraved into the trajectory of his life.
But Ji Tingyu told him: “I have thrown it away.”
The entire pin was pierced into the flesh, and the kitten was in a trance and didn’t know which was hurting, his finger or his heart.
He warned himself not to be indecisive, not to have any lingering feelings, and not to let He Zhuo be trapped forever in this relationship that shouldn’t have existed.
He bit his nails and tried his best to endure the endless pain, completely cutting off his thoughts: “I don’t want your name to appear in my life. If possible, I hope that what I lose is the memory of the six months I spent with you.”
He Zhuo opened his mouth and grabbed his hair in a daze. He suddenly couldn’t understand why it turned out like this.
”Even if I tell you that I gave up everything I have… to get you back, you still won’t want me, right?”
Ji Tingyu choked and trembled, unable to hold on any longer, and slid down the cabinet door to the ground. His hands and face were covered in blood and tears, which dripped down through his fingers.
”You are very good in this life, go find another kitten…”
He Zhuo grabbed him from behind, pried his hand free, pulled out the pin, smiled and kissed the tip of his ear for the last time.
”Don’t cry, Xiao Mi, I will help you get rid of it.”
Chapter 64 I’m leaving, take care
He Zhuo stayed at the base for one night, sharing a room with Mo Moqing.
He couldn’t go down the mountain because of a heavy snowstorm at night.
